Friday, December 27, 2013


only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

I ALMOST got straight A's this semester. I "only" got an A- in Mental Health Nursing, but whatever, I'll take it.

This was the semester from hell and I'm glad it's over.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas!

To all my readers out there (all eleventy-seven of you):

May you have a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, successful New Year!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Semester's Done!

Now I just have to wait for grades...I know I got an A in my Ethics class (by biting my tongue a LOT), but I'm not-so-patiently waiting for my Maternity, Mental Health, and International Epidemics grades. I know I got at least an A- in each class, but straight A's would be sweet. Yes, I'm THAT person.

You'd think now would be the time for me to relax, but au contraire, mon frere! I'm gearing up for the holidays, plus preparing for my epic trip to South Africa, plus I really, really need to do my continuing education units for my massage recertification, plus, plus, PLUS.

Sometimes it sucks being a grown-up.

The most awesome thing right now is that all three of my babies are here for Christmas, w00t! I've got to get a good group picture of them while they're all together...

Oh, and before I forget, this time next year I'll be  


Two more semesters of nursing school to go.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Overheard in the Car

After having to listen to screaming babies (yes, PLURAL) during our evening viewing of "Frozen" last night, we're having a discussion on baby/movie etiquette, and I mention that Silver was EASY in movies as a baby: whenever she started crying, I'd give her the boob! Chimes Silver (now 22.5) from the backseat...

"Hey, what can I say? I like my dinner WITH my movie!"


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Save me!

I'm studying for my Nursing Ethics final, which is online and available in two hours (I'll be taking it tomorrow morning after a good night's sleep), and I came across this gem in my textbook:

Earth health and human health are intricately interconnected, and nurses need to include ethical considerations of our relationship with Earth into nursing practice. Twenty-first century health care needs and issues require global consciousness.

I guess I need to go sky-clad and and consult with Gaia before I give someone some Tylenol or insulin.
(Oh, SHIT...that was culturally insensitive!)

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Quote of the Day

"THAT'S what this game needs...this game needs BACON!"

Monday, December 09, 2013

My babies.

Twenty years ago today, I waddled into Tripler Army Medical Center's Twin Clinic for my regular check. I was 36 weeks pregnant, looked like a toothpick that had inexplicably swallowed a jumbo watermelon, was unable to wear any shoes besides men's size 12 flip-flops, and was unable to drive because I couldn't fit behind the steering wheel and reach the pedals with my foot at the same time.

I was utterly miserable, and nothing made me happier than the doc saying I would be staying at the hospital that day, because my babies had decided to make their appearance early (very common with twins). They weren't due until January 7th.

Untold agonizing hours later (I dunno, fourteen? -ish?), TalliahAngel made her appearance. The nurses immediately exhorted me to "push! push!"...uh, I just pushed one baby out...don't I get even a little break?! Apparently not. It wasn't until they started prepping me for a c-section that I decided maybe I could push a little more. Plus, I had my eye on the clock and realized if I didn't hurry up, my twins would have different birthdays, and that was just UNACCEPTABLE. A little assistance from the vacuum extractor and voila! Chaos (as she is known online) was born!

Tally was 6lbs, 1.8oz. Chaos 5lbs, 13.1oz. BIG for twins! Imagine if I had gone full term...

From all the parents of twins I've spoken with since, the 21-minute gap between my girls is the longest I've encountered! (And btw, I ALWAYS say it thusly: "21 EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL minutes later..." Gotta keep it at the forefront of my children's minds!)

My life would never be the same. I'm so grateful that they are in this world! They are the most precious, intelligent, annoying, wonderful, aggravating, delightful, yet horrible young women: I know they'll conquer every obstacle, taking no prisoners (prisoners are deadweight, after all), and achieving anything they set their minds to.

Happy Birthday, my Babies! I love you!

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Public Service Announcement

Dear Oblivious Slow Drivers in the Fast Lane:

Get. The. FUCK. Out. Of. My. Way. 

Or I'm gonna shank a bitch.

Oh, hell. Why limit it to the fast lane? ALL of you oblivious slow drivers, GET OUTTA MY WAY.

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Channelling Inigo Montoya

Written on a tip envelope

  "Thanks for a mollifying morning!! :)"

Somehow I don't think he really knows what that word means.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Here we go again...

Clients coming in who have colds. No. Just no.

Also: HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING. Sorry, I was in food coma for most of the day and forgot to post anything.

Monday, November 25, 2013


I played Scattergories and dominoes with psych patients. Hey, every clinical should be this fun!

However, I didn't appreciate the asshat behind me who was HONKING because I didn't blithely make a left turn into oncoming traffic. Sorry that I didn't use my telekinetic powers to move the cars out of the way so that you could get home faster, Douchebag, but I'm not supposed to use them for expedience.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Quote of the Day

"Everything's better with melted chocolate!"

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


I had to use off-site parking at school today. Of course the only space I could score was at the ass end of beyond.

Well, that sucks, I thought. I'm going to be coming back here after dark...but wait, at least the parking space is right under a light!

Which of course turned out to be the ONLY light that was not working tonight. Everywhere else was brightly illuminated, but my car was in a pool of shadow.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013


Giving a group presentation on Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) in my Nursing Ethics Class.

Showing a Youtube video using the classroom computer and campus wifi, which apparently doesn't have Adblock or anything similar.

Having ads for FUCKING RAZORS pop up during the video, where young girls and women are describing the horrible mutilation they experienced at the hands of those who should love and protect them.

Fucking insane and ridiculous and I wanted to die. ARGH.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Quote of the Day

"Knead my ass like it's a lump of dough...!"

Alrighty then...

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Christina's Time-Saving Techniques...

1. Assess line at cafe; note it's really, really long.
2. Realize you only have five minutes before your next class and you NEED CAFFEINE.
3. Grab a coke.
4. Approach the young man who's second in line, ask him what he plans to order.
5. After ascertaining he's only getting an iced coffee, offer to buy it for him if you can sneak your coke in, too.
6. Pay for coke and iced coffee and go on your way.


Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Quote of the Day

"Is he barking through his monkey?"

Sunday, November 03, 2013

Sassy Bank Sign


Saturday, November 02, 2013

Gotta love my clients!

A client wrote on a tip envelope:

Thx for the back and butt magic!! :)

There are worse things to be known for than being a purveyor of BUTT MAGIC (said in an exaggerated fashion while doing jazz hands and spirit fingers...)

I should put that on my business cards.

Friday, November 01, 2013

Overheard in a Birthing Suite

Husband (speaking anxiously to wife in labor): Honey, are you okay?!

