Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Yes, Ms. Walmart Cashier Lady, pickles are indeed former cucumbers. I know it's weird, but that doesn't make it untrue.

Random Ramblings...

sorry about the lack of posting lately. First it was school kicking my ass, then I was on vacation, now work is the culprit! It's our busy post-holiday season, where everyone is either running to the spa to try to recover from Christmas madness, or they're redeeming gift cards they received as presents. So I was asked to work extra days and extra hours at our flagship spa this week and next. Yay, money! But man, I'm beat already, and I'm not even half-way through the insanity.

ANYWAY, I do have some posts up my sleeves, so to speak, but here are some random thoughts and events I decided to share with my faithful readers:

-there's another dog that likes to join us on our walks on occasion now. At least I know *this* one's not supposed to be loose. She's a young, beautiful mini-schnauzer named Jasmine. Pretty sad that the owners keep "accidentally" letting her slip out the door. It would be tragic if she got run over.

-can you think of any good reason a grown woman should use the phrase "tee-tee" to refer to urination? I didn't think so...

-my pets' medical purgatory is finally over. Called the vet today and was informed that Harley's fungal culture was negative, after waiting three weeks for the results. *WHEW* HUGE sigh of relief. This has been an on-going saga of quarantine, keeping the kittens separate from the dogs, 24/7. Making sure no cross-contamination occurred. Shit, first it was ringworm (then CONTINUING ringworm on my dogs, then just Harley), then tapeworms (one kitten), then earmites (both kittens), then tapeworms AGAIN (the *other* kitten), it just seemed never-ending. Now, finally, I can open the doors and let the cats into my room. Let the dogs out into the living room, let all the critters play together. It's a really good feeling.

-Silver and I were at Walmart after work today, and as we were about to push our cart across an aisle, we had to stop at the last moment to let a young boy cross in front of us, lest we smash into him. When he glanced to his left and saw us, he hastily murmured, "Excuse me!" and hurried past. As Silver and I continued on down the cereal aisle, she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye and said, "My faith in humanity has been restored! That kid said, 'Excuse me!'"
I laughed.

-I read today at Cracked.com about a giant catfish called the goonch catfish of the Kali River that EATS PEOPLE. Pulls 'em right under the surface and chomps them dead. I don't know about you, but I find that seriously fucked up. And creepy. I didn't know catfish had teeth, for God's sake! When I mentioned my dismay to Silver about a man-eating fish, she looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, Mom? SHARKS are fish, you know..."

Duh, I knew that! To me, somehow, a man-eating, river-dwelling catfish is way worse.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone reading this has a truly wonderful Christmas Day. Full of love and joy, because as a wise friend told me, family and love are what really matter on this day.


Our Chibi-tree. And yes, the wreath has a picture of Chibi-Silver in the middle! It was a decoration she made for us in first grade. The tree is alive and was a gift given with love by dear friends who knew I didn't have one. To me, receiving this tree is what Christmas is all about.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Wednesday was special...

because I spent some time with two lovely ladies. My daughter Silver:


And Holly:


Snark flew, hilarity ensued, and much food was consumed.

Thanks for introducing us to a wonderful new (to us) eatery, Holly!

We'll have to get together again real soon. And I still owe you that massage...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Almost Christmas...

and I wanted to share my very favorite German Christmas carol, "Es ist ein Ros' Entsprungen". I found this version on Youtube, by the Thomanerchor from Leipzig. What makes it so remarkable to me is that this is the exact same arrangement my school choir used when we performed it so many years ago. *sigh* I miss singing. But at least I can sing along with this, I don't think the choir will mind!

I hope you enjoy it!

Just because you're cute...

won't spare you my WRATH if you ask the wrong question!


Monday, December 20, 2010

I'm a respecter of age...

which is why I didn't boot you in the head. I'm sorry if you found my request that you and your companion refrain from jabbering during "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" unreasonable. I thought "Ladies, could you please not talk during the movie. Thanks," was perfectly polite. Replying with "There are plenty of other seats in the theater!" was unacceptable, especially since Silver and I were there first. Also, I'm happy that this was your "special outing", but if all you wanted to do is talk, you should have gone to a cafe. If you desire to give a movie the MST3K treatment, or if one of you needs explanations for everything, rent a dvd and stay home.


One year ago today I rolled into town, driving a gigantic rental truck with Silver trailing behind in my car. I was so happy to leave Las Vegas behind, and I'm still grateful, especially when I read about the state of the economy there.

There have been some upheavals along the way, including another move (and the acquisition of a MUCH better roommate in the process) and the addition of two kittens to my family.

I've had one job the whole time, but two others have come and gone. Such is the massage business.

I've gone back to school and managed to get pretty good grades, all leading me to be able to apply for nursing school in the spring.

Most importantly, I've been able to connect with dear friends and make new ones. And that's the best part of all.

Am I happier than I was one year ago? You bet your ass. Immeasurably so.

That's all that matters.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Overheard at the Spa...

Overly loud, obnoxious client, who's possibly drunk: "Yeah, I got lower back pain and pain in my butt-tocks...so don't be afraid to touch me there!"

Me, thinking: "Don't worry, Buster. Your ass doesn't scare me!"

Saturday, December 18, 2010

For all you non-Facebookers...

I have my final grades for the semester, w00t!

Microbiology: 97

Anatomy and Physiology I: 94

Oh, and I had a voicemail from the college yesterday, they'd like me to tutor A&P I next semester...yikes!


likes my pillowcase and the pillow inside it...


Harley is a weird dog, but I love him!

Friday, December 17, 2010



You know you're tired when...

Overheard in the car at OHMYGOD o'clock last night, coming home from picking up Silver at the airport:

Me: I've spent water like money the last two days.

Silver: *blink blink*

Me: ...

Me: Oh, you know what I mean!

Silver: *laughing uproariously*

Momentous occasion...

Captured after I got to work, since I didn't want to plow into anyone while I was driving. Of course, now that my warranty is kaputt, I'm assuming that my vehicle will rapidly follow.


Here's hoping I'm wrong!


Edited: Thanks to my daughter, I was able to upload a better copy of the pic onto Photobucket. Silver comes in handy! ;)

Thursday, December 16, 2010


I'm sure I'll tarnish my halo in your eyes, Faithful Readers, but I just had to mention this...it's incredibly sad and fucked up to see horrendously ugly identical twins.

It's unfair of me to say it, you can't help what you look like (to a huge degree, anyway), and it shouldn't make any difference at all, but when you see an ugly person (and I mean REALLY ugly), then BOOM, another person who looks *exactly* like that ugly person walking right behind him/her, something in your brain malfunctions until all you can do is continuously whimper, "Mommy, make it stop!"

Just thought I'd share this observation.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm back!

I had the Best. Vacation. EVAR.

I did a little too much of everything, which is always awesome.

And I massaged my youngest client to date, a charming five-year-old who had us in stitches as she moaned, in her piping voice, "Ohhhhhhhh, dis feews SO GOOOOOOOD! I'm da Queen of Wewaxation!"

I had tears running down my face, I was (silently) laughing so hard.


Now it's back to work, back to the gym, back to making better food choices (*ahem*)...and in two days Silver will be here to help me celebrate Christmas, yay!

I see Y'all did leave some bacon for me...thanks!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Wow. How time flies when you're getting old having fun!

My babies are seventeen today! SEVENTEEN. One more year until they're legally adults. That's scary.

