Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Adding injury to insult...

I walked into a tree tonight. And I was walking BRISKLY.



I look like someone whacked me with a big stick. Now to come up with a variety of amusing explanations to keep from having to admit how FUCKING STUPID I am...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Second one...

I just massaged another guy (the second one) with a tramp-stamp tattoo. This one was a back-packer from Australia, really nice guy. The first one was a few months back and he was from Scotland. Consensus: if you see a guy with a tramp stamp, he's most likely NOT from the United States. Unless he's gay.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

My ticker.

I don't know if you've been paying attention to my weight-loss ticker, but just in case you haven't noticed, I wanted to point out to you that I've changed my goal weight by ten pounds. I moved it up from 135 to 145, because honestly, I think I'd be too skinny at 135. It's amazing and a bit scary to me that I only have about 16 more pounds to go in my journey. Hopefully those 16 pounds come out of my upper thighs...just sayin'!

At any rate, I'm so close I can almost taste victory on my tongue, and its taste is sweet.


Friday, September 25, 2009

Yet another pet peeve.

Hypocrisy of parents who make their kids wear bicycle helmets, but don't wear them themselves. What kind of message are you sending your kids? That's about as asinine as buckling your baby into a car seat, but not wearing your seatbelt!

"Oh, wear the helmet to protect your skull, but once you turn 18, who gives a fuck anymore?!"

Oh, and if you do put a helmet on your kid's head, make sure it fits properly and covers the fucking forehead, okay, Moron? You know, the part of the skull most likely to hit the pavement if your precious babe goes over the handlebars? Wearing a helmet so loosely that it slips back and forth is useless.

Christina's rant and public service announcement of the day.

I LURVE the thrift store!

I just bought five pairs of jeans, two belts, and three sweaters for a grand total of $32.50. You can't beat that with a stick!

I got lucky because the jeans were half-off today, $2.50 a pair instead of $5.00.


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Overheard outside of a Mormon Temple:

Oh, your dogs are so well-behaved!


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I'm in.

I haven't blogged about it, since I didn't want anyone to know if I failed...but I just got the call yesterday that I've been accepted into the next class at a private nursing college here in Las Vegas!!

I start classes on November 30th, and will be finished in 22 months, graduating with my Associates Degree in Nursing. Then I will take the NCLEX and become a Registered Nurse!

Everything is falling into place, here's hoping the next two years go as smoothly...

Of course, you'll be riding along with me, so to speak!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Client Roundup

I massaged three clients today.

My first client was incredibly demanding and micromanaged the massage.

My second client had the most horrid hangover breath EVER, which he insisted on blowing in my face.

My third client was a former boxer and wanted to get deep tissue work, though he only paid for a Swedish massage. And he had really, really smelly feet.

That being said, all three of them were extremely kind, interesting people, whom I enjoyed chatting with and working on.

Nobody's perfect, least of all me.

Friday, September 18, 2009

My first time.

I lay back against the hard surface, my clothes mostly discarded in the rush to get to this point. My partner, much more experienced than I at this sort of thing, murmured soothing words of encouragement.

I spread my legs wide, as commanded; I closed my eyes, a mix of excitement and nerves making my heart race inside my chest.

I felt the heat first, then the pressure, then...RIIIIIIIIIP.

Ouch! That smarted...

Yes, Folks: I've gotten my first ever Brazilian wax.

I love the results, and it wasn't as painful as I feared. Don't ask for pictures, please, 'cause it ain't gonna happen!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Floridians, you gotta love 'em!

I massaged a very nice old lady yesterday, visiting from Florida, who paid me a wonderful compliment. She told me after her massage that she felt like a new woman! That always makes me happy. I was even happier when she tipped me $45, which is more than I make on commission from the massage! Both events, combined, made my day.