Wife (with a very slight smile on her face): I have a HEAD in my PELVIS.

He didn't ask her again.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

It's always nice...

when the owner of the spa is within earshot when a client tells the front desk staff that the massage she just received from me was the BEST MASSAGE EVAR.

I had a dream

I dreamed that today was Sunday and I didn't have to go to work. Then I woke up.


It would have been a dream come true!

Off to the salt mines, Y'all.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Public Service Announcement

If you're driving in heavy traffic through a tunnel, don't become obsessed with identifying the movie the kids in the minivan in front of you are watching. It will not end well.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Note to Self: Don't Blog When Exhausted...

I had my mental health clinical today, and it was a very good day.

A gentleman complimented me on my sweater.

A lady told me after a lengthy conversation that I had "a good light." (I got verklempt!)


Edited by author to remove stuff that wouldn't have been added had she not been totally exhausted.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Driving among Massholes

You must be prepared to SLAMONTHEBRAKES at any given nanosecond. Just sayin'.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Missin' my Blogorado Peeps.

I haz a sad.

Also: Stingray without Labrat is like peanut butter without jelly. I sense a disturbance in the force.


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Dream or nightmare?

You decide!

I dreamed I was working an overnight at the hospital, and rather than taking care of patients, the entire staff sang karaoke together, instead. LOUDLY.

The worst part is we were supposedly singing "Fernando" by ABBA, but even my subconscious doesn't know the song very well,  so it was a mash-up of "Fernando" and "Mandy" by Barry Manilow.



Yeah, I vote "nightmare". My brain is seriously fucked up.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Overheard in the Car

Washing babies is like washing dishes, only with more crying!


Just discovered that five SENIORS were expelled last semester for cheating on an exam. What utter MORONS. Why would they destroy their lives over a stupid grade on a test? I just don't get it.

Monday, October 07, 2013

While perusing a patient's H&P...

I came across this gem:

UDS* positive for Cannibals.


I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. And when I showed it to my clinical instructor, SHE laughed so hard she nearly peed herself.

Ah, nursing school. Fun times.

*UDS=Urine Drug Screen

Sunday, October 06, 2013


I had an epiphany of sorts last night as I was cleaning the treatment room at work.

All the things that FUCKING IRRITATE me, that I consider my pet peeves, can really be boiled down to ONE GIANT PEEVE:


Don't be a half-ass, don't do a half-assed job.

It's simple. If you want to stay on my good side, finish what you start and do a thorough job.

It doesn't matter if it's at work, doing chores, driving on the street, writing something, whatever. If you are thorough and do things right, I won't have to shank you or wish you to the ninth circle of Hell. Or Siberia. Or that you are staked out on a fire-ant nest after being covered in honey .

You get the picture, I'm sure.

It makes my life so much easier to have recognized this! Now I don't have to freak people out (and or annoy/irritate them myself!) by enumerating all the things that tick me off!

It's just one.

Friday, October 04, 2013

Creepy McCreeperson

Had a client today who reminded me of Joe Pesci's character in the Lethal Weapon movies, and he gave off a weird vibe. He was either mentally ill in some way or he was high.

He was one of those clients who starts getting undressed the moment they walk through the door of the treatment room. Shoes kicked off and fingers unbuttoning the shirt. I reminded him to wait until I left the room to undress, and he pulled the shirt off and said, "See, I'm wearing a t-shirt!" No, it was an undershirt, there's a difference, and it's still inappropriate. These people are so worried about not getting the full time on their massage, they usually say things like, "I'll be done so quickly, you don't even need to leave the room!"
As did my client yesterday. Yeah, no. That doesn't fly.

He never crossed the line during our session, but he said a few things that put me on high alert, and made me choose my replies very carefully.

"What can we do to help me relax?" Ew. Just ew.

After he turned over to lie on his back, and I asked him how he was, he said,

"I feel GREAT. But enough is never enough...if you know what I mean."

Also EW.

But by far the oddest exchange happened right at the end, when I was massaging his neck and shoulders.
He looked up at me earnestly and said in a low voice,

"I apologize, Christina...and I know this is taking it too far, but do you massage...the face?!"



No, I didn't say that.

I assured him that I do indeed massage the face, and all was well in his universe.

After tipping me a measly 12 bucks and raving about my mad skillz to the front desk, he went on his way.


Let me just say...

Nursing school is not for wusses.

Every time I think I have a handle on things, one more (additional!) assignment gets tacked on. I feel like I'm drowning.

My anxiety is ratcheting up, my sleep is fractured and poor, and I'm getting increasingly cranky.

Before the current semester, the beginning of each semester was always like this. THIS semester, though, doesn't seem to be settling into a groove. I miss the groove. *sigh*

Oh, well. Maybe if I stop stressing so much about getting an A in every class, and stop being such a fucking perfectionist about my writing, I'll be able to relax. But knowing me, I doubt it, LOL.

Anywho, thanks for letting me vent, O Bloggy Friends!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Leavin' on a Jet Plane...

in January.

I'll be going to Cape Town, South Africa for almost three weeks! I'll be traveling with my Epidemics class, and we'll be working hard while we're there.

I don't know how much I'll be able to share here, but of course y'all will be the first to know (after me, duh.)

So, any tips? Recommendations? Advice? I'm NOT going to be doing sight-seeing, etc. We're there to work.

In other news, school is kicking my ass (but what else is new?) I feel like I'm barely treading water, and it's only been four weeks since the semester started. I will eventually have some kind of routine going, but the extra class (epidemics) requires a TON of reading and a journal for each lecture (which is twice weekly), and that's on top of all my nursing stuff. Of course, it was my decision to take this class (which was by invitation/interview only), so I only have myself to "blame".

I KNOW it will all be worth it in the end, but right now I feel like whining, and if I can't whine on my on blog, WHERE CAN I?!

Well, I guess I should get back to work...

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Seen on campus

A waifish young lady with Easter-Egg PINK hair, pixie cut, wearing a purple bowler hat.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Conversations from Clinical*

Me: So, you know the patient who sings to drown out the voices? Are you ever tempted to sing along with her?

Instructor: *blink blink*

Me: Not that I DID, but I was tempted! C'mon, she was singing "Wind Beneath my Wings"!

Instructor: You made a wise choice.

I had that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

*mental health clinical

Sunday, September 08, 2013

So much material... little time or motivation.

Things keep happening, or I see something, or somebody says something, and I think, "Wow, that would make GREAT blogfodder!" But by the time I get to a computer, I don't have the time or inclination to actually WRITE anything.

