Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I'm done.

I can add "BSN" to my name. But now to get the "RN" part...

Time to study for NCLEX!

Then I have to find a job.

If only nursing jobs were as easy for me to find as massage jobs. I got another one, btw. Massage job, that is. I go in for training on Tuesday. This looks like it could actually be my "massage home", the one I've been looking for since I started doing massage therapy to begin with. Fingers crossed and all that.

Anyway, I'm beat and need to head to bed.

Merry Christmas, Everyone who celebrates it!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

RIP Buck...

we will miss you greatly. I'm sorry we never got the chance to meet in person, but I enjoyed our occasional emails tremendously. Your blog was always entertaining (except for the HOCKEY, lol!) and your reminiscences were fascinating and enlightening.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Huge Sigh of Relief...

The moment has finally arrived: PINNING CEREMONY!!

I took my last final on Tuesday and tonight I will be officially welcomed into the ranks of nurses. (We won't go into the whole "officially-graduated-but-no-commencement-ceremony-until-May" thing, that's why we're doing the pinning ceremony in the first place. Yes, despite having my BSN now [w00t], I still plan on coming back in five months for the cap and gown. I earned it.)

I'm so thankful and grateful for my friends and family, without whom I never would have made it to this point. I could never have succeeded in a vacuum, and I'm going to make sure that they know *I* know this and appreciate all they've done.

The lovely Phlegm Fatale has been staying with us since Saturday, and we've had a blast (including going to see The Buttcracker in Boston last night, totally worth losing sleep and something I want to go to next year, too. It was a hilarious and fun show!) I'm so happy she could make it out here, not just for the pinning ceremony, but to spend time with all of us. We've missed her sparkling presence!

Tonight (and tomorrow night, and Saturday night) is for celebrating!

Thanks to all of you readers, too, for coming along for the ride all these years. I appreciate you!

Monday, November 24, 2014


was my last clinical. I bade a fond farewell to Ginormous City Hospital but hope to see her again in the not-too-distant future...hopefully as an employee earning a salary, dammit!

My preceptor (HAIL, PRECEPTOR!) was amazing, I couldn't have asked for better. She's been an RN for 28 years and she wrote me a letter of recommendation...the first time she's ever done so!
I'm so lucky and blessed.

I had my (hopefully!) last presentation today during clinical conference, and now all I have left is one group paper to finish and submit, then my finals. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I sure hope it's not an oncoming train!

My pinning ceremony will be awesome! My daughters are going to all be present, and my oldest brother, whom I haven't seen since 2008, is flying in for a few days to be there, too. He's the one who got me into healthcare in the first place, way back in 2002, by encouraging me to look for a CNA position with a company that paid for training. I did and never looked back. It's funny, because I never wanted to have ANYTHING to do with healthcare, thanks to my dysfunctional relationship with my mother, who pushed and nagged me to become a doctor all throughout my childhood and adolescence.

Strange how these things work out, innit?

Of course the stalwart SCI-FIs will be there. After putting up with me, my crazy dogs, and my even crazier children (off and on) over the past three-and-a-half years, they will be cheering the loudest, no doubt. ;)

Phlegmmy will bring her ineffable style and class to the event, showing these New Englanders what a REAL Texas lady is like. 

Hopefully I'll have some pictures from my pinning that are postable, and also some pics from or posts about all the get-togethers in the time before and after the pinning, when we squire Phlegmmy around to meet folks who are on tenterhooks to get the chance to be graced by her presence!

Oodles of fun will be had by all! I'll keep y'all up-to-date, I promise... :)

Thursday, November 13, 2014

So close, I can almost taste it!

Five weeks from today is my official pinning ceremony. I can't believe it. I have two more clinical sessions (20 hours altogether), and four weeks of lectures, followed by final exams. I have my capstone paper to correct and turn back in and a group project/paper to finish, then I'm done with assignments, hallelujah!

Then, of course, comes the dreaded NCLEX. Fuck. I already signed up for a five-week, online test prep (my university requires that students sign up for an outside NCLEX prep in order for us to graduate), and I'll do that on my own time right after graduation up until I take the exam, whenever that may be. I've already paid for it and registered, but I can't schedule my exam date/time until the state board of nursing gets proof of my having met all requirements from my university. I'm aiming for end of January. During the prep time I'll be applying to every fucking hospital in a 30-mile radius of Boston, of which there are many (I'm planning on maintaining a spreadsheet to aid in organization!).

