Reward.

I had one of my favorite patients at the chiropractor's tell me today that since she started getting massages from me about two months ago, she hasn't woken up from the pain in her shoulder ONCE. Now that is the best reward I could ever get from doing massage.

I got choked up, just a little.

The joys of massage...

do not include being repeatedly gassed by one's client. It is something to endure.
At least I'm not married to the man, like Rhyan's client in this couple's massage. SHE has to deal with his raunchy ass on a daily basis.

Maybe she has no sense of smell.

Role Reversal

Have any of you parents out there had a "WTF?!" moment with regards to your kids?

Mine occurred a few nights ago. I had told Silver I was going to sleep and bade her good night. I got myself and my puppehs situated in bed (an effort fraught with dangers, I'll have you know), and was reading an excellent book called "Band of Sisters", by Kirsten Holmstedt.

Next thing I remember is looking up into Silver's face as she's gently tugging the book out of my hands, while simultaneously reaching for the light switch to shut off my light.

She had wandered into the kitchen to get some water and noticed the light on in my room. Remembering that I had told her I was going to sleep, she popped into my room to find me literally faceplanted between the covers of my book.

Basically, my daughter was tucking me in! It was too cute. But the role reversal was a bit disconcerting to me, I have to admit!

Well, I hope I have many more decades ahead of me before she gets sick of changing my diapers and shoves me off into a craptastic, Obama-ized nursing home, I'd better enjoy these tender moments while I can! ;)

The awesomeness that is today!

Not only did I have a fantastic day at the chiropractor's this morning, but I was also informed by the office manager that they'd like to keep me on as a permanent employee!
I was so thrilled, I did a happy dance right then and there. Their regular therapist will be coming back from maternity leave, but she only wants to work one day a week, which will be Tuesday afternoons, while I will be keeping my Wednesday morning/Thursday afternoon schedule. Apparently both the staff AND the patients love me! :D

So now, if my spa job goes tits-up, which is a distinct possibility, I at least have some money coming in. And I just plain love working there.

But wait, that's not ALL of the awesomeness!

Silver re-took her driving test AND PASSED IT! Yay, I don't have to be her chauffeur anymore!

AND we're going to see Human Nature for the second time tonight...free tickets ftw!

I've abused the exclamation point quite horribly in this post, I see. I apologize both to it and you, my dear readers.

Anyway, that's my awesome day so far. If anything even awesomer happens, I'll be sure to let you know.

:)

My very favorite client response to my question of "How do you feel?" after the massage is, "WOW."

Makes me smile, every time.

Obvious.

When you drape your client's back and immediately notice a tattoo of a rollerskate trailing flames and stars, with the caption "Talk Derby to Me" underneath it...it's obvious that ROLLERCON is back in town!

I can't believe it's been a year already.

Well, hopefully all the lovely ladies will feel the need for some serious massage.

One.

I massaged a very nice lady this afternoon, whose fingers were adorned with two-inch acrylic nails.

One burning question was running through my mind throughout the massage:

How the hell can you wipe your ass with claws like that?!


Also, and completely unrelated: If you're dragging your huge-ass suitcase through a crowded hotel, BE CAREFUL OF OTHER PEOPLE.

Don't ram your suitcase into someone's leg and keep moving without even apologizing. And don't act like you don't know what happened, when the rammee is hopping up and down while letting loose a string of profanity that's turning the air blue and setting your hair on fire. Thank you.

Frustration!

My life is truly so boring lately...all I can think to blog about is the utter frustration I feel at having a requested book be parked at the library, waiting for me since Friday afternoon, and not being able to pick it up until Sunday night because of my work and the library's closing time.

ARGH.


I've waited for this book FOREVER.

But tomorrow night, finally, it'll be in my hot little hands.

Can you folks take the excitement?

Christina's One Word Movie Reviews

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince = Magical!

D'oh!

If you're going to read a smutty novel, and stop reading right in the middle of a particularly juicy sex scene, it might behoove one to keep better track of said book, and not leave it at the movie theater concession stand. Oh, and if you do leave said book, don't use one of your business cards as a bookmark, doofus!

Update...

So. I sent the collection agency a debt validation letter, so that they will send me copies of everything they have that proves (to them) that I am responsible for the bill.

I found a lawyer and talked with her on the phone for almost an hour today. It's nice to have somebody willing to go to bat for me! As soon as I have all the paperwork together, I'll set up an appointment to meet her at her office. I used the Nevada State Bar Lawyer Referral Service to find her (thanks again, Ed!).

She told me it sounds like a breach of contract case. First we will send demand letters, and if the situation is not resolved by these, we will *gulp* sue.

I hate, HATE the thought of that, but I will do whatever is necessary to get this whole mess taken care of and my credit cleared. It has already had a negative impact not only on me, but on my daughter, too. She needed a co-signer for an alternative student loan, and the bank denied me because of the open collection.

Luckily, my brother has agreed to co-sign. Thanks, Grosser Bruder! Without his generosity, we'd be up the creek without a paddle and Silver would not be going to North Dakota.

That's it from Drama-LLama-Land.

In other news, my future roommate is awesome. I can start moving things in piecemeal anytime now! He cleared out the rooms I'll be using, so I think I will start emptying my closets and getting a jump on things. I took my pups over to meet his, and the meeting went well (except for Harley pooping in his kitchen! THAT was embarrassing!) Hey, he's used to using the litter box, he just needs to get used to using the doggy-door to go outside. After much scolding, he was aware he'd done a no-no, and did go outside to pee. And this is WAY too much information.

It's been really slow at work except for Saturday, and tomorrow isn't looking much better, unfortunately. I did one half hour massage yesterday, and two massages today, one a half hour, one an hour. Thank God for my part-time job! The chiropractor is certainly keeping me busy. :)

And finally, I took the doggehs to the park this evening, and we ended up smack-dab in the middle of a thunderstorm! I think we were inside the actual park for maybe two minutes, then the heavens opened and it really started pouring. We picked the dogs up and sprinted for the car, but we still got soaked! Hey, at least we were laughing!

I hope everyone has a marvelous week, I have Harry Potter to look forward to. Silver and I are going to watch the movie on Wednesday, and I can't wait! You have another One Word Review to look forward to now...isn't that special?

What a day!

I had a fantastic day at the spa today. I wasn't TOO busy, where I feel like I need to be on life support when the day is done, but the four people I did massage were EXCELLENT tippers, and that makes a huge difference. If every person I massaged tipped me the way my clients did today, I'd have no financial worries at all. But for every generous client, I get two or three skinflints. Such is life in Las Vegas!

After work, I picked Silver up and we went to WalMart to get various groceries. She's suddenly interested in learning how to cook (less than a month before she goes off to college, where she'll NEVER have to cook), so we picked up some stuff for her to make shrimp in butter/ginger/cilantro sauce. We'll see how that goes...

I also had to buy some exercise pants. Workout clothes and undies are the only items I refuse to buy at the thrift store. I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere, right?

I got teary-eyed in the fitting room, because I couldn't believe I had to buy the smallest size pants available, size 4-6. I feel like the incredible shrinking woman!

Now, there's no way in hell I could fit into size four jeans, for example (yet!), but these pants are slightly stretchy and fit just fine. Now I can work out in style (or at least without my pants bagging everywhere!) Let's see how long I can wear these...;)

UPDATE:
Forgot to mention something. There was a family with a very young toddler in the WalMart while Silver and I were there. It was quite disconcerting to keep hearing things like, "NO! NO, Christina, don't touch!"; "Go with Grandpa, Christina."; "Walk, Christina...I'm NOT going to carry you. Yes, you CAN walk."
My head kept whipping around every time I heard my name. *LOL*!

Oh, how sweet it is...

So I went back to Therapie to complete my trade with Alicia earlier today, and ran into a former classmate of mine who works there, too.

She had no clue who I was, because she didn't recognize me! Once her sister (also a classmate) stopped laughing at her, she hugged me and complimented me on how great I look.

I guess I really don't understand the impact of the transformation, because I see myself every day. Having someone you haven't seen in a few years fail to recognize you really drives the point home. And it is very, very sweet.

It's a small world, with a bit of a conundrum

I massaged a very nice lady yesterday who spent over thirty years teaching in Europe at Department of Defense Schools (DoDDS). She's retired now, but there's some big convention going on here, so there are lots of other current and retired DoDDS teachers and other faculty in Vegas right now.

We got to talking and comparing notes on our impressions of Europe vs. the U.S., and we discovered that one of her best friends is the principal at the very high school my twins are currently attending in England.

It is a very small world.

On to my puzzle:

I massaged an older gentleman yesterday who was solid through-and-through. There was not an ounce of fat on this man, he was extremely toned, but didn't have the body of a weight-lifter or work-out fanatic. His hands were very rough and callused, as were his feet, but his skin was milk-white all over, like he never goes out in the sun. He was one of my silent clients, so I never got to ask him what he did for a living (as a matter of fact, he fell asleep during the massage!), but I'm so curious and I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out what job he has.