Oh, wait!  I will share this: My newborn nursing/labor and delivery/maternity clinical instructor met with us at the lab on Friday for a training session. She also handed us some lovely material pertaining to our clinical site and clinical experience, including a list of do's and don't's. At the very bottom of the list, she had handwritten ALL IN CAPS:


We all snickered as we read it, but quickly sobered as she went on to explain to us how awkward and mortifying it had been, for both her and the student, to have to have the discussion about body odor and hygiene with said student last semester. One thing that one must keep in mind is that pregnant women have a VERY sensitive sense of smell and cannot tolerate nasty odors. The last thing you want is to make the lady you are assisting during labor have to vomit because you STINK.


I also wanted to give y'all a quick update on Silver's situation. She is still sleeping on a friend's couch in Fargo, but in GOOD news, she managed to land a full-time programming gig at the university despite her non-student status. This was through some kind of manipulation/mojo/legerdemain on the part of the graduate student who worked behind the scenes to get her the initial summer gig. Apparently he feels responsible for how that turned out. Go figure. She tells me that with careful budgeting and thanks to your generosity, she'll be able to pay her outstanding balance within a few months and enroll in classes for the spring semester (yes, at UND...her options are pretty limited when it comes to school, she's so close to graduating that attempting to transfer all of her credits would likely be futile and expensive.)

So, that's that. And actually, writing this blogpost is enabling me to procrastinate, as I have some group notes from a lecture to work on and post to the class wikispace. Damn, at procrastination I'm a GENIUS, I tell you!

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Three. More. Semesters.

School started today. It was actually entertaining, but to be honest, I'm feeling kinda burnt out. I want to have sleep learning like in a SF novel, where they hook me up to a machine, I go to sleep, and wake up with all the necessary knowledge. Or to get it all uploaded directly into my brain, like Neo learning kung-fu in the Matrix movie.

I love learning but I don't want to do the work.


The most "entertaining" thing was one of my classmates in my Epidemics class asking me for permission to date my twins. Yes, both of them. At the same time. And he wasn't joking, either.


I mean, at least he's not a total creeper. He was honest. He's 21, extremely bright, and extremely cute. Maybe I should ask TallyAngel if she's interested. After all, Chaos is in North Dakota anyway, and therefore my classmate's fantasies are destined to remain just that...

Well, I'm tired and off to bed. I have a paper due tomorrow afternoon (yes, ALREADY), but I guess I'll write it in between my two lectures tomorrow.

Let the Procrastination Games begin!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Silver decided to update her website...

...and the donation link got broken.

If you're still inclined to donate, and don't have an aversion to Paypal (which, if you're a gunnie, is completely understandable, btw.), direct your gaze to the right of your screen and you'll find a "Donate to Silver" button at the top of my sidebar.

Thank you all again.

Link is broken, from the Paypal end of things. Her email address is now listed in place of the button. Sorry about the confusion.

Thursday, August 29, 2013



Silver has now received $1175 in donations!

Thank y'all very, very much.

She's going to Fargo for a week or so while she decides where to go and what to do for the rest of the semester. She has to work and work fast to pay the rest of the bill so that she can register for classes for the spring semester.

You are all awesome, btw. :)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Silver Speaks.

She hijacks the blog to say:

THANK YOU SO MUCH :D I apologize for the lack of contact or whatever lately, I've been trying to figure out where I'm going to live and stuff (contacting relatives, getting my affairs in order, etc etc). I'll be sending a lovely e-mail to each and every one of you once I start packing up (ergo, after I'm done playing phone tag and hashing things out). Web work will start once I'm settled in where I am for the next three months. :) Again, my apologies for the lack of updates on my part, Mom's been on my ass about it (despite it being her blog...), but I've been running around trying to get things done, which I have a limited timeframe during the day for. Not everyone is up at midnight like I am!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


I believe this is my first official bleg, and I hesitate to do it, but it's for my child.

Silver the Evil Chao, aka SystemsReady, is in a terrible bind. You know her from the pages of my blog, and many of you have met her in real life. She's brilliant, funny, and broke. She owes her university (the University of ND) $3000 for summer housing and will be kicked out of the dorms tomorrow (Wednesday the 28th) if the bill doesn't get paid. Yes, I know this is last minute, but we've been trying to work things out with the school and through family up until now without success.

Here's what happened and why/how everything got so ugly:

Silver didn't come here for the summer because she was offered an AWESOME full-time programming job from the college of nursing at her university, and she had to be there for face-to-face meetings. She took summer housing at the university because she's used to it and she didn't have to pay up front, the charges would just be posted to her account.

Unfortunately, the nursing department dicked around for months and the start date for her job kept being pushed back over and over, until she got an email saying that the college of nursing had a new dean and all agreements/meetings/jobs were cancelled.

By this time, it was too late for her to register for summer classes, which would have enabled her to get some kind of financial aid to cover the charges for housing.

She had already signed up for housing for the fall semester and she moved back into her regular dorm room last week, only to find out they were kicking her out for non-payment of the summer housing charges and because she's not enrolled in classes yet.

She has another programming job lined up through the school, one she's done before, but she has to be enrolled in classes to get it, and she has a hold on her account because of the charges, so she can't enroll in classes. The bursar's office offered her a payment plan to pay off the charges monthly, but that hinged on her getting the university programming job.

It's a classic Catch-22, and until the $3000 are paid, she has no place to live, no job, and no chance to enroll in classes for this semester.

Some good friends of hers have offered her a couch to crash on for a few days, but that's not a long-term solution and it still doesn't address the fact that she can't take classes at the university.

So I'm blegging y'all to help her. I've done all I can, and this is my last idea for a solution.

Here's where you can donate, if you're so inclined. Silver will thank everyone personally for any donation, and anyone who donates $50 will get two hours of custom website design (and she's GOOD).

Thank you all for reading, and thank you for any prayers, good wishes, etc. It's greatly appreciated.
ZOMFG! You guys ROCK!
As of 2:33 PM today you've donated a total of $675. That's INCREDIBLE and we're grateful and humbled.
The university will be happy to get a big chunk of cash and it's wonderful progress IN ONE DAY. Wow.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Quote of the Day

"This duct tape is comfortable."

Thursday, August 15, 2013

This is just typical...

...of my quirky brain.

So I'm watching "Despicable Me 2", a hilarious, over-the-top, totally unrealistic animated kids' movie, and what do I focus on?

"Oh my GOD! Is that a chicken running loose in the restaurant? That's a major health code violation, the Health Department would totally shut them down, pronto."

Yes, even *I* mentally facepalmed. The workings of my brain are mysterious, what can I say?

Really good movie, though. I highly recommend it.

Quote of the Day...

