Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of y'all out there in Cyberland have a very Merry Christmas, assuming you celebrate Christmas.
Also, I hope that 2013 brings only good things to your lives and that you're happier at the end of the year than you were when it started. I'm glad to have you in my life, even be it merely (?) through this blog.

On my end I have my girls here, I'm celebrating with dear friends, and the semester is over and I got straight A's. Life is good and I have no complaints. I'm very blessed and I'm determined to stop fretting over my first world problems. My resolution for 2013 is to volunteer somewhere. I need to get off my ass and do more for others.

How about y'all? Any resolutions for 2013? Share!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

So. Happy.

My girls are here for winter break! Silver the Evil Chao (or SystemsReady...take your pick), TallyAngel, and Chaos arrived last night. I needed to squish them so tightly when I picked them up from the airport, I think their innards almost dribbled out their ears. So worth it, though.

Today they accompanied me to NBU for my Health Assessment final, then we and a bunch of my classmates got together at a nearby tavern to cry into our respective beers.

Galactorrhea? Seriously? WTF, Professor?!

Tomorrow morning it's The Hobbit, w00t! And tomorrow evening decorating the tree.

It's so good to have my babies here. I'm truly blessed.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Bottom Line

Evil people do evil things. The tools they use are irrelevant, or should be. End of story.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Doofus of the Day*

There was a bit of a kerfluffle at work this evening. Seems one of our customers accidentally cut off another lady while turning into the shopping plaza in which the spa is located. The aggravated motorist proceeded to follow our customer to where she parked, blocked her in with her own vehicle, and when our customer got out of her car, walked over to her and bitchslapped her to the ground.

Then got back into her own car and calmly drove away.

The victim had enough presence of mind to note the license plate of the perp's car and called the police immediately. She sought shelter in the reception area of the spa, and needless to say, did NOT get her scheduled massage.

The amazing thing about all this is that the police located the perp's car parked in another area of the plaza and waited for her there until she finished her shopping. When confronted by the cops, she coolly admitted to the deed.

This woman baffles me, not just because of the road rage and assault/battery, but for either being unaware of or unconcerned by the consequences of her actions.

I don't think she's going have a very merry Christmas. Doofus indeed.

*shamelessly stolen from Peter! :D

Saturday, December 08, 2012

It's not ALL about the Benjamins...

but it sure is nice to get one now and then.

I had a regular client today who's matter-of-fact about massage. When I ask her how it was, she always replies, "Okay." Not effusive at all, in other words.

It was an fifty-minute prenatal massage, and as she left, she handed me a sealed tip envelope. After escorting her to the front desk and flipping my room, I headed back to the breakroom to get my purse so I could go have lunch. I remembered the tip envelope I had stuffed into my pocket and decided now would be a perfect time to transfer the cash to my wallet. I unfolded the envelope and saw this written on the back:


"How nice of her," I thought. When I tore the envelope open and started pulling out the bill, I noticed the '1' first and thought, "Ten bucks for an hour, not bad." Then I saw the TWO zeroes...


 Everyone in the breakroom crowded around me to marvel at my client's generosity. Ben Franklin was never so fawned over in real life!

All I can say is my client's getting a big hug from me the next time I see her. What a classy lady.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Some truths are NOT self-evident...

When I see a bucket of caramels advertised as "Three for 99c!!ZOMFG!", I assume that each individual caramel costs slightly more than a third of that price. I mean, it makes sense, right? Otherwise the sign would read, "Caramels, 33c each!!" Pretty self-evident, or so I thought....

As I'm constantly fighting the good fight in the Battle of the Bulge, I decided to buy ONE caramel to somewhat satisfy my voracious sweet tooth (that fucking bastard, I HATE it, grrr...), so I asked how much one caramel cost, only to have the cashier reply, slowly, carefully enunciating each syllable, while looking at me like I should be sitting in the corner of the room wearing a dunce cap while picking my nose and eating the boogers, "Thirty-three cents." (The "...you booger-eating moron!" was implied. Or maybe that's just my imagination.)

At any rate, I feel disappointed right now. Not only was I made to feel like an idiot, I ate the caramel (DELICIOUS) on the way home and only then looked up the nutrition info. SIXTY CALORIES FOR ONE CARAMEL?!

Not worth it.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm very thankful for my family and friends, and for living in our great country. I'm also thankful for being able to attend college and become a nurse, even if I'm tearing my hair out because of end-of-semester stress.

I'm also very thankful for all of you who read my blog, despite the fact that my posts are now few and far between.

Have a very good day!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dear Catholic Church Hospital Volunteers...

I'm sure the Catholic patients at the hospital appreciate the offer of receiving Holy Communion, and I'm sure you're nice folks, what with volunteering your time and all, but for the LOVE OF GOD, please respect the privacy drape when it's drawn across the room.