Tally is the older, by 21 agonizing minutes. (Yes, I say it that way EVERY TIME. I'm the mom, I'm allowed.)

Then there's Chaos.

Two beautiful, smart, talented young women whom I'm proud to call my daughters.

Every parent should be so lucky.

Happy Birthday, Babies! I'm so proud of you. I love you very much.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010


Well, stick a fork in me, I'm done.

My last final is over and I'm getting out of here tomorrow. I expect to be AFK for about a week, but I will be checking my email.

So take care of the joint for me, will ya?

Just don't eat all the bacon. That's for me.

Go fuck yourself with a Saguaro.

And I mean that with all sincerity, AARP!


Great, first creepy old men hitting on me, then I get THIS in the mail! And no, I don't want the free travel bag with AARP emblazoned on it, either. Because I really don't want to walk around with a bag that screams, "Yes, I'm an old fart."

Now get off my lawn!

Yes, I'm aware I used ghetto photoshop.

And yes, I'm really mailing that back to them.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Public Service

I thought I'd help y'all out on a sucky Monday, and everyone could use a CPR refresher, right?

So make with the clicky, already!

H/T to B, who emailed me the link.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Creep Factor Eleven

I was hustling into the hotel this morning on my way to the spa just as an older gentleman exited. He shivered ostentatiously and said "Brrrrr!"
I replied, "Yeah, it's FREEZING today!" (Note to self: Refrain from talking to random strangers.)
Guy looked me up and down and said in the smarmiest, most suggestive tone EVAR, "Makes you want to...snuggle up with someone..."

I put on the turbo as I passed him and tossed over my shoulder, "Yeah, like my DOGS!"

Friday, December 03, 2010

Silent Sentinel

As I perambulate my way around the trailer park with my dogs, I often notice a shadow trailing us. I'm never alarmed, because this shadow has become familiar to me.

It's somebody's dog that roams free 24/7. He's a Pembroke Welsh Corgi mix, looks close to breed standard, except for having floppy ears.

He's eerily quiet; as a matter of fact, I've never heard him make any sound at all, ever.

But he likes to follow us around. He pees where my dogs pee yet never comes close enough for me to pet him. My dogs totally ignore him, which is VERY odd, since normally they go ape-shit and try to play with every dog they see. Maybe they've gotten used to our shadow, too.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010


That's the huge sigh of relief I heaved last night as I was driving back from campus.

Yesterday was the worst crunch day for Microbiology EVAR. Last lecture exam. Final lab exam. Presentation to give. Completed lab notebook to turn in. Extra credit paper due.

BUT I DID IT ALL. And I'm pretty confident that I totally kicked ass. I really liked our group presentation on Mycobacterium tuberculosis. As our intro, we stood in front of the class, and I shouted "Head's UP! Every second of every day, someone in the world is infected with Mycobacterium tuberculosis...and today is *YOUR* unlucky day!"

Then all four of us tossed out snack-sized packs of Mike and Ike (representing the rod-shaped bacterium), and we also tossed out six fuzzy microbes into the crowd, just to mix things up a bit. It was a big hit. We were the third of six presentations, and we needed to wake up the class. No worries, we tossed out some Hot Tamales candies later on, representing the most common medicine for TB. ;)

Now I only have my Micro final next Tuesday to look forward to, but since according to my calculations I only need to get a 22 on said final to get an A in the entire class, I'm not sweating it!

I'm all done with A&P, thankfully. As far as I know, I have an A in that class as well, but I'll be able to check my grade tomorrow. w00t!

So. Happy.

Now I can look forward to my winter break, and then next semester is A&P II and Statistics. Then in the spring I'll be eligible to apply for the nursing program.

Everything is falling into place, and it's really nice when some things do go according to plan.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Who doesn't want them?

If you don't, I don't wanna know you!

Unless you're my daughters, in which case, carry on! Talk to me in about ten years or so. ;)

Another classic...

Yes, yes...I know it's filler. Bear with me for a bit longer, my friends...a week and a half and I'm all DONE.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope all my friends and family are having a simply lovely, marvelous Thanksgiving. Lots of food and laughter, with quiet moments of contemplation here and there. Remember, it *IS* a day for reflection.

So take some time off from griping about stuff and instead focus on the positive. I'm sure you'll find something you are very thankful for, I know I do.

I'm thankful for all of you. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that I live in the United States of America, despite everything still the best damn country in the world.

And I'm really thankful that in two weeks this semester will be over...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My subconscious...

is fucking with me.

We had our final review in Microbiology lab last night, since our lab exam is next Tuesday. We went over all the Protozoa and Helminths that are pathogenic to humans, and our lab instructor had all the slides out for us to look at in preparation for our test.

So what did I dream about last night? My test. But when I entered the lab in my dream, instead of three or four microscopes set up at every table, there were small, white dessert plates with colorful blobs of unidentifiable substances on them. And we were supposed to look at said blobs with the naked eye and determine what critter was being shown.


I hate my subconscious.

Monday, November 22, 2010


my daughter's new blog!

If you'd like to follow along in the day of a high school student who goes to a Department of Defense school overseas, leavened with a judicious helping of snark, head on over to "What Happened at School Today?" and read TallyAngel's adventures.

I enjoy 'em, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Final Countdown...

to the end of the semester. Sorry, I know the blogging has been pretty spotty lately, and it's only going to get worse over the next few weeks, as it's crunch time at school.

So bear with me, please!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Help Evie!

My good friends Unix-Jedi and Dixie from the GBC have the most adorable little tot you can imagine, and her name is Evie.


Check your blood sugar levels immediately, 'cause I predict a spike!

They have entered Evie in a cuteness contest at Gerber, and they need more votes for her to win! She'll get a nice scholarship and be featured in advertisements for Gerber...so help her out, please!

Go to this link and vote. You can vote daily until the end of the month, so make it part of your daily routine. Yes, you have to enter an email address and verify, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? You're ensuring that the cutest and most deserving baby wins, and you're making me happy! Don't you want to make me happy? Please?

You know you want to...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hit me...

with your best shot...

Fire away!

Monday, November 15, 2010

C is for cookie

that's good enough for me!

I've had Cookie Monster on the brain lately, maybe because it's winter, and I'm craving all sorts of things that are BAD for me to eat. Dammit. I'm being a good girl, though...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Shamelessly stolen from my own Facebook...

GODDAMN, PEOPLE! Turning yourself into old shoe leather is NOT attractive. Is it some kind of body dismorphic disorder that people who obsessively tan can look at themselves in the mirror and say, "Damn! I look fiiiiiiine. All youthful and with a healthy glow...thanks to my TAN!" when in reality they look like hairless Shar-peis?

Because I'm tired and lazy. :D

Friday, November 12, 2010

Note(s) to self...

If at all possible, avoid I-35 during rush hour.

Also, when massaging a slumming goddess, or possibly (since I might be wrong) a Valkyrie, it behooves one to remember that some legs DO go on forever, and to schedule time accordingly. While the client might appreciate the extra time, the front desk person who ends up having to stay late will NOT.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Veteran's Day

I called my twenty-something-ish boss yesterday to see if we'd be getting paid today, as we are every other Thursday. You know, because it's a holiday...?

She asked, slightly bewildered, "What holiday is it?"


I might have let my disbelief show a little too much in my response of, "Veteran's Day!", because she quickly apologized to me.

To my Dad, my uncle, both my brothers. To all currently serving, and those who've honorably served in the past.

