Saturday, November 29, 2008

Friday, November 28, 2008

A visit from old friends...

Wow, looky there! Hello, collarbones; haven't seen you in a long time, how are you?

And, hey...xiphoid process, you've been gone too long, it's nice to see you!

Wait...who's hiding down there? RIB CAGE! You've been quite the stranger, thanks for stopping by, why don't you stay a while?

It's always nice when old friends I just have to convince them to stay.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Oh, I don't THINK so!

We think is written by a man (62%).

(h/t Breda)

Hope everyone's having a great Thanksgiving!


I just ate the BEST EVAR fried egg and turkey bacon breakfast.

Ahhhhh. Finally able to eat real food.

And I've had no problems, either. I ate teensy-weensy bites, chewed extremely thoroughly, and ate very slowly. See, I can be a good girl!

I hope your Thanksgiving is a wonderful as mine is turning out to be.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Since she asked so nicely...

here's a picture just for Holly:

A little progress picture of moi...


Hmmmmm. Silver says I look possessed. Hey, SHE took the picture, so blame her! Or maybe it's the braces?

Anyway, I've lost twenty pounds just since the surgery three weeks ago, and forty six pounds all together since the beginning of summer. That's not bad! Tomorrow, I get to eat real food for the first time since the surgery...I can't wait! Four ounces of solid food is way better than ten ounces of protein shake.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Oh, the horror(s of miscommunication)!

I was getting ready to massage a lady yesterday, and asked the standard questions: health issues, recent injuries or surgeries, etc. Here's what she told me:

Client: Well, I often have running sores.

Me: *gulp* Oooookay?!

Client: But I haven't run in a few days, so I don't have any sores now.

Me (what I was thinking): Oh, running soreness, you're sore from running...*whew*...dodged that bullet...!

Me (what I said): Excellent; so any areas you want me to focus on?

I had just taken a client into my treatment room and had barely laid hands on her when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

This is pretty much unheard of. There has to be some kind of major crisis to interrupt a service, and typical Mom thoughts of broken bones and emergency rooms were racing through my mind as I took the few steps across the room to open the door.

M., our spa attendant, was hovering outside the door. She whispered urgently, her eyes huge, "You know you have a four o'clock, right?!"

(It was 4:03 on my clock)

I hissed back, "I'm working on my client right now!"

Her eyes got even bigger. "Oh, sorry!" And she raced away.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thank you, Laurell K. Hamilton!

I was reading LKH's blog, which I follow slavishly, and found a link to this:

Now, I was chatting with Phlegmmy at the time and directed her attention to it...we almost came to fisticuffs about who was going to post it, but then agreed to share!

This is absolutely brilliant, no?

Friday, November 21, 2008


That's how Silver described her job interview, and she assures me that that's good...:)

After the question and answer part, she was required to sort and alphabetize a cart full of mixed media library materials. One side was fiction, the other non-fiction. Once she was finished, the interviewer stated that Silver was done in record time!

She has been doing that stuff every Sunday for three years, for free! It's about time the library started paying her for it...

Well, she'll find out sometime next week if she was hired. I'm trying to think positively, but I remember my most recent job interview, where I thought everything had gone splendidly and they didn't even have the courtesy to send me a rejection letter or give me a call saying, "Thanks, but no thanks." Hmph.

We did experience something very, very cool right after we got home. The ISS with the docked space shuttle zoomed right over Las Vegas! For some reason, probably an article I read a while back, I thought it wouldn't be visible to the naked eye until all the construction was complete. Thankfully my neighbor disabused me of that notion and dragged Silver and me out to the parking lot. It was truly an amazing sight. If I were Brigid or Buck, I'd be able to put my wonder and the fact that I teared up a little into such moving words, you'd get choked up yourselves. But I'll just have to stick to "cool" and "amazing", and let you guys use your imaginations.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Seen outside a church...

a sign reading:

"God prefers fruits of the spirit
over religious nuts."