Does anyone have any idea or suggestion what this man's profession might be?

Poor Phyllis!

Here's the story I promised you before I went into legal-drama-land here on the blog.

I got into work last week, only to be accosted by my co-worker Phyllis, who pounced on me the instant I walked through the door.

"Did you hear about the weirdo?"

"Which one?" (a sad, but unfortunately truthful question.)

Okay, so Phyllis was massaging a gentleman of foreign extraction. She had been warned he might try something, since he had asked the front desk what ethnicity his therapist was, her hair color, how old she was, etc. Of course, that's not quite as bad as the clients who wanted a line-up of the female therapists, but still. (Naturally, the front desk refused to answer his questions.)

The massage progressed normally (except for his insistence on very thorough gluteal massage), until Phyllis turned the client over. He wanted her to massage his inner thigh, and she refused. While she was doing the neck and scalp massage (how we usually end the session), he begged her to massage his quads again. Sighing inwardly, she complied. With about two minutes left in the massage, she told him she was finished with his leg, and was about to return to the interrupted scalp massage, when he yanked the sheet off and, grabbing his junk, asked, "What about THIS?"

Phyllis did an abrupt about-face and marched out of the room, stating, "We're through here."

That's not the best part though. She quickly grabbed our supervisor (Billie) and was explaining the situation to her, when the client came out of the room into the hallway (in full view of anyone else, I might add) COMPLETELY NAKED, asking bewilderedly, "Is it over? Are we finished?"

Ya think?

Billie made him put his robe on, at least, and told him to go back into the men's spa. Here Jarvis came to the rescue once again, and told the client where he needed to go if he wanted the happy-ending kinda massage.

Here's a tip to all you travelers headed into Vegas: If you want the kind of massage with extra services, just ask a cabbie to take you to the right place. They know where to go. Or look up "massage" in the yellow pages. You won't find any legitimate therapists in the book, but you'll find plenty of the other ones!

Update on the Drama-LLama

So, here's what I've done so far:

-Got all my paperwork (contracts, correspondence, etc.) together.
-Contacted Clark County Legal Services, left them a message
-Called the UNLV Law School's Legal Clinic, but they're not accepting any new cases right now
-Called the lawyer referral service and got another attorney's name and number. If the Legal Services thing doesn't pan out, I'll contact her.
-Got several email addresses to various news channels here in Vegas (to use as a last resort)

The ball's rolling, here's hoping it ends up in the right place!

In other news, the friends I was going to move in with next month bailed on me, but I called my pet sitter, who happens to be looking for a roommate, and will probably move in with him. At least he's okay with pets! And has a big yard with actual GRASS (a rarity now in Vegas) AND a doggy-door.

How appropriate!

Exactly two years ago today, on July 9th, 2007, I was at the hospital delivering fraternal twins via c-section. They were in no way related to me genetically, I was a surrogate mother.

This ties in to the drama I'm experiencing right now. I really didn't want to talk about it here, but today I realized that all you readers are a huge untapped resource for advice! I'd be stupid to waste the opportunity.

So here you are: Drama...

The parents of the twins I had two years ago are originally from Ghana, West Africa, but they live in London, England and own their own business.

They and I went through a surrogacy agency, called (then) Third Party Parenting Connections (TPPC), to set up our agreement, which was put into writing by lawyers and made all legal. Yippee. According to our contract, the parents were responsible for all medical bills incurred in the course of the pregnancy. They'd have to pay for anything not covered by my insurance. At the time, my health insurance did NOT cover any infertility treatment, including surrogate pregnancy, so the parents paid cash for everything.

As the pregnancy progressed, I developed gestational diabetes and had to see a specialist at Desert Perinatal Associates (DPA). At my first visit, I told the office staff there that my visits would be cash pay, that my insurance didn't cover them, but I was pooh-poohed and told that they'd already received prior authorization from my insurance. Okay then, whatever, I thought. I did have to fill out the typical paperwork, since I was the patient, stating I accepted financial responsibility, etc. They wouldn't have treated me otherwise.

At every subsequent visit, my portion of the bill (whatever DPA said was my coinsurance) was paid over the phone with a credit card, wielded by a nice lady named Amy who worked for Third Party Parenting Connections. Everything went smoothly, and as I said earlier, I had the babies at full-term, they were healthy, and everyone was happy.

A month or so later, I received a bill from Desert Perinatal Associates for $18,000. Seems my insurance company did, in fact, deny their claims. Since I was the patient who had filled out and signed paperwork, they came after me. I panicked a bit, but then faxed the bill, as I had done many times in the past with every other bill I'd received, to Third Party Parenting Connections.

Then came the collection calls and letters. WTF? Why wasn't it paid?! I forwarded those to TPPC as well. The calls and letters stopped and I heaved a sigh of relief.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I requested my three-in-one credit report, because I was concerned about my low credit score. I knew I'd probably have to co-sign some non-traditional loans for Silver's college, and wanted to find out what was going on and fix it.

I did find several errors in my report, including the collection from DPA, listed under "closed accounts" with a balance of almost $20,000 now! I disputed the collection, explaining that I had never been financially responsible for the charges. Two weeks or so later, I received a letter from the credit agency stating that their investigation revealed that not only was I responsible, the account was in fact still open!

I thought it was just a misunderstanding and called the collection agency involved the very next day to clear it up. BIG MISTAKE, CHRISTINA!!! The bill had in fact never been paid.
Seems I had somehow fallen through the cracks two years ago, and now that the collection agency was aware of me and of the open account, they were going to come after me with a vengeance.

I contacted Third Party Parenting Connections (now called Footsteps to Family), and was told that there was nothing they could do, their account with the parents and myself was closed, and they weren't responsible for anything. Darci, the owner, never returned my phone calls, she told me this in the lone email I got in response to my query. She never conceded that I had indeed faxed the original bill to the office, and Amy no longer worked for the company (coincidence?).

Last Friday I got a lovely letter from the collection agency stating that if the outstanding bill was not paid in full within ten days, a civil lawsuit might be filed against me. Oh, and the balance, due to accrued interest, was now up to $25,000.

The only contact info I have for the parents is a yahoo address that I'm not even sure they still use. I emailed them last Saturday and have gotten no reply. Understand that I'm fully aware that this is in no way their fault.

So. This is the clusterfuck I'm dealing with now. I used the Nevada State Bar Lawyer Referral Service (thanks, Ed!) and got the number of a lawyer who deals with stuff like this, but he hasn't called me back so I guess he's not interested in taking my case.

My office manager at the chiropractor's knows LOTS of local lawyers (go figure!), and she got on the phone and located another very good attorney who deals with contract law, but he wants $2,500 up front. Uh, NO! See, I'm not sure this is even the right way to go. A lawyer will want to go after the parents, but I'm not really interested in that. I honestly don't give a shit if the doctor gets paid. It was his office staff's fucking stupidity that created this mess in the first place. I want the collection agency to back off and I want the collection removed from my credit report.

So now I think I'm going to go to a credit counseling service (which is free) and lay the whole thing in front of them. There has to be a way to fix this. Doesn't the collection agency have to prove that I am indeed responsible? Yes, I signed paperwork, but I never paid a dime at that office, all they have records for are payments made by Amy, over the phone.

Well, my readers, do any of you have any bright ideas? THIS IS NOT A BLEG FOR MONEY, BY THE WAY. I know I put up the donation button, but honestly, I don't see myself shelling out thousands of dollars for an uncertain outcome, especially with the parents being in a foreign country. I'm sure the $2,500 would just be the beginning, and I don't want to go down that road.

I just want advice and ideas; consider this a brainstorming session.

Now you know why I've been so stressed lately, and why my blogging has been so lame. (What? It's ALWAYS lame?! Gee, thanks! ;))

Feel free to comment away. Thank you in advance for your advice, it's greatly appreciated.

I love you, Alicia!!!

So, I'm very, very ashamed to admit this...............but it's probably been almost a year since I had a massage myself. I know, I know! "Physician, heal thyself" and all that jazz. I can almost see you guys rolling your eyes.

But my massage-less existence has come to a wonderful, wonderful end. YAY!

There's a beautiful jewel of a spa located right next to my chiropractor, called Therapie, which is owned by a former classmate of mine, Sally. Several other former schoolmates of mine also work there, one of whom is ALICIA. Last week after work, I dropped by for a chat and Alicia, who happened to be working the front desk, and I arranged for a trade. I got a massage today, and next week I'll be massaging her.

Oh, my GOD. She's good. I feel like a million bucks. Like I lost twenty pounds. Like I could float away. Like I can finally really shake my hips and DANCE again.

Alicia worked me over but GOOD. I had massive knots under my shoulder blades, and one huge one inexplicably in my right quadriceps muscle (wtf?). My traps were like boulders, and my rhomboids were like planks of wood.

Alicia really worked those trigger points out. She's truly an excellent, excellent therapist. I'm almost a little intimidated at the thought of massaging her next week. But I'm sure that will pass.

