Saturday, May 31, 2008

Am I welcome?

As I was leaving the college campus yesterday, after straightening out a financial aid mess and scheduling a German CLEP test, I noticed a sign for "Latino's Beauty Salon"

That got me to thinking. Would I be welcome there? Would I have to whip out a picture of my half-Portuguese Dad to be granted service?

What if I opened up a beauty salon right next door to them called "Caucasian's Beauty Salon?" Would I be run out of town on a rail after being tarred and feathered?


*Minor Spoiler Alert* Prince Caspian

I loved this movie from start to finish, which surprised me, since I had rather low expectations considering the drubbing it's received from many critics.

My daughter, however, had a few choice words to say about the ending. Hmmm, let's see...

Lewis and Aslan are big, fat, flaming assholes!

That ending blew acidic chunks of flaming lava!

I can't believe Susan had to leave the hottest character in the entire series to go back to her drab, dreary, boring life, and SHE'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!!

All this while wiping tears from her eyes...*sigh*.

My little girl is growing up. And Prince Caspian has now supplanted Zac Efron in the Hottie-Hierarchy in her mind. I think she said something about his eyes, his hair, and the ACCENT.

Like mother, like daughter, I guess...but at least I'm just decent enough to limit my fantasies to males who are old enough to have to shave regularly.


I just found out via IMDB that Ben Barnes, the actor who plays Prince Caspian, is 27 years old. Yum, yum. Now it's totally okay for me to lust after him. Thank goodness, I was starting to worry...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


The powers-that-be at the casino decided we needed a morale booster, so they set up the entire spa with tickets to a pool-side luau. Since it was my Friday yesterday, I decided to actually *gasp* have some alcohol.

I depended on the kindness of the bartender at the casino bar we hung out in before the luau. I asked him to mix me a drink where you couldn't actually taste the alcohol, 'cause I don't like it. He totally came through for me with rum punch! Rum, orange and pineapple juices, and grenadine. Mmmmm-mmmmm, good. I've actually found something I can drink and enjoy! Plus, I had two mai-tais at the luau itself, but I think they were watered down, because I didn't get smashed.

We were sitting in the cheap seats this time, last year they let us go in as VIPs, talk about a let-down! But it all worked out, since most of us had seen the show before, so it gave us a lot of time just to socialize, which is fun, fun, fun!

Here's a pic of me at the bar, I'd already finished my rum punch, but it hadn't kicked in yet:


and after the alcohol started taking effect...


notice how I didn't care anymore that you can see my braces when I smile...:)

Here's M., who coined the now-infamous phrase "taking the girls out for a walk".


B., the lead therapist (my supervisor) on the left, with her sister.


D., one of our two aestheticians, on the left, with HER sister. Now we're outside at the luau.


M. again, this time with K. Both of our lovely female spa attendants, together. It's a beautiful thing.


This one has to be my favorite, simply because of the potential for blackmail...the guy is my BOSS, R.!

About that raise...?


You can definitely tell in this picture that I've been drinking. I mean, look at my eyes! Too, too funny.

Anyhoo, thank you, oh mighty Powers-That-Be, for giving us this opportunity to eat, drink, and be merry...even in the cheap seats!

Well, I warned you!

But it's not as bad as you think. Silver's nickname at school is "Speed Racer", because she always runs to every class, pulling her wheeled backpack behind her, so full-out is pretty much her only speed. Which means getting pictures of her accepting her certificate of membership in the National Honor Society was impossible...blur, blur, blur!

So I'm only inflicting a few pics on you, lucky things!

Here she is, after accepting the certificate:



And here she is, indulging in her favorite pastime, EATING! (Oh, she's gonna get me for posting this one!):


And finally, relief that it's all over!


Thanks for letting me indulge myself!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Silver was walking along Tropicana on Saturday, on her way to her SAT tutoring session at the local take-shitloads-of-my-tip-money-for-tutoring place, when some yahoo in a passing car threw a rock (at her? I'm not sure) out the window and nailed her on her ankle.

After the wailing was over, she limped on bravely, put an ice pack on it, and didn't even tell me about it until I got home that night. It's a lovely shade of purple right now.

My question is: Should I report this (or should I have reported it) to any authorities? Silver doesn't remember what the car looked like, or the people inside the car, and she certainly didn't get a license plate number while writhing on the ground in pain. Plus she's not seriously injured.

Of course, she could have been hit in the face or head, or in the eye, so she's definitely lucky. And, hey, there are daily drive-by shootings in other parts of Vegas, so we're lucky on that score, as well.