(said in a sing-song voice) "Please don't step on my testicles..."

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Dear Clients:

I'm super happy for you that you are able to be outside and enjoy the absolutely lovely weather we're having.

Even though I'm stuck in the spa all day.

Naturally, that includes my joy for the fantastic day you had at the beach.


I don't relish rubbing the nasty-ass mixture of sand, salt, funk, sun block, and massage lotion all over your body. It's gross and it's gritty and I get it all over my hands and arms. Not that it appears to bother YOU.

If you're going to be inconsiderate like that, at least tip generously. Otherwise feel free to turn your ass around and go elsewhere, 'cause I'm too old and cranky for this shit.

Sunday, August 04, 2013

I've lost my blogging oomph...

But if I still had it, I would blog about how AWESOME the Northeast Bloggershoot was yesterday.

Cannons were fired, Elmo was bayoneted (after being thoroughly perforated by many, many rounds of ammo), and much fun was had by all. Especially my twins, who had the good fortune of having many patient teachers on the firing line (Glenn, Les, Weer'd, and Jay G., especially), not to mention the generosity of all the gunnies who were more than willing (more like "eager") to let newbie shooters try out their firearms.

We had delicious food and EXCELLENT conversation, and the weather was simply perfect.

Many, many thanks from the LMT Clan to all the participants, but especially to our hosts, the DoubleTroubles, who put up with the yearly invasion with grace and courtesy, and to the organizer par excellence, Jay G.

Ehrmahgehrd! I forgot to thank WALLY for fixing my rifle and bringing it to the shoot! THANK YOU! I got to use my Precioussssss to make a reactive target dance and it was GLORIOUS.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Inquiring mind wants to know...

Would any of you date a young lady with a prominent tattoo that says "Daddy's Girl"?

Personally, I find it a bit creepy.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Seen at the Spa

Written on the whiteboard by a recently-delivered-of-her-first-child colleague:

That's not my breast milk in the fridge!

I loled.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

The biggest joke?

The posted 25 mph speed limit in the big Revere rotary/roundabout/traffic circle (take your pick).


A couple weeks ago on a Tuesday I did a trade with my friend A., with whom I work at the spa, and received a FANTASTIC massage. I strolled into work on Wednesday night feeling like a million bucks and greeted the usual gang. A. was there, and I immediately thanked her for the wonderful massage and mentioned that I had even posted her awesomeness on the facebookenings.

Meanwhile, as I continued my effusiveness, I observed A.'s face becoming more and more, well STUFFED looking. You might even say "constipated". My babbling trickled to a halt as I realized I must have stepped in it somehow. (Not an uncommon occurrence in my lifetime, trust me!)

I quickly changed the subject and a short while later A. escorted me out the back where we could have a conversation not likely to be overheard.
It turns out that A. had been asked by L. to do a trade on Tuesday, too. But A. had put her off, telling her "[she had] something to do on Tuesday."

Yeah, that would be trading massages with moi!

And of course when I first entered the break room and started blathering about the epic massage I had received and how AWESOME A. was, L. was standing right behind me and heard everything.

I realize that I really didn't do anything wrong since A. hadn't apprised me of the situation, but I was still mighty embarrassed.

Oh, well. Awkward is my middle name.

Friday, July 19, 2013

All Zumba Classes are not Created Equal

*WARNING* incredibly boring blogpost ahead, consider yourselves warned!

 So, I've been pretty proud of myself for heading to the local Y every Sunday morning for the past six weeks or so for a most excellent Zumba class. Doing the same thing over and over again at the gym gets really old, really fast, so I decided recently to mix things up a bit, taking yoga, Zumba, and a brutal weight-lifting class. I've always considered myself a fairly decent dancer (oh, hell...who am I kidding, *I* think I ROCK!), and I took ballet as a child and ballroom dancing classes as a teenager.

C., our Sunday morning instructor, is always cheerful and full of energy, and her class is always packed. I believe we've had up to 30 participants, which makes for a very crowded room. It's a fantastic over-all workout and I feel I'm getting my money's worth. So far I've stuck to the back of the class, but I think I've got most of the routines down well enough now that I could move up a row or so this coming Sunday.

Yesterday I was idly perusing the class schedule at the Y, and lo and behold: A Friday morning Zumba class! Perfect, I thought. I always drag my feet going to the gym, but if I know a class is scheduled, I make more of an effort to get my butt in gear.

Dear God, I should have known better.

My first clue should have been the relatively small size of the class, only ten or so people. My second clue should have been the lack of, well, people of a certain age, shall we say. Third would be that three of the participants were male. Further indications of the hell to come would have been obvious to a toddler, such as the minuscule, artfully torn, midriff-bearing, brightly colored, "ZUMBA"-emblazoned outfits most of the others were wearing. Not to mention the tanned, toned,
pumped, and buff bodies encased by said outfits. Did I mention the six-packs on display? No, I'm not talking about beer, more's the pity!

Speaking of pity... pity me, dear Readers!

The instructor, H., was friendly and up-beat, and she started the class at a high intensity. Then she turned it up to ELEVEN. I tried my best to keep up, and focused on the footwork, mostly eschewing the hands/arms.

You know, I've always thought that I could swing my hips and shake my ass with the best of them, but I was WRONG WRONG WRONG. I never knew that Zumba required twerking skills! (Look it up, Folks. My children enlightened me. *shudder*)

I was panting and sweating buckets within minutes, keeping my gaze glued to the instructors feet and her gyrating ass, totally acceptable behavior in Zumba class, I might add.

Every once in a while, I would catch a glimpse of a doughy, whiter-than-white, stiff and totally awkward middle-aged chick in the mirror, then I'd realize: Oh, yeah. That's me. Fuck.

But you know what? Even though I wanted to quit half-way through, I stuck it out to the end, mentally composing this blogpost as a coping mechanism, to distance myself from the torture. I also eventually realized that several of the folks who were madly gyrating along with H. were actually Zumba instructors themselves, which made me feel a bit better about my lack of coordination and grace. Not to mention my lack of booty-shaking skillz.

And you know something else? I'll be back there next Friday at 9:00. I can't possibly get any worse, so that means I can only get better!


Monday, July 08, 2013

Quote of the Day from my Youngest (by 21 endless, pain-filled minutes) Daughter

Said in a sepulchral tone of deepest melancholy, while contemplating her black-on-black sneakers as we're driving to weight-lifting class:

My shoes are a reflection of my soul...

I larfed. 

Who edits these things?

I just received my mental health nursing clinical placement form, which I need to fill out and return to my school as soon as possible.