Because I kick ASS, too. And now I feel so incredible, I'll be able to do an even better job.

Thanks, Alicia. You're the bomb!

Meanwhile, back at the spa...

I've had a pretty darn good week. A few slow days, to be sure, but also a couple good days, too. And people have actually been tipping fairly decently, for a change.

I even impressed a Greek gentleman so much, he came back today for a second helping of Christina's massage! And he told me he'll be back once more before he goes home. AND he's a good tipper, too.

It just works out that way, sometimes.

Tomorrow, when I'm not so beat, I'll regale you with Phyllis' adventure, which occurred my last weekend. Why do I always miss the excitement?!

As an aside...

Yeah, it sure does. Sometimes, anyway.

Irony?

I don't want to sound all ignorant, but does it qualify as "ironic" for a five-foot-tall man to be wearing a Michael Jordan basketball jersey?

Hilarious it most definitely was...but was it IRONIC?!

Fuck this.

You know I can't stop blogging, no matter what else is going on! My issues have NOT been resolved, but I'm working on 'em. And that's what's important, right?

Anywho, I'll be back soon with some spa stuff.

:)

Mini-Hiatus

Gonna take a little break. I have some serious issues to resolve, then I'll be back. Maybe I'll be able to tell you guys what's up, and maybe not. I also have a story from the spa, something that occurred on my day off! I'll tell you about that one, for sure.

Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful Independence Day!

Strange...

I wonder if anyone can tell me why my speaking voice is so much higher-pitched when I speak German compared to when I speak English?

It's definitely a noticeable difference. So what's up with that?

Anyone? Bueller?

Trolls

I had a little insight at the dog park today.

There's a small dog park and a big dog park, referring to the size of the canine visitors, not the area of the respective parks themselves.

My dogs, being small to middlin', use the small dog park.

Now Tucker LOVES to race along the dividing fence, barking furiously and taunting the big guys on the other side. He snarls, snaps and howls, enticing them into long chases back and forth.

But if one of those Great Danes, Labs, or Rottweilers should happen to visit the small dog park? Tucker would make a bee-line for me at full speed and either try to climb into my arms (if I was standing), or jump onto my lap (if I was sitting down).

Internet trolls behave exactly the same way! Hidden behind their supposed anonymity, they taunt, trash-talk, and insult. But if you smack 'em down, or track 'em down, they collapse like a fallen souffle or run crying for mommy.

Pathetic, really.

(No, I don't have a problem with trolls. I'm not popular enough! :))

Beautiful.

My daughter Chaos (one of my twins living in England at the moment) wrote a by turns beautiful, moving, and disturbing poem/song/blog-post.

She's only fifteen.

Go, read it.

Yes, I know I'm probably biased, but it's still amazing.

Why?

Ugh.

It was 98 degrees at 7:30 this morning on my drive to work, and 109 at around 5:00 PM. I can't stand it anymore! My car sits on the parking lot all day, baking, and I bake with it once I get in. Ugh.

Almost fully fledged.

Silver is on her way to North Dakota as I type this. I dropped her off at the airport last night so she could catch the red-eye to Minneapolis, where she's now waiting to get on a teeny-tiny prop plane for the last leg of her journey to Grand Forks.

Tomorrow and Tuesday is her "Freshmen Getting Started", i.e. Freshmen orientation, and it's something we both felt she should do on her own. Wednesday night I'll pick her up at McCarran, but this trip signals the beginning of the true nest-leaving stage. In a few weeks, all packed-up, we'll both fly to North Dakota, where I'll spend a few days with her before band camp begins, making sure she has all the stuff she needs for her dorm room, plus proper clothing to help her survive the brutal winter there.

And that's it, then. Fully fledged, she'll start her adult life. And I'll be left with an empty nest.

Until her sisters graduate high school and decide to come live with me, that is...sometimes it happens in reverse, you know. And it's not always a bad thing.

WSOP...

is over for me. I spent a few hours there last night and didn't make a dime. The energy is so negative at that place, it drains me just to walk around. I don't need to do that to myself, my time is more precious than that. Just think, I could have been home, blogging! ;)

I chatted with several other therapists and they concur: World Series of Poker SUCKS!

So it's not just me, yay! The company we work for hyped it so much in orientation that everyone is feeling let down. Plus they also hired 100 MORE therapists for this year's event than for last year's. What kind of moron thought THAT was a good idea in the current economic climate?!

The same few therapists are apparently getting most of the massages, which leads to resentment aplenty, let me tell you! And while almost all of us exchange smiles if not actual greetings while we pass each other in our futile rounds of the tournament rooms, a very few therapists are working on perfecting their Death Stares™.

This amuses me to no end. What, you think you can glare me into submission, which will automatically make the next poker player ask YOU for a massage?!

Doofus.

It's been a valuable experience for me, or at least that's what I'm telling myself, but I'm glad it's over. Now I only have two jobs to worry about!

Don't worry.

I'm not going all emo on you! It's okay to feel depressed once in a while. It's normal, even; and I need to cut myself some slack when I do get this way (and it's a rare occasion, I'll have you know!) The fact that Silver failed her driving test yesterday really contributed to my bad mood earlier in the day.

Instead, I'm focusing on the GOOD things right now.

(Woo...bullet points!)

-my kids and I are all healthy (and my dogs are, too)
-I've been exercising regularly again, and my weight will start dropping soon
-I've got not only one job, but two (or three, if you count WSOP, which I'm going to attempt again tomorrow night)
-I did all the laundry this morning, folded it, and put it away
-I vacuumed the entire apartment
-I dremeled both dogs' nails and brushed their teeth
-I had an excellent afternoon at the chiropractor's today
-I have a plethora of wonderful friends and acquaintances both online and in meatspace
-I will be moving into a HOUSE with a yard (hopefully) and a pool (hopefully) before the end of the summer. I'll share it with two good friends and split the expenses.
-I have no cavities, and both the dentist and the dental hygienist were impressed with the cleanliness of my teeth (TMI?)
-I always have something to read (very important!)
-I was able to do 35 push-ups on Tuesday, five more than I've ever been able to do (girrrrrrrrrrrrl push-ups, but still!)

Well, that's all I can think of right now. It's an impressive list, no? So I'm gonna quit my bitchin'. Have a wonderful Friday and a fantastic weekend, Friends.

No time to cry.

Everything hit me this morning as I was getting ready to go to the dentist. Lack of money, stress about having to move, my weight loss stalling for some inexplicable reason, Silver leaving and ohmygod how are we going to pay for everything? Then I hurt my right wrist while I was trying to wring the last drops of face wash out of the tube ('cause I'm holding off on buying more as long as I humanly can). My wrist, the one I really need to be healthy for my job. So I can do massages and make money.

My eyes started to burn and my throat got tight. Then I realized I didn't have TIME to cry. Even though I really needed to. And that's just sad.

Well fuck it all. I just have to pull up my big girl panties and move on. I can cry when I'm dead! Yeah, that's it.

If I'm so frickin' AWESOME*...

why don't my tips reflect it?

I grossed $465 today, quite respectable (I get 35%), but I only got $12 in tips. That's less than 3%, for you math-impaired folks out there. And that's simply pathetic.

Why are people so cheap?

---

*according to one of my clients today. One of the two clients who stiffed me, by the way. The other one was an older man who had toenails an inch long. I should receive hazardous duty pay for that one!

So, this one time, on a podcast...

This is going to be rather tricky. I took part in a podcast, but I don't wish my younger children to listen to it. Hmmmm. (No offense, Tally and Chaos, but I KNOW you. If I tell you "Don't go there, don't read this, don't watch that, and don't listen to this!", it's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.)

So, for anyone who doesn't already know which podcast I'm talking about, and is interested in listening to a bunch of crazy people riffing on a variety of subjects for an hour, not to mention yours truly screaming in horror and being traumatized for life, send me an email at lucrativepain@yahoo.com, and I'll email you the link.

Hopefully this will stymie my inquisitive youngsters!

Oh, and please don't be assholes and leave the link (or even the NAME of the podcast) in the comments, because my kids are diabolically clever and will latch onto that in an instant. Thank you.

If you hate dogs...

a)Why the hell do you own a dog?

and

b)Why the hell are you at the dog park?

In a dog park, there are generally lots of, you know, DOGS; these animals tend to be very friendly and will approach you with their tails wagging and tongues lolling, trying to get close to you so you can dispense pats and behind-the-ear scritches. They won't understand why you so very brusquely push them away, and it might make them even more persistent. If you feel that uncomfortable being around these creatures, go home. Before I'm forced to kick your ass because you hurt my beloved puppehs' feelings.

Also:
And this may be very mean...if you have SEVERE acne covering your entire torso, please, for all that's holy, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.

Thank you.

Superstition

I massaged a lady yesterday who had a rather large growth on her lower leg. It's part of my job to do a skin assessment, so I asked her about it.

She told me that having the growth removed kills people!