Sticking your head AROUND the curtain and asking brightly, "Is now a bad time?" is likely to get said head bitten off, if not by my naked patient, by ME.

Thank you.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


I'm in almost-end-of-semester HELL and I really haven't felt motivated to blog at all. Plus, nothing really interesting has happened here, unless you want yet another rant on New England drivers, traffic in Boston, ultra-liberal campus bullshit, total burn-out/fatigue, or stingy massage clients.



Anyway, I hope everyone out there in cyberland is doing well, and I wish all a truly wonderful Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Because quality snark is in short supply...

Summer of '06 I was lonely. I was working full-time, going to massage school four nights a week and on Saturdays, I never saw my kids, and I had ZERO social life.

I used to lurk on Baen's Bar, just to feel like I was having some kind of interaction with other (mostly) like-minded folks. One day, somebody posted something to the effect of, "Women who like guns! You guys HAVE to check out these blogs!" And linked to Adventures of Mauser*girl and View from the Porch.

At this point, I didn't even have a clue what a blog was. I literally had to google it! Then I clicked over and started reading....and reading...and reading...and eventually commenting...and clicking further to other folks' blogs...and reading...well, you get the picture! A few months later, I started my own blog and the rest is history. Along the way, I've virtually and in meat-space met the people I truly consider my family. Blogging has quite literally changed my life.

And without those initial visits to Tam's and Chris' blogs, it never would have happened.

For me, Tam is an unending fount of wisdom, humor, news, and especially SNARK. I've had the honor and pleasure of meeting her in "real life" and spending time with her, and she is a very special lady.
Unless you've been living under a rock (or don't know what a blog is, in which case, how did you find ME?), you must know that Tam was just diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma. Unfortunately, she has no health insurance (been there, NOT fun) and is looking at potentially a mountain of medical bills to get this resolved.

So, please, if you have even a few bucks to spare, head over to her blog and donate (the button is on the sidebar). Not only will you be helping out a truly wonderful person, but you'll be entered into a raffle to win some pretty awesome prizes. Many other bloggers are on top of this, so go visit them to get more info on the raffle(s)!

Thank you! Let's keep the snark coming!

Update: JayG from MArooned had the latest and greatest on the raffles, go forth and donate!

Thank you.

To all who've served in our military, THANK YOU.

You will never be forgotten, at least not by me.

Happy Veterans' Day.

Friday, November 09, 2012

Surreal Moment

I headed to the university library early yesterday to study for an exam. I made my way to a more lounge-like space that I hadn't visited before. Imagine my shock and pleasure when I found my favorite poem EVAR painted on the wall:

Hälfte des Lebens
Mit gelben Birnen hänget
Und voll mit wilden Rosen
Das Land in den See,
Ihr holden Schwäne,
Und trunken von Küssen
Tunkt ihr das Haupt
Ins heilignüchterne Wasser.

Weh mir, wo nehm’ ich, wenn

Es Winter ist, die Blumen, und wo
Den Sonnenschein,
Und Schatten der Erde?
Die Mauern stehn
Sprachlos und kalt, im Winde
Klirren die Fahnen.

It's a poem by Friedrich Hoelderlin from the early 19th century. I adore this poem and have since I was a kid. I memorized it in 8th grade, just because, and I can still recite it at will. Translating it doesn't really do it justice, but to me, it's about the changing of the seasons, the coming of winter, and the melancholy you (might) feel as you age, looking back at your fleeting youth. Yeah, so I was emo before that was even a word, so what? ;) And the language is just BEAUTIFUL. I get goosebumps when I read it.

Anyway, it was a very bright moment in a day filled with nasty, cold weather, exams, lab, bad news about financial aid, riding on jam-packed public transportation, and exhaustion barely held at bay by copious amounts of caffeine.

I know now where I'll be doing all of my studying in the future.

Friday, November 02, 2012

"I'd like it without blistering, pain, and scarring..."

I was just hitting the drive-thru at Dunk's* a few minutes ago, and the nice gal obviously misspoke when she asked me, "How hot do you want that coffee?"

*blink blink*

I replied, "Not hot enough to give me third-degree burns, please!"

She could barely stop laughing long enough to tell me the total.

*d'you see how I'm going all local and shit? Calling it "Dunk's" instead of "Dunkin Donuts"...next thing you know, I'll be pahking my cah and calling everyone retahded.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012


I just got an email from the College of Nursing that I was awarded an FPS*! I have an awards luncheon to go to and everything...yippee! The money I'll receive won't hurt, either. :)

*FPS: Fairly Prestigious Scholarship

Monday, October 29, 2012

The hatches have been battened down.

All other preparations have been made. We're chilling here, waiting the storm (or should that be STORM?) out. School was canceled today so I'm seeing if I can get a massage in...wish me luck, 'cause I NEED a massage!

 The Massage Nazi says: NO MASSAGE FOR YOU!

