Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Overheard in a Patient's Room

***while I was holding the urinal for a male patient with tremors and BPH.

"C'mon, George!"

I did NOT need to know that my patient's penis is named "George". 

That's my dad's name, and his dad's name.

My patient, btw, is NOT named George.

I'm bewildered AND slightly disgusted.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Not what I expected to hear...

from my 88-year-old patient.

I answered a call light in the middle of the night. My patient beckoned me over to her bedside and we had the following exchange:

"This is gonna be an odd request..."

"Don't worry about it, I'm here to help!"

"My snatch is itching, could you wash it for me?"

*blink blink*

So I did. 

I cannot make this shit up. Seriously. I can't.