Apparently, she was twice scheduled to go into her doctor's office to have it removed, and on both occasions the doctor had a death in the family and had to cancel.

The third time she was going to go in, her own grandfather died.

She took it as a sign to leave the growth alone. In her words, "It's supposed to be there."

I generally consider myself to be a very rational, reasonable person, but this chain of events would make me hesitate, I believe. I think I'd schedule with a different doctor, maybe!

How superstitious are YOU, my readers? Would you have reacted the same way as my client, under these circumstances?

Week Two...

at the chiropractor's office. I really, really like working there. And getting an adjustment on the house doesn't hurt, either!

I had two no-shows today, unfortunately. The doctor told me that from now on, if a patient is even five minutes late for his or her massage, to let him know. He'll find me another one from one of the patients he has in the back at the time. It's nice to know he wants to make sure I'm completely booked.

I even got a tip from one of my patients! She handed me a five and told me to get a coffee...*lol*

That's going into the kitty for Silver's trip to Freshman Orientation.

All in all, not a bad way to spend half my day.

---

Update:

I almost forgot a very embarrassing incident! I bring all my linens and have the use of gowns, towels, and face rest covers, which are provided by the office. I do have to take everything home with me and wash it myself. The gowns have velcro closures...you can see where I'm going with this, can't you?
Yup. I walked into the treatment room to find the patient holding one of my socks. She handed it to me saying, "This was stuck to my gown."

Yikes!

Talk about mortified! As a friend pointed out to me, it could have been worse, it could have been a lacy thong! This is true, but still. I'm resolved to check the gowns much more carefully when I fold them!

Cute!

I was massaging a gentleman of, shall we say, mature years today, and after I turned him over, I asked as always, "How are you doing?"

He replied with a big grin, "I feel SIXTY!!

Too cute!

Only in Vegas...

We were really slammed yesterday at the spa. Phyllis was needed at our sister property next door, Ed took one look at the empty schedule and decided to go home at nine AM (we didn't start filling up until 10; he's a dipshit, basically), so Jarvis and I were the only therapists on duty.

Right before lunch, Jarvis had a one-hour Swedish massage with a male client scheduled. He got the client, showed him where to go and what to do, but when Jarvis entered the room to begin the massage, he got a little surprise...

NOT SAFE FOR WORK. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK...


Yes, that is a dildo on top of a folded one-hundred-dollar bill. Jarvis took one look at it and whipped out his cell to take a pic. I don't know if it was just wishful thinking on the client's part, or if he was confused as to what kind of services we provide at our spa, but Jarvis took it all in stride. He explained we didn't do those things, and told the client where he could go if he had that kind of happy ending in mind. Jarvis has been around town a long time, he knows that kinda stuff.

Honestly, Jarvis has class. I'm not sure how I'd react in the same situation, but guaranteed I would NOT react with such aplomb!

Only in Vegas, I tell ya.

Christina's One Word Movie Reviews

Pixar's Up = Enchanting!

Graduation...

Thursday was the big day! Silver's High School Graduation (yes, I HAD to capitalize that...). She is now a proud graduate of Durango High School. W00T! The ceremony was held at the Orleans Arena, which is luckily just a few blocks from where we live...because we were seriously running late that morning. Ugh. I hate rushing, and Silver is pathologically afraid of being late for anything, so I had her breathing down my neck as I was getting ready, having to listen to her ranting about getting into trouble, etc., etc. That gets old, fast!

Anyway, I didn't think I'd get all emotional, but of course I was WRONG (what else is new?) The minute "Pomp and Circumstance" began to play and the students started entering the arena and taking their places, I had to fight back tears. Unfortunately, they kept the arena so dark, except for the stage, I wasn't able to take any good pictures of the actual ceremony. I think they do that on purpose so that the parents are forced to buy the official graduation portraits and ceremony DVDs! They only had about five million fliers scattered all around advertising these services...Money, it's all about the money!

Well, they did a fine job, nonetheless, and considering how huge the graduating class was (around 450 students, I believe), they zipped through the whole thing pretty rapidly. They started at noon, and were finished by 1:15.

I did get some pictures of Silver in her cap and gown, of course, but I waited until we were home again. Here ya go!





Congratulations, Silver! I'm very, very proud of you!

Later that day, to celebrate, we went to our favorite local Chinese restaurant, the Golden Dragon.



I decided to combine occasions, and surprised Silver with her birthday present. (Her eighteenth birthday is TODAY, and if that's not scary, I don't know what scary is!)

She received a family heirloom necklace, which has been handed down, mother to daughter, since my great-grandmother's time. It's a gold 10-Reichsmark coin from 1903, which was part of my grandmother's dowry. My great-grandmother smuggled a pouch filled with these coins, hidden in her hair (!!), when she and her family fled the Russians during World War II. My grandmother had one coin set into a pendant and started the tradition of passing it down.





I know the details aren't visible, that's due to my crappy camera and my equally crappy photography skills, but you get the general idea!

Today (actually, we should have left already!) Silver is accompanying me to the spa, where she'll be able to relax all day and likely get a massage from yours truly. Afterwards, we plan on going to the movies to see "Up"!

Hopefully it will be a spectacular day. :)

FUN!!

I worked at my chiropractor's office for the first time today and had so much fun! I'm glad I've been given this opportunity to do such a different type of massage therapy.

I did four half-hour massages, which will be my schedule from now on until the regular therapist comes back from maternity leave. I'll also, starting next week, work Thursday afternoons, doing four massages then, as well.

They told me I did a great job, so I'm looking forward to next week. :)

It doesn't hurt that the office is half a block away from my home...;)

Weirdness...

Two strange occurrences today. Though I guess the second one is more of a trashy thing, not a weird thing.

First of all, one of my clients at the spa today kept his shorts on during the massage. And I don't mean UNDERshorts, either. I'm talking full-on street clothes; cargo shorts with buttons and belt loops and pockets! They came down past his knees, so I really didn't have much to massage. What's the matter with people? It's bad enough when they keep their underwear on, why the fuck would someone leave his pants on during the massage?! I've had women who wanted to leave their bras or bathing suit tops on, and I've vetoed that, but not much I can do when I drape a man's back and see he's wearing pants! By then it's too late to "fix" it.

The other weird thing I saw today was a man openly groping his female companion's boobs in the middle of the casino. It certainly made me do a double-take! Now in no way can I be mistaken for a prude, but I only approve of the mildest forms of PDA. C'mon, People! There's a time and a place for everything, but the casino floor of the New York-New York is NOT the appropriate place to be playing with a gal's fun bags, capiche? Try to muster some class. Please.

Aprox. $200 later...

Tucker is home and WELL! Woo-HOO!!!

I'm so happy! :)

Not so happy about the bill, but that's what happens when they end up having to pull two teeth. *sigh* His upper pre-molars were exposed to the root, so they had to go. Now he's drugged to the gills, and I have seven days of antibiotics and two different painkillers to administer. Not to mention making sure he only eats the soft foods I have to give him and none of the kibble I give Harley. Oh, and preventing Harley from eating the soft foods!

He looks so miserable right now, but at least he's tucked into bed, not in a cage at the vet's.

Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers, I'm sure they helped.

So, would it be tacky and unconscionable of me to put up a donation button? I've asked various people and gotten different answers from all. What do you think?

Shortly...

I'll be taking Tucker to the vet for his dental cleaning. I know both dogs are going to have meltdowns, because they have MAJOR separation anxiety. From each other! They're so used to being together, 24/7, that they freak out when they are separated.
I foresee issues with this in the future...

Anyway, I'd appreciate any and all prayers/good thoughts/positive energy/crossed fingers, etc. sent our way today. I'm really worried about the anesthesia and have been trying not to think about it, unsuccessfully.

Thanks, Guys.

I'll keep you all posted when I can.

Hardcore/Backwards

Two interesting massages yesterday:

A regular client, who insists, along with his wife, that I do the massage completely backwards. (Starting face-up instead of face-down.) Honestly, it doesn't really make a difference to me, but it does throw my timing off slightly! I got to the end of the massage and still had five minutes left...but all therapists have tricks to draaaaaaaaaaw things out a bit! ;)

My last client of the day was a young man here for the WSOP (can I NEVER escape you?!), who requested a 90-minute deep tissue massage. He told me that he likes a LOT of pressure, so I lowered the table as far as it would go and really went to town on him, elbows leading the way. As I was working on his upper back, I heard a *snort*: he had fallen asleep! Talk about hardcore...anyone who can fall asleep with my elbow shoved up under his shoulder blade gets props for being tougher than the average sumo wrestler.

Other than these two clients, I had two very nice ladies, as well. One lady had never had a massage before, the other had never had a hot stone massage before, and I always love converting newbies! Tips were good, everyone was happy, including moi.

My favorite kind of day!

The Consensus is:

WSOP: Christina's doin it rong.