Here are the errors I found on the form:
fACULTY (minor, I know, but I'm nitpicky ;).)
DISPBUSMENT (I have no idea what this is supposed to be, disbursement maybe? Is it an acronym?)
A run-on sentence:
The following information is required in order to submit your fingerprints which will be taken by human resources as part of processing your appointment or in connection with the reinvestigation required due to the risk level associate (sic) with your position.
FOLLWINTG (following)
WIEGHT (weight)

I dunno, maybe I'm being too harsh. But this IS an official form and the errors (which not only display an underlying laziness and lack of concern, but could also easily be corrected) piss me off.

Somebody is not doing his/her job. Yet getting paid for it.


Saturday, July 06, 2013

Context is EVERYTHING.

File this one under "Things I Never Expected to Hear my Doctor Say to Me.":

"Good thing you don't sleep naked."

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Interesting day at work.

Not only was I called The Human Rolling-pin (a good thing, trust me), but I was subjected to (too) much conversation on the brilliance of a client's child. Yeah, the mom told me how much her daughter's "photogenic memory" helped her in school. I had to bite my tongue and just nodded my head and murmured assent. Hey, I need the tip money!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Karma is a bitch!

Just ask the motorcyclist who almost ran over me and my dogs yesterday.

My pups and I were finishing our morning constitutional and were waiting for a break in the typical morning rush hour traffic to cross the busy, two-lane street in front of our house. Nicely enough, a local cop in his patrol car stopped to let us cross. Harley, Tucker, and I hustled across the oncoming traffic lane, then passed in front of the cop car and were about to make it onto the sidewalk when we had to come to a screeching halt because an impatient motorcyclist on his crotch-rocket decided that he didn't need to wait in the line of cars. Nope, he thought it was a good idea to go speeding alongside the stopped vehicles. Places to go, people to see. And apparently run over, too. Have I mentioned there's no shoulder on this road? Luckily he was able to stop in time, but not before scaring the shit out of me and my dogs and pissing me right the fuck off. Tucker even pulled out of his collar and was loose in the street.

After hurling choice invective at the helmeted bonehead, I was focused on getting Tucker leashed and all three of us off of the road. The nice police officer had a different priority, though. After courteously waiting until my dogs and I were safe, he turned on his pretty lights and siren and disabused the motorcyclist of his notion that he could continue on his merry way unscathed. They were still there fifteen minutes later when I was putting the trash by the curb.

That put a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I hope they threw the book at him.

Ah, Karma...sometimes you're on my side.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


...whenever a foreign-born (male!) client answers my question of "Have you ever had a massage before?" with "Well, not a massage like this...back home, massage is TOTALLY different," I have my suspicions on how the session is going to go. And I'm (unfortunately) usually right.


And to add insult to injury, he didn't tip me.

I'll have to have the front desk add a note to his file: If client calls to schedule another massage, refer him to Soong's Pleasure Palace down the road.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Overheard in the Car...

Tally: OMG,  this song is unicorn herpes!

Me: *blink blink* Whut?

Tally: You know? It's all *magical* and it never leaves you! You get it totally stuck in your head.

Me: Back in MY day, we called that an "earworm"...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Jenga Madness!

Believe it or not, I managed to reach my advanced age without ever playing the game Jenga. My daughters were quick to try to exploit my their detriment, as I proceeded to build to VICTORY and trounce them. Heheheheheh.

Here's a pic of one of Chaos' and my towers, it is an epic construction which proceeded to tumble mere seconds after this shot was taken.

I think it's pretty impressive!

Fun visit!

Yesterday, Rivendell was graced by the presence of Wally and the lovely A.!

Much delicious food was consumed, many fun discussions were had, and we got the dock put together and installed. (Wally, Sci-Fi, and various progeny literally took the plunge and did the lake end of things...I was more than willing to tote that barge and lift that bale, as long as I didn't have to get into the lake. BRRRRRR....)

It's nice to spend time with good friends, and we'll have to do it again REALLY SOON. Because fun. And because BACON AND BURGERS. :D

Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Blue Zephyr... a snazzy car to someone who drove a bare-bones, manual transmission car for almost a decade. It's automatic and it even has CRUISE CONTROL.

The only problem is, when you've worked hard all day and then have a three-hour drive in the rain, cruise control combined with the mesmerizing shush-shush of the windshield wipers, the cars in front of you throwing up clouds of mist, the hum of the tires on the wet pavement,  and the sameness of the countryside all lead to an increasingly rapidly approaching stupor.

Not really a safe situation.

Thank heavens for TallyAngel's conversation, my dog Harley's frantic attempts to get to the front of the car where the trash bag with the WENDY'S DETRITUS was located (yes, I'm positive in his teeny-tiny brain it was ALL IN CAPS), and caffeine.

We arrived safely in Rivendell, albeit a little damp around the edges, and now we're going to rest for a few days. Well deserved after the semester from hell.

While I'm sitting on my butt, surfing the 'net, reading trashy novels (and some not-so-trashy), and playing board games with most of my family, I will take more than one moment to reflect on those who gave their lives so that I can sit here in comfort, taking my ease.

Thank you so much for your sacrifice, I will never forget.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Beyond pissed.

Well, ONE FUCKING POINT destroyed my GPA. My 9-credit Adult Health class only had points from the four exams we took, even the final was only worth 25% of the grade. I got, respectively, 96, 86, 94, and 96 on the exams. All the papers I had to write for my clinical (which has the same professor) were worth nothing. I don't know why she bothered even grading them and assigning points. I don't know why I even bothered working so hard on them and why I stressed so much. If I had gotten ONE MORE QUESTION correct, on any of the exams, my overall score would have been 94. Instead, the average is 93. Which, of course, is an A-. Since it is a 9-credit class, this A- torpedoed my 4.0, and now I have a 3.927. I know, I know..."first world problem", right?

Whatever, all I know is that I don't know why I try so hard, and now there's no point anymore. Who cares?

Yes, I know the math is not quite right. The first three exams were 50 questions, two points each. The final was 100 questions, one point each. ARGH.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Bay-bee-sitt-er? What's that?

Yesterday afternoon, a lady scheduled for a massage arrived right on time.


Unfortunately, she arrived with her two daughters, aged somewhere between eight and ten. Even more unfortunately, the two people working the reception desk were young, easily intimidated (read "steamrollered"), and didn't say anything until the client had already been taken back by the therapist for her session. Then, and only then, they called one of our managers to bitch about it "not being [their] job" to babysit.

No shit, Sherlock! What's far more important is the LIABILITY issue. Not to mention the other guests getting services...they certainly didn't want to hear a bunch of giggling and trampling of little feet down the halls.