Thank you. Thank you for your service. Thank you for keeping us safe, and helping make this country great.

To everyone else out there, take a moment and thank a vet. Take a moment to reflect on their sacrifices. Be grateful.

Like we really should be EVERY DAY, not just on November 11th.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


The next piece of shit, motherfucking, microcephalic pinhead who PUTS ON THE BRAKES when entering the freeway on-ramp, instead of accelerating in preparation for merging with traffic, is getting my bumper so far up his ass, he'll be burping in Korean for the rest of his short, pathetic, perpetually coitus-free life.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Weirdest job...

A first for me today: got a client's leg hair stuck in the side of my finger like a splinter. It STUNG, too. It was mostly broken off, and I needed tweezers to yank it out. Too weird.

Sometimes in the middle of a massage, I'll think..."Wow, I'm getting paid to rub my hands and arms all over this naked person. That's truly bizarre..."

Not the post I was planning on writing.

I was massaging a lady last night whom I took to be in her late fifties, early sixties.

As I draped her leg, I noticed a star tattoo on her instep and started to mentally compose a funny post about how startling it is to find tattoos on older women.

Then, as we were chatting, she mentioned her age: 46...whoops! There goes THAT blogpost, I thought.

As the massage continued, we started talking about kids and grandkids, and how simultaneously awesome and scary it was to have kids at a young age. We ended up debating the ideal age difference for siblings, and she admitted that her two youngest children were only 10.5 months apart.

I couldn't help asking, curiously,

"Wow, did you think you couldn't get pregnant while breastfeeding?"

"Not exactly," she said.

Then, after a slight hesitation, "My husband wasn't one you said 'no' to," she stated flatly.

That statement, and her delivery, hit me with the force of a blow.

I hear a lot of things while giving massages, some of them are funny, some heartbreaking, and I usually only blog about the funny or touching ones, because that's the kind of blog I have.

Not this time.

Several outstanding bloggers have posted about rape recently, and these posts, and the accompanying comments, have stayed on my mind. Go read their posts, if for some reason you haven't yet, because they are far more articulate than I am. I just want to add one thing.


That applies if it's some drunk chick you pick up in a bar. It applies regardless of what she's wearing. And it CERTAINLY also applies to the woman you vowed to love and cherish, the woman who wears your wedding band.


Saturday, November 06, 2010

Another LOL

Last night, as I was loading the washer, which happens to be right outside my roomie's bedroom, I heard him say, "Muppet?!" in a tone of mingled surprise and dismay...what does it say about me that I *immediately* knew to what he was referring?


I know, I know...it's mean to laugh, but I can't help it! At least I didn't laugh right in front of her...
the gal who sits next to me in Microbiology, I mean. Who proudly showed off her very first, brand-new tattoo...

"I solemny swear I am up to no good."

*I* solemnly pointed out the missing "l"...

The poor gal quite deflated at that. Am I a bitch? Don't answer that!

Friday, November 05, 2010


Two years ago today, I had bariatric surgery. I had a lap-band placed, and I think it's one of the best, if not THE best, things I've ever done for myself.

I went from here:

to here:

and in the process regained my health and my zest for life.

I don't deny myself any food that I really want, but I do eat far more mindfully now, and often enough just asking myself, "Is it really worth it?" suffices to stop me from eating something I really shouldn't.

That's one big milestone. Another one that I completely spaced is my four-year blogiversary, which passed unnoticed a few weeks ago. Go, me!

Both things, weight-loss surgery and blogging, have transformed my life immeasurably. I've made the best friends I've ever had through blogging, and I can't picture how dull and dreary my life would be without you all. So thank you for being my friends, all you bloggy people out there! Whether you lurk without commenting, read and comment, or blog yourselves, you are ALL appreciated.


There's a kiss for each and every one of you!

I have been COMMANDED, by a certain lovably bossy someone who shall remain nameless, to add the following photo to this blogpost.


Thursday, November 04, 2010


So, I did do extremely well on my A & P exams. 194 out of 200 on my lecture exam, 151 out of 150 on my lab practicum. W00T!

I only need 150 more points to get an A in the whole class, so I don't even need to take the final nor the last lab test (they drop the lowest grade, so I don't need to take 'em, LOL)

I'm really happy, mainly because I don't have to stress about it anymore. An A is really necessary for applying to nursing school, especially at my school.

In other news, I got to mess around with sheep brains last night, identifying the gross anatomy. That was fun!

I'm Jealous

A friend and I had a conversation about jealousy earlier today, and it made me think of the song by Shania Twain. Not good for working out to, but a great song nonetheless.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Exercised my right, with pleasure!


I had the choice between paper or electronic ballot, and I chose paper...just for the sheer satisfaction I felt while filling in the little rectangle next to the NON-incumbent candidates with black ink, making sure every little corner was completely covered. FUN!

Now it's back to the report on Human Herpesvirus 1 & 2, due this afternoon...YIKES!

Monday, November 01, 2010

All dressed up...

and no place to go!

Got all snazzed up in costume last night to hand out candy to the kids in the trailer park, only to discover that the kids in the trailer park LEAVE the trailer park to go trick-or-treating.


Oh, well...at least I looked good!

Here, what do you think?



(yes, the costume is [mostly] from last year, I'm cheap! And yes, I guess this could be construed as fishing for compliments. Well, fuck it! Why the hell not?)

Saturday, October 30, 2010


your client doesn't walk away feeling better. Sometimes, they get off the table in more pain than before the massage.

I hate it when that happens.

"Im Westen Nichts Neues..."

Nothing much going on here, in the House of (Lucrative) Pain. I *think* I did really well on my Anatomy & Physiology exams, but I'll know for sure next Wednesday.

Oh, and I picked up two regular shifts at our flagship spa in another town not too far away. Thursdays and Fridays, almost doubling my hours, w00t!

Other than that, it's been quiet. Oh, except that my kittens have earmites. *sigh* Is this veterinary odyssey never going to end?

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Nuge...

knew what he was talking about.
And considering that I'm learning about toxoplasmosis in microbiology right now, I find this song oddly appropriate. And it just plain rocks.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Had my first Microbiology Lab Practicum today...120 out of 100!!! (Yes, I did the bonus questions...it's always good to have some extra points!)

I totally did a happy dance when I found out I had gotten everything right! *squeeeee*

Now here's hoping I can do the same tomorrow in A & P.

Oh, and the Unknown I identified? Bacillus subtilis.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Comes First!

If you're like most people I know, you are sick, sick, SICK of all the Christmas schlock being peddled before the smoke from the last Labor Day barbecue has fully dissipated. My friend Jim makes his case very eloquently as to why this practice needs to be stopped. Not by meddling with legislation or anything silly like that, but by making our disgust with this practice, and our desire for some respect for the holidays, known.

Post about it.

Link to his post.

Google "Thanksgiving Comes First".

Patronize merchants like Nordstrom, who don't decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving, and boycott those who do (if possible, of course). Write letters to corporate headquarters!

Spread the word, basically, that Christmas should mean more than being able to buy tinsel along with your Halloween costume.



Besides, anyone who digs Mr. Rogers is more than okay in my book and deserves support. :)

Monday, October 25, 2010


Shake it, Baby!

I remember dancing to this...of course I was in elementary school. I LOVED DISCO. And I'm not ashamed of it, either. :D

"I'm hot, sticky-sweet..."

"from my head to my feet, yeah!"

More cheese, what can I say? Hair bands are great for it!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Another one loaded with cheese...