I've gone at every time of day and night and can't seem to make very much money. A gal was checking out as I was checking in this morning, and granted she was there for ELEVEN hours (which I refuse to do), but she grossed $980! She gets half of that and the (I'm sure) copious tips she received.
I'm still convinced it's familiarity. The therapists who've been working the WSOP year after year are getting the most business. That makes perfect sense, but it doesn't exactly help me.

Oh, well. I'll keep plugging away and maybe I'll get lucky. I'd sure like to justify the fatigue I'm feeling by having a fat wallet!

So....

after the debacle that was taking my dogs to the vet's (about which I'll report more later), I was left with the choice of having Tucker's teeth cleaned by the vet on Monday, or doing nothing and having all his teeth fall out eventually. Why is this such a tough decision? Because Italian Greyhounds are notoriously sensitive to general anesthesia. They have almost no fat on them, so I guess it's difficult for the vets to dose them properly. After some discussion with the veterinarian who'll be doing the procedure, which established that yes, she's well aware of the issue and will closely monitor Tucker, I gave it the green light. Of course, this will not stop me from worrying all day on Monday...until I get that phone call saying he's all right!

And a hearty...

FUCK YOU to the asshole in the pick-up truck who thought it was a splendid idea to suddenly stop and back up so he could turn into the parking lot of the strip mall at Flamingo and Jones. If I hadn't had quick reflexes, my car would have acquired a new, vintage hood ornament! And I'd be at the ER right now, no doubt.


I saw the following license plate holder a few blocks later, which helped cool my ire:

"IF HELL FREEZES OVER I'LL SKI THERE TOO!"

It cracked me up.

Down but not out.

Yesterday I headed over to the Rio again, to pit myself against all the other therapists vying for massage clients. After over two hours of circling, circling, like a vulture over the dying body of a wildebeest, I gave up and went home. Sheesh, do I smell? Not that anyone could distinguish my B.O. (had I any!) from the miasma already present. Am I that ugly? Too old? Boobs too small?

I know that that really has nothing to do with it. But it's hard not to feel discouraged and rejected when you see other therapists massaging people at tables you recently approached. And it's even more difficult as time passes and you see the same therapists getting services, over and over again, when you can't even manage to get one stinkin' client. I know that many of these "popular" therapists are just that: popular. They've been working at WSOP for years, and the players know them and look specifically for them. Still, doesn't change how I feel.

Well, I'm changing my game plan. Instead of heading over to the Rio at 7PM (when the tournament players break for dinner, anyway!), I'll go there in the middle of the night, say 2 or 3 AM, and work until it's time for me to go to my "real" job. Most of the other therapists will have gone home by them, and the remaining players will be tired and sore and ready for massage! Hopefully I'll be able to do some massages and make some money.

Next week I start my fourth job, but it'll only be four hours a week. I'll be filling in for my chiropractor's massage therapist who's going to be on maternity leave. I'm really looking forward to this opportunity, since I've never done massage in the chiropractic setting before. It's very different from the spa, and it'll be nice to broaden my scope and get more experience.

Seeing as I'll be moving to Texas by the end of the year/beginning of 2010, it's good that I'll have more stuff to put on my resume...;)

A Wash.

Well, I didn't go to WSOP last night. I was getting ready, which also included drinking copious amounts of (half-caff) coffee through a straw, and ended up getting sicker than a dog. I don't know if it was the coffee, the amount of coffee, the fact that I probably swallowed too much air because of the straw, or any and all combinations thereof, but it wasn't pretty. I'll leave it at that.

I'm off to my full-time job shortly, and will be going to WSOP (I keep wanting to say, "Whassuuuuuup?") after I leave there tonight. Hopefully I'll make so much money it'll make up for not going last night. Well, as my daughter told me while convincing me to stay home last night, the World Series lasts for six weeks, I'll be okay.

First Impressions of World Series of Poker...

The smell: A combination of body odor, Red Bull, and desperation.

The sounds: The constant clickety-clickety-clack of the poker chips. It's a seriously incessant background noise. The staff announcing open chairs over the microphone. The dealers shouting, "Winner at table xyz!" The spectators talking and commenting on the games (why watch? I find it as exciting as watching paint dry. Maybe because I don't understand the games...)

The sights: Players wearing hats and/or hoods...and sunglasses indoors! Apparently famous players plastered with advertisements all over their clothing and hats. Lots of fake boobs and ankle-breaking high heels. Media all over the place (though I've never heard of the magazines/websites.) The flashes of cameras going off in my face as my client is being photographed (he was famous, or semi-famous...who knew?) Almost everyone with an MP3 player of some sort, and either earbuds or HUGE headphones.

Altogether a fascinating experience, even if I didn't make very much money. I felt like I was doing research, maybe for sociology or something! Anyway, I was told that it's always slow the first few days, and that tomorrow and Saturday will be better. I sure hope so. But I'll always be able to say that I worked at the World Series of Poker!

Well...

in a few hours I'll be leaving for my first shift at the World Series of Poker at the Rio.

I'm a little nervous, to be honest, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

Wish me luck!

Updates sure to follow...

Seen in the casino...

A Las Vegas T-shirt with the following slogan:

One Casino
Two Casino
Three Casino

POOR!

Glad to see that some tourists have a bit of sense, AND a sense of humor!

Seriously, I'm NOT a prostitute, I'm just a working girl!

I had my orientation for the World Series of Poker last night (Oh, and THANKS, President Obama, for making me LATE!).

Naturally the orientation was at the Rio, because that's where the tournament is being held. Afterwards, I was headed back to my car to drive over to the New York-New York (part-time job, remember?), and I was talking to Silver on my cell, giving her a rundown of events. I hopped on the elevator to the parking garage as a gentleman joined me.

I mentioned to Silver that I'd probably have to leave the house at six every evening I'm working there, because it takes almost half an hour just to get from the parking garage to the venue for the tournament, then I added the apparently suggestive phrase: "This should be quite lucrative!"

My fellow elevator rider held up his palm to me and said, quite loudly, "I don't want to know!"

I was shocked, and started blurting, "But, I'm a MASSAGE TH..." He interrupted with, "I REALLY don't want to know!"

As he exited the elevator, a floor before I needed to get off, I shouted after him, "NO, NO, I'm a MASSAGE THERAPIST for the World Series of Poker!" and shook my uniform shirt, which I'd had slung over my shoulder, at him. He turned around, and as the elevator doors were closing, asked, "Oh, do you have a business card?"

*blink blink*

Amended WORST TATTOO...

I must apologize to the lady with the "cat" tattoo. She has been toppled from the dubious throne of "worst tattoo ever" by a gentleman with his WIFE'S FACE tattooed on his calf. Not only that, but it was a horrible, horrible tattoo. I mean, I met his wife, because we were doing a side-by-side massage, and I collected her from the women's spa for my male colleague, Jarvis. So obviously I got a good look at her face.

Worst. Likeness. EVAR.

Plus, the tattoo was just of her head, floating like a pumpkin in space, with her name in a ribbon above. No neck, nothing. Awful. I still shudder to think about it.

And, as I believe I've mentioned before, putting your spouse's, lover's, partner's, significant other's name, initials, face, etc. anywhere on your body, permanently, is the kiss of death to the relationship.

Then you're stuck with a painful reminder of something best forgotten.

Memorial Day

Because they have said it much, much better than I ever could.

Go. Read. Take a moment to reflect.

Worst tattoo ever...

a "cat" in the small of a lady's back. But it wasn't a whole cat, just the cat's face. With no outline, even. Or ears. So basically just the eyes, nose, mouth and whiskers.
And if that weren't bad enough, the "feline" eyes had ROUND pupils. Ugh.

In other news...

of not exactly Earth-shattering importance, my hair has stopped falling out so I think I'll try to grow it long again. Carry on, Peeps.

In other, other news, I think I might have changed my mind about going to school in the Caribbean. Yes, it's sexy and all, but it's also ridiculously expensive and complicated, not to mention I'd be leaving Silver in the U.S. without a parent on the same continent. I dunno, Texas is looking more and more attractive.

Freaked my dogs out!

I have quite the eclectic (read: WEIRD) collection of music on my iPod. What I didn't realize is that I had Rutter's Magnificat on there. I used to be a member of the Las Vegas Master Singers, and we performed this work with the Las Vegas Philharmonic in December of...crap, was it '03? Time flies and all that.

ANYWAY.

I haven't performed or really even sung much since then, and certainly my dogs have never heard me sing much out loud. Maybe a bit of singing along to a song here or there while doing housework.

So as I was coming home from the gym today, the first movement from Rutter's Magnificat was playing, and I started singing along, full bore. Of course, in the car I only have one earbud in, but as I was walking to my apartment, I had both in and was singing all-out, not caring that I was scaring pigeons and the occasional landscaper. I sing first soprano, I might add.

As I entered the apartment, I was belting out "beatam" from around 4:05...



My dogs initially commenced their customary psycho happy dance, jumping all around and mobbing me, but as I continued singing until the end of the piece, at full volume, they stopped and sat in the middle of the living room floor, watching me attentively, and slightly apprehensively, probably wondering what the fuck I was going to do next: Will she explode? Who will give us treats then? NO MORE BACON?!? WE OBJECT!!!