 But there are worse ways to spend your day off than futzing around on the internet, doing chores, and listening to a seven-year-old absentmindedly sing Katy Perry's "Firework". :)

Friday, October 26, 2012


Now my car smells like a skunk that took a bath in Febreeze.

When there are skunks casing the joint...

...it behooves one NOT to leave one's car's windows rolled down overnight.  Not even partially. Every time I open the car door, I get a whiff of Pepe Le Pew. Nasty.

Text of the day.

"OMG. If you have a PhD, you should know how to spell "opioid" correctly. FML OCD."

Yes, I sent that to Mrs. SCI-FI in the middle of class. It was the only way I could corral my twitching.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Just putting this out there...


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Skyfall promo...CLEVAR!

Y'all need to watch this, it's hilarious and made of awesome!

H/T Epbot, via Being a Geek.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Slightly creepy.

I just massaged a new client. A young woman with beautifully manicured hands, nails painted black (for Halloween?). Strangely, while prone she had all her fingers partially curled toward her palms, like she was cupping something. I've never seen a client do that. That's not the creepy part, though. Periodically (and completely randomly) she'd clench both hands into fists, causing ALL OF HER KNUCKLES TO CRACK SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Creepy. Really, really creepy. Why? Because it sounded like someone was doing the flamenco on a carpet of cockroaches. That's why.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


Coming home from Blogorado is always a little sad. Since we are among the last to leave, this sadness begins as friends start to head home. The numbers dwindle until finally it's our turn. And today it was back to the grind.


That being said, WE HAD A BLAST. As always. :)

It's so wonderful to spend time with all our friends, especially the ones we only see once or twice a year. The food is spectacular, the conversation by turns contemplative and raucous. Not to mention hilarious. Also, watching Kelly get waxed (don't worry, I rapidly decamped when the depilation progressed to South of the border, *ahem*) was memorable. (Yeah, wouldn't exactly call it "enjoyable". Heh.)

Jennifer and Michael were costumed to honor promises made for Kilted to Kick Cancer. May I just say that BOTH of them were feasts for the eyes. In a totally objective, platonic way. No, really. 

The Nerds are always a delight, and Stingray certainly put his money were his mouth was, anteing up for KtkC, himself. LabRat had fun with fragrances, matching ladies (and gents?) with the best possible/most appealing scent. Yum.

Aepilotjim....hmmmm. Let's just say that he really rocked his footie pajamas. :D Sorry about your chair, we'll either get it fixed or replaced, at the very least before next year! And I think you need to remember your blankie. And get a teddy or a binky. Or BOTH.

Salamander, you need to hang around for more than a day, we hardly knew ye!

Spear, we were like ships passing in the night, wish we could have hung out more! Your gunsmith buddy, Jason (J.? Jay?), was a hoot. Does he blog?

The Texas contingent was out in force, too. Holly and Johnny, Phlegm Fatale and Lawdog, and the gentle gaint, Matt G. (All of them former "neighbors", I MISS THEM. Once a year isn't enough, y'all need to come out East to Beantown, you hear me?!)

 Jay G. and Kelly shaved off their face-fur; it was somewhat traumatic, I believe. Speaking of Jay G., it was an invasion of the Massholes this year! I'm a Masshole now (shocking, no?), the SCI-FIs were of course there (with delicious lobstah in tow), and Weer'd and Mrs. Weer'd were part of the crew as well. Mrs. Weer'd, Phlegmmy, and I had an enjoyable hour browsing through a local antique store. I found a 1946 copy of Redbook I'm determined to send to my daughters...to show them the proper way to treat their (future) husbands...*snerk*. It's more likely to make their heads explode. Hey, just doing my job as a mom!

GayCynic was an awesome traveling buddy, and he brought the SCHWAG (from SAF.) Yes, I'm courting beaucoup vandalism because I WILL plaster the Blue Zephyr's bumpers with epic stickers supporting the 2nd Amendment.

I got to meet NEW friends, too! (Or at least, meet them in meatspace, the intarwebz being such a fantastic connector of people.) Peter, Wing, it was truly a pleasure to finally meet you. Hope we can get together again soon!

Crap. I KNOW I'm forgetting some folks. Please don't hate me if I left you out! I'm still processing the weekend, plus I dove right back into class today. Ugh.

Shooty goodness was indisputably had. This time I had my own guns with me, and I used up all the ammo for my CZ82 in a few hours. I'll know to bring MUCH more next year! I was a bit under the weather on Sunday, our range day (Saturday being rained/frozen out), so I didn't get to try out all the other boomsticks available (though Tam shared one of hers with me, squee!). (BTW, "under the weather" is likely a euphemism for "ZOMG, I think I ate too many lumpia/too much birthday cake/drank too much St. Brendan's [aka 'low-rent Bailey's']/had WAY too much caffeine!") I also tried to bag some prairie vermin dogs, but the only one I had in my sights scampered to safety, curse the nasty beast!