The manager said the only thing he could: it was too late to do anything about it.

I really hope they drove home to the lady after her massage that she couldn't bring her kids with her again.

Unless she brings them right into the room with her (relaxing!). Otherwise the precedent has been set, and she'll think it's a-okay to schlepp her crotch-fruit with her to the spa anytime.

She and her kids are just lucky that I missed the whole kerfluffle because I was in services the entire time.

Duct tape is my friend...


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Will you look at that?

I've got ANOTHER friend who's just published a kick-ass, SF novel!

Peter, aka Bayou Renaissance Man, has always been one of my favorites blog-reads, and his move to fiction is a wonderful and welcome development.

So, go, buy, and read "Take the Star Road". I guarantee you won't be disappointed!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Quote of the Day

Overheard in the kitchen...

"It's either kill me or get me a milkshake."

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Saturday Haiku (Shades of Scarlett O'Hara)

My pets need their shots
waiting in line at Petco
estimate: one hour

An old yellow lab
shits aisle-blocking poo-puddle
sudden change of plans!

Tomorrow I'll try,
a different Petco!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Last day of clinical...

Had to work 1100-2330. Finished with a Code Blue that was unsuccessful. And my partner confused gout with goiter.

I've learned so much over the past few months, and I'm so grateful to my nurse/instructor, who does an excellent job at both. Now I've got three more exams and two finals, then my summer may begin!

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Conversation during clinical

I'm at a computer, working on my nursing progress note of the day, when my partner approaches me...

Partner (looking down at her scut sheet): What's an MI again?

Me (trying to keep the disbelief from showing on my face or in my voice): A myocardial infarction...?

Partner: ...

Me (now unable to hide my incredulity): A heart attack?!

Partner (slapping her forehead with her palm): Oh, RIGHT! That makes sense, it says there was a metal stent placed. But why do I keep thinking "muscle"?

Me (in lecture mode): Because "myo" means "muscle"; the cardiac muscle is affected by a myocardial infarction...

Partner: Right, I just have to look up what sennosides are...

Me: ...

I think I have a permanent bruise on my forehead from all the headdesking I've been doing.

Iron Man III


Saturday, May 04, 2013


When my heavily pregnant client informs me, "Yeah, my husband is kind of an asshole."

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Faith in Humanity Restored:

when a busker at a train station stops in the middle of a song to give a clueless tourist directions.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Not to go all "Tales from the Toilet" on you or anything...

But first there was this, and then today, a young lady was POPPING HER PIMPLES in the public restroom.

WTF is WRONG with people?!

There is a line, and she didn't just cross it, she stampeded over it, blowing it up with thermite as she passed and salting the earth for good measure, as soon as it had cooled enough.

I think I threw up a little in my mouth...

If you like werewolf/vampire (urban fantasy) stories...

then you HAVE to read "Written in Red" by Anne Bishop! Yeah, I was all, "Yawn...another vampire/werewolf/human story."

*insert eyeroll*

But I'm a huge fan of Ms. Bishop's so I gave it a shot. I'm SO glad I did! Just when I thought nothing new could be wrung from that tired old trope, she took it, shook it out, and made it look AWESOME and fresh.

I don't want to give anything away, but let me tell you this: I have very little time currently for reading fiction. The semester is coming to an end and I have a boatload of things to finish and lots of studying to do. Yet in the two weeks or so since I bought the book, I've read it THREE TIMES. Yep. Three. I have other books in my TBR pile, yet I chose to reread "Written in Red".

And that means something.

Get it and enjoy.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Little does she know...

One of my profs called me "very cerebral" today. LOL.

Sunday, April 21, 2013



Could it be?

Nah, she doesn't need that advantage.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

On a lighter note...

Just before I left the hospital after clinical the other evening, I prudently made a pitstop at the public restrooms on the first floor. After all, you never know if the train service is going to be delayed (or canceled!), and you should never miss an opportunity to pee, right?

As I was winding up my affairs, I heard a phone ring nearby, and a man answered and started talking.

"Odd," I thought. "Is the door somehow propped open, and the guy is talking right outside? I hope nobody heard me pee!"

As I was washing my hands, I realized that the voice was coming from a stall behind me.

"Excuse me, but this is the women's bathroom."

"WHAT?! I'm in the WOMEN'S ROOM?! Oh, God...hold on, I'll call you right back!"

So, not only did he waltz into the women's bathroom without noticing the lack of urinals, he also answered the phone while taking a dump!

I didn't wait to see if he'd finish pooping before leaving and calling his friend back, or if he'd pinch a loaf and hurry to the men's room next door to complete his business.

Some things are just destined to remain a mystery. And I'm okay with that.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

You know you've written a good nursing progress note...

when the oncoming nurse doesn't have any questions. :D

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Excellent New (to me) Blog!

I spent way too much time reading Aesop's blog, Shepherd of the Gurneys, last night, when I should have been finishing up my final concept map of the semester.

ER nurse with attitude, snark, and most excellent writing skills? What could be better?

Wait! That description also fits SHRTSTORMTROOPER of (Kinda Still New) ER Nurse Insanity: The Traveling Years, who was kind enough to point me in Aesop's direction. Thanks, Lady!

Seriously, go read both. LawDog-worthy beverage alerts, don't say I didn't warn you!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


I wish Massachusetts had the death penalty. Just sayin'.

I'm okay. My family is okay. My friends are okay. Several of my classmates were volunteering at the Marathon, and at least one of them is not 100% okay. I haven't heard from everyone yet, so we'll see.

I'm pissed.

And that's all I've got.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The more you brag...

about how you were a sooper-seekrit "special sniper" for the USAF (!?!) after your four-year stint as a radar tech weenie, the less I'll believe you. Oh, and if you add that it was "off the books", that they offered you the gig because you were handy with guns, and that if you had me in your sights at 1700 yards, "[I'd] be gone", I'll believe you even less, if that's possible.

I'm just surprised that my ueber-mega-mondo eye-rolling didn't cause any tectonic plate shifting.

Harsh, but necessary.

 Sometimes the punishment fits the crime.

My clinical partner showed up for clinical this week completely unprepared. As in, she waltzed in at 7:00 AM on the dot, having no clue who her patient was nor knowing anything about her. She seemed bewildered that the assignment sheet was no longer hanging on the board.

After making a plethora of excuses explaining her situation to our clinical instructor, she was promptly sent home for being unprepared.

Here's the deal. EVERYONE screws up at some point. Your car breaks down, you oversleep, you wake up puking, whatever. We're human, it's understandable. But here's where my partner fucked up: She refused to take responsibility. She made excuses and was offended and upset at being sent home. She simply didn't get it, and that's the biggest problem.