I finished singing and had to laugh at their expressions. Wish I'd had my camera handy! Hey, at least they didn't start whining, like they do when Silver practices her clarinet!

It felt good to sing, really sing, again. I wish I had more time to join a group, but that kind of commitment is a lot like taking on another job, and I just can't right now. In any case, I know I have "Magnificat" on my iPod, and my dogs will just have to deal with my singing along while I fold laundry later, and my bathroom really needs cleaning, and the floors, too, for that matter...

TSA = Those Self-important Assholes

I'm sure you've all read Breda's account of her not-so-gentle treatment at the hands of the TSA wonks on her trip to Phoenix. Well a few days ago I discovered that one doesn't even have to be at the airport to experience the idiocy of the TSA!

I've been assisting a friend by getting some info on local airplane charter companies, and I searched the Yahoo! local yellow pages to get a list of companies and their contact info. One of the last companies I called was TWC Aviation Inc.

I got a voicemail, so I left a message and went about my business.

About an hour later my phone rang, I answered, and the following exchange occurred:

Me: Hello, this is Christina!

Unidentified Dude: Yes, I received a call from this number, asking that I call back?

Me: Yes, I'm calling all airplane charter companies in town, and wanted to...

UD (interrupting me): How did you get this number?!

Me: Ummm, Yahoo?

UD: Well this is a secure line, you have no business calling here.

Me: You're listed on the Yahoo yellow pages!

UD: This is a government phone! It's the TSA!

Me: You might want to check into why you're listed on the Yahoo yellow pages under "TWC Aviation, Inc."!

UD: Not even close, this is a government phone, the TSA! Please remove this number from your list and don't call again.

Me: I don't HAVE a list, I searched all airplane charter companies in Las Vegas, and this phone number was in the yellow pages. That's not MY problem!

UD: It's a secure line!

Me: Apparently NOT. Thank you for your time. (I hang up)

---

There you have it, Folks!

Remember, if you're looking for a charter plane in Vegas, whatever you do, under no circumstances should you call TWC Aviation, Inc. at 702-262-9700...

Because it's a secure line! It's a government phone!

It's the fucking TSA, Bitches!

And don't you forget it.

Work in Progress...

Here I am in my "Massage Girls 'R' Us" uniform:



Looking rather psycho, as I always seem to do when Silver takes my picture...

And here's a picture of me from the luau a year ago (hint: I'm the gal on the right):



It's useful to me to occasionally see the progress I've made, because it's easy to lose sight of how far I've come while I focus on what I still have to do.

Like I said, I'm a work in progress. And not only where weight loss is concerned!

It's been my experience...

that the size of the tip I receive is in inverse proportion to the amount of bling my client is wearing.

And that's just sad.

Seen on a bumper sticker on my way to work...

SINGLE WOMEN DON'T FART. THEY DON'T HAVE ASSHOLES UNTIL THEY MARRY.

It made me cringe and laugh, all at the same time.

Just got an email...

from my COM101 Prof:

I got 196/200 on my final (squeeee), and I got 870/900 altogether for the entire class, so that's an A!

So happy. :)

I'll have to check tomorrow and see if my grades for the two online classes are posted.

Gentlemen...

I have no wish to offend, but here's a tip. Either leave your back-hair alone, or, if you must depilate, please maintain! Stubble is VERY unpleasant to massage.

Thank you.

Free!

My last final: DONE!

I'm free, *squeeeeeeeeeeeee*!!

Now what on Earth will I do will all of my now-copious amounts of free time (*snerk*)?

I know! I'll get another job. The World Series of Poker starts on May 27th...I'll be there.

Asshole

As I was passing a blackjack table in Pit 7, while repeating "Massage? Would anyone care for a massage?", I noticed a gentleman wearing a white T-shirt with the phrase on the back, in bold, black letters:

NO, I DON'T WANT A FUCKING MASSAGE!

Well, fuck you, too, Sunshine! Pardon me for doing my job, Asshole. I hope you never, ever win at any game in the future, and that your teeny-tiny little dick falls off from lack of use. I hope that you develop a horrid body odor that causes little old ladies to faint in your presence. I hope any friends you might have (which I doubt!) desert you in droves because of your putrescence, and that any woman you hit on laughs loudly in your face, incredulously. May you break out in nasty, oozing boils. And, for good measure, may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

Oh, and I didn't want to massage you anyway. After all, I do have standards to maintain. Which you obviously do not meet.

*whew*!

On our way back from getting Silver's weekly allergy shots, I suddenly heard a "whoop-whoop" and with a sinking heart saw the flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.

I had been talking with a friend on my cell, and though it's not illegal (yet) in Nevada to have a phone conversation while driving, I still abruptly ended the call and literally threw my cell at Silver while barking, "Here, hold this," as I pulled over to the side of the road.

I'd also been driving through a school zone, but knew I hadn't been speeding. (Anyone who speeds through a school zone should be drawn and quartered, at the very least.)

I rolled my window down as I turned to face the officer, who btw. looked like he didn't even need to shave yet. Officer Howser, I presume?

Then I heard the dreaded question..."Do you know why I pulled you over?"

*gulp*

"No, Sir."

"You have a brake light that's out."

D'oh!

Luckily, after checking my license and insurance info, the kindly officer let us go on our way with a warning.

My customary auto place was on our way home, and $11.80 and 15 minutes later, the threat of a ticket was once again a distant, looming thing, as opposed to a sharp, immediate one!

I always DID like Doogie Howser...;)

Lovely

It was extremely slow at work today, so slow in fact that I only had one massage all day. I threw in the towel after lunch and headed home. I've been shamefully neglecting my puppehs all this past week, mostly because of school, so this was the perfect opportunity to take them to the ginormous dog park up North, which is several acres in size. It was pretty darn hot already, upper nineties for sure, so we only managed two laps around the inside of the fence before we'd had enough. (The puppehs were panting, which is something they almost never do.)

I headed for the nearest decent-sized tree and threw myself down in the shade. The park was deserted, my two dogs (relatively) quiet, so I just relaxed with my eyes closed and allowed my thoughts to wander where they pleased.

It was simply lovely. So very peaceful and calming. I actually managed to doze off in the grass. Until, of course, Harley pounced on me and demanded attention! That was okay, too. We were there for THEM, after all. After some pats and scritches, he wandered off to explore the enticing scents all around him, and I dozed off again.

Bliss. Which I'll try to repeat as often as I can.

Christina's One Word Movie Reviews

Star Trek = EPIC

---

Overheard inside the theater:

"Buying food at the concession is wallet-rape."

Things they don't teach you in massage school...

"Beware of Falling Rocks."

My last massage of the day was a hot stone massage. I was almost finished, working on the right arm and about to do the head and neck massage, when my client shifted, causing the two stones resting on her thigh to slide off and plummet onto the top of my right foot.

Ouch.

Of course I couldn't say anything (or curse loudly, for that matter, which is what I was really inclined to do...). I just finished the massage and wondered why nobody ever warned me of falling rocks...

For all you Mothers out there...

Happy Mother's Day!

Hope you had a fabulous one. I had work, of course, but Silver and I are headed to the theater to see "Star Trek"...I can't WAIT! :)

(Flying my Geek Flag proudly...)

Prom/Barter

Last night was Silver's senior prom. She's been reluctant to go, and as a matter of fact, up until a few months ago she was adamantly opposed to going. I wore her down...;)
Her friends made the difference, I believe. Once she heard that all her friends from school were going, she changed her mind and bought a ticket.
I mentioned before how we found an inexpensive yet fetching dress, but of course, that's only the beginning...
Which leads me to the "barter" part of the post!

I took Silver to work with me yesterday, because I have an awesome job and an awesome boss who let me do stuff like that! I wasn't very busy, which in this case was a good thing, because we needed time to get stuff done...stuff like getting Silver's eyebrows waxed, getting her a manicure and pedicure, getting her make-up done professionally, having her hair styled...all of which didn't cost me a stinkin' DIME, due to the kick-assedness of the barter system!

Gayla, our lead esthetician, waxed Silver's eyebrows, for which I in turn gave her a half-hour massage.

Tracy, one of our salon's finest, did Silver's mani/pedi, and accepted an IOU for an hour-long massage on Tuesday (she was very busy yesterday and didn't have time to get a massage...)

Then we broke for lunch...mmmmmm, Chipotle, how I adore thee!

Silver indulged herself in the Jacuzzi after this, just relaxing a bit. I did have a few services, after all!

Then Holly, our make-up expert, took Silver in hand and worked her magic. Also accepting an IOU in lieu of payment (she was completely booked, but worked Silver in during a brief lull while a client's color was setting...Holly ROCKS!)
Holly is also going to get a longer massage, since Silver has never really worn make-up and was rather reluctant to sit still for the process. Just call the extended massage "hazardous duty pay"...Holly earned it!