So, we'll see how everything goes. I'm so glad my daughters, my oldest brother, the wonderful SCI-FIs, and my dear Phlegmmy will be at my pinning. My dad, who had enthusiastically agreed to come, bowed out last week, mumbling something about going to Germany for Christmas with his wife. Thanks, Dad. Ach, who needs you anyway?

Anyway, I know you three readers have been with me on this incredibly long journey, and I appreciate it. I've been taking classes towards my degree since January of 2008, so this is a long time coming.

CRAP...I just realized I missed my blogiversary, AGAIN. It was last month. I've been blogging here since October of 2006! Holy crap, that's EIGHT YEARS. Might as well be a century in internet years!

Don't worry, though. I'm sure being a fledgling nurse will provide plenty of (HIPAA-compliant) blogfodder! Don't touch that dial...

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Don't Bother.

If your idea of being helpful is to loudly berate our agitated and delirious patient while my preceptor and I are attempting to bargain with him to take his medications, merely because he's dropping the F-bomb in our oh-so-delicate, female presence, STOP.

You're not being helpful in the slightest, you're adding to the problem. Not to mention that not only have my virgin ears been sullied by profanity before, I've actually been known to cuss myself!


After spending most of the day with him as a one-on-one patient observer, you should know that being confrontational (and LOUD) with this particular patient is completely and utterly counter-productive.

I like you better when you're surfing on your smart phone or watching TV. Keep that in mind for the next time, or I'll have to have words with you. I'll even refrain from cursing. Barely.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Midnight Elevator Encounter, or I Know How Stupid it Was...

My clinical schedule sometimes necessitates my parking in a garage near the subway station. The other night, I left the hospital late and didn't get to the garage until midnight.

All I wanted was to get to my car, drive home, and go to sleep. I was beat. So when the elevator doors opened, I only hesitated a moment before entering, despite the guy already on the elevator.


Yes, I know. I was stupid. I should have backed up and taken the stairs or waited for the next elevator. If life had a soundtrack, I'd have heard ominous music as the elevator doors opened, warning me that Something Bad might be about to occur.

As it happened, I didn't give a fuck in that moment. Maybe subconsciously I was thinking, "I refuse to let fear guide my actions." Maybe I didn't want to offend the guy. Maybe I took his slender build in with a glance and realized I could probably take him in a fight (because I'm fucking MEAN when I have to be, and I fight dirty). Of course, if he had a knife or gun, I'd be screwed. Most likely it was just fatigue clouding my judgment.

So, instead of being smart, I stepped into the elevator,  hit the button for my floor, and addressed him loudly, "Where are you going?" I wanted him to turn around so that I could see what he was up to.

Here's where it really gets surreal. The dude turned around and faced me, and he was drooling like a mastiff. I'm not even kidding, it was like a waterfall running out of his mouth, down his chin, and dripping onto his clothes. Incessant. Copious. Disgusting. I don't know if he had some kind of handicap, or if he was high as a fucking kite (though from looking at his eyes, I vote for "high"). Either way, I maintained eye contact as he mumbled something about wanting to get on the train. I cheerfully pointed out that he'd "missed [his] stop," since he needed to get off on the previous floor, and as the doors opened on my floor, I hit the proper button for him and hightailed it towards my car, while glancing over my shoulder to make sure he stayed ON the elevator.

My adrenaline was through the roof at this point and I was darting glances all over the deserted parking structure (which I naturally do anyway, I'm not completely stupid, all appearances to the contrary!) Without further incident I got into my vehicle, the trusty Blue Zephyr, and drove home.

Of course, thanks to the adrenaline rush, I ended up not getting to sleep until 3AM...

Let this be a cautionary tale for all of you, especially my daughters. Don't be dumb. This could have ended tragically and only luck was on my side.
*edited to change "adrenalin" to "adrenaline", because otherwise my daughter was going to stroke out.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

No. Just...no.

"Red Apple Bakery" air freshener.

In the bathroom at work.

This means that when I run in to pee between clients, I start gagging because it smells like someone took a dump on a freshly-baked apple pie.

This is even worse than pine-scented air freshener. Because sometimes you do poop in the woods, but I hope to God nobody shits on apple pie...it would be un-American!


*note all the bullet points in the description at the link...much like adding "in bed" to every fortune you find in a cookie, I just add "with shit" to these descriptions.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Post-Blogorado Blues

Thank you to the FarmFamily for again making Blogorado a wonderful experience!