She said, "I could go get her vitals and then sit back here and get all the info in twenty minutes. We don't have to pass meds until 8:00 AM, so what's the big deal, anyway?!"


I can't emphasize how wrong my partner's attitude is. She was setting herself up for failure and risking the health of her assigned patient. And she just didn't get that.

She's extremely lucky that she didn't get thrown out of the nursing program. As it stands, she has to make up the 12-hour shift AND prepare a case study which she then has to present to the entire class...the 21st century version of the dunce cap, I suppose.

My biggest fear is that she won't learn from this experience.

Well, we have three more semesters to go after this one, room to grow for all of us.

I hope...

Friday, April 12, 2013


I just received an invite to my university's "Latino Graduation Ceremony".

First of all, why me? Did this invite go out to every student, or is my one-quarter Portuguese DNA somehow on record somewhere? (And since when does Portuguese heritage have anything to do with Latin America, unless you're from Brazil, which makes you BRAZILIAN, not Portuguese, but I digress...)

Second and most importantly, why is this even necessary? What happened to just plain "Graduation"? I think having a diverse student body is awesome, but in my opinion ceremonies like this one change "diversity" into "divisiveness".

My favorite version of the yin-yang symbol...

Apple and blueberry sausages!


Monday, April 08, 2013

Repeat after me:

lie, lay, lain

lay, laid, laid

Two completely different verbs that may NOT be used interchangeably.

I should've been an editor. My (not-always-so) inner grammar Nazi would then at least occasionally be appeased.


Sunday, March 31, 2013


I finally opened a twitter account. I resisted for SO LONG, but it's futile. I'm @LucrativePain (imagine that!)

I guess I'll see what all the fuss is about. My daughter is happy, anyway.

Saturday, March 30, 2013


One of my colleagues, a mid-twenties female, has no clue who Joseph Stalin was. I weep for humanity.

Friday, March 29, 2013

If you walk into the spa...

REEKING of pot, and you're obviously still higher than a kite, you're not getting a massage.


...that moment when your patient's spouse asks if you're "a good Catholic girl."

Well, I was baptized Episcopalian...that's pretty close, isn't it?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

*blink blink*

The scene: extremely packed elevator, filled with nursing students.

Foreign Student Sally: Oh, Steven...look: you're the ONLY MAN on this elevator!

Obviously Gay Steven (with an eye roll in his voice [yes, we could hear it]): I think you're all safe.

F.S.S.: You never know...WE MIGHT GET HUNGRY!!!

O.G.S.: Oh, look! We've arrived! (hurriedly escapes the elevator, with most of us stampeding after him.)


Or do I really even want to know...?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Why can't we be more like Europe?

Isn't that what liberals say here? That Europe is SO tolerant of alternative life-styles, while the U.S. is so damn conservative and just plain mean.

Yeah, not so much.

When was the last time police had to use tear gas and a brisk hickory shampoo to disperse hundreds of thousands of anti-gay marriage protestors in the United States? I can't recall a similar event here, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess for some the grass is always greener.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The question is...

wtf has Herr Rickens been smoking?!

Let's play a drinking game: down a shot every time you come across the word "fairness" in the article. I guarantee you'll be on the floor before you've finished reading.

Monday, March 18, 2013


...walking through the grocery store with Major Caudill.

He's famous on the internet, don't you know?

Sunday, March 17, 2013

AFK for a day or so...

heading up north to visit some friends! I don't want to schlep the laptop with me, so blogging will be nonexistent. (Not like I've been blogging all that frequently anyway...y'all prolly wouldn't even have noticed my absence! LOL...)

Have fun but don't trash the joint. I like everything in its place.

Later, Gators!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Do you need something to read?

I did...until I saw that Marko had published his novel!

Go to Amazon and get Terms of Enlistment RIGHT NOW. Because it's awesome, and because I told you to. ;)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Clinical snippets...

Me (responding to patient after he directed a spate of rapid-fire Greek at me): I'm sorry, I didn't understand you.

Patient: What use are you to me if you can't speak English?! Don't you have to speak English to work here?!

Me (blinking in confusion): Sir, of course I can speak English...we're speaking English NOW.

Patient: BAH!

Maybe I shouldn't have said "Kali mera!" when I walked into the room...


When my partner and I got on the elevator to go have lunch, it was packed, but by the time we got to the cafeteria level, there was only the two of us...and a group of six red-and-black-clad nursing students from our "rival" school. No greetings were exchanged and tension was in the air as we glared at each other, sizing our opponents up. I was prepared for the rhythmic finger-snapping and stylized fighting to commence, but the elevator dinged and the door opened. Saved by lunch! (And I can't make up my mind whether I want to be a Shark or a Jet, anyway...)


I had my finger in someone's butt, and not in a fun way.


Being my patients' advocate and getting results is AWESOME.


If I get home after well more than 12 hours on my feet, and the only thing that appeals to me for dinner is a big bowl of popcorn, then by golly, I'm gonna have popcorn for dinner! And that's okay.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

What gorgeous weather today...

I unfortunately got caught up in this mess, so was horrendously late for a 3PM appointment (like, forty minutes late), but as I walked across the Charles River with the sun in my face, a gentle breeze flirting with my hair, I couldn't stress about my tardiness at least I wasn't the poor schlub who got run over by the train!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Every house...

should have emergency, back-up ketchup.

Because you never know when there'll be a ketchup crisis!

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Dear Professor-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless...

ONE diagnosis, TWO OR MORE diagnoses. There is no such word as "diagnosises".

It's a treatment or drug REGIMEN, not REGIME.

And please stop adding r's at the end of words that don't have them. I forgive you the r's that you drop in the middle of words, you're from Boston and can't help it.

My OCD thanks you.

Friday, March 08, 2013

Gee THANKS, Boston PD!

I received an email from my university, which passed on a "Spring Break Safety Message and CRIME ALERT" from the Boston Police Department.

After the obligatory, "If you're leaving for spring break, make sure to lock all your doors and windows and ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your house..." stuff, they went on to mention that there have been some muggings around various T stops, especially in the east side of town. Then came this gem:

As you walk around Boston anytime, please always be aware of your surroundings and should you be approached comply with the perpetrators request.  Your life is always more valuable than your property.

They also go on to say that should you be a victim of a crime, to report the incidence immediately to the nearest police station. They don't add the qualifier "should you be ALIVE after the attack". But they should.

Well, you know what BPD? With all due respect:


Take your asinine advice-for-sheep and shove it where the sun don't shine...assuming your head leaves enough room.