Finally, and this is the most amazing part of my little tale, Maura, my friend and the spa attendant at our spa, sat Silver down while I was doing a massage and styled her hair adorably, which I would never have been able to do (I have no skillz in that direction, you see...)
Maura did this out of the goodness of her heart, not expecting anything in return, and in addition gifted Silver with a beautiful necklace, to boot!
Maura doesn't know this, but she's getting a massage today, even if I have to tie her down!

So you see, the barter system is alive and well in Las Vegas, we call it doing "trades", actually. That's how I get MY hair and nails done, too.

Oh, you want to see the results? Sure:

(Pardon my crappy photography skills...)





Outside the prom venue, a local Greek Orthodox Church (the theme for prom, naturally: "Greek Gods and Goddesses")





And just inside the door, after having been gifted with a long-stemmed red rose (hey, the prom organizers did themselves proud). This was the last shot before I headed home, with a little tear in my eye, I admit...



What a fantastic ending to a wonderful day.

My friends and the barter system ROCK. And Silver is beautiful and had a wonderful time. :)

Speech Epic WIN!

I had to give my final speech today in my Communications 101 Class. It was to be a persuasive speech on a controversial topic, 7-9 minutes in length. Naturally, I chose the topic: Why everyone should own a gun...

It. Was. Awesome.

I basically kicked total ass. I got 148 out of 150; my prof took off two points because she said it sounded "too rehearsed"...I guess I practiced a little too much! *g*
No worries. With the 50 points I got for my speech outline, that brings my grade for the speech up to 198 out of 200. I'll take it!

It was amazing and wonderful to look out into the classroom and see people nodding, agreeing with me. I got such a rush!

I never would have been able to do such a good job without a LOT of help, though.

I'd like to thank everyone over at the Gunblogger Conspiracy IRC for their advice and tips on where to find good information. Holly took time away from her own busy writing schedule to email me a bunch of links to more valuable info, and Jay G. gave me excellent tips on firearms. Oleg Volk was incredibly gracious enough to give me permission to use some of his fantastic, pro Second Amendment photographs as visual aids to my speech. Thank you all, you wonderful, wonderful people!

The sense of community I have found in the blogosphere, both those gun-crazy folks and those who couldn't care less about guns, truly humbles me.

Thank you all for enriching my life.

Braces...

OFF!

Retainer...ON!



I feel weird without my braces...but I suspect I'll get used to it, fast!

Eight

That's what size pants I'm wearing right now. It's almost inconceivable to me, as is the fact that I've lost 77 pounds in the past year (with more to go!).

I don't think I'm particularly vain, nor do I have reason to be, but I have to admit to checking myself out quite a lot lately. It often catches me by surprise to see my reflection..."Oh, hey! That's ME!" I guess it just takes time for the mental body image to change. Same goes for trying on clothes. I get the proper size, but when I take the clothing item off the rack, I think, "There's no way that's gonna fit me!"
Then I'm surprised and pleased when it actually does.

I'm not really going anywhere with this post (no surprise there!), just wanted to ramble on a bit about what goes on in a formerly fat person's head. In case you wanted to know...;)

In other news: more (frequent) blogging once school is out.

Two more weeks...

until the end of the semester. I can't WAIT. I'm going to stop drinking coffee and start sleeping more. I'm going to read novels until my brain explodes. I'm going to watch movies and tv shows on my computer until I'm a mindless zombie. I'll take my dogs to the park every single day (except Tuesdays, when I'm gone from 6:30 AM until 12:30 AM the next day). I'll start every day with a song in my heart and end it with a smile on my face. Two. More. Weeks.

It's so hard to resist...

the siren song of "Turn Coat."



It's been sitting on my nightstand, taunting me, for weeks now. I promised myself I wouldn't touch it until I finished school, but it's getting harder and harder every day to keep myself from devouring it.

I must be strong.

Band Geeks Rule.

Silver signed up to be in the Pride of the North Marching Band at UND. I'm so stoked!
If you click on the link, you'll see that the football team (The Fighting Sioux) is now Division I. Woo-hoo! (Not that I really have any clue what that means...)
But it DOES mean that the band will accompany the team to an away game...in TEXAS!
In September at Texas Tech. Maybe some of my readers will be watching the game and see Silver perform with the band during half-time...she's the tiny, extremely pale kid playing clarinet!

In other college news, Silver will be taking seven classes her first semester:

English 125 - Technical and Business Writing
Math (to be determined by placement testing)
Honors 101 - Inquiry in the Humanities
Computer Science 160 - Computer Science I (she's majoring in Computer Science)
Space Studies 200 - Introduction to Space Studies (She wants to get her Masters in Space Studies)
Music 271 - University Band (this is Concert Band)
Music 272 - Marching/Athletic Band

Obviously she'll be very busy. But busy kids are less likely to get into trouble, right? Not that I really have to worry about her in that regard.

Oh, and she just got a letter informing her of the scholarship she's received. $1000 per year for four years. Yays! Of course, the letter states she must join at least one college organization...she's going to call them and see if band qualifies!

And she wants to get a job, too...hmmmm. Busy, busy.

I'm so proud of her (obviously)!

GO, SILVER!

Overheard on the Casino Floor...

"Wow! So you do the massage right out here in the open?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Excellent! That's exactly what I need, a nice, Christian massage, with my clothes on, in front of everyone. None of that riff-raff in my room!"

---

(Fifteen minutes earlier, in another part of the casino)

"So, d'you gals come up to the room to do the massage?"

"No, Sir. We do the massage right here."

"But I can't take my clothes off!"

"That's correct, Sir."

"Well, you know, that guy was killin' masseuses in his hotel room back East!"

*blink blink*

"And THAT'S exactly why we don't go up to hotel rooms!"

If ever anyone needed a punch to the face...

I massaged a young man this afternoon who'd never had a massage before. I knew he was enjoying it, he was very relaxed, and as I finished with a nice scalp and neck massage, he even started falling asleep.

Now, when I finish a massage, I never say anything like, "We're done," or "Time's up," or anything like that. I always thank my client, by name. The usual response I get is, "No, thank YOU, Christina!"

So what does this punk say?

"Is that it?"

IS. THAT. IT.

I'm sorry, did you just ask me if that was it?!

What, did he expect the "bow-chicka-bow-bow" soundtrack to start, and me to ask in my sultriest voice (which is pretty damn sultry, I'll have you know), "Why, Sir...did you want anything...else?"

Some people.

Hey, but thanks for the tip, Bud.

Seen on my drive to school...

an air conditioning service's van, with the license plate "AREUHOT".

"Why, yes! Yes, I am," she proclaimed without an ounce of modesty...;)

Hey, it made ME laugh!

Prom Dress...

...$14.99 plus tax.

Sometimes it's GREAT to have a non-fussy child.

What's even better is her insistence on my driving her to the prom location (she's going with a bunch of friends); she's positively gleeful at the prospect of driving up amongst all the shiny limos in our beat-up, five year old Hyundai.

What can I say? She likes making a statement. As a matter of fact, she really wanted to wear a tux to prom, to protest all of the fuss and excess, but I gently pointed out that they probably don't make tuxes small enough to fit her.

So she picked out a plain, black dress that happens to look fabulous on her...for $14.99 plus tax.

Yeah, I know I got lucky!

Starbucks...squeeee...ooh, look! Shiny!

I got to the NY-NY last night after a busy day at my "real" job. My last three massages I was literally struggling to stay awake, and falling asleep while GIVING a massage is (naturally) grounds for immediate dismissal. I was exhausted, and it was mainly my own damn fault for staying up late chatting with a friend the night before, so no violins, please!

Anyway, my supervisor Christine was still at the casino, our shifts overlap by an hour, and I told her that despite the mega-dose of vitamin C and the extra vitamin B-complex I took earlier in the day, I didn't think I'd make it through my whole shift.
She suggested Starbucks, and was happy to treat me. Now, don't think I've been living under a rock or anything, but I've never had a Starbucks coffee. I don't LIKE coffee, and I've been trying, with mixed results, to completely give up all caffeine for the past two years. But needs must, and all that. So off to Starbucks we went.

OMG. I had a plain coffee, a "tall" (which is really a small), and I even had the barista make it half coffee, half steamed milk, so it would be somewhat diluted. It didn't matter. Within minutes of drinking that, that, crack, I was bouncing off the walls. Babbling a mile a minute, and hiccuping like I had drunk alcohol. That's what I felt like, that I was a little buzzed. People were laughing at me! But I wasn't tired anymore. Oh, no, definitely not tired. I was so not tired that I was singing along to all the music playing in the casino, and I didn't walk so much as prance to the beat, with hips swishing/swaying all the way. I'm sure it must have been entertaining, but who cares? I wasn't dragging my ass anymore!

I had a very successful night, my most lucrative yet as a matter of fact. Should I risk the effects again and have Starbucks tonight as well? Hmmmmmm. Must ponder.