A true respite from the daily grind and an opportunity to spend time with my tribe. For me, the shooting is completely secondary. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but definitely not as important to me as being with my Peeps! It didn't help that I couldn't seem to hit the broadside of a barn this year...I'll blame it on the wind! It was windy as fuck most of the time we were there, and we won't get into the rain that turned the dirt roads into slick nightmares to navigate in our rental minivan (next year def an SUV!).

Much fun was had eating delicious food, talking smack, and sharing tales of derring-do and Items Removed from Rectums (you had to have been there.)

Quote of the week for me: "My husband will eat my biscuit," which sent even the waitress into spasms of hilarity.

Now I'm back to the grind of school, but already looking forward to next year...

Friday, October 03, 2014

I fucking LOVE living in the future!

I spent 7 hours in the OR today, watching a robot do surgery. So. Cool.

One thing about Ginormous City Hospital (GCH): everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is nice. The head surgeon took off his glove when introduced to me just to shake my hand. He then proceeded to tell me how important the whole team is in the OR, that he couldn't do his job without every single person in there. Very impressive, with none of the arrogance one is led by TV and movies to expect.

I had a truly great experience, but it again reinforced my opinion of OR nursing: incredibly boring and definitely not up my alley at all, as interesting and enjoyable watching the procedure was.

I do hope I get hired at GCH. I have loved that hospital from the first moment I stepped through the doors.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Moar! Clinical! Fun!

I had a much better day at clinical today (*whew*)!


Of course, I cracked my preceptor up by saying, "I have PENIS," before correcting myself quickly and saying, "I have URINE!"

In addition, I did a wound dressing change, observed both a JP drain and a chest tube removal, used a ceiling lift, and wrote a nursing progress note. Among many other things, of course. 12 hours sometimes doesn't seem like enough time.

I also suggested to the doctor removing the chest tube that we raise the patient's bed higher, he was almost bent in half doing his work! These youngsters, gotta look out for 'em.

So, all in all, a very good day. Let's see if I can keep it up! As my clinical instructor said at the beginning of the semester, I should consider this semester one long job interview.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Fun at Clinicals

I just got home from my second hospital clinical session of the semester, and this happened:

1. I dodged flying poo, successfully.

2. My scrubs pocket received a lovely infusion of 5000 units of heparin. Luckily the needle stayed capped.

3. My patient, towards the end of the shift, told me I looked exhausted. That can't be good.

4. I got my period. With a VENGEANCE.

5. Related to 4., one-ply toilet paper in the staff restroom? No bueno!

And I go back this weekend for 24 more hours of fun! But first, I have the introduction and annotated bibliography for my Senior Capstone paper to write...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Weird Dreams

I had two bizarre dreams last night. In the first, I went to my favorite bowling alley (not that I have one in real life, I haven't been bowling in close to a decade, I'd say...). I was dismayed to find that the bowling alley had decided to feature Nude! Bowling!

I turned around and left, 'cause who wants to see that shit?

In my second dream, Marko came over to my place and commenced house cleaning. I followed him around to make sure he did a good job. No, he wasn't nude. (Get your minds out of the gutter!)

He wasn't wearing a French maid costume, either. Dammit.

My brain is weird. Or maybe it was the antihistamine/decongestant combo I took right before bed.

The Greatest Generation

Recently I had the honor of massaging a lady who was born at the tail-end of WWI (no, I didn't forget an additional capital "i"...) It was her first massage ever, so she was a little nervous and chatted throughout the massage.

She was a gracious, friendly lady who regaled me with snippets of her life's story (we would have been there far longer than an hour had she told me the whole.)

Three things struck me the most:

First, she was incredibly blunt and honest (and funny!)

Second, she told me after the massage that she was going to go home and have a beer.

Third, she gave me the best handshake I've experienced in YEARS. I'm not even joking. When/how did Americans lose the art of the good handshake? Here's a woman closing in on her 100th birthday, and she gave me a better handshake than anyone I've shaken hands with, male/female/young/old, in years.

I think it is an illustration of the decay of American society and good manners. Or maybe I'm just an old fuddy-duddy who lived in Germany too long. But I suspect the first...

Saturday, September 13, 2014

I'm really glad my professional filter works.

As my elderly male client groaned, "Oh, that feels SO GOOD...the deeper you can get the better," the evil little voice in my head snarked, "That's what SHE said!"

It's a good thing my brain-mouth filter has a WORK SETTING.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Conan said it best.

I crushed the HESI exam so hard, I swear I could hear the lamentation of the women...