Hoobastank, "Inside of You".

I totally rocked out to this song (among others) while doing the dishes yesterday. Thank God for my iPod, otherwise no housework would get done (by me, anyway...poor Mulligan, if that were the case!).

Friday, October 22, 2010


is totally kicking my ass. I'm only taking two classes plus the accompanying labs, but still. I don't know how students with a full class load do it. I'm sorry about the dearth of posts, or at least more content-heavy posts (not that I'm known for particularly content-heavy posts, but you know what I mean!), but school is definitely the reason for that dearth.

In other news, walking through freshly-fallen, crunchy leaves is FUN! I'd forgotten about that after living in the desert for so many years. :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My daughter knows me too well...

My oldest child showed unerring accuracy when she sent me the following song with the email subject "I have now found the perfect song for you". It describes me to a T, though I'm trying to break myself of the procrastination habit. And I'll stick to coffee or tea, not hot cocoa! Anyway, it's in Japanese, but there are English lyrics at the top of the screen.

Aerosmith ROCKS!

And is just the slightest bit cheesy.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Most excellent post...

by a very special young lady! And the song she showcases is pretty frickin' awesome, too. Albeit disturbing. :D

Go, read, and please disregard the cussing. Hey, like mother, like daughter! Didn't know potty-mouth was inheritable...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Tuesday Haiku

fragrance; beauty to behold.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Shut down. Cold.

My sometimes-nemesis at work, LINDA, has been harassing everyone at the spa to sign up for some lovely "business opportunity" (aka "pyramid scheme"), and she had yet to tackle me. Maybe she was saving the best for last? Who knows what goes on in the mind of LINDA. Anyway, she was getting ready to leave, while I was futzing around on my laptop, with our colleague Elisha also sitting at the table in the breakroom, texting away.

I felt LINDA looming next to me and glanced over to see her officiously holding a clipboard and poised pen.

"Christina, would you mind giving me your cellphone number?"


"Okay!" (Pen still poised, ready to write.) "Oh, you mean you would mind giving me your number?"


"Um, do you have an email address?"

"Yes. But I'm not going to give it to you, and I'm not interested in your 'business opportunities', either."

(Sputtering now.) "But, but what if I need to get in touch with you?"

"For WHAT?"

"Spa business?"

"The spa has my number."

Finally vanquished, she retreated in disarray, slinking off to wherever LINDA lurks when not annoying me.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Elisha burst out laughing, "That was AWESOME!"

I demurred, explaining how hard it had been for me to overcome early indoctrination in people-pleasing politeness.

Elisha said with a smile, "That it was so hard for you makes it even MORE awesome!"

"Well, I'm forty years old. If I haven't learned by now how to stick to my guns, I might as well pack it in.

"You have ten years on me, that gives me a decade to grow some big, brass, Christina-Balls!"

For which I had no reply but laughter.


I've loved this song for a long time, had never seen the video for it until this morning. While I'm no longer a disaffected youth, I still say "scream your heart out!" Why the fuck not? Whether you have something you want to get off your chest, or whether you're so happy, you want to let the world know, just shout it out!

Try not to think badly of all the emo children in the video (I include the band!), I was once emo, too. Before they even called it that! Ask me about my emo poetry sometime. It made my kids laugh! ;)

Friday, October 15, 2010

Not a very feel good moment...

happened very early yesterday morning, when my three-year-old pup, Harley, had a full-blown grand mal seizure.

My room is very small, so when I'm at my desk on the computer, I'm right up against the bed. I heard a "thump" and saw Harley on the floor. Not an unusual occurrence, since he tends to get tangled up in the sheet or pillow case and take a tumble while trying to get out again.

This time when I glanced over, however, instead of a sheepishly tail-wagging Harley, I saw him splayed out on the floor like a starfish, his tail whipping back and forth as he frantically rubbed his face into the carpet, all four limbs trembling and shaking. I totally freaked out as it seemed to go on forever, but was most likely only seconds.
After he stopped seizing, he tried to get up but was unable to. I tried to set him on his feet, but he just fell over. I picked him up and took with me as I went to my roommate Mulligan's room to ask for help. (Sorry for waking you in the middle of the night, Pal!)
I was well aware that there wasn't really anything he could do to help with Harley, but just having him as a sounding board was very helpful.

Harley was by now at least responding to his name and weakly trying to wag his tail. When I put him down, he was able to stagger a few steps before falling over again.

I made the decision not to take him to the vet, since I knew that nothing could be accomplished by that except wasting my money.

After we went back to my room, I kept Harley on my lap while I hied myself to google to do some research. He just buried his head between my thigh and my elbow, maybe the light was bothering him. I just don't know. This whole situation freaked me the fuck out, and I was near tears as Harley was recovering. The oddest part of it all was Tucker's reaction. He literally got up and moved away whenever the recovering Harley tried to snuggle with him. Totally unheard of behavior in Tucker!

The research showed me that idiopathic epilepsy (scroll down) does crop up in Italian Greyhounds, with an onset between ages 2 to 5 years. I did a TON of research before I settled on this breed, but somehow missed this. Dammit

About an hour after the seizure, Harley was his old self again, and he and Tucker were snuggled up together on the dog bed under my desk.

I was very shaken by this whole ordeal, especially after talking with his vet yesterday morning. There's nothing anyone can do, I'm supposed to just "keep [my] eye on him" and hope for the best. If he has more frequent or more severe seizures (though I can't imagine anything more severe!), he'll have to be put on phenobarbital to control them. Which would fucking suck..

So all this is in addition to the ongoing battle against ringworm, which is one I SEEM to be winning, albeit very slowly. Weekly lime-sulfur dips are the pits. Not to mention stinky. And expensive. *sigh*

Sorry to be all "woe is me", but if I can't vent on my own blog, what good is it?

Hopefully I'll be back with a cheerier topic tomorrow. We'll see.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Feel Good Moment

"I hope you're told every day how amazing you are!"

Well, it never hurts to hear it again! Thank you, Ms. Lesa. :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Epic. Party. Take Two.

Last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with friends old and new. It was Phlegm Fatale's birthday, and we helped her celebrate it in style.

Vine drove quite the distance to meet up with me in Small Town, then we headed over together to Elsewhere, TX, where the shindig was being held.

Here's the infamous flouncy top, with me wearing it, incidentally...


I've been informed that the flounciness doesn't show well in a still photo. Meh.

The food was amazing (especially the Amish Blue Cheese, NOM), the company of the highest caliber, and much fun was had.

Here are some of the attendees:

FarmGirl and Vine.


AepilotJim and Alan.


FarmDad and Farmmom, who brought me some amazing pickles, jellies, and some of the best barbecue sauce I've ever eaten (mmm, chipotle! Thank you, Dixie!).



Evylrobot Michael and Jennifer (such a cute couple!).


WTF? I have no pics of the birthday girl all by herself? Shame on me!

Well, here she is in a group pic; love you, Babe!


Also in attendance, but who avoided my camera, the ever lovely Holly, and her spouse, JPG.

LawDog, naturally. And his brother, Chris!

And I finally got to meet (and massage) Tolewyn, now I can add him to the "Bloggers I've Met" list on my sidebar!

We even recorded Vicious Circle that night, YIKES.

I did chair massage most of the evening, while wearing high-heels and being slightly tipsy. And I sang. While massaging Phlegmmy's feet.

Also, Phlegmmy's couch is supremely comfortable and I was so glad I had called dibs on it earlier!