Gave me a chuckle as I made my way across town.

Also seen today, in a Smith's parking lot:

A license plate holder reading:

"My other car is a broom."

Hmmm. What's the driver trying to say here...? ;)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Because today IS my Friday, just like Saturday is my Monday. It's a Vegas thing.

Today is also a red-letter-day, because it's the very first day since I started working as a massage therapist that every single one of my appointment slots booked!

Yup. I did NINE 50-minute massage sessions today. So now I'm bushed!

Money in the bank, Baby!

Among those I massaged:

-The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in real life, who happens to be a Navy recruiter out of San Diego.

-A woman who looks exactly like Scarlett Johansson. If ScarJo were 75-years-old! Seriously, during the first part of the massage, I kept wondering why the lady looked so familiar. Then it hit me...Scarlett! Only old. Still very beautiful, don't get me wrong, but OLD.
She was a very nice lady from Maryland who had the following exchange with me before we started:
Me: Any areas you'd like me to focus on today?
Her: Well, I'm constipated. Think you can do something about that?
Me: *blink blink* Absolutely! I'll do a gentle, clock-wise abdominal massage and get things moving for you, how does that sound?
Her: Fantastic!

-A Japanese lady (my final client of the day), who, when asked if she'd had massage before, replied: I arrived from Tokyo today.

Okay, then! Moving right along...

All in all a very good day, which makes up for the totally crappy one I had yesterday. My first massage wasn't until 3:00 PM, and it was a $200 massage booked for a high-roller. He loved the massage, or so he said, then proceeded to waltz right out of the spa without leaving me a tip. *sigh* I'll have to get used to that crap one of these days.

Now I have the weekend to look forward to, yay! Lots of homework, which is nothing new, plus Silver has a job interview on Friday, so that should be exciting.

I'll keep you posted, Folks!

Monday, November 17, 2008


Had to go out and buy myself some new pants for work yesterday.

Medium sized scrub pants. "Medium", that means "average"...w00t!!!

Since the beginning of summer I've gone from XL to Medium. That ain't bad!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I hate herpes*

Because nothing says, "Welcome to our spa, I know you'll have a simply wonderful time!" like a HUGE FUCKING COLD SORE. Ugh.

*Clarification: I DO NOT have the nasty, Derek Jeter/Jessica Alba crotch variety, kthnx.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Economic Realities of Vegas

Silver told me about a sophomore bandmate of hers who has to leave band. He can't do afternoon rehearsals or evening performances anymore because he needs to find a job. He's fifteen. At least he hasn't dropped out of school. Yet.

Both his parents were laid off within days of one another.

But at least they have a bit of money to tide them over...the fifteen-year-old gave an older pal $100 to bet on a football game and he won $3,000.

Only in Vegas.

In other related news, my shrink told me today of a Harvard study that was released this morning: The suicide rate in Las Vegas is 63% higher than anywhere else in the United States, and that applies to residents, not tourists (I asked him specifically!). I have to get out of this town.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I suddenly realized I haven't posted anything since Sunday! That truly sucks. You'd think that since I'm off of work, I'd have plenty of time to blog, but actually that just means I have much less to blog about! I read, sleep, do homework, "eat", sleep, watch a movie here or there...that's about it. I had my wound-check appointment at my surgeon's on Monday, everything looks fine. Then Silver and I went across the street to the Las Vegas Springs Preserve, my new absolute favorite place, and spent a few hours there. The funny thing is, I ran into my work colleague S. there, AND into C., husband of A., who works there and who happens to be the gentleman who, along with A., drove me to my surgery on Wednesday! It's a small world. He happened to be chatting with A. on his cell when we ran into each other, so I got to talk to her, too.
That's about the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the past week, if you don't count the fact that I've lost over ten pounds already. But I really don't think I'm going to be blogging about every pound I lose; that's what the ticker in my sidebar is for!
Well, I have class tomorrow, maybe something exciting will happen then...