(feel free to fast-forward to 1:10...)

Yay, one less thing to worry about!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I'm NOT an Apple FanGrrrrrl...

so why did I dream of Steve Jobs?

I dreamed that I had a severely torn left rotator cuff, and Steve Jobs had healing hands, which he laid on my shoulder. I turned to him and said, "I can HEAR the buzzing!"

His hands were indeed buzzing, and hot, and they healed my rotator cuff perfectly in a couple minutes. Then I woke up. Weird. I didn't even get to say thank you!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


Welcome to perimenopause. FML.

Monday, August 25, 2014

While always grateful...

for any cash tips, getting a wad of ones makes me feel like a stripper.

One who's having a bad day.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

She's playing my song...

which I can't get out of my head today. Because I'm ALL about that bass (no treble).

In other news, I'm gearing up for the semester (my LAST, w00t!). Which involves fretting and stressing out about stuff I probably shouldn't be worrying about. Plus, I'm busy getting one child settled at a nearby university and finding her a place to live, and helping her twin with the enlistment process, which seems to take A. LONG. TIME.

I'm still waiting to hear from my preceptor, which probably is the biggest source of my anxiety. I can't give my work and volunteer organization my availability, and it's only a few weeks away, dammit! Hello, Preceptor...email me, willya? Please? Who knows, I might be doing night shifts this semester!

So, anyway, that's all that's been going on here with me. Nothing much, basically. I'll keep you posted.

Sporadically. :D

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Unusual Compliment

Here's one I've never heard before, that I got from a client the other day:

"You're awakening my soul!"

Allrighty then...I'll take that.

Friday, August 01, 2014


We were sitting in a restaurant celebrating SCI-FI's birthday the other day, and I noticed a couple at a nearby table who appeared to be on a romantic-type date. There was some snuggling before the male half of the couple moved to the other side of the table, lots of intimate looks and smiles, but what stood out the most to me is the smart phone resting on the woman's lap. Even while eating she'd glance down at it and even text occasionally (or type, who knows?).

Is this acceptable behavior now? I found it incredibly tacky and rude. My daughter Chaos played devil's advocate and reasonably pointed out that perhaps the lady had something urgent going on at work and needed to keep working on it through dinner.

Hmph. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think it's wrong to focus so much of one's attention on a digital device while out on a date. Put it in your purse or pocket, in silent mode or off.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014


I have a child (Hi, TalliahAngel!!) who is in the process of enlisting in the US Air Force.

She took her ASVAB today (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) and scored 94!!
I'm so proud of her!

Now it looks like she's set to take the DLAB (Defense Language Aptitude Battery) next week, which is the next step in becoming a Cryptologic Linguist...like mother (and father), like daughter!

Proud mother is proud.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Identical Twin Humor

As a mother of (identical) twins, I've had to learn to tolerate the sometimes inexplicable humor my girls share.

Take yesterday, for example. We're driving down the highway, and one twin (who is wearing the same hair accessory and (almost) identical glasses as the other, which is NOT a common occurrence) says to her sister,
"You're so DUMB. Look at your dumb BOW, and your dumb GLASSES, and your dumb FACE!"

Immediately her sister ripostes, "No, YOU'RE so dumb! Look at YOUR dumb bow, and YOUR dumb glasses, and YOUR dumb face!"

Cue uproarious laughter from the girls, but not from me. I'm too busy trying not to crash the car as I simultaneously facepalm and roll my eyes.

Oh and the most inexplicable thing about all this is that my twins turn 21 this year...and they're STILL making jokes like this (and finding them funny!)

Monday, July 07, 2014

Quote of the Day

My daughter Chaos, outraged upon hearing that there's no McDonald's in Terminal 7 of LAX:

How can there be no McDonald's?! This is the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave!!!

Welcome home, Honey! 


Saturday, June 21, 2014

For some reason...

I get a kick out of my two pups simultaneously lifting a leg on opposite sides of a tree/post/hydrant. Anytime this happens, I admonish them with

Don't cross the streams!!

I'm VERY easily amused.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

To all the good ones out there...

Hopefully you know who you are and are valued!

Happy Fathers' Day!!!!

Monday, June 09, 2014

Quote of the Day

"Starbucks coffee tastes like heartburn. Or dragon piss. And Starbucks espresso tastes like vodka plus heartburn."

Sunday, June 01, 2014

Missed the date...