Saturday we had a very leisurely breakfast and continued the gabfest, which is naturally the best part of any such gathering.

Then I gave the birthday girl her gift, a massage (on the table), with hot stones! w00t!

I also took the opportunity to work on Farmmom's new knee, before the FarmFamily took off for home. I was glad to be able to help.

Finally, round about 5 PM, Vine and I loaded up all my paraphernalia (and it was a LOT), and we headed back to Small Town. Back to the daily grind, and I will just have to sustain myself with the memories of a fantastic party and gathering. Until next time, that is!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Missing a signal?

I massaged a birthday boy yesterday, a young man turning 20. The massage on my schedule was a prenatal massage, but his pregnant girlfriend decided at the last minute to gift him with the service.

It was his first massage, so I guess he was shy (or maybe his girlfriend threatened to shank him), because he kept his boxers on. He also kept on his socks, which I discovered as I undraped his left leg. I asked him if he had athlete's foot, but he demurred, so I asked for permission to take his socks off, which he granted. Left sock, dirty, worn-out, white cotton ankle sock - off. Undrape the right foot... *blink blink*...new, black, woolen knee-sock. Hmmmm. His clothes and shoes were expensive, even I, thrift-store shopper extraordinaire, could tell that much. So what's up with the socks? Is it some strange code that I'm unaware of? Does it mean anything? You tell me.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Alternate universe?

After I had changed into my party clothes, I went over to Mulligan to say good-bye, since I would be gone overnight. He took one look at me, asked me to pirouette for Jack (the FORMER roommate, who was finally there to pick up some [but not ALL] of his crap), and said,

"That is a particularly flouncy top!"

Who are you and what have you done with my roommate?!

Squat Fail

So, Friday morning I'm all psyched up for the epicness that is Phlegmmy's party, so I decide the best thing to do is hit the gym.

Lower body workout day, including squats on the machine. I'm up to 100 pounds now, and was just finishing up my second set of 15, when I pulled a little too hard on the handles, accidentally disengaging the brakes, as it were.

I didn't realize this until the elevator kept going down, down, down...and my knees were up around my ears! I tried to push the bar back up, but had absolutely no leverage. Somehow I managed to eel my way out of my predicament, but did NOT have the upper body strength necessary to push the weight back up far enough to engage the brakes in the proper position. So I had to remove the weights from either side, push the bar back up, lock the brake, add the weights BACK to either side, and do my final set of 15.

I'm so glad the gym was practically deserted and nobody noticed my fail.

Note to self: 1.Don't pull so hard on the handles. 2.Do more upper body workouts, because you are pathetic!

I think a hearing test is in order...

Me: I have Altoids...

Vine: Wait, what?! You have TOYS?!

Me: *blink blink* Not at the moment! ALTOIDS. Sheesh.

Overheard at Phlegmmy's...

"If I had a dick, it would totally be bobbing at you right now, too."

Friday, October 08, 2010


if such a thing even exists! Also parked on my iPod, "Lucifer" by German band "E Nomine"...it has Ominous Latin Chanting PLUS Evil German Lyrics, how could you go wrong with that combination?

In other news, I might be internetless for a couple days, it's PARTY TIME at Phlegmmy's tonight! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PHLEGM!!!!

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Another great song...

...for cardio, Alan. CARDIO.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Thank you, Jennifer!

For posting a beautiful, articulate rant on the vileness that is Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church. I only wish I could write like that!

Go RTWT, people.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

NOT lost in translation...

Had a fun time before microbiology class today, doing an exercise involving twizzlers, toothpicks, and mini-marshmallows...

Check out my DNA and mRNA!


In other news, I think there's a better time and place to discuss one's marital woes than micro lab.

And Mr. K.? "Magnanimous" is NOT synonymous with "Huge". Just sayin'.

In other, OTHER news, another mouse has bit the dust! w00t!

I got chills...

they're multiplyin'!

Another classic, if you ignore the fact that Sandy changes herself completely to win her man...I LOVED this whole movie and all the music in it, the summer I was eight, and since then, too.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Changing my colors...

just for now. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and as Epijunky points out, there are a few things we can do to raise awareness.

One really easy thing is to change your blog color or avatar to something PINK. Which I have done. A few clicks, that's all it took.

Unfortunately, dealing with cancer itself is NOT so easy.

For all the women (and men!) dealing with breast cancer, for all the family, friends, and loved ones of breast cancer victims and survivors, this pink's for you!


Elisha and I just did a couple's massage, and right in the middle, my client asked, "Do y'all make good money doing this?"

How the fuck am I supposed to answer that (and keep my job)? I should have said, "Only if you tip me well..," but instead I laughed and replied, "Enough to live on!"

Then he asked, "Really?"

Some people.


Oh, and he was a crappy tipper, too. Left 5 bucks for each of us. He told the front desk he wanted to leave "10%...split it between 'em." Stingy bastard.

Just like Buzz Lightyear...

And the fucking MICE are Woody.

So, I was getting ready to leave for work this morning, fixing up the wee-wee pads that grace the floor of my bedroom (my dogs REFUSE to go outside with Mulligan, but we're going to work on that this week.)

Right in the middle of one of the pads was a lone mouse turd. Fucker. The mouse trap remains un-sprung, yet at least one mouse is still frolicking in my room while I'm asleep, helping itself to my dogs' food, and giving me the figurative finger.

So I rebaited the trap with crunchy peanut butter (thanks, Y'all, for the suggestion!), and also moved the second trap into the back of the pantry in the kitchen, where mice are also congregating (or so I've heard). Wonder if there will be a corpse or two waiting to greet me when I get home from work today...

Friday, October 01, 2010


I found mouse poop in my closet today while reorganizing it. I also found two unused mousetraps under the kitchen sink. And some cheddar cheese in the fridge. (Gotta go with the classics!)

I'm happy to report that your standard mousetrap works as designed and advertised. And that I disposed of the carcass myself. And now the trap is rearmed (baited with the same hunk of cheese...I'm nothing if not frugal), and placed in the same apparent rodent superhighway at the back of my closet. Let's see if I have any more of the critters running around here, helping themselves to my dogs' food! Speaking of my dogs...WTF? They have been stuck in this room, thanks to the ringworm that I don't want them to give BACK to the kittens, yet they haven't been interested in capturing and/or killing the vermin?! Somebody needs to take their Canine Cards away!

She kicks ASS!

My incredibly brilliant and talented daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, hits one out of the park!



Thursday, September 30, 2010

Monster Hunter Vendetta...

is now available (and has been since Monday...so I'm behind the curve, what're you gonna do about it? ;))!!

I enjoyed the first book in the series, Monster Hunter International tremendously, as did my daughter, Silver, so I can't wait to get my grubby paws on MHV! I just ordered my copy...yay!

Now what the NEXT Monster Hunter book needs is a kick-ass, monster hunting MASSAGE THERAPIST!

Just sayin'...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I only got a B on my Anatomy and Physiology lecture exam. *sigh* I made too many stupid mistakes. I was four points shy of an A, but "close" only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I'll prepare better for the next exam. And get an A. Dammit.

Another EXCELLENT cardio song...

discovered on my iPod today.

They owe it to the WORLD!

After listening to Episode 69 of Vicious Circle, one thing has become crystal clear to me.

The Atomic Nerds owe it to the world to procreate, to have at least ONE special child, just to combat the deleterious effects of all the Hipsters breeding unchecked on this earth.

