Saturday, January 28, 2012


-saw "One for the Money", and it didn't suck! (Caveat: I'm a huge fan of the books, so YMMV.)

-I got my health insurance card in the mail today, w00t!

-survived my first week of school, relatively unscathed. Except for my habitual fretting over stuff that's not due for months, which is SOP for me.

-massaged for 7 hours today, five clients total. Not one of them talked, so I had 7 hours to spend inside my own head. That's not always a good thing, trust me (see above bullet point!)

-filed my taxes today, too...Yay! I'm actually getting money back from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts...must mean I'm poor. ;)

-Two of my 90-minute massages were prenatals, and my first one had EPIC GAS. I'm talking, reeking like the bastard child of a skunk and hell effluvium. And rotten eggs. Though that's three parents. This was THROUGH a blanket and a sheet, mind you. Reminds me of time I was pregnant with Silver and woke up her dad from a sound sleep. But I digress...

-I have homework! As a matter of fact, I have to memorize a song by MONDAY. When am I supposed to do that?! I have no time! (I have a mandatory post-holiday, holiday party for work tomorrow night. Sigh. At least it's free food!)

And that's about all I've got right now. Have a great Sunday!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


wasn't challenging enough, so I auditioned for the Chamber Singers and got in! Now I'm in two musical groups, w00t!

I'll have more details on concerts, etc., at a later date, should anyone be inclined to come hear us perform.

Forgot to mention that I'm singing Soprano 1 in Chorus and Alto 1 in the Chamber Choir. I made the mistake of mentioning that I could go "pretty low" during the audition, so he asked me to show him. "Wow, you CAN go'll be an Alto, I need Altos!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


is being stuck at a subway station due to a malfunctioning train and being forced over and OVER and OVER again to listen to a third-grade-skill-level saxophonist butchering "Mary Had a Little Lamb", "The Star-Spangled Banner", "The Wedding March", and "Happy Birthday". Among a few other songs. I believe "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" was one of them, but I can't be quite sure BECAUSE HE SUCKED!!!

Man, where are earplugs when you need them?!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Poor K.!

Not only did his deep tissue client fart on him twice while his face was in close proximity to her exhaust pipe (he was bent over, massaging her hamstrings), but she only tipped him four bucks!

Talk about adding insult to injury...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ow ow ow!

As my (big, bodybuilding) client was turning over onto his back during the massage, he TOTALLY kneed me in the thigh. Ow. I was grimacing and silently screaming, hoping he'd keep his eyes closed so he wouldn't freak out and think I was having a seizure or something.

Then he apparently realized he'd made secondary contact because he muttered a "Sorry..."

Hey, at least he's a good tipper!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

There's something totally cool...

about a client telling me how "wicked good" her back feels after the massage. Dare I say "WICKED COOL"? ;)

Friday, January 13, 2012

Crazy day.

Yeah, that was yesterday. It started off okay, until I got to work. I had an older male client whose chart was littered with "Deep Tissue Massage", who told me that he HATED deep tissue and wanted really light pressure. Turns out his son, a Jr., is also a regular client here and somehow the two charts were conflated. Now the front desk has to figure out which notes are for which client, and fix up two brand-new charts, which of course need to be signed by the respective men. *sigh*

Then I had a client who has the same name as another client and there were two charts and two files. Luckily we could figure out which was which by birthdate and address, and it doesn't appear that any of the therapists erroneously charted.

THEN, there was the new client who was wearing her bra AND a tanktop when I walked in (in addition to her underwear, which I have grown accustomed to here). I told her she needed to take the tops off if she wanted me to massage her, which took her aback (no pun intended). I'm sorry, but if you want a massage with your clothes on, go to the mall and get a chair massage. My patience for that sort of thing has run dry.

THEN there was the client (luckily not mine) who was jerking off during his massage. The therapist was almost done by the time she noticed, so she finished the massage and went and told the owners of the spa about it (unfortunately our manager, who always has our backs, wasn't there yesterday). They asked her if the client had touched her or said anything inappropriate, and when she told them no, he hadn't, they told her it was all okay.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!

No, it is NOT okay. It's never okay for a client to masturbate during the massage, no matter whether he/she says or does anything else "inappropriate". Believe me, this is going to be addressed during our mandatory staff meeting Post-Holiday Party...

And finally, I got home and found my blog gone and my gmail inaccessible. Someone must have hacked my gmail account and done something that violated Google's Terms of Use (or whatever it's called.) I felt like a huge part of me was missing! Anyway, at least I got it all straightened out today and I'm BACK. Of course I changed my password. Here's hoping that today is a better day.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Actual Movie Title

"Apple Ass Battle Bang II"

I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that there are people out there who will pay money to see this, or that this is a SEQUEL.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

It's pretty sad...

that my prenatal massage client had to have parental consent forms signed before I could massage her.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

You know...

if you're swarthy and hairy...if you sound like an extra from the Sopranos...and if you sport a tattoo that says "Made in Napoli" on your arm...I get the sneaking suspicion that you might be of Italian heritage! Just a WAG on my part...;)

Tuesday, January 03, 2012


you know it's likely to be a bad massage when the first thing you notice on the intake form is *BE CAREFUL OF THE BACK PIERCINGS!*


Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year!!!

I hope all y'all out there have a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year.