The undisputed STAR of the weekend was only 10 weeks old. Butcher, the WonderPup! I'm positive I'm not the only Blogoradan who almost succumbed to the temptation of smuggling the sweetheart home. What a cutie!

Old NFO was greatly missed (though we did call him during the Ambulance Driver Waxing Adventures). I hope he can make it next time!

But of course, none of the fabulousness that is Blogorado would be possible without the FarmFamily.
Thanks to Farmmom, FarmDad, and Farmgirl,  those most congenial hosts. If home is where the heart is, then part of me considers Blogoradoville home.

I'm honored to be your friend.

Monday, October 01, 2012

Head-Scratcher of the Day...

the ueber-chipper JetBlue associate happily informing me that the airline only allows firearms in checked baggage if they're going to be used for hunting or sporting purposes.

*blink blink*

Um. Did she think I was planning on staging a (VERY) small-scale invasion of my friends' back forty or something?!

Monday, September 24, 2012

A name has been chosen.

My baby is officially "THE BLUE ZEPHYR".

BZ or Zephyr for short.

Yes, there's a joke in there, and no, I'm not going to explain it. Trust me, it wouldn't be funny to you.

I still haven't made my mind up about vanity plates. I didn't brave the RMV today, the wait times were close to two hours. I'll try first thing tomorrow morning, which gives me more time to decide on the plates issue.

Wish me luck that I get out of there with wallet and sanity mostly intact!

Sunday, September 23, 2012


...is arguing with an 11-year-old girl on the sexism of all the "girls" doing the "boys'" make-up before play performances. Yes, I started getting worked up about it. Sorry, it just pissed me off.

Pic of mah bebeh!

Isn't she pretty? Of course it had to rain last night...

Any name suggestions?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

She has a point.

Silver points out the oddity of sexual segregation.


I haz dem.

Wow, two months without a car is an eye-opener, lemme tell ya.

I got an excellent deal on an immaculate '02 Honda Accord sedan, Carfax report and all vehicle maintenance records included.

The car only has 76 K on it.

Can't beat that! Of course, on Monday I have the joy of letting the Commonwealth of Massachusetts rape me my wallet.

Anyway, the light is really bad for pics right now, but I'll try to get some good ones tomorrow to post. Also, any name suggestions (after viewing the pics, natch) will be considered. The car is blue and has a spoiler, *rowr*.

I'm debating whether to spend money on vanity plates. I never have, but have always wanted to.


RN&LMT (I don't know if special symbols are permitted. Must do more research!)

What do y'all think?

H/T to Ruth for setting my feet on the proper path. Without her, I'd not have this car!

Hey, it made me laugh.

Best electronic bank sign, seen outside a local bank:

"Pop in anytime!
(Except when we're closed.)"

Monday, September 17, 2012


I cathed my first patient today.

Granted, "Mrs. Smith" was made of rubber and plastic, but STILL. My instructor was pleased.

And hey, at least "Mrs. Smith" couldn't mutter about how my semi-inept fumblings "down theah" reminded her of her late husband, God rest his soul. 'Cause that would have been awkward. ;)

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Overheard at the Spa...

after the massage:

"Wow, that's the best massage I've had since I was in Southeast Asia! Yeah, for the equivalent of $2.50, you'd get acupuncture, a massage, and a happy ending...hey, I was 23 and a hotshot Navy pilot, whadda ya gonna do?"

(nothing except stifle my laughter ;))

Friday, September 07, 2012


I survived my first week of nursing school. Do I get a t-shirt?

The word I heard most often from my fellow students is "overwhelmed". I used it (much) more than once, myself! I really believe this semester must be another "weeding out" phase. Why should the school invest a bunch of time and effort into teaching someone, only to have them fail at the end? It makes more sense to throw us into the deep end at the beginning of the program.
I keep hearing, "If we can make it through this semester, we can make it to the end!"

I hope they're right!

I'll have my pic taken on Monday when I'm in my uniform. I might even post it here...;)

Oh, and whoever thinks online classes are easy, YOU ARE A MORON! Just sayin'...


Last night directly after my Nursing Assessment lab, I had the privilege of meeting one of my favorite authors EVAR...


He not only writes supremely entertaining fantasy/sci-fi/noir/alt-history/thrillers filled with humor and gunnie goodness, he is extremely funny, eloquent, and just all-around NICE in person.
And he's tall. No, really.

 I'm 5'5" and I was wearing boots with a 2-inch heel.
Thanks to the efforts and madness of Jay G., after the event at the bookstore, we decamped to a restaurant and had dinner with Larry. Let me just say I haven't laughed that much in a long time. 

So, if you get the opportunity, I highly recommend that you jump on the chance to meet Larry while he's out on tour, and BUY AND READ HIS BOOKS. There are links on his blog. Okay? Okay.