Any advice or suggestions?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Attention all Lesbian and/or Bi Women:

Just because we ask you to stop playing tonsil hockey in the jacuzzi does NOT mean we have anything against homosexuals in general, or you in particular. And we don't care that you're "not doing anything wrong". All we're trying to tell you is...GET A ROOM!

And nice pink-haired gal? Having you tell me that my massage is "fuckin' awesome!" really made my day! Thank you.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Firing off a quick one...

just to warn you of the onslaught of pics from Silver's Induction ceremony! Aside from the fact that they misspelled/mispronounced her last name, the ceremony was fabulous. I was very impressed.

Afterwards, to celebrate, we went home and changed, then headed over to the Red Rock Casino (our favorite) and saw the new Indiana Jones movie. What can I say? It totally rocked. Was quite over the top on occasion (but it's Indy!), but still extremely entertaining.

And Harrison Ford is still hot and could eat crackers in my bed anytime!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Randomness of fortune cookies

My fortune, according to my cookie from the Golden Dragon:

I think and that is all that I am.


I choose to see this as positive. I'll think positive thoughts, and therefore I will BE positive.

Silver's fortune:

It is better to have beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear.

I have to admit, these are the weirdest fortunes I've ever seen. Even adding "in bed" doesn't seem to help.

Oh, well.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Oh. My. God.

I had no idea comic books could be so kinky...

If you want to see more, go here.

More Silver-isms

I'm very aware that the stuff my daughter says that so amuses me is most likely of no interest to anyone else, but, since this is MY blog, I'll do whatever I damn well please!

*at the Chevron, pumping gas into my car that's costing me $3.76 per gallon*

"Wow, Mom. This gas station is raping your debit card!"

*at the Smith's, grocery shopping, while pulling a bottle of white wine vinegar off the shelf*

"Also useful as a blunt weapon!"

*while on the road, discussing men*

"There are NO intelligent men in high school!"

That's 'cause they're still boys, Sweetie...

Monday, May 19, 2008

Lest you think all is sweetness and light...

I have very curly hair. The lack of humidity here in Vegas keeps it mostly under control, and product does the rest. If I go to sleep with it wet, like last night, however, the next morning it will be rather...wild.

I stumbled into the kitchen to turn on the coffee-maker, and Silver was there getting breakfast.

I mumbled, "Mornin'."

She took one look at me, and with an expressionless face replied, "Mom, Medusa is on line two, she wants her hair back."


Since it's been too long...

since I bragged about my older daughter, Silver, I feel it's appropriate at this time to mention HOW FRICKIN' PROUD I AM OF HER!!!!

She's been working very, very hard, and the other day, she brought this home to me from school:


Her induction ceremony is next Friday, and rest assured, I'll be taking plenty of pictures for you to peruse later.

So be warned! ;)

I'm scared.

I was talking to my twin daughters today on my drive home from work (not very safe, I know, but with the time difference I was afraid I'd get home too late to call them.)

We always talk on speaker-phone, so they can't argue over who got more time with me, and they were discussing the latest hunky actors to grace the pages of 17 and People. They kept saying, "Mmmmmm, delicious!" with the same relish and enthusiasm their almost-seventeen-year-old sister would greet a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.

They're fourteen.

God help me!

Sunday, May 18, 2008


You know you're off to a bad start when it's going to be in the triple digits, and as you're driving to work, you realize you forgot to use deodorant.

You know it can only get worse when you get to work and discover that the air conditioning is broken, AGAIN.

And the rotten cherry on top of your shit sundae of a day is the maintenance department not managing to fix the damn a/c until 5:00 PM, when you're getting ready to go home.

One bright spot: the complimentary spray deodorant we have for the just as well for employees in a pinch.

Miss Attitude

Men are not allowed to enter the women's spa, for obvious reasons, so when a male therapist is going to massage a female client, he either goes to the entrance off the gym, knocks on the door (which opens onto the lounge area) and calls the lady's name, or asks M., the ladies' spa attendant, to escort the guest to the back entrance of the spa, which is closer to the cross-gender treatment rooms.

E. did exactly that this afternoon, and as M. handed off the guest to him, E. thanked her. What did the guest do? She struck an "attitude pose", if you know what I mean, and said, "Don't worry about HER, you should be worrying about ME!"

Holy shit! What is wrong with some people? How did thanking a colleague for providing a service take anything away from this guest?

Who knows, I'm baffled.

Sometimes, I wish I were different.

Take tonight, for example.

My friend Liz celebrated her graduation from UNLV this evening. Due to work, I wasn't able to attend the commencement this morning, but I was able to make it to the open house/party at her sister's house this evening.