Gee, thanks. [/sarcasm]

If you're getting a massage while massively congested due to a nasty cold (which, I reiterate for probably the thousandth time, I do NOT recommend), and not only do I considerately dispose of your nasty snot rags, but give you my very last cough drop, the least thing you can do is leave me a tip. Especially if, as you said, you LOVED your massage.

Thank you. Enjoy your flight back to Australia. Where they apparently don't tip.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Seen on the casino floor five minutes ago...

a woman, wearing a "Turn to Christ" t-shirt, going wild shooting craps.

Friday, September 11, 2009

It's been two weeks...

since I moved, and I finally feel like I'm completely settled. I went from a 1000 sq.ft. apartment to a 100 sq.ft. room (plus a 25 sq.ft. storage unit!), and said room is rather full with my belongings, but to me it feels cozy rather than cramped. I hung the last picture and unpacked the last book today, and I have a warm feeling of accomplishment at last.

The dogs seem finally to have made the adjustment, I no longer have to keep the bedroom door closed at night so they don't have an "accident" somewhere in the house (they now know to use the doggy-door to go outside). This is a Very Good Thing, because my roommate keeps the thermostat set just below "swelter", and my room got suffocatingly hot with the door closed, even with a fan going. My dogs sleep under the covers, you see...and they put out a LOT of heat!

Anyway, I no longer have the feeling that I'm simply spending the night at someone's house...I'm actually home.

It's a good feeling.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Turn of phrase...

Overheard inside of a treatment room:

Wow, what you're doing to my shin TOTALLY doesn't suck!


Dorothy, my newly-minted massage therapist colleague!

What a nice young lady. I'm very impressed.
She's not quite 4'10" tall, and looks about twelve. Needless to say, she has to set the massage table as low as it'll go!

She was kinda thrown into the deep end today, her very first day. I tried to help her out and explain things as we went along, but it wasn't easy because we were all busy this afternoon. Our last massage of the evening was a couple's hot stone massage. I'd gotten everything ready hours before when I had a break, so that we wouldn't be running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The massage was scheduled for 5:00 PM.

5 o'clock rolls around, and our clients are nowhere to be seen. Hmmm. They booked in person earlier in the day, and the massages were paid for at that time. Yay, we get our commission and don't have to do any work!

Wait...not so fast. At quarter after, they waltz in.

An Asian couple whose English skills are rather lacking, which bodes ill for the rest of the massage. So we get them on the tables at 5:20, which means they're getting a thirty-minute hot stone massage instead of a fifty minute one. NO PRESSURE, RIGHT?

Of course I ask my client, the man, whether he's had any recent injuries or surgeries, he says that both he and his wife are healthy. Excellent! We proceed.

Obviously we don't have enough time to do the full body. I massage the entire posterior aspect (the entire back of his body, while he's lying face-down), then turn him over to start massaging his neck and scalp.

I've barely started rubbing his neck with the stones, when he suddenly thrusts his right foot out from under the sheets and says, "My big toe is sore!" Of course, I assume he wants me to work on this sore spot, so I put the stones down and mosey to the foot of the table to work on his big toe.

I start gently rubbing it, and he's twitching and "ouch"ing, finally he jerks his foot away and says, "No, my toe is HURT, please don't touch it!"

To that I say: D'OH! with a side of *facepalm*!

Miscommunication and language difficulties rear their ugly, ugly heads.

I fall all over myself apologizing, of course. Because the customer (or massage client) is always right.

Needless to say, I did not get a tip from this massage. Oh, well.

What a lovely beginning to Dorothy's glamorous career as a Las Vegas Massage Therapist!

Profound wisdom...

seen on a t-shirt worn by a rather rotund man walking on the Strip today:

Fat people are hard to kidnap.

Good point!

In other news, I'm still alive, and Michael Jackson is still dead. As is Teddy Kennedy.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I'm sick...

and my creative juices have been drowned in mucus.

I'll be back sometime soon. Hopefully I'll feel better ASAP.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Happiness is...

having my elderly client tell me after his very first massage ever, that he hasn't felt this good in years. :)