Saturday, September 01, 2012

Being without a vehicle...

has its ups and downs.

Riding my bike to work? Excellent.

Riding my bike over the overpass/freeway on-ramp that's closed to pedestrians, equestrians, and bicyclists? Nerve wracking.

Riding my bike to the back of the spa to lock it up and almost getting flattened by a rampaging garbage truck? Terrifying.

Getting to work in seven minutes? FUCKING AWESOME.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Oh, those funny spammers!

Found the following gem in my inbox a few minutes ago (spamtastic link removed for obvious reasons):

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I feel FANTASTIC.":

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Let's hear it for comment moderation!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I had a massage and a facial today. Thank God for employee discounts!

I'm so relaxed.

The only thing is, whenever I get a massage from someone new, I always think, "This therapist totally rocks! Wow, my massage is really BORING."

I know it's not true, but you can't help being excited by some new (to you) techniques. Then it's hard to let go and completely relax, because you really want to focus on what your therapist is doing. Trying to break that habit, otherwise I don't get the full benefit of the massage!

Other than that, I rode my bike to the Y to work out, I saw "The Odd Life of Timothy Green", and I START CLASS TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY.

I'm not worried. Not at all.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Weirdest Electronic Highway Sign



WTF? Only in Massachusetts...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

My last client today...

had feet that smelled like cheese.

Right in the middle of the massage, I suddenly got an overwhelming craving for nacho cheese-flavored Doritos. And my stomach started growling. Loudly.

This "dieting" thing is messing with me!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Just when I think I've seen and heard it all...

there's the client who's a professional violinist.

That's not the unusual part.

This is: First, he asks me to make sure that NO music with violins is played. When I explain that I have no control over the music the spa pipes in, only the volume of said music, he insists on my turning the music off if ANY violins are in it. It makes for quite the awkward massage experience, for both of us, I'm sure.

I'm on tenterhooks the entire time, prepared to LUNGE for the wall and the volume control knob at the first hint of strings...then to try to estimate how long that particular, violin-polluted song will last. It's not fun.

Yes, I could just turn the music off entirely, but my client doesn't want that. He just doesn't want VIOLINS.


Repeat mantra in my head: The client is king. The client is king. The client is king. Big tip. Big tip. Big tip...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Northeast Bloggershoot

We had SO MUCH FUN!!

Thanks so much to the DoubleTroubles for hosting the event, and to Jay G., of course, for being the organizer par excellence.

Thanks to everyone who brought goodies for us to shoot and were so generous with their guns and ammo.

I got to fire the ye olde handgonne (literally a blast;)).

I'm so happy that I had a chance to fire my CZ82 for the first time, and it was as awesome as I had hoped.
I was also thrilled to finally be able to say, "Hey, you wanna try MY gun?" :)

It was lovely to see my old friends , and equally lovely to meet new ones (especially the ones I've known on the intarwebz for years, and finally met in meatspace!). Y'all know who you are, and I'm just too tired to list and link everyone, especially since I'm certain to forget ONE person who'll get all butthurt about it. JUST KIDDING (about the butthurt, not about the forgetting...I'm getting old, what can I say!)

The only complaint I have is that there was never enough time to sit and chat as long as I'd have liked with all the folks there. I tended to migrate from group to group but again: not enough time, dammit!

 Biggest surprise of the day: Lissa (with BabyKitty on board) and Mike unexpectedly dropped by!

All in all an extremely successful event, and I hope to see everyone again next year!

Thanks, Y'all!

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Dear Client:

I'm sorry your lower back is hurting. I empathize, truly I do, because my lower back hurts a lot, too.

HOWEVER, wanting me to focus my massage efforts on your lower back during our session is somewhat impeded by the FUCKING PIERCING YOU HAVE SMACK-DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EACH QL MUSCLE.

I can work around it, but it ain't gonna be pretty.

Thank you,

Christina LMT

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Wish I had seen it...

and captured it on camera!

Mrs. SCI-FI came running down the stairs this morning, frantically unlocking the front door. I had let the dogs out a few minutes before and was making tea. I had no idea what was going on, though I could hear my dogs barking.

Turns out Mrs.SCI-FI had been in the upstairs bathroom and observed my dogs curiously approaching a rather protective (wild) mama turkey who was going about her business with her mostly-grown chicks at the bottom of the backyard, near the treeline. Said mama turkey objected to my dogs' course of action quite vehemently.

Bird-Zilla chased my dogs a hundred yards, all the way up the backyard and around the house, where my pups sought shelter on the front porch, and where Mrs. SCI-FI became their savior by letting them escape inside.

The turkey (which I've seen in our yard before) is definitely bigger than Harley and possibly equal to Tucker in size, with legs bigger around than either dogs'. And huge, vicious claws.

I'm glad my dogs can run fast, just sayin'!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Glee Project

Commenting on one of my favorite contenders being eliminated:

That's sad. But there can be only one! Glee Project. You know, it's like "Highlander", but without the decapitation.