I'm not a party person. One-on-one, I have the gift of gab, I can talk to anyone and be sincere, because I'm honestly interested in people. But put me in a social situation where I'm surrounded by strangers, and I'm extremely uncomfortable.

Tonight, I walked into the house, greeted my hosts, and was set adrift. Why, why, why can't I LIKE this sort of thing?! I made a real effort, and talked to a bunch of people, but I fear I was babbling. Until my friend Dr. B. showed up and rescued me, THANK GOD! He also went above and beyond by being cool enough to call in a prescription for antibiotics for me, since I'm afraid I'm getting bronchitis (I know the signs).

The food was delicious and homemade, the music was soothing, the night soft and lit by the moon. And (almost) the whole time I was wishing I was home with my dogs.

If Silver had been with me, it might have been different, though I hate to think I might use my daughter as a crutch. But she was marching with her school band at the Helldorado Parade, and was unable to be there.

Oh, well. I guess I just have to accept myself for who and how I am, instead of wishing for the moon. I'm a homebody and a borderline hermit, and dammit, I like it!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ah hab a code...

my first one in a year, so please excuse the light blogging.

Two amusing bumper stickers I noticed over the past two days:

If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk!


And on the eighth day, God created Marines

I had to have some blood work drawn early this morning, and as I was driving through the parking lot toward the exit, I noticed a man slumped on his side in the grass that divided the parking area from the sidewalk. I was all prepared to call 911 and administer whatever first aid or CPR was necessary, but he told me he was okay! I guess he was just sleeping off the night before...

Monday, May 12, 2008

You know your pup has had a good time at the dog park...

When this


is all you see of him afterward!

My bleak.

Granted, it was slow today at the spa, but lately it's been like that far too often.
All totalled, my two-and-a-half hours of massage earned me, before taxes, $143.28. Plus a whopping $5.00 tip.

Two weeks from now, a day identical to today will get me $80.60. Before taxes. That's a 43.75% loss in income.

I'm fucked.

I'll try to ride it out, see if business picks up any, but I can only give it so much time before I have to move on.

Big girl panties, where are you?

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Don't worry, this isn't a man-bashing post.

I LOVE men.

There's just one little thing that I noticed today...

You know how sometimes, when a dog farts, it whips its head around in surprise and stares at its ass, as if to say, "Was Did that come from ME?!"

Well, men who get erections when I massage them react exactly the same!

If a client is lying on his back, and I'm massaging his foot and working my way up his leg, and out of the corner of my eye I see his head shoot up off the table as he looks down his body, I don't even have to look at his crotch to know what I'll see...

Smart Puppies!

My dogs are very, very smart. They figured out within a day or two what it means when I put on my beat-up, velcro park!

I love my pups.

Speaking of the dog park, the other evening, while Harley and Tucker were play-fighting and their hackles were raised all along their spines, a man came up to me and actually asked whether they were Rhodesian!

Sunny Lucas would be appalled!

She could eat my Italian Greyhounds as a snack, then look around for some pork treats.

I set the guy straight pretty darn quickly. Amateur.

Saturday, May 10, 2008


Made you look!

Actually, the title refers to a conversation I had with a gal at work today, concerning push-up bras. I contended it's false advertising, you know, you go in a room together and get naked, the bra comes off...*fwoooosh*, good-bye perky boobies!

Disappointment ensues.

She completely disagreed with me, saying that since you're not padding your bra with anything, it's NOT false advertising...her exact words were, "You're just taking the girls out for a walk!"


What do you think?

Friday, May 09, 2008

Good news/Bad news

The good news first, 'cause I'm just like that.

I had my last algebra class today before our final next week, we got our tests back from Tuesday, I got a 101 out of a possible 109 points, I made a couple of bone-headed mistakes, oh well. HOWEVER...I calculated that I could get a 30 on my final and still get an "A" as my final grade!

Woo-hoo! Of course, being me, I can't NOT try my absolute best to get an A on the final, anyway. Even though I don't need it.

Now the bad news.

The following memo was waiting for my in my distro-box at work (today was my Monday):

(NO salutation!)

Effective May 30, 2008 there will no longer be an hourly wage for all service providers. We are moving forward with the 30 percent commission. You will receive one extra percent per year you have been with the company up to 35 percent. You will continue to receive your health benefits and paid time off as long as you are on property for 32 hours per week. Providers will continue to clock in and out and will be responsible for maintaining your hourly count. We are working diligently to make sure this is a profitable transition for you and the company. If you have any questions please feel free to see me or ________. Sincerely, ___________

Basically I'll be losing a boat-load of money every paycheck. Yes, the commission has increased...from 25%! That doesn't make up for what we're losing. Not to mention that I'll only be making money when we're busy. If I don't get any services, I don't get paid. I'm really, really glad we keep our benefits, believe me! I'm in the middle of orthodontia, and it would suck if everything came out-of-pocket all of a sudden. Not to mention I have some surgery planned as well.