Looking at the calendar, I realize that a few days ago was the 12th anniversary of the date my divorce was final. Now I've been divorced the same length of time I was married.

Make of that what you will, I suppose.

Saturday, May 31, 2014


I now have this fairly cushy spa gig, where I'm the only massage therapist on duty during my particular shift. It's a really nice spa which mainly focuses on skin care, so massage is almost an afterthought, but I'm working really hard to shift that perception, one massage and client at a time. ;)

So far it's not been very taxing, except for my first day where I subbed for the call-out and got thrown in with no prep. Business has been slow and I don't mind.

What gets me is my volunteer work.

Two hours a week I go into Boston and massage people from a pretty marginalized population. I'm sorry I'm being so vague, but I really can't go into detail without potentially giving away the organization I volunteer for, which defeats the purpose of this whole "anonymous blogging" gig, not to mention it risks violating my clients' privacy.

Physically the work is generally very easy, I've only had a couple of clients who've wanted deep tissue massage, but emotionally...it's been harrowing.

I've had clients experience emotional breakdowns during the massage session, sobbing and covering their faces. I've had clients relate traumatic events to me. I had a client tell me that he feels more comfortable talking to me than his therapist.

Touch is a powerful force, and I will never abuse it. And as difficult as these sessions might be for me, my clients are the ones who have lived through experiences I hope I never will, and are dealing daily with problems I can only view from the outside, for which I'm truly grateful.

All I can do is give them the best massage I possibly can, listen empathetically, and offer tissues, not platitudes. Hopefully that's enough.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


My grades for this semester FINALLY posted...

Yay, straight A's! I've not managed that in a couple semesters now, so it's about frickin' time.

I'm so happy. Now it's time to relax a bit. Headed to the movies soon for (possibly) a double feature, definitely Amazing Spiderman 2, possibly Godzilla, and who knows? I really want to see X-Men: Days of Future Past, too...

Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial Day

Thank you for your sacrifice. I hope we who were left behind prove worthy of it.


Friday, May 23, 2014


Last final completed, last major project plus paper finished and turned in (attheverylastminute!).

I am exhausted but yet I FEEL FANTASTIC! Summer, here I come!

And you know...next semester is my LAST semester in nursing school, w00t! Can't wait to be completely done.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

When squirrels attack!

We live on an acre of land, and the neighbors have about the same size lot. There's no fence, and they don't care if my dogs are roaming around over there because 1. my dogs ignore the chickens and 2. more poop=more fertilizer.

After the incident of Tucker getting tagged by a car while attempting to get into a garbage bag left by the side of the road, I've been much more diligent about always going out with the dogs and keeping them within sight while they're doing their business (which includes scrounging under the neighbor's rabbit hutches for dropped food).

This morning, while half awake, I was standing in my jammies in the shade of a tree while observing my pups water the flowers (so to speak), when suddenly I was nearly beaned in the head by a bagel.

Yes, a bagel. From the sky.

As I stood there stupidly gazing at the bagel lying innocently in the grass, my sleepy brain trying to process it, I heard a rustling up in the tree and quickly looked up to spy an EVIL SQUIRREL looking back at me with its beady black eyes.

"Ah HAH," I triumphantly crowed. "Behold the villain of the piece!"

Now the question is: Did the squirrel really try to hit me in the head with the bagel? Or was it trying to appease the canine brute squad by tossing the bread down to them in the hopes that it itself would be ignored ("Please, for the love of all that's holy, TAKE THE BAGEL BUT SPARE ME! I have kits in the nest that need me!").
 There is some truth to this, because my dogs did run over immediately after they literally saw manna fall from heaven, and only my sharply-spoken "Leave it!" deterred them from starting to nosh.

Of course, the most mundane explanation is that the squirrel merely lost control of the too-big-for-it-to-carry-easily food item, and the timing is just coincidence...but considering the look we exchanged as we made eye contact...


Gonna have to wear a hard hat when walking the dogs now.

Saturday, May 10, 2014


So, I quit my job at the spa effective March 1st, thinking that it was really time for me to find a job in a hospital, like a tech or aide position. Since then, I've been volunteering my massage services weekly, which is very rewarding in every way but one, the one needed to pay my bills!

I've applied for seven different positions at five different hospitals, and have yet to hear back from a single HR department, and when I call, I'm told the "application process takes time," and many variations of "don't call us, we'll call you."

Swell, thanks.