Friday, July 20, 2012

I don't get it.

I've become very philosophical about tips. I've had to, otherwise my head would have long since exploded.

But I still don't get how the very same hour-long deep tissue massage can net me $6 from the first client and $30 from the second. Especially since both clients professed to lurving my massage.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Saturday, July 14, 2012

So I was massaging this client the other day...

and noticed this tattoo:

Master of my Fate
Captian of my Soul

I was so very tempted to say something to him, but:

A. It would have been completely inappropriate.
B. I would surely have been only the latest in a long line of people to do so.
C. I appreciate good tips and repeat customers.
D. I want to keep my job!

I hate biting my tongue, I truly do. 

Sunday, July 08, 2012

New Weight-loss Strategy

I confess: ever since my lap-band was deflated/emptied, I've struggled with even maintaining my weight, much less losing it. (Obvious, when you think about it-I had the surgery for a reason!)

While the Hunger Games are working to a degree, I've been frustrated by repeated setbacks, and the up-coming weigh-in is sure to be painful, AGAIN.

But yesterday I had a brilliant insight. Most of my unneeded and unwanted calories come at night, after I'm supposed to be done with eating for the day. I get the munchies, basically, and it's hard for me to resist the urge to nom. While I don't eat anything crappy, the calories add up regardless. So, last night, after I finished dinner, I went ahead and did my normal bedtime routine hours early, which includes PUTTING IN MY RETAINER. I can't eat with my retainer in, and it's a gross pain-in-the-ass to take it out if I did decide to have anything to munch on. Success! Not only did I not snack, I ended up drinking plenty of water, just to fill up my belleh. So I hydrated, too!

We'll see how this goes, but I'm encouraged. Trying to lose weight is fucking hard, people.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Massage Protips

First of all, if you don't like to be touched and aren't really interested in receiving massage, DON'T LET YOURSELF BE PRESSURED OR BULLIED INTO IT. Most times this does not turn out well.

Second, if you have a massage scheduled, and you plan on not getting completely unclothed, you might want to think twice about wearing your favorite panties. You know, the ones covering your rather substantial bottom which are emblazoned with:

Delicious! Too Sweet! Bite Me!

It was really hard not to laugh.

Friday, July 06, 2012

Only in New England...

will you see a sign in the left-most lane that says:



Thursday, July 05, 2012

And then there was...

the male half of the couple's massage, who apparently thought that since HIS therapist had already left the room, it was okay for him to disrobe. Despite the fact that I was still standing there, talking to his pregnant wife.

I've never seen a man shuck his clothes so quickly...outside of a porno. I thought he'd merely taken off his shirt, but his pants must've had some kind of built-in translocation spell, 'cause he was actually down to his tighty-whities.

Seeing his thumbs tucked in the waistband of said underoos in preparation for the final reveal, I shrieked at calmly asked him to please wait until I left the room to get undressed, holding my clipboard up in front of me to block my view of him as I finished my intake interview. Then I skedaddled.

I deserve an extra tip for this whole affair. Hazard pay, just sayin'...

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Seen in a convenience store window...

in Lynn, MA.

Too bad I don't have a time machine.

Hunger Games Week XI

Game called on account of WEER'D!!

Yes, you read correctly. SCI-FI and I agree that Weer'd is to blame for the omnomming that went on this weekend, leading to shameful weigh-ins this morning.
See, if we hadn't invited the Weer'ds to dinner on Saturday, we wouldn't have had ALL the yummy food that Mrs. SCI-FI prepared in the house. Plus, you know, the epic popcorn brittle Mrs. Weer'd made. And the ice cream. And on and on and on.

So, because it's always easier to pass the buck, we blame WEER'D!

See you next week. :)

Friday, June 29, 2012

Best Email I've Gotten in FOREVAR.

In my inbox a few minutes ago:

Dear Christina:

The WPE Appeals Committee accepted your appeal and overturned the original grade of Retake, or Void, to a Pass.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you for passing the June 2012 WPE and meeting the Writing Proficiency Requirement. Your pass will be posted on your WISER account, but I advise you to print and keep this e-mail notification from the Writing Proficiency Office until you graduate; it will be your only paper copy and proof that you completed the requirement.

Again, congratulations and all the best in your future endeavors!

 I'm so stoked right now! I ruptured everyone's eardrums with my screaming, and now I'm hoarse. I also did a happy dance, and thankfully nobody had a camera handy. 

What a relief.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

WPE Update

I had my meeting with a counselor and it went very well. I'm not as disheartened as I was going in, that's for sure!

I got a score of six on my exam, and seven is passing, so she advised me to go through the appeals process. As she put it, the worst that can happen is that they say, "No." I'd be no worse off than I am now.

