Friday, September 30, 2011

I should have a t-shirt made


-Google maps sucks at directions for Boston
 -pedestrians EVERYWHERE, especially in the middle of the street
-crazy taxi drivers
-seriously, Tobin Bridge? Speed limit 35mph, I'm going 55mph and the other drivers are passing me while flipping me the bird
-bring plenty of money for tolls and PARKING. Holy crap.
-lots of pretty stuff to gawk at, don't get distracted
-gas stations that don't sell gas. Which really sucks when your gas gauge is hovering just south of the big "E".
-when you finally find one that DOES sell gas, it's almost a buck more expensive per gallon than anyplace outside of town
-have I mentioned that Google maps sucks at directions for Boston?

All that being said, Boston just isn't really that big, so while I got a wee bit lost going home, it was just lost in detail. I knew the highway was north and west of where I was at, so I kept heading in that direction until I saw signs.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Calling all Paramedics/EMTs!

Having recently had occasion to be a passenger in an ambulance on a run to the hospital, I noticed that the driver of said ambulance wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Is this common? I'm really interested in hearing the experts answer!


I've been doing massage for a number of years now. I've seen a lot and many of my clients have quirks or odd habits, but I never thought that I'd have a client who exhibits the full range of behaviors!

My last client of the night was the female half of a couple. It started off with incomplete/illegible paperwork, but I muddled through the interview. Then I noticed the dog. Yes, she had a floofy dog with her, in a tote bag. She insisted the dog was her "service animal". Ooookay, whatever. As long as it's quiet and doesn't attack me, I don't care.

After we were already in the room, she suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Of course that's fine, but it puts us another few minutes behind. L., my colleague, and I were definitely not getting out of there on time, but okay.

When I reentered the room to begin the massage, I noticed she had earbuds in and was listening to her own music. Unusual, but I've seen it before. Except that it wasn't just an iPod or MP3 player, it was an iPhone.
So in addition to having her music blasting loudly enough that we could all sing along to JayZ, the fucking thing also rang during the massage. And she answered it, since it was her mother. And they talked for about two minutes.
Remember the earbud thing? Yeah, she TALKED LIKE THIS. As a matter of fact, she talked like that throughout the massage.  When she wasn't texting, that is.

When she wasn't talking or texting, she was moaning. Loudly. And when she wasn't doing any of those things, she was bopping along to the music.

Let's just say she wasn't the most pleasant client I've had, and leave it at that. I won't repeat the f-bomb here as many times as I did when I got home and recounted the story to my roommates. :D

Monday, September 26, 2011

Local idiom

What I hear most often:

"Hihowahyah?" (yes, it's all one word...TRUST ME.)


"Y'naht from aroun'heah...wheah ya from?"

Gee, how could they POSSIBLY tell I'm not from around here? 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sunday Haiku

Leaves pattering down
like a dessicated rain
Fall melancholy

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Mission: Impossible Accomplished!

I did it!

The disappointed client from the other day was very pleased with the massage she received from me.

Not only did I redeem the spa's reputation, I also landed a loyal client who already booked another appointment with me two weeks from now.

But the most important thing about all this is in her reaction as she exited the room: not to go into too much detail here, but she has a chronic condition, and she told me tearfully that for the first time since she can remember, she was able to turn her head without pain.

That's better than earning brownie points with the boss any day.

Friday, September 23, 2011

When it rains...

it pours.

Looks like I just landed a second (part-time!) job. So now I'll be working five days a week at the local spa, and one day a week at a spa in a town about 15 miles away.

I know I can't keep up this pace indefinitely, if only because I'll be going to school full-time next semester, but I'm going to make as much money as I can in the meantime, and pay off my debts. Oh, and help my chilluns, especially Silver. She's a poor college student, ya know?

As the saying goes, I'm making hay while the sun shines. (Yes, I'm mixing metaphors. So sue me. :D)

Christina: The Redemption???

My boss took me aside during my break last night to give me a head's up. They'd had a new client with various health issues who booked a 90-minute Deep Tissue massage with another new therapist yesterday, and she HATED her massage.

Rather than send her off unsatisfied, they rebooked her with ME for tomorrow, so she's getting a freebie massage and I'm left to redeem the spa's reputation...


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

One more observation from my new job...

it's WONDERFUL to have no sales pressure. As a matter of fact, the owner of the spa told me that that's what the sales associates are for.

I don't feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I'm at work. I'm there to do massage, nothing else!


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dear Client:

I'm truly happy for you that you're able to get an erection at your age, but that doesn't mean you can masturbate during your massage. Jerk off on your own time.

Thank you,

Christina LMT

Monday, September 19, 2011

Observations after my first week of work...

in BULLET format! Cause that's how I roll.