LabRat, Stingray...can't you SEE? The odds are against us unless you provide us with the fruit of your union! One Atomically Nerdish child balances out at LEAST a million Hipster crotch excrescences.

It's only logical.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

*Happy Dance*

Got my Microbiology exam back this evening...*ahem*...I GOT A 94!!!!!


Let the party begin!

After class, my professor mentioned that I'd gotten the highest score. Wow. I honestly had no idea how I'd done, it was one of the hardest exams I'd ever taken.

I know it's bragging, but this is my blog, dammit! Out of fifty students, 7 "A"'s.

Okay, enough about that, now it's onward to the next exam, A & P tomorrow evening. I already know I got a "B" on the lab portion, which I'm delighted over, as it was completely horrible. Out of 150 students, 7 "A"'s, 17 "B"'s, and 75 "F"'s!!!

It was no fun. I'm just waiting to find out how I did on the lecture portion of the exam. You'll hear it first!

Halestorm...more modern cheese!

I Get Off...

Monday, September 27, 2010

Getting all misty-eyed...

My oldest daughter informed me gleefully last night that she was on her way to her very first D & D campaign. A bunch of her friends got together and decided to start a regular one up. Every Sunday at 7:30. While I'm absolutely thrilled at this development, what made me tear up is the fact that she's using MY DICE, the very ones I used, lo these many years ago, in my own RPG's.

Family heirloom dice. That earns us some serious geek cred right there!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Overheard at the Spa...

New Boss: Yeah, I'm using the new patchouli essential oil as a scent. I really like it! What's patchouli good for, anyway?

Me: I dunno...smelling like a hippie?

D'oh! Yes, I really said that to my new boss. Luckily, she laughed instead of firing me. *whew*

Overheard at the Chinese Buffet...

"They charged me for the HOT WATER? When I brought my own TEA BAGS? Just for that, I'm gonna go barf in their toilet again. Bastards."

This was the SHIT...

when I was 14...;)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Screeching brakes...

So I was at work yesterday until 7 PM. I had NOTHING scheduled, so I was working for free. (Yay. NOT.)

Right at 6 I got a walk-in. Just a thirty-minute back, neck, and shoulder massage. As I read the client's intake sheet, two things stood out. One, she was just twenty, and two, in the space next to "are you pregnant", she'd left "yes" and "no" uncircled and had written in "might be"...

I collected her from the lobby and escorted her back to the treatment room. She was gorgeous and so heart-breakingly young. She looked like a baby to me.

I was thinking as I massaged her, "This girl is MUCH too young to even be daydreaming about having children, what was she thinking?! She's less than a year older than Silver!"

Suddenly my train of thought came to a screeching halt..."Waitaminute! When *I* was her age, I was married and pregnant! I (felt like I) was a grown-up and knew everything there was to know about life. Who the fuck am I to be judging her?"

I finished the massage and silently wished her the best of luck with her "maybe" pregnancy.

A reality check now and then is beneficial in silencing our inner asshole.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Advertising FAIL!

It doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence in your skills when you advertise your business thusly:

All Type!

RePaiR + ReMoDel

Call 123-456-7890!

We do all Type!

And it's written in the DUST ON YOUR REAR WINDSHIELD!!!!

Excellent song for cardio...

and incidentally the ONLY Britney Spears song on my iPod:

Thanks, Silver, for adding this to my songs!

Say WHAT?!

While glancing at my wall calendar to make sure I didn't miss any appointment or commitment today, I noticed that it's the first day of fall. Nifty. Right below this pronouncement, however, there was another:

See You at the Pole Day


Trusty google showed me the way to here, which reveals that SYATPD is a day for students to peacefully gather at their schools' flag poles and pray together.

And here I was thinking it had something to do with strippers.

Must have lived in Vegas too long.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

80's Cheese FTW!

Look at the HAIR!


took my first exam, and it was HARD. So very, very hard. Well, I usually do well on these multiple choice thingies, so we'll see. I'll find out my grade next Tuesday.

BUT, I triumphed in lab today! You know you have no life when the high point of your day (so far) is having your lab instructor look through your microscope at your slide of Mycobacterium smegmatis (did acid-fast testing tonight) and declare, "Beautiful!"


I'm sorry...

Mr. Nice Motorcycle Officer. Yes, I do see that you're flashing your headlights at me, because you want me to get out of your way. But, see? I'm passing a big rig, and I have no desire to get squashed like a bug by moving into his lane RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!

I'll move to the right lane after I have acquired a safe distance from the truck, thankyouverymuch. Then you may be on your way. And yes, you look cute in your uniform. Whatever.



First exam today, in microbiology. Wish me luck, 'cause I'm gonna need it!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Poor Elisha...

There she was, already stifling her giggles because my client was snoring loud enough to shake the (figurative) rafters, when something caught my eye that I just HAD to draw her attention to...

So I poked her in the arm and pointed.

To where my client was pitching quite a respectable tent. While fast asleep. And snoring. With his girlfriend three feet away.

It took all of Elisha's powers of concentration and professionalism not to pee. THAT'S how hard she was laughing! Luckily, we had these heated, herbal eye-pillows covering our clients' eyes, so they were blissfully unaware of Elisha's (silent) meltdown.

Ah, massage therapy. I'll never run out of stories, 'cause the clients keep doing funny shit.

The cheese, will it never stop?!

I can't seem to help myself. Plus, it's easy blog-fodder while I'm studying for my first exams on Tuesday and Wednesday...GULP.

And if Nickelback keeps writing cheesy songs, I guess I'll keep posting them. They're so darn catchy, curse them!

We're all just animals, anyway. Right?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

And the cheesiness continues...

I find some gems on my iPod that had slipped my memory...

Shock me!


If you direct your gaze to your right, you'll notice a new badge on my sidebar...

Lucrative Pain made a top fifty list!!!!

Massage Therapy Programs has named my humble little blog one of the top fifty massage blogs on the internet. Wow.

I didn't even know there were fifty massage blogs out there!


I'm truly honored, and simultaneously left scratching my head, but will not look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

I MADE A TOP FIFTY LIST!!! W0000000000T!

Overheard at the hotel...

...while walking down a service corridor, emanating from a radio hanging off the belt of a young, skinny dude...

"Mike? Calling Mike! Mike, do you copy? Your popsicles are in the office!"

I swear to God, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Constant Craving...

no, not the k d lang song, the following picture!


It's a perfect illustration of how I feel sometimes. Thanks, Brigid!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Exceedingly cheesy...

yet equally catchy. Nickelback's "Something in your Mouth".

Decaffeination Modification...

Okay, I'll admit it. I failed. I can't seem to completely cut caffeine out of my life, no matter how hard I try. BUT, I'm limiting myself to ONE cup of half-caf, only on Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons, because of school. I can't stay awake for three hours of lecture and two hours of lab without it.


Let the mocking commence! ;)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Ah, memories...

I was leaving the gym just now, which happens to be located across the street and down a bit from the local high school. The marching band drumline was practicing outside, and I was instantly thrust back to Las Vegas, attending Silver's high school football games.

Good times. :)

I'm finally getting the hang of it!

Microscopy, that is. :D

Last night, in microbiology lab, I Gram stained and located (in FOCUS!) three critters:

Mycobacterium smegmatis

Staphylococcus aureus

Escherichia coli


The E. coli took me about thirty seconds to find. I'm so happy!

In other news, it's hilarious watching my dogs play tag outside, especially since I'm "base".