Also, she definitely recommended doing the portfolio option if at all possible. She told me to go ahead and take any written assignment I'd completed at NBU, regardless of whether it was graded or not, and head over to the WPE office to get an opinion. While I'd still have to write a new essay for the portfolio, there are workshops and I could get my drafts vetted ahead of time. We'll see how it goes.

As of right now, I'm working on my appeals letter, which is due no later than 4 PM today...*gulp*. I guess it's another chance to show my writing chops. It's a delicate line to walk, having to show confidence in my writing without tipping into arrogance and entitlement. Hopefully I'll nail it!

Again, wish me luck!

Please. :)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hunger Games Week X...backsliding!

Me: -8 (ARRRRGH...)

SCI-FI: -12

Two steps forward, one step back. For ME, anyway. No worries, I just had a couple off days (meaning, OMNOMNOMNOM...). I'll be back on track tomorrow.

Generous Tippers

receive forgiveness from the Grammar Nazi.


That would be me. I failed the WPE. I have one more chance to pass (the retake date isn't until next January) in order to be permitted to continue in the nursing program at NBU.

Well, I have an appointment to see my WPE counselor tomorrow and we'll go over my essay and where I missed the mark. Hopefully I'll get good feedback. Wish me luck!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Silver loves taking pictures...

whether the subjects of her pics love her doing so or not!

Charlie('s Angels?) on the T!

Friday, June 22, 2012

No, no I'm not.

As I was about to put my shoes on before heading out to work, I told myself, "Oh, I guess I should probably put some pants on. I'm not Robb Allen..."

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Hunger Games Week IX Update:

Me: -9.2

SCI-FI: -11

We are rockin' now!

Dear Lord help us...

the twins got their learner's permits today...yay? ;)

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Car Bleg

So, anybody in the general Boston area know where I can get a RELIABLE used car? Or does anyone have a used car for sale? Or know someone who does?

Looking for a car that's up to ten years old, but not completely run-down. Automatic and A/C is a must, other than that, I'm flexible. It has to be able to get my girls from MA to ND and then putter them around Grand Forks for a few years. I'm willing to shell out up to four grand.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Very Special Day

Today is a very special day, it's the day 21 years ago that I got EXTREMELY lucky in the daughter department:


She's strong, beautiful, intelligent, and yet she doesn't seem to be aware of any of that. It's something she definitely needs to work on. I want her to know that despite any setbacks, she WILL succeed. And I'll be cheering her on all the way.

Love you, Sweetheart.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Thanks...I think?

Me: I just have to put some makeup on, then we can go.

Daughter-who-shall-not-be-named (DWSNBN): You don't need makeup, Mom!

Me: Yes,  yes I do.

DWSNBN: *I* don't wear makeup.

Me: You don't need makeup, you're young and fresh, I'm old and worn out!

DWSNBN: You are NOT old and worn out! Okay, well maybe you're old, but definitely not worn out...

Me: Uh...thanks?

Monday, June 11, 2012

Hunger Games Week VIII


SCI-FI: -6.8

Yay, the decrease in calories is working (duh...)!

I "only" have 18 pounds left to lose...but I can do it! And SCI-FI needs to up his game, just sayin'...:D

(I love you, bro...you know I'm just kidding, right?)

Now I've seen everything.

"Hide-a-Wipe" camouflage toilet paper.

Let the apocalypse commence.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Gemini 1993...

has landed! The twins arrived safely and are now ensconced in the living room, playing Super Smashbros Brawl with their older sister. Life is good.

Saturday, June 09, 2012

I was a little worried.

I massaged a new client yesterday who was a dead ringer for a (younger) Ben Stiller. I was slightly concerned, considering that Zoolander is one of my all-time favorite movies. But luckily, THIS didn't happen.

He was a perfect gentleman AND an excellent tipper. :)

Friday, June 08, 2012

I love living in the future!

My BABIES have graduated high school and their sister and I got to watch! Yep, thanks to the wonderful Intarwebz (and Al Gore!), Silver and I were able to watch live as Chaos and TallyAngel walked across the stage to accept their diplomas. I'm so proud of them! And they'll be here in two days to spend the summer, then it's off to college with their big sister.

Happy, happy day. :)

And then there was...

the douchenozzle in front of me on Route 1 who decided to go to McDonald's. Which would be fine, except he decided to slow down and come to an almost complete stop in the TRAVEL LANE of the highway before making the right turn, instead of getting onto the shoulder (or "breakdown lane", as they title it here quaintly...).

Front-mounted RPG launcher. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Close Encounters of the Curb Kind

The lovely Nearby Big University (NBU) I attend has a requirement for my major of either completing a portfolio or taking a Writing Proficiency Exam (WPE) to demonstrate one's, well, writing proficiency. I guess writing an essay to get INTO the program and getting A's on all my papers isn't enough.