A couple days ago, TallyAngel and I were running errands in the neighborhood, one of which was her getting her hair cut. Her preferred salon is right next to a fairly upscale day spa, and loth to sit around and wait, I wandered next door with my Starbucks venti cup in hand, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and ratty sneakers, just to see what's what.

The lady behind the counter turned out to be the spa manager, and I casually asked her if she was hiring massage therapists. Her face lit up as she exclaimed, "Yes! What's your availability? I'm assuming you're state licensed? Can you email me your resume?"

I walked out after having had a tour of the spa, questions about commission, hours, and the like answered, and setting up a practical  (like an audition) for the next day.

Yesterday, I showed up and wowed her with my amazing massage skillz and magic fingers (and elbows!), and after speaking for a bit with the Vice President of the company (who told me that my resume was *ahem* "impressive"), I was offered a position.

I go in in an hour to fill out all the boring forms and make copies of my various certificates and licenses, then I start next week!

Serendipity-doo-dah, Bitches! Woo-hoo!

Serendipity strikes AGAIN!

Exactly 23 minutes after this post went live, while I was in the middle of eating breakfast, my phone rang. It was the manager of the spa, and she was frantic: the sole massage therapist working Saturdays had called in sick, and would I be willing to jump in and cover her shift? With the first massage starting at 9:15?

If it involves making some much-needed moolah, then count me in!

So I came, I massaged, and I conquered. $90 in cash tips later, plus 39% commission, plus whatever credit card tip the one client left me...yeah, I'd say it was a good move to "help out". LOL...

The icing on the cake? Right before I left for the day, while I was finally filling out that boring paperwork, the manager mentioned that this was the second time in six weeks the Saturday therapist had called in sick, leaving the spa with no massage coverage. Then she said that if I wanted Saturdays, too, that shift was mine...

I'm feeling pretty good right now. Exhausted, but good!

Friday, May 09, 2014


I had a dream about a week ago. It starred Old NFO as a sooper seekrit spy type dude. There were all these covert operations and James Bond-type shenanigans, then he had a new assignment which required him to team up with another agent who had to pretend to be his wife...

Old NFO, you were "married" to my classmate Damarys, who's 25, from the Dominican Republic, and smoking hot. You're welcome. ;)

My nightmare was last night. Ugh.

I was lucky enough this semester to have my pediatric clinical rotation be over half-way through the semester, as we doubled up on our clinical hours every week to free up the clinical site for the next group of students. So my last Monday clinical was on March 24th. Except when I dream.

I dreamed that I woke up in a patient's room in my jammies, on a Monday morning, and it was apparently my very last clinical day. The patient was a small infant lying in a crib, and the nurse was bustling around telling me to hurry up. She told me, "He needs a blood transfusion. Take care of it."
Then she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with the sick, listless infant.

I walked over to the old-fashioned refrigerator that was inexplicably inside the room. It looked much like this one, only it was pale yellow instead of green. 


I opened the door to find bags of blood hanging inside, so I grabbed one and turned to my patient.

Luckily, even asleep, sanity prevailed and I realized, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! I never learned how and I need HELP!!"

That's when I woke up; it was 3:30 AM. It took me until 5 AM to calm down enough to go back to sleep.

I think it's about fucking time this semester ended. One more week of classes, one big project, a med-calc exam, and two finals, then I'll be free for the summer. It can't come soon enough to suit me!

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Ah, Spring...

where the delight of finally being able to sleep with the window open again is tempered by being woken up at 4:30 AM when the REEK of skunk wafts to my nostrils...

Friday, April 25, 2014

My new theme song...


H/T The Lovely Jennifer

(also, this is apparently my 1,500th post...go, me!)

*tap...tap* Is this thing on?

Hi, Everyone!

Wow, it's been awhile, huh? This semester has been the second semester from hell, and honestly, I have no energy left over to post anything here. I'm lucky if I toss something onto Facebook.


Also, my laptop (which is almost 5 years old now) is making life difficult for me, namely by having a VERY recalcitrant "s" key. Do you know how hard it is to write English without the letter "s"?! I've gotten creative at working around the s-deficit. Using the $-sign, for one. It seems like it takes my keyboard a while to warm up or something; when I first open my laptop or turn it on, I can't type "s" at all! Any advice or suggestions?

Anyway, what else has been going on...hmmm...I quit my job at the spa almost two months ago (good riddance!). I was done with all the bullshit, I just wanted to go to work and massage people and make them feel good and make money, but there was too much incompetence, poor management, and lack of supplies AND RESPECT. And way too much drama.