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

While leaving the chiropractor's...

I noticed something that would have been unthinkable in Las Vegas:

There were fifteen cars remaining on the lot, and every last one of them was either black, midnight blue, or dark gray.

Another subtle difference between East Coast and Western desert.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

I would love nursing school so much more...

...if there weren't so many damned papers to write. I am absolutely loving my clinical experience, and lectures are interesting. I'm learning so much! I don't mind the exams, I see the necessity. If only I could go to lecture, take exams, and have clinical THREE TIMES A WEEK.

And never write another paper.

Then I'd be completely and absolutely happy.


Friday, March 01, 2013

Overheard in a hospital room...

Patient (responding to his nurse): I refuse to answer that because you framed your query in the form of a statement.

Nurse: ...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Mother Effer...


The display on my new alarm clock is so MOTHERFUCKING huge and bright, I felt like Frodo all night long.

I could see it with my eyes closed. Heh, it's like my own personal red-light district!

Kinda ironic, since I got rid of my previous alarm clock yesterday because it had the annoying habit of randomly buzzing right on the edge of audible range...

Sometimes you just can't win.

Monday, February 25, 2013

What's worse than a Monday 8 AM lecture?

Why, it's getting to school early to do a brutal workout, then discovering you forgot to bring a towel.

And having to use your disgusting, sweaty t-shirt to dry off with after your shower.

Won't make THAT mistake again!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

OR Observations

I had the opportunity to observe in the OR today and it was AWESOME.

I had no problems watching the gory/gross stuff, in fact, I find it very fascinating. I do know after this experience that I have no desire to be an OR nurse. While watching the procedures is very cool, the job looks very boring.

Also, (some) doctors apparently don't give a shit about contact precautions.

It helps to have OCD when you work in the OR; the surgical techs ROCK it.

OR scrubs are really uncomfortable because they don't fit right.

Breathing through the mask takes some getting used to, and you can easily fog up your protective glasses.

As I was watching a particularly nasty wound debridement, I knew I'd do okay, because while the nurse was doing a sponge count and gobbets of necrotic tissue plopped onto the floor, all I was thinking was, "I hope nobody can hear my stomach growl...when can I go to lunch, dammit?!" (Though possibly it wasn't such a great idea to add teriyaki chicken tenders to my salad when I finally made it to the cafeteria, that did give me a brief "moment"...)

Another takeaway from this experience: I hope I never have a medical student stitch me up, though I guess they do need to practice. Just not on me.

I saw an albino squirrel on my way home. Random, I know.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Arrested Development

Remember when you were 12 or 13 years old and you discovered you could spit remarkable distances between your two front teeth?

Fifteen years later IT'S NOT COOL ANYMORE. It's only disgusting. Really.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Fuck you

This is dedicated first to the lovely lady who rattled the handle of the bathroom door and kept tugging on it as I was *ahem*  taking care of business, who exclaimed in disbelief "But it's LOCKED!!!" No shit, Sherlock. BECAUSE IT WAS OCCUPIED.

Second, this is dedicated to K., the douchenozzle pharmacy intern at the local CVS, and also to the chick in line behind me, both of whom mocked me for paying my $21.51 bill with exact change. What's the big deal? Does it make me weird to do that or something?

Finally, this is dedicated to the asshole who kept honking at me because I wasn't merging into highway traffic quickly enough for his tastes. I'm sorry, but I have no desire to become a semi's hood ornament.


Friday, February 15, 2013


ZOMG. I have SO MUCH juicy blogfodder!

And I can't share any of it with you.

Not only would I violate HIPAA, but if I give too much information, it would be easy to figure out which university I attend and which hospital I'm doing my clinical at.

It's so frustrating! I'd love to share, but I have to keep my mouth zipped and my fingers away from the keyboard.

Trust me, though, if anything remotely interesting happens, the sharing of which neither violates HIPAA nor compromises my semi-anonymity, you'll be the first to hear about it!

Friday, February 08, 2013

Watching the snow fall...

and feeling supremely blessed and grateful that I'm safe inside. It's warm, I have plenty (too much!) food and the company is the best.

Oh, and I got an email earlier that I'm not expected at work tonight, and most likely not tomorrow, either.

There are far worse ways to ride out Snowpocalypse 2013!

Monday, February 04, 2013

Word Verification

I know it's annoying, but I had to turn the word verification on again. Far too many spam comments littering my inbox, taking up too much of my time.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Speed Limit

In Massachusetts, the speed limit is however fast the traffic permits you to drive. Just FYI.

Phear Meh

After an exam today, I'm now deemed competent to pass oral meds, perform both subcutaneous and intramuscular injections, and give IV fluids...muahahahahahaha!

*rubs hands together gleefully*

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I got nothing.

I had two posts in draft form, and I just deleted them.

Lemme just give you a quicky update, okay?

My girls are all back in school in FREEZING North Dakota (poor things!), and I miss them terribly.

I started school yesterday, and while my professor is extremely well-versed in her field, a weekly three hour block of watching her wave her hands about while making the "A-OK" sign, flipping her bangs back with a toss of her head, and listening to her pepper her lecture with "Correct?" and "Okay!" is going to drive me INSANE.

I had the flu. Now I have viral pneumonia (according to Mrs. Sci-Fi, and she knows her shit). I'm getting a little better every day and yesterday I started exercising again, walking VERY SLOWLY on the treadmill. I cannot exert myself at all, but I figure after lying in bed for a week, something is better than nothing!

I've had no caffeine in a couple weeks. I had no idea I could sleep so deeply! I'm fatigued right now, but I'm chalking it up to the pneumonia. I hope I can keep the ban in place, caffeine just affects me far too much.

I've lost 8 pounds since the beginning of the month, three pounds of which I can also chalk up to the effects of the flu/pneumonia, since my appetite for the past few days has been zilch. I cut out all baked goods and it seems to be working pretty well for me. It enables me to stick to my max calorie limit, which is so necessary yet so difficult. Dieting sucks.

I hate driving in the snow. And I hate other drivers in the snow even more.

While doing the readings in preparation for my first pharmacology class (an HOUR from now, ZOMFG), I discovered that we have no clue how many anesthetics work, only that they do. Scary, isn't it?!

And that's all for now, just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still alive, albeit barely kicking. ;)

Thursday, January 10, 2013


...that uncomfortable moment when you're trying to decide if your client is merely socially awkward (thus explaining is inability to maintain eye contact), OR he rilly, rilly wants to stare at your boobs.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

The Solution is Clear

Ban subways!

If it can save even one life, it's worth it, right?