If only people tipped better, that would make a big difference!

Well, I had my schedule changed so I have three days off per week. Time to find a part-time job.


Thursday, May 08, 2008

I'm sorry, I have failed you...

I've fallen off the "no caffeine"-wagon....*sob*...forgive me?

Over the past week, I've had the occasional cup of coffee. I just can't seem to give it up completely, dammit!

Oh, well. Having at least one vice keeps me from being utterly boring, I guess.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Teh Awesome!

Silver and I went to a matinee viewing of "Iron Man" today.

It totally kicked ASS!!!

That's my review.


So, can anyone tell me a good way to let someone behind you know that their headlights are off?

I think I scared a poor woman while leaving school this evening, and she drove off on her merry way, with no lights.


Monday, May 05, 2008

Dear Ms. B.L.,

I don't care that you're a lawyer. Nor do I care that you're wearing a rock the size of a jaw breaker on your finger, and several more around your neck.

You, my dear, are uncouth. It's bad enough that you didn't wash your hands after you used the toilet, but then to touch ME on the neck to show me where your problem areas are, with your disgusting, germy hands...*shudder*.

I'll have you know that only the fact that I'm a professional kept me from shrieking in horror when your fingers touched my neck, and that my flesh was crawling during the entire massage.

I couldn't wait for the massage to be over, because immediately afterwards I ran to our utility sink and scrubbed my neck and shoulders with a soapy wash-cloth. I hated giving you my business card, even though you asked for one, because I hope I never have to massage you again.

And a two-dollar tip, on top of that? Adding insult to injury, really. (BTW, I split your oh-so-generous tip between the two front desk people, because I didn't want those two dollar bills in my purse, bad tip-karma, dontcha know!)

And the young lady who was in the spa at the same time as you? You know, the gal with the tattoos, facial piercings and black-painted toe nails? SHE washed her hands after going to the bathroom, and I'd rather massage her than you ANY day.

Thank you, that is all.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Freudian slip...?

I have a little routine speech at the beginning of every massage, you know, instructions to the client, etc. It usually goes something like this:

"I'd like you to start face-down on the table, between the sheets, with your face in the face rest...blah, blah, blah."

What I instead said to a client today, who, physically at least, was pretty much my ideal man:

"I'd like you between the sheets..."


I just kept on babbling, hoping he hadn't noticed (and praying his WIFE, who was getting a massage in the same room, hadn't noticed), then escaped to wait outside of the room while both of them got situated.

As I stood outside in the hallway, one thought was running through my mind while I waited for my blush to fade: Blog-fodder!

Friday, May 02, 2008


I had a busy day today (yay, money!), but only two clients stand out in my memory.
The first was a lady who'd never had a massage before (yay, massage newbies!), and she had booked a package that included a 25-minute shoulder, neck, and back massage.
I believe I've mentioned the nifty rolling stools we therapists have in each treatment room; we use them at the end of the massage, when we're doing the neck, face, and scalp. When not in use, the stools are usually shoved as far under the table as they'll go, at the head of the table, underneath the face rest the clients use...

Yup, my client left a puddle of drool on my stool (ha! A rhyme...I'm a poet and didn't know it!). I laughed my ass off when I saw it, luckily before I sat down. Thankfully this was after the session had ended, otherwise, had I needed to use the stool during the massage, I probably wouldn't have seen the drool in the dark and would have sat on it.

The other client was only remarkable in her toes. I don't think I've mentioned it HERE, but I really, really am disturbed by French pedicures. They creep me out for some reason. Not only did this lady have one, but her toes were freakishly long and thin. Maybe it's just that I'm used to seeing the typical, stubby toes that sorta have a ball at the end, but to me, her toes looked very weird.

Well, that's today's client wrap-up! Otherwise a lucrative yet uneventful day.


I got pretty much nuthin' to blog about. It's all been the same-old, same-old. I have my last chapter test in algebra next Tuesday, then my final (gulp!) the following Tuesday. I'm not too worried, I just need to study a bit, should be fine.
Oh, and my schedule at work is changing as of the 16th. I'll be working four tens (Sat-Tue), and have W-Th-F off! Hopefully I can handle the ten-hour-shifts...
Other than these extremely fascinating and informative items for your delectation, I have nothing to report.