It's past time for me to find a hospital job, anyway. Gotta get my foot in that door, I'm graduating in December, after all (w00t!).

Since I stopped working at the spa, I've started massaging on a volunteer basis at a Boston organization which shall remain nameless, which assists a very under-served population. I'll leave it at that. I'm having a blast and my clients are amazingly appreciative. Which *I* in turn greatly appreciate. I'll keep doing that even after I graduate and (hopefully!) start working as a nurse. I've wanted to volunteer in some capacity for quite some time and I find it hugely rewarding. 

There are other health-related things going on, which I shall perhaps in the future talk about, but right now, not so much. Except that I might have sleep apnea and I had a sleep study done. Ugh.

I'm glad that winter seems to be over (crossing fingers here). This past winter has really, really sucked. Someday I'll do travel nursing and go south for the winter, seriously.

Oh, I got inducted into Sigma Theta Tau, the international nursing honor society! That's kinda a big deal.

Otherwise, nothing much else to report. I'm in research paper/group project/presentation hell, but thankfully only have a few more weeks of the semester left. Can't wait for it to be over...

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Quote of the Day

"Some people should never be parents...but Weer'd is NOT one of those people."

Monday, March 31, 2014

The possibilities for teasing are ENDLESS.

We had pediatric simlab this morning.

In the scenario where I played the patient's mother, my fellow student nurses "killed" my son.


You realize that I will never let them forget this, right? It's far too perfect teasing material to just let it go.

10 years from now, we'll be having a reunion dinner or something, and I'll say, "Hey, remember how you two KILLED MY BABY?!"

Ah, good times...

Friday, March 28, 2014

And then there was the client...

who refused to shake my hand because of "allergies"...

I wonder if he got the memo that massage involves my touching his skin (almost) everywhere, including his hands, with MY hands.

People are weird.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Quote of the day

"I put tape over my webcam because I don't want the NSA watching me get dressed."

Friday, March 07, 2014

I guess I'm better with kids than I thought.

I took care of a 3-year-old this past week. He was in for asthma exacerbation (caused by an upper respiratory infection, so of COURSE he sneezed right in my face, *sigh*).
He was feeling quite a bit better by the time I was assigned to him, so he was bouncing off the walls. His mom had a tough time keeping him under control, but I had a blast playing with him. Listening to his lungs was a different story, and I ended up resorting to bargaining with him so that I could do my assessment.

That's why on somebody's iPhone, there's a picture of me auscultating a stuffed bunny's lungs. Scary thing is, I actually HEARD something...most likely my own heartbeat through the bunny's meager chest.

Hey, whatever it takes to get the job done!

Tuesday, March 04, 2014


If you should find yourself in a university cafeteria around lunchtime, do yourself a favor and DON'T EAT THE LAMB VINDALOO, should it be on the menu.

You will thank me for this.

Friday, February 28, 2014

RIP, Barkley.

Loyal, steadfast, true
Furry friend, heart full of love
Rest in peace, Dear One.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Lucky baby!

Three of us would-be nurses shared a patient at clinical yesterday, and he was SO SWEET.

A two-month-old boy with RSV and pneumonia, his folks had other children plus transportation issues, so they had to leave the hospital several times during the day. Luckily, the nurse had PLENTY of help with the baby. ;)

My classmates and I took turns in the rocking chair, cuddling and bottle-feeding the sweet boy. To keep him calm and/or sleeping, and to help me stay awake, of COURSE I sang to him. Turns out I wasn't the only one!

I bet he's the only baby in the world to have German Minnelieder and folk songs, French pavanes, American movie musicals, Beethoven, and Tibetan lullabies sung to him all on the same day. Or maybe not. But either way, he's one lucky baby!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Note to self:

If you go and pick up a bunch of condoms from student health (for a safe sex presentation later in the week, I hasten to add!), and stick them in your backpack, it's probably a good idea to REMEMBER YOU PUT THEM THERE, and to REMOVE THEM BEFORE YOUR PEDIATRICS CLINICAL.

Otherwise your classmates might get a very different view of you. You know, when you pull out your stethoscope and a whole handful of condoms comes flying out everywhere.


Saturday, February 22, 2014

Seen outside a local business:

an electronic sign reading:



Friday, February 21, 2014


viewing the interior of her suitcase after I finished helping her pack for her semester abroad in Australia, Chaos (my youngest-by-21-endless-agonizing-minutes) said:

"It's like a TARDIS. You pack like a BOSS!"