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Las Vegas Marching Band Invitational

Yesterday I spent most of the day at Las Vegas High School, home of the LVI Marching Band Competition. Silver's band actually made it to the finals, and one of the band parents filmed their finals performance and posted it on youtube. First off let me say that their progress over the past four years has been incredible. The band of my daughter's high school has NEVER received a "superior" rating at LVI before (that's the highest rating you can get, for you non-band-geeks), so the fact that this happened at Silver's final competition is awesome. Unfortunately, though they finished third in their class, they finished last in the finals overall. While watching the youtube footage I heard some squeaks, so maybe the judges came down on them for that, but c'mon, SIX POINTS DIFFERENCE in score from the prelims to the finals?! What bug crawled up the judges' collective ass, anyway?!
I'm breaking one of my own rules and posting the youtube footage here on my blog, even though my daughter's school is identified. I just want to share and show how hard she's worked during this season. Good job, Silver! She plays clarinet, in case you didn't know! Here ya go:

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Musta been the drugs.

I spent most of yesterday sleeping off the drugs they pumped me full of in the hospital. Which is what I suspect is the reason for the dream (nightmare?) I had:

Madonna and Guy Ritchie. Dying, over and over again. Drowning mostly, but then somehow coming back to life again. Sometimes they were trying to save each other, other times they were trying to kill each other. Seeing as I have absolutely no interest in either of them, I have to wonder what was going on in my subconscious!

In other news, I fulfilled my vow to go into class today and take my sociology exam. Got an A, since she graded it while I waited! In an hour or so I'll be driving to Sam Boyd Stadium for Half-time Show Review, a mandatory marching band competition for all Clark County High School bands. Got to watch my baby perform, right? I wasn't sure yesterday if I'd be up to it, but I took a nice long nap after school, so I should be good to go.

Wish Silver luck! I'll have my fingers and toes crossed while watching her band perform!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I'm home...

and I'm alive. 'Nuff said. Now I must sleep!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Big Day

I'm aware that for probably 99.9% of the country today is the big day, and I agree that the elections are of extreme importance, but for me, tomorrow is the big day: Surgery Day!

I must report to the hospital no later than 6:00 AM, and I should be home no later than noon. Probably sooner. I just pity my poor friend A. and her husband, who agreed to drive me there and back BEFORE we knew what time I had to be there!

They totally rock, by the way.

So I'll keep everyone updated on how things went and on my progress. Two days of clear liquids then three weeks of thick liquids (protein shakes, etc.)

Wish me luck, Guys.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Rich people are cheap...

or they can be...

click to embiggen

I'm simply overwhelmed by this client's generosity.

Now you must excuse me, please.

I have to go see if anyone wants to buy a kidney, slightly used...

EDIT: I wanted to add that this was a pre-tip, too. In case you were thinking, "Well, maybe the services sucked and the client didn't think you guys deserved more!"

Saturday, November 01, 2008


I'm weird in what I find attractive in a man in one respect, and that's hair.

I lurve really long hair on guys, or short-short-short, i.e. military buzz-cut or BALD. I don't know why, that's just how I roll.

One of my clients today was a very young man who really reminded me of one of my favorite Sluggy Freelance characters, Riff. If you click on the link, scroll down and you'll see the blond guy with the trenchcoat and sunglasses, and PONY TAIL. Mmmmmmmm.

Needless to say my favorite part of this particular massage was the scalp massage at the end. I got to play with all his lovely hair, squeeeeeee!


In a totally professional manner, of course.


I received an offer of marriage today.

From a client.

A female client.

After the massage, when I asked her how she felt, she said, "That's it! I'm divorcing my husband, leaving my kids and my dog, and moving to Vegas to marry you! Do they have gay marriage in Nevada?"

I replied, "No, unfortunately not."

She shot back with, "That's okay. I'll just move in with you then!"

To which I responded, "As long as you pitch in with the rent!"


Usually I just have people wanting to take me home with them, so this was a first.