-having the six-year-old you live with cheerfully call out, "Make some money!" as you're leaving for work is terminally cute and will put a smile on your face and in your heart that'll last your entire shift.

-tips are good. GREAT tips are better.

-having cash in your wallet again is the BEST, though. Even if you spend most of it a day later at the EPIC Steampunk Exhibition!

-taking the entire summer off from massaging, then jumping right back in with eight-hour shifts is probably not a good idea. (I'm totally out of "massage shape", and my ass was kicked both Friday and Saturday.)

-having your new boss tell you that all the clients LOVE you and that they're already rebooking with you is completely worth the fatigue and soreness you feel at the end of the week.

-it's probably a good idea not to be too pedantic. Correcting your new colleague, who just earnestly informed another colleague that "ambiguous" means "obvious", will likely NOT endear you to said colleague.

-learn to deal with heavy local accents. Don't automatically assume that a client is from a foreign country, even if you can initially barely understand her!

And the most important observation after my first week back at work:


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Fangirl Squeeeeee!

I had the best time today! We went to the Great New England Steampunk Exhibition!!!

I've been wanting to go there ever since I first heard about it, mainly because my two favorite authors EVAR were the Guests of Honor:

Sharon Lee and Steve Miller!

I've been a huge fan of their work ever since I picked up "Conflict of Honors" way back in the day.

I swear that when I met them, I held my fangirlish squeeing to a minimum. No, really!


Does it look like I'm squeeing?

I bought a few books, got some autographs, and after chatting with them a bit, walked around the convention floating a few inches off the ground. Silver can confirm that when we talked on the phone hours later, I was still geeking out about it.

We watched an excerpt from an amusing Steampunk operetta, "Queen Victoria's Floating Garden of Secrets and Natural Wonders", which had a few too many fart jokes for my taste, but was nevertheless a worthwhile endeavor. Excellent singing!

Here are some of the amazing costumes we saw throughout the day:



Nifty car:


LOVED this hat, seriously adored it:





This gentleman won the rather informal costume contest (I was rooting for another gentleman with an amazing mechanical backpack, whose picture I was unfortunately unable to obtain...):


I think it was the armor that won him first place.

I also took the opportunity to try on an amazing leather corset, with the most cunning front closures EVAR. If only I had an extra $295 lying around...*snerk*.




I was looking in the mirror going, "Wow, I have BOOBS!"
Well, I got the lady's business card, so I know where to go when I have money saved up. That's just one item I *have* to add to my wardrobe. Very nifty.

And that was my day! Very much fun was had by all!



I'm glad I finally got that out, I think I almost ruptured something holding back.


Duh, I was so tired when I posted this, I forgot to mention how incredibly NICE Sharon and Steve are. They were very kind to spend time chatting with me about various and sundry topics and I enjoyed the experience immensely.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Background check on me...

apparently came back okay. I got a call last night from the local spa and went in this morning for training/orientation.

My first shift is Thursday afternoon and I as I was walking out the door this morning they were booking me my first client.

Yay, work!

Yay, money!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Dear Bitch...

who stole my debit card info and ordered almost $300 worth of crap from

The nice people at gave me your name and address, since MY debit card info was on the order. gave me your telephone number and I've also found your facebook page and pictures of you elsewhere on the internet (btw, you are FUCKING UGLY. Just sayin'.)

I'm going to the police today to file a report and I will gleefully press charges.

Have a nice day. 'Cause it's gonna get ugly from here on out.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Overheard during a massage...

My ten-year-old client addressing me sternly, after her older brother opens the door after a perfunctory knock:

"I frown upon someone knocking on the door and opening the door during my relaxation."

Now imagine that line voiced by Violet Parr from "The Incredibles," and you'll understand why I struggled to hide my sudden laughter!

How to commemorate the ten year anniversary ...

of the most heinous terrorist attack on American soil?

By going about my business as if it were any other day. I'm not watching TV or listening to the news. I might read some of my regular blogs. But other than that, I refuse to live my life one jot different.

I'm giving friends massages. I'm doing dishes (the dishwasher broke) and folding laundry. In a bit, I'm going to babysit my friends' kids for a couple hours while they go have some shooty fun.

Business. As. Usual.

Don't give the bastards the satisfaction of seeing our anguish, our rage, our fear over the events of September 11, 2001. They deserve nothing but our contempt and our resolve to put an end to their despicable business.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Poor pup.

Harley just had another seizure. My poor baby!

This one wasn't nearly as bad, thankfully. I'll just have to keep track of the frequency and maintain good records. His last one was 11 months ago, and if he's gonna be epileptic, one seizure a year isn't that bad. Let's just hope they don't start hitting more frequently.

I haz a job.

Pending background investigation, that is.

I massaged the owner of the spa and she offered me a job on the spot, w00t! And she speaks GERMAN. :) :) :) :)

Best part is, they're five minutes from home. In a pinch, I could walk to work.


Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Eventful day!

In bullet format!

-got a letter from Nearby Big University (NBU) that I'm on the short-list for their nursing program. I'll know for sure beginning of December (hedging my bets, I'm still applying at two other schools not-so-nearby...)

-got a reply from one of the places I applied for a job, have a second interview (with hands-on portion) on Sunday.

Wish me luck for both of these things, please!

-folded a metric fuck-ton of clothes.

-went to the gym and worked out (w00t!)

Altogether a very satisfying day in all respects. :)

I just got an email from another place, they want me to come in for a practical, too! W00t! Bonus, it's right here in town. :)

I almost forgot...

to post my POST-Irene pics. Here's the pile of broken branches that we collected from the backyard. Most of them are from the big ol' willow tree, some of which crashed to the ground while I was walking my dogs during the storm.




Monday, September 05, 2011

Snippet of a chat exchange...

Silver is stoked about a song by deadmau5, her latest favorite musician. She shares the video with me, and yes, dutiful mother that I am, I actually watch it...

Me: Okay, in that song, Rob Swire was the ghostly singer?
And is the musician pronounced "DEADMOUSE"? or "DEADMAUFIVE?"

Silver: no, actually
the guy who "died" was played by deadmau5 and yes, he has that tattoo on his neck in real life
it's pronounced "dead mouse"

Me: So who was Rob Swire?

Silver: the reason why it's spelled like that is because he couldn't fit it as a chatroom username when spelled correctly
the singer was Rob Swire
there's an actual version of the song without lyrics, it's a slightly different mix
I have both
also, deadmau5 is a huge nerd
he made several Minecraft references in his performances in LA

Me: Okay, is that music techno or what?

Silver: it's in a subgenre of electronica
he's "progressive house", apparently
funny thing is
Daft Punk is French house
and both Daft Punk and deadmau5 cover their faces when they perform
I wonder if it's a house music thing?

Me: And he wears the giant disco-ball-dead-mouse-head during performances?

Silver: yes
and it has LEDs on it
so it can change expressions
he apparently has different ones
here, lemme find a pic...

Me: But is it still TECHNO?!

Silver: yeah
if AVTechNO! and Daft Punk are considered Techno, then deadmau5 is definitely techno

Me: Okay.

Silver: xD
oh maaaaaaan
AVTechNO!'s new album is coming out in two days!!
this is one of the songs on it

Me: Now I have blogfodder, thanks!

Silver: xD
if you're going to use a video...
I think you should use this one

also, deadmau5 likes Cthulhu
a lot

Me: No, Silver. I'm blogging this CHAT!

Silver: like, he's getting a Cthulhu tattoo and everything xD


Silver: ha
during the LA concerts, Rob Swire went on stage and sang Ghosts N a ghost-sheet costume
also, deadmau5 is in Vegas right now
complimenting the weather
also, getting his tattoo
he was on Twitter WHILE getting the tattoo!
the creator of Minecraft even asked about it!

I'm blogging. :D

Silver: LOL
let's see if that link works
that's him wearing the LED mau5head
also, note the Bullet Bill t-shirt (from Mario)

Me: that's pretty freaky.

Silver: LOL
man, he's so cool
I want to go to one of his concerts someday
along with Daft Punk, AVTechNO! (if he ever has one), and Hatsune Miku
of note, he was the only electronica artist at Lolapalooza who performed at a main stage instead of in a "rave tent"
also, the Meowington's Hax tour?
named after his cat
his cat

Me: Okay.

Silver: also, a covalent bond is a bond in which an electron is shared between two atoms
just so ya know ;)

Me: yeah, I know that.

Silver: aaaaand I just realized that I could just type my stuff out instead of writing it

Me: Sheesh, do you think I'm a moron?

Silver: LOL
the college thinks I'm one
that was part of my biology homework!
I learned that in high school

Me: Yeah, I learned that in anatomy AND microbiology. And chemistry in high school.

Silver: oh


Silver: my
there is a Kagamine Rin cover of that PON PON PON song x.x
oh god
it's even worse
it's a LEN Kagamine cover
also, English subtitles
oh my goooooood


Silver: why is this so catchy?!




Silver: ah I see

Me: And I'm saying goodnight so I can blog.

Silver: PON is the onomatopoeia for clapping
good niiiight
let me know when you post it
<3 you!
Sent at 10:09 PM on Monday

Damn, I feel old.

I'm not a sheep...

but I will follow the herd on occasion, when it provides blog fodder!

Here's the list of NPR's top 100 SF/F titles, with the ones I've read bolded. I added comments as necessary!

1. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien (read it once, long ago when I was a teenager...I haven't been able to read it again, I always get bogged down)
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
3. Ender’s Game, by Orson Scott Card
4. The Dune Chronicles, by Frank Herbert

5. A Song Of Ice And Fire Series, by George R. R. Martin
6. 1984, by George Orwell
7. Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
8. The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov
9. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
10. American Gods, by Neil Gaiman
11. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman (it's inconceivable to me NOT to have read this classic...;))
12. The Wheel Of Time Series, by Robert Jordan (this is the TRUE never-ending story, and I bailed after reading and re-reading the first six or so books)
13. Animal Farm, by George Orwell
14. Neuromancer, by William Gibson
15. Watchmen, by Alan Moore
16. I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov
17. Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein (of course, Heinlein is the MASTER)
18. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss (reading this as we speak, so to speak)
19. Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
20. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley
21. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick
22. The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood
23. The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King (tried this one and failed; I've not read anything by King since "It" totally terrified me...fucking CLOWN)
24. 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke
25. The Stand, by Stephen King (see above)
26. Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson
27. The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury
28. Cat’s Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
29. The Sandman Series, by Neil Gaiman
30. A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess
31. Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein (duh)
32. Watership Down, by Richard Adams (many times)
33. Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey (LOVE this series, I've read it many times and took joy in sharing it with my oldest child, who's also a fan.)
34. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein
35. A Canticle For Leibowitz, by Walter M. Miller
36. The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells
37. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, by Jules Verne
38. Flowers For Algernon, by Daniel Keys (I read this one when I was just a kid, borrowed from my older brothers who were reading it for high school English. DEPRESSING.)
39. The War Of The Worlds, by H.G. Wells
40. The Chronicles Of Amber, by Roger Zelazny
41. The Belgariad, by David Eddings
42. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley

43. The Mistborn Series, by Brandon Sanderson
44. Ringworld, by Larry Niven (LOVE Ringworld!)
45. The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin
46. The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien
47. The Once And Future King, by T.H. White
48. Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman
49. Childhood’s End, by Arthur C. Clarke
50. Contact, by Carl Saga (liked this, never watched the movie)
51. The Hyperion Cantos, by Dan Simmons
52. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman
53. Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson
54. World War Z, by Max Brooks
55. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle
56. The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman
57. Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett
58. The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson
59. The Vorkosigan Saga, by Lois McMaster Bujold
60. Going Postal, by Terry Pratchett

61. The Mote In God’s Eye, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
62. The Sword Of Truth, by Terry Goodkind
63. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
64. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke
65. I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson
66. The Riftwar Saga, by Raymond E. Feist (YES, read this, but only the first two series.)
67. The Shannara Trilogy, by Terry Brooks (to me, Terry Brooks epitomizes the author who shoots his wad right off the bat, and is never able to get to that level again)
68. The Conan The Barbarian Series, by R.E. Howard
69. The Farseer Trilogy, by Robin Hobb
70. The Time Traveler’s Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger
71. The Way Of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson
72. A Journey To The Center Of The Earth, by Jules Verne
73. The Legend Of Drizzt Series, by R.A. Salvatore
74. Old Man’s War, by John Scalzi (most definitely an author to watch)
75. The Diamond Age, by Neil Stephenson
76. Rendezvous With Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke
77. The Kushiel’s Legacy Series, by Jacqueline Carey
78. The Dispossessed, by Ursula K. LeGuin
79. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury
80. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
81. The Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series, by Steven Erikson
82. The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde
83. The Culture Series, by Iain M. Banks
84. The Crystal Cave, by Mary Stewart
85. Anathem, by Neal Stephenson
86. The Codex Alera Series, by Jim Butcher
87. The Book Of The New Sun, by Gene Wolfe
88. The Thrawn Trilogy, by Timothy Zahn
89. The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldan
90. The Elric Saga, by Michael Moorcock
(very depressing, but my brothers were reading it, so I HAD to, too...:))
91. The Illustrated Man, by Ray Bradbury
92. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley (it's on my TBR list)
93. A Fire Upon The Deep, by Vernor Vinge
94. The Caves Of Steel, by Isaac Asimov
95. The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson
96. Lucifer’s Hammer, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
97. Doomsday Book, by Connie Willis
98. Perdido Street Station, by China Mieville
99. The Xanth Series, by Piers Anthony
100. The Space Trilogy, by C.S. Lewis

I have to say, some of these books (and authors!) I've never heard of! Others are old, beloved friends.

Also, forty out of a hundred, not bad. :D

Not Thanksgiving...

but I'm so thankful for my friends. Thank you for listening, it really helps when I'm doubting myself for whatever reason, you just make me feel better!

You know who you are...:)

Friday, September 02, 2011

You know you're reaching a "certain age"...

when your friend gently yet adamantly shakes her head "no" at you as you go into raptures over gaudy feather earrings at Claire's.