Indeed, as I do many things. ;)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


not my cup of tea AT ALL.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

I'm pretty sure I've blogged about something like this before...

but it bears repeating:

If you have your own first name as a tramp stamp, you're weird.

I say that as a weird person, but there's weird and then there's WEIRD.

The little daisies tattooed around the name were the added weirdo touch.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


my professor attended the Wilford Brimley School for Pronunciation.


I'm having a hard time not laughing.

Monday, February 10, 2014

You know you probably didn't put enough effort into your assignment...

when your instructor calls it "...worse than crap."


Time for a do-over.

Saturday, February 08, 2014


I'm a dork. Long ago I made peace with this. I'm more than okay with it, I EMBRACE it.

Yes, I'm the person who gets super excited about seeing ladybugs or baby bunnies. I can go on and on and on about my favorite book or song or movie or graphic novel or person. I get so enthusiastic about learning new things that I automatically assume everyone else MUST be just as excited about X as I am, or want to know the entire history of Y, just like I do.

I'll never be the "cool chick" at the party. Instead, I'm the goofy one who's laughing hysterically with her friends about a lame "that's what SHE said" joke.

All that being said, I still feel hurt when I think somebody is laughing at me. Normally I can shrug it off with a "whatever", since I tell myself they just don't get my awesomeness. But when three or four people burst out laughing after I leave the room, but just before the door closes, I do stop to think, "Okay, what was it I said or did that tipped the balance for them, that made them laugh AT me, not with me?"

Luckily, this doesn't happen often anymore. And even more luckily, I'm old enough now that if it does bother me, it's only briefly.

Because I AM awesome. And there are plenty of equally awesome people out there that see that, and get me. Those other people's opinions about me just don't matter.

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Overheard in the Dining Room

Mrs. SciFi and I are taking turns listening to everyone's lungs, since we're all battling various and sundry respiratory infections.

Mrs. SciFi (to SciFi, her dearly beloved spouse): Do you want me to listen to you?

SciFi: Why start now?

There might have been some beating with the stethoscope, but I saw NOTHING.

Sunday, February 02, 2014


Calling various in-network behavioral health providers looking for some very specific testing, only to have a receptionist say, "We only treat sex offenders here."

Ok, thanks! Moving right along...

Saturday, February 01, 2014

I fantasize about this a lot.

I daydreamed during my incredibly boring Community Health Nursing orientation session.
I was thisclose to snapping because a woman with a PhD kept saying "diagnosises" (much like my Adult Health professor two semesters ago).

I wanted to jump to my feet, screaming, "ONE 'DIAGNOSIS', TWO OR MORE 'DIAGNOSES'! GET IT THE FUCK RIGHT, GODDAMMIT!" Then storm out of the room, shouting "I'm done here!" and slam the door on my way out.

Since I intend and fervently wish to graduate in December, my fantasies will have to remain safely in my head. And on this blog.

Saturday, January 25, 2014


And jet lag is kicking my ass.

Here's a picture from the top of Table Mountain. Enjoy.

I can't even really put into words what my trip was like, not as well as I'd like to, anyway.

I met amazing people, I saw very disturbing things, and experienced very uplifting things. I ate all kinds of different animals, and I saw baboons, ostriches, and penguins in the wild (among other animals). I found out the Cape of Good Hope is NOT the southern-most point of the African continent, i.e. NOT where the Atlantic and Indian oceans meet (who knew?). That would be Cape Agulhas.

I saw opulence and extreme poverty (on one occasion on the very same day. It was jarring.)

And I was extremely impressed by the spirit of the South African people. They were welcoming, friendly, open, and in most cases, pretty optimistic about the future. Except about the upcoming elections. The consensus is that their current president is an ass, and he's likely going to get 5 more years at the helm.

I'm really glad to be home, but I hope to go back to South Africa again, perhaps to work or study, we'll see.

More pics and posts to come.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Just a quickie...

before I leave tomorrow!

Headed to Cape Town and environs, and I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures which I'll share once I get back. I won't blog while I'm there, since I don't want to log in with my "regular" identity from an internet cafe. I'm not that trusting. Plus, I'm really not going to have much time at all.

Take care of yourselves, people! I'll see you on the other side.

Saturday, January 04, 2014

My colleague Michelle is a redhead...

and when we went to the lobby of the spa to collect our clients (two best friends) for their couple's massage, Michelle's client's face lit up and she approached with her arms outstretched, shrieking,


Some days my job is a hoot.