Saturday, February 20, 2021


 The joy of working with youngsters...

Like when your pod partner (*cough*Tyler*cough*) writes your name on a white board in LARGE letters and places it at the foot of his dementia patient's bed where she can easily read it, and over the next few hours you really grow to hate your own name..."CHRISTINA! CHRISTINA! CHRISTINA! CHRISTINA!"

It can get really old, really fast. But, yes, it *was* funny!

Thursday, February 11, 2021

Long time, no hear...

 Well hello there, Strangers! 

I'm embarking on a new adventure in a few weeks:

I'm finally going TRAVEL NURSING.

Watch this page for updates. I have signed with two agencies and two recruiters, so we'll see how it goes with contracts. I'm oncology nursing certified as well as chemotherapy and immunotherapy certified, so I'm definitely focused on heme/onc inpatient nursing and/or infusion clinics.

I'm hoping for my first assignment to be in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area, but we'll see. Anywhere in the Southwest is fine in my books, I just want to get out of the fucking COLD. And snow. And ice.

I really don't want to bust my ass in the parking lot again. Just my luck, I'd break something and be out of work for a while.

Yep, really need to pay off those nasty student loans before I hit retirement age. I'm in my fifties, after all!

Gotta think ahead. I would like to eventually own my own home and have a place to settle down to enjoy my golden years. ;)

Anyway, that's it for now. See you on the flipside!

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Overheard in a Patient's Room

***while I was holding the urinal for a male patient with tremors and BPH.

"C'mon, George!"

I did NOT need to know that my patient's penis is named "George". 

That's my dad's name, and his dad's name.

My patient, btw, is NOT named George.

I'm bewildered AND slightly disgusted.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Not what I expected to hear...

from my 88-year-old patient.

I answered a call light in the middle of the night. My patient beckoned me over to her bedside and we had the following exchange:

"This is gonna be an odd request..."

"Don't worry about it, I'm here to help!"

"My snatch is itching, could you wash it for me?"

*blink blink*

So I did. 

I cannot make this shit up. Seriously. I can't.

Sunday, March 17, 2019

That time when... (no pun intended!)

That time when you're working the night shift when Daylight Saving Time starts.

And your *very insistent* patient demands that you adjust the clock in her room. Right. NOW.

And the clock slips out of your hand, falls to the floor, and on the way down triggers a Code Blue.

I can't make this shit up.

Monday, February 04, 2019

Overheard on the Cancer Ward

So, after having a *ahem* firm discussion with Eeyore* over the phone about why my patient, who's likely perfed his bowel, can't come to the radiology department for STAT portable x-rays, she finally shows up, and the following conversation takes place.

Me (joking while piling on the lead-lined gear, as I'm needed to hold the plate behind the patient for a specific view of the abdomen.):

"Meh, I get more radiation flying on a plane...and I'm almost fifty, I'm done having babies!"

Eeyore (seriously):

"You could always get cancer..."

Really? You don't say?  You realize that this is the oncology unit?! And we're in a room with a patient who was just diagnosed with lymphoma, a tumor of which likely punched a hole in his bowel about an hour ago...? And I'm an oncology nurse, who handles (carefully!) chemotherapy agents almost every shift?

Ugh. Some people.

*AKA the morose overnight x-ray tech

Thursday, January 03, 2019

Stop and Reflect

I roll my eyes as my ass barely hits my chair when the patient in 403 hits the call light. Again. For the millionth time this shift. I need to get my charting done!

I take a deep breath and let out a sigh. We're working without an LNA again this shift. I guess they figure things are "quiet" at night and we can manage without one. We can. Barely and sometimes poorly.

I step into 403 and say,

"Hey Steve, what can I do for you?"

And he answers,

"I just wanted to tell you what a great job you're doing! Sorry for being such a pain.."

Instantly I'm ashamed of myself. Being a patient totally sucks. Especially when you're as sick as Steve. He has no control over anything, except the call light. I get that he is lonely and wants someone to talk to.

I need to do my job, which yes, includes charting (oh, so MUCH charting), but mainly involves patient care.

Patient care isn't just pills and assessments. Patient care also means taking the time to tend to the emotional and mental well-being of the folks entrusted to us. It's a big responsibility. I need to focus on that more and on the minutiae of charting less.

It makes me a better nurse, and a better person. And all of my patients benefit.

Monday, October 29, 2018


That creepy/awkward moment when you realize that your fifty-something patient is calling her *husband* "Dad"...

And calls urination "tinkling".


Monday, July 30, 2018

That moment when...

you wake up in the very quiet, deserted, pitch-black, middle-of-the-night infusion suite and realize you accidentally forgot to actually START THE MOTHERFUCKING TIMER when you began your break (aka "nap").

And now you were off the clock and unavailable for an hour instead of 30 minutes.

Oh, well. Everybody knew where I was and nobody came looking for me.

And seeing as I haven't taken a real break in WEEKS, unit manglement *, I mean MANAGEMENT better not say a word...

*I totally stole this, but I don't remember from whom/where!

Monday, July 16, 2018

Overheard in the hospital...

Me: What would you like to drink to take your meds?

Patient: VODKA!

Me: I'm so sorry...we don't have that...

Patient: Then why did you ask?!