Please...

for all that's holy: If you have the sniffles and decide to get a massage (a course of action I DO NOT recommend), try to avoid COUGHING IN YOUR THERAPIST'S FACE!!!

Thank you.

Too honest for my own good?

I got out of work early today because I had nothing booked all afternoon, so why bother staying when I'm not getting paid, right? Plus it's another gorgeous day outside! :)

I received a text message yesterday from my supervisor at the part-time gig, letting me know that our checks were ready for pick-up. Squeeeee! My first check!
Anyhoo, I swung by the NY-NY on my way home this afternoon and picked up the check. Imagine my surprise when I saw that I had been overpaid, by $25 in fact.
I immediately called Christine, my supervisor, and told her about it. After a few calls to accounting and HER boss, she called me back to let me know NOT to cash the check, that I'd have to return it on Tuesday, and will receive the corrected check in about a week. *sigh* Not that I need the money, or anything. So, am I too honest for my own good? Nope. It's called doing the right thing, even when it hurts.

---

UPDATE:
Christine called me back and told me to go ahead and cash the check. I'm supposed to just add an extra $25 to my daily deposit after work on Tuesday. Hey, works for me!

Christina does NOT approve of...

-baggy underwear on men. And I'm not talking about boxers, either. They're called TIGHTY whities for a reason, you know what I mean?

-tramp stamps. ON MEN. Now, I've only seen this once, but I hope never to have to see it again! Maybe in Scotland it's okay for men to get tramp stamps, but I hope the trend doesn't spread to over here.

Pet Peeves

Here's just a few:

I HATE those automated, ridiculously complicated telephone menus, "For x, press 1, for y, press 2"...ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Why can't I talk to a real person, right away? Even worse when you try to cheat by immediately pressing "0", which sometimes works, but then hear the message, "I'm sorry, that is not a valid entry." Then you have to hear the full recording over again. ARGH.

I hate people who habitually do not use their turn signals. PISSES ME OFF. They're there, use them, People. Please! A kitten dies somewhere every time you change lanes or make a turn without signaling. Think of the kittens, if not my nerves!

Not having a do-over button. Wouldn't it be great to be able to turn back time (sorry for stealing, Cher) and do things over on occasion?

That's it for now, I'm sure I have many more pet peeves, how about you?

Strange requests

In no particular order:

-got invited to move back to Salt Lake City by two elderly ladies. They said I could bring my dogs, so I was tempted...

-was asked to kick a gambler in the back of the head. BY THE GAMBLER.

-received a marriage proposal from a married man. When I called him on it, he said, "That's okay, we'll move to Utah." I turned him down because I don't want to wear ugly dresses, and so I told him.

-was offered $1000 to break a client's neck during a massage. I declined.

Despite the madness, I had a very good night. I had energy, the vibe of the casino was completely different from last night, and I had fun. Now it's off to bed!

Overheard inside my car...

"You know, the person who somehow isolates the gene that can extend the dog's lifespan will rule the planet..."

Invisible

Tonight was NOT a good night at the NY-NY casino. I made five whole dollars. Not only that, but for the first time the smoke really affected me. Half-way through my shift my eyes were bloodshot, burning, and tearing. I think it was the large number of cigars being smoked that did it.

The worst thing was the sense of being invisible. Usually, even if folks are disinterested, they'll at least make eye contact and say, "No, thank you." Tonight, I (mostly) received no acknowledgment at all. It was very depressing, to say the least. By the end of my shift, fatigue and discouragement lent the scene a surreal quality. All the noise of the machines, the lights and drifting smoke combined to disorient me.
Patrons resembled automatons, mechanically punching buttons and pulling levers. I walked the aisles between the slots, cheerily chirping, "Massage - Massage?" To no avail. I truly was invisible.

It was heavenly to get home and be greeted so wildly and enthusiastically by my dogs. I finally felt solid and connected. Acknowledged. Visible.

Bass-ackwards...

So I was video chatting with a friend a few minutes ago, and my 17-year-old comes storming over to my room and DEMANDS I turn the volume down. What's wrong with this picture?! So I grudgingly went back to my earphones, even though they were irritating my ears.

Wow. Things sure have changed since I was a teenager!

Yes, I am a dork.

But I can't help it, I just LOVE this:



Apparently this was to promote a Belgian reality show where the winner gets the lead in a new stage production of "The Sound of Music."

LOVE. IT.

No, sorry.

The spawn and I were at Walmart last night, grocery shopping. I was wearing thrift-store jeans, an old T-shirt, 11 dollar shoes, and a 5 dollar watch. So why the fuck did some guy come up to me and ask me for change IN THE STORE, supposedly for gas?
Do I really look that prosperous? Was I wearing any kind of serious bling? No. I wasn't even wearing make-up. And I was so tired I looked like a permanent resident of Hagsville.
So I looked at him incredulously, told him, "Sorry, I'm a struggling single mom," (My standard reply in situations like this), and went on my merry way.
Sometimes I think I'm too polite. But it's safer that way.

Roberta is my new hero

There's this super-nice blackjack dealer named Roberta who works at the New York-New York casino. Last night, I was massaging a gentleman at her table when he requested me to massage his hands. No problem, I have lotion and everything. He was pretty tipsy already at this point, and as I was kneading away at his hand, he said (very loudly), "Hey, look everyone! I'M GETTING A HAND-JOB!!"

While I just rolled my eyes, Roberta stuck her fingers in her ears and said, "La-la-la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you!"

I laughed SO hard.

Overheard at the Pai Gow Poker Table...

after a ten-minute chair massage:

"I suppose they would frown upon it if I took you home with me...?"

Ya think, Einstein?!

Yes!

Waiting in our mailbox today was a letter from the University of North Dakota. It informed Silver that she's been accepted into their Honors Program! I bet all our neighbors heard us screaming, and that the downstairs neighbors thought their ceiling was going to collapse from all of our jumping up and down! I'm so proud, I could bust.

An anecdote I forgot to share...

I was doing a massage on a young man playing blackjack. As I was massaging around his shoulder blade, I noticed his levator scapulae was popping and mentioned it to him. He said, "Yeah, I've dislocated that shoulder a couple times while playing hockey."

Slightly alarmed now, I asked him, "So, any other health issues I should know about? You're not going to collapse when you get up after the massage, are you?!"

He replied, "Nah, I'll be fine. I don't haven't any sense of taste, though."

Me, jokingly, "What? From a head injury?"

Him, "Yeah. Snowboarding. Snowboarding's the worst for injuries."

Me, thinking *oh, please, please, please don't have a seizure or go into a coma while I'm massaging you!*

First Faux Pas...

Never, ever, under any circumstances offer to shake a dealer's hand! Big no-no, people. Never touch a dealer on the casino floor. I found that out the hard way, naturally. Me being me, and all...;)

But that's okay, because at least I learn from my mistakes.

I love my new job, by the way. Yes, it's late at night and I'm tired, but it's so much FUN! Even though I have to deal with rejection, frequently I might add, it's still fun to wander around the casino and massage people on the spot. You get to meet very interesting folks this way. Oh, one other thing I've learned over the past two days nights: Drunk people are very, very funny!

Let's see...I've been shown baby pictures and asked my opinion of them, been complimented on my braces (by a guy who told me not to make fun of him, after I laughed when he said, "I smoke weed, cut me some slack!" I couldn't help myself...)
Also, I've been asked for directions oh, fifty million times already. Sometimes I've been able to help, and if not, I've known whom to ask. One lady asked for directions to the Strip exit of the casino, because she wanted to go to the New York, New York...she looked at me like I was crazy when I told her she was already standing in the NY, NY...she thought she was at the MGM Grand! *lol*

I also met two tourists from Stuttgart and got to flex my German muscles a bit, yay! My shift started pretty slowly, so I did chat with them for a while. The roulette dealer (or is it croupier?) looked at me like I was a freak! That was really fun. Not so fun was the group of older gentlemen hanging out at the circle bar who looked me up and down when I asked them if they'd like a massage and then laughed and said, "Not from YOU!" Assholes. If anyone ever comes right out and says they want a prettier therapist, I'm gonna say, "Gee, I never realized the pretty therapists massaged clients with their FACES." Oh, well. It's just another thing I'll have to get used to.

We therapists are also encouraged to get to know the dealers, pit bosses, and bartenders who work during our shifts, because they can really help us get business. So it's perfectly okay for me to stop and chat with a black jack dealer if neither of us is busy. I've also learned it's a good idea to tip the cashier who cashes our chips in, it's just nice to acknowledge them in that way.

Massaging in a casino and massaging in a spa are like night and day. You can't even really compare the two, that's how different they are.

For example, it's perfectly okay for me to sing along with the music playing in the casino, as long as the client doesn't mind (heck, most of them are too drunk to even notice, anyway!), and ditto with chatting away during the massage. I do have to get used to the often tight quarters, it makes the massage that more challenging.

Well, that's it for me; it's almost 2:30 in the morning, and I'm beat.