Oh, and in other, OTHER news, I had a fantastic workout yesterday and did (among other things) 135 crunches. GO, ME!

Progressive Quiz...

I scored 128, which for some reason I can't seem to be able to cut/copy and paste here, so I'll just link to the quiz itself!

On some things I'm very conservative, on others I'm very liberal. Don't try to make sense of it! :D

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Massage Haiku

Oh what should you do
When your client flirts with you?
I don't have a clue.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


despite the ominous start to the day, it didn't turn out half-bad! And on my way out to the car after work, I saw a beautiful butterfly and it made me smile.


...I don't think walking face-first through a giant spiderweb first thing in the morning is a GOOD omen for the rest of the day, but I'll take what I can get!

I still have spiderwebs stuck in my eyelashes...:D


The incredible and witty Lissa sent me an oh-so-appropriate link in the comments, I just had to share it with y'all!

Friday, September 10, 2010


I love this song by the Wilkinsons SO MUCH. It's beautiful, and I love the harmonies. Go and listen, see if you like it, too.


Miracles can happen. Things can change.

Even the stupidest people can be taught the error of their ways. Imagine that.


Victory is mine, and it tastes sweet. :)

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Best wishes to Farmmom!

Farmmom of Blogorado fame is going in to have knee replacement surgery tomorrow morning. She's the sweetest, kindest, yet feistiest lady I know, so please send her your best thoughts, wishes, prayers.

Best of luck, Farmmom! Love you! :)

I'd think twice about parking here...

if I weren't a customer!


Note to self...

If the kitten decides to sit on my lap while I'm drinking my morning mug of (decaf!) tea, it behooves me to remove the motherfucking teabag. Otherwise kitten will think the dangling tag and string are a toy, and yank the motherfucking teabag OUT of the mug, splashing hot tea all over himself and MY LAP.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

"I just knew..."

It's 1974, a few weeks before high school graduation. She's a sophomore, fifteen years old.

She sees a boy she's never noticed before going into the band room, turns to her girlfriend and says matter-of-factly, "That's the boy I'm going to marry."

She doesn't even know his name.

After the high school graduation ceremony, which everyone in this small town attends, he comes over to her and asks, "When are you comin' to see me," and explains he's working as a lifeguard at the pool over the summer to help earn money for college. She demurs. She still doesn't know his name.

She waits until the end of June to go to the pool since she doesn't want to seem too eager. He immediately notices her sitting with her feet dangling in the water and on his next break heads over to her and asks, "What are you doin' tonight, besides going out with me?"

She replies, "Well, I guess I'll be going out with you!" And he finally introduces himself.

On their third date, he proposes and she accepts.

Their families are livid, hers especially. Neither of them have dated much at all, he's been focused on school and getting into college, he wants to be a doctor, and she just wasn't interested in dating. Until now.

When her father puts his foot down and forbids the marriage, she says simply, "Fine, then we'll just live together."

They're married nine days after her 16th birthday. In Oklahoma, you can't marry under the age of 16 unless you're pregnant, which she's not.

36 years later they are still married, still in love.

"He's my best friend," she tells me. They have two daughters, the oldest is an RN, the youngest a doctor, like her dad. Three beloved grandchildren.

When I ask her how she could have been so sure, she merely says, "I just knew. He says our souls recognized each other, and I think he's right."

Who am I to argue? I just wonder if my soulmate is still wandering around somewhere, wondering where the fuck I am and what's taking me so long.


Heard this song in the car today, and I started to cry. *sigh*
Why am I so emo lately? I cry at the drop of a hat. I think everybody hates me (well, okay, ALMOST everybody), and I'm convinced I'll die old, alone, and lonely.

I hate feeling this way.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Happy Endings?

I think NOT!

I'm so in love with this ad, I want to have its babies!

H/T to Unix-Jedi, who never blogs anymore.

Overheard in the spa...

"From daisies to dead fish, I've smelled it all..."

One week, plus...

since I quit the caffeine, and I'm going strong. I feel MUCH better since I'm sleeping better. And I'm not totally mental anymore. Much. Or at least not more than usual. :D

There's no relief...

quite like getting pulled over for speeding on your way to work, getting a ticket, then realizing an hour later, as you look at your "ticket", that it's really only a warning.


Dodged that bullet!

Thank you, S.Brown!

Sunday, September 05, 2010


The spa is now open seven days a week!
I picked up the entire Monday shift (I'll be the only massage therapist on duty), and Thursday afternoons from 2-7PM. Here's hoping I get some clients!


The Kitties...

have discovered a FUN new game!


I use OB tampons. Hey, I grew up in Germany. They don't have tampons with applicators (or at least they didn't back in the 80's, who knows now?). Applicators scare me. They scare me so much so, in fact, that if I'm forced by emergency measures to use a tampon with applicator, I'll tear the applicator open and proceed as per usual with the tampon I find inside.

That being said, I have a small container that holds a multitude of said OB tampons in my bathroom. The bathroom that is the quarantine area for Bruiser, one of my kittens, who was neutered on Thursday and must remain sequestered until Monday in order for his stitches to heal. Imagine what a bored kitten can get up to in a bathroom. *shudder*

Now Pipsqueak, Bruiser's brother, is not pleased with this situation, neither is Bruiser, of course. They are used to being together and playing all day and all night, and have been spending hours at a time mewing piteously under the bathroom door at each other.

BUT WAIT...what are these intriguing cylindrical objects, wrapped in shiny plastic?!


Imagine my chagrin as I watched a tampon slowly roll underneath the bedroom door, across a couple feet of carpet, to fetch up against my foot. Yes, the incarcerated Bruiser was batting the tampons underneath the bathroom door into the hallway, where lonely, neglected Pipsqueak passed them on to me, whether I wanted them or not...

Demented kitties! At least they are using pristine, brand-new, never-been-used, still-in-their-original-wrapping tampons! Unlike my dogs...


Saturday, September 04, 2010

It's really wonderful...

to meet a dear friend in person for the first time, and have all your ridiculously high expectations not merely met, but completely exceeded!

Thursday night, Holly, her lovely husband, JPG, and I had the opportunity to meet Brigid IRL, and I was so excited and nervous, I almost went 'splodey! (Which would have been messy.)

Holly and JPG had had a restaurant recommended by a friend that they wanted to try out, so we headed to Del Frisco's Double Eagle Steakhouse, where we were treated to some really, REALLY excellent food (GO, MEAT!), which almost put us all into a food coma. The best part of the evening, though, was not the food, as excellent as it was, it was the company. Holly and JPG are always a delight, but the addition of the beautiful and sparkling Brigid to our intrepid trio was what made the evening extra special.

Good food, good drink, and good company. As far as I'm concerned, that's the trifecta of WIN. I hope we can all get together again really soon. :)

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


is my subconscious trying to tell me?

I dreamed I was in microbiology lab, and that a tiny rattlesnake slithered in and bit me several times. Mostly in my foot (I was wearing my favorite, comfy sandals), but once in my calf.

The instructor and the other students didn't seem too concerned, they just told me to wrap my leg and foot up in gauze and elevate it. The class continued.

I think this has to do with the fact that we don't wear gloves in this lab, and that there's no hand washing station in the lab, either. I think that's a bit unsanitary, don't you?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


One of my very favorite Rammstein songs. Apparently they never made a video of it. It's a song about a heroin addict who overdoses. It's very powerful (not to mention catchy, to me anyway!)


Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm not in the mood...

to say no.

Life's too short.


I had forgotten one of the biggest perks of working out at the gym I patronize...EYE CANDY!! Somehow it makes all the sweating and straining easier when you have something (or someone) to ogle. Discreetly, naturally. ;)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh God, People!

I know I've said this before, but it (obviously) bears repeating: Please, for my nasal passages' sake, TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER BEFORE YOUR MASSAGE. And, if you possibly can, refrain from farting. Thanks, your therapist will appreciate it.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


I had my very last cup of caffeinated ANYTHING this morning. I'm tired of wanting to answer "Tired" anytime anyone asks me how I'm doing.

Because that's how I've felt over the past few months. Either tired or wired. I call the wired part "fake awake".

I know that caffeine is not a big deal at all to most people. A lot of people need it, and take it (drink it, whatever), but they can still sleep normally, etc.

But I'm so damn sensitive to it, that my entire sleep cycle is disrupted. I'm so done with that! I want to feel normal again.

So, starting tomorrow: Decaf TEA, at the most. Plus water, lots of it. And Monday I head back to the gym.

Time to jet...

and I'm not even in my uniform yet...d'oh!

Anyway, time to head to work. Looks like it'll be a slow day, but I'm taking my microbiology textbook with me, and my laptop of course. I'll be able to get something accomplished, even if I don't make any money!

Hope all y'all have a fantastic Saturday!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

No more!

Caffeine after noon, that is. Rising four AM and I STILL can't sleep. ARGH!
My dog just peed on the carpet (probably because of a totally disrupted schedule, and probably because I'm so groggy I didn't notice his cues), and I know I'm going to be so fucking miserable later (I can't exactly say "in the morning", because it IS morning already!).

Oh, well.

In other news, I sexed one of my kittens wrong. Pipsqueak is Bruiser's BROTHER, not his sister. It's just that he's not as developed as his brother and his balls haven't dropped yet. Sheesh. At least I didn't name him "Buttercup" or "Daisy"...

In other, OTHER news, my fall classes started this week and I think I'm going to really enjoy them! Except for maybe my Microbiology lab...I'll have to see how much I can improve.

To quote JayG, "That is all."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Overheard inside a treatment room...

Client: "O, that sweet release...I FEEL IT!"

Me: "Good...?"

I can't visualize it...

A client I massaged recently is a bra fitter for a lingerie company she owns. Out of curiosity, I asked her what the largest cup size was that she'd ever sized. Her answer?


Yes, "O"!

I stuttered, "As in, 'OH. MY. GOD.'?!"

She just laughed. :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

This SUCKS...

Moving sucks.

Moving when it's a bazillion degrees outside sucks even more.

Moving when it's a bazillion degrees outside and the A/C unit at the house decides to go on vacation sucks the most.

Moving my internet is the UBER-SUCK, however. Especially when I arranged the move at LEAST six weeks ago, was assured my new address was in their service area, then come to find, "Oops, sorry...the signal is too weak!" That makes me want to kill somebody. To cap it off, since it's been (obviously) less than two years since I signed on with them, I have to pay a whopping cancellation fee. The bastards! Grrrrr.

Getting NEW and FASTER internet within a DAY rocks.

Getting away from a, shall we say, rather PARANOID roommate is absolutely priceless, and worth all the hassle and expense. :)

Somewhat paranoid FORMER roommate.

Yes, that is a sign at my former place of residence. Yes, he's booby-trapped the garage, workshop, and all outbuildings, since he's away on business and is tired of being robbed when he's away. I'm still not done moving all my stuff out, though today will definitely finish everything off, and I'm so tired, I'm afraid I'll open the door from the kitchen to the garage without thinking, and get shot. *sigh* Better drink more coffee...

Monday, August 16, 2010

And to think...

you didn't believe me!!


There, photographic PROOF!


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fun to the Nth Power...

One week ago today (and how time flies when you're busier than a beaver during dam-building season...), my girls picked me up from work and we headed, with dogs in tow, to Elsewhere, TX for a wonderful, fun-filled evening of playing Munchkin, a wacky card game none of us had tried before. LawDog and Phlegmmy were the bestest hosts, as always, and served up some Texas barbecue that was a delicious farewell dinner for my girls.

While much fun was had, my twins especially were a bit apprehensive. We had a big day planned for Monday, and after the last debacle experience, going to a range and shooting seemed a little scary to them.

Those fears were quickly laid to rest!

JPG and Matt G. had been kind enough to extend an invitation to go to their sooper sekrit range, and we jumped at the offer! My new roommate Mulligan, his dad and stepmom (Dan and Judy) were also part of our party. Thank God Mulligan is smart, 'cause he picked up a gigantic awning at Sam's Club and thus heroically saved us all from heat stroke. It was horrendously hot last Monday, but we were all prepared with copious amounts of cold beverages, hats, and sunblock.

We formed a convoy, and after I negotiated the pasture in my dinky, low-profile car, we arrived at the range and got started setting up.

After the awning was assembled, we all got our goodies out and placed them lovingly on the table. This is only a small portion of the stuff that goes BANG! that was there that day.


Then, while Matt mowed the grass into firing lanes, JPG went over range commands and the four rules. Thankfully, my girls (and myself!) were attentive listeners. Safety comes first! JPG also explained the sometimes confusing nomenclature relating to firearms and shooting. Then the fun really began!

Can't forget eye and ear protection!


We started with rifles...






Then handguns. Of course, we took many breaks, since it was hotter than the lowest level of Hades out there. I believe I mentioned that, no? ;)



In between, I got to finally shoot with MY gun, w00t! *ahem*

I hit the evil monster eye, right in the pupil!

Thanks, AD! Your gift is truly stupendous. :)

The highlight and finale of the day was JPG's beautiful Thompson. We all got a chance to try it out, and several water bottles tragically lost their lives during our instruction. Pity, that. :D

That is one heavy gun!


Bottom line is, it was a spectacular day with this outcome:


No other words are necessary.

Another massage protip...

If you're menstruating and use a pad instead of a tampon, it's totally okay for you to wear your underwear during the massage. No, really...trust me, I won't mind.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

While I'm still going through shooting pics...

Here's a little something to tide y'all over!

Two songs. Different eras (one from 1982, the other 1998), one New Wave, the other Techno/Metal. One British band, the other German. You might wonder what I'm getting at, but these songs do have something in common: subject matter! The songs are almost identical in subject matter: pursuit of the female. The Rammstein song is even titled "Du Riechst So Gut" which means "You smell so good." Anyway, I love both songs and both videos, so I thought I'd put 'em up here.


Yes, I have rather eclectic tastes.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Seen on the way to the gun range...

a sign on the outside of a liquor store:

God is Great
Beer is Good
People R Crazy

AAR from the range plus lots of pics to follow, when I'm not so exhausted!

Thanks so much to JPG and Matt G. for sharing not only their sooper seekrit range with myself and my girls, but also their firearms, ammo, and most importantly, their expertise and outstanding instruction.

Gentlemen, massages are coming your way! Prepare yourselves.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Isn't that special?

I was getting some much-needed coffee in the hotel employee breakroom, which we spa folks are graciously permitted to use, when I noticed the box for nominations for Employee of the Month. On top of the box were the stacked forms one uses to actually nominate an employee for this honor.

Too bad each and every one of them says "Employee of the Month Ballet" on it!

The stupid, it burns!

I really should take advantage of the proximity of the suggestion box to point this out to whomever...