Because I'm a transfer student, I couldn't choose the portfolio option (all papers submitted have to be from NBU, and I didn't have enough), and since I have to fulfill this requirement before taking a specific class this fall, I had to take the WPE yesterday.

So, after a day spent at the emergency vet and dealing with my injured kitty and shelling out hundreds of dollars instead of perusing the reading set and taking notes for my exam, I got up yesterday morning at 5 AM and headed to the campus super early to beat the traffic. I parked where I usually do, in the lot, and started re-reading the articles and taking notes.

Around this time, I started feeling grumbles from my gut. I tend to be a nervous test-taker, and my nerves affect my belleh in a bad way. Plus, I had eaten a LOT of watermelon the day before, which in hindsight I really regret. I realized I should head inside and find a bathroom, stat. It was pouring rain, and I didn't have an umbrella or bag with me, because we were not allowed to bring anything of the sort into the exam with us (I didn't know at the time that they had a room set aside for a bag/coat check...grrrr.)

So, for the first time since being a student at NBU, I decided to take advantage of the convenient parking garage and head inside, out of the rain.

Since I'd been sitting in the car for over half an hour, all my windows were fogged up. I adjusted the vents to blow on the windshield and rolled the windows down, but the windshield wasn't completely clear as I inched my way carefully through the garage. The lower level was pretty much packed already, so I decided to head to the upper level, which was closer to the exam room anyway.

As I swung around the curve onto the ramp, I heard a horrible grinding sound and my car shuddered to a halt...the gray walls and gray floor and gray windshield had conspired to hide the existence of the low (GRAY!) curb which divided the up ramp from the down ramp. And I had managed to drive up said curb and firmly lodge my tiny car on it. I was pinned like a bug in some sadistic entomologist's collection and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

After a circus involving using the emergency call box to get campus police out (no cell phone service in the garage), campus maintenance, the crappy jack that came with my car, and my mega-awesome, gigantic maglite, my car was un-stuck, deemed safe to drive (no pieces/parts falling off, no suspicious leaks or puddles), and I finally found a bathroom. I also made it to my exam with time to spare.

Honestly, it will be a miracle if I passed.

P.S. once the curb was car-free, it was shown to have a round hump at its end, with a hole in it. You know, a hole perfect for a pole with some kind of SIGN warning about the existence of the fucking curb?! I wonder how long said pole lasted before some poor sap in an SUV mowed it down...

Monday, June 04, 2012

Hunger Games Week VII

Me: -4.6

SCI-FI: -7.2


At least I lost what I had binge-added over Memorial Day weekend.
And now I'm down to 1500 Cal. per day instead of 1800.

We'll see how it goes. I'm frustrated.


Wound of unknown origin.

Eight hundred bucks and several stitches later, Pipsqueak is home and well. On antibiotics and pain killers, wearing the Cone of Shame, and quarantined for 45 days. Ah, the joys of having an indoor/outdoor cat.


Poor kitty wants to go outside so badly, but it AIN'T HAPPENING. He'd just better get reacquainted with the litter box, ASAP.

Pretty Prom Princesses!

My girls are not only beautiful, they are intelligent, talented, and wickedly funny. I can't wait to see them...only SIX MORE DAYS until they're here!

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Overheard during a chair massage...

"It feels like my face is dancing!"


Silver has a new website!

It's still under construction, but she ported her other blog's archives there.

And here it is:

Systems Ready

Even though the main page says there are no blog posts yet, if you click on the "blog" button on top, you'll find her latest entries.


Saturday, June 02, 2012


I received a package in the mail the other day. It contained my uniforms and badge for clinicals in the fall.

Now it's real. And it scares me and exhilarates me by turns. Either way, it's been a long time coming.

Sunday, May 27, 2012


couple cents.

Drive-thru crap at McDonald's...couple bucks.

Belting out Boston's "Long Time" in perfect harmony with my oldest daughter...PRICELESS.

Yes, I got a little choked up, I admit it. There IS a story here, about a mother who, years ago, was perhaps a bit too honest, and a child who was perhaps a bit too young to truly understand what her mother was trying to tell her. Suffice it to say that hearing Silver sing, and having her sing with me, was absolutely wonderful. I can't wait to hear her again.

The spirit is willing...

but the flesh is weak.

I just can't quit you, Caffeine! My sweet siren...


Saturday, May 26, 2012

If I'm not careful...

I might get hurt, patting myself on the back so hard. ;)

A regular client of mine who'd been having problems with his right shoulder since before he started coming to me FINALLY got an MRI. His doctor, who had insisted that it was bursitis, was surprised to find a fairly severe rotator cuff tear and scheduled my client for surgery.

I, on the other hand, wasn't surprised at all. I had told the client at his first visit that it sounded like a rotator cuff injury to me, and that he needed some better diagnostics done.

Of course, diagnosing and/or treating any kind of illness or injury is outside of my scope of practice.

But I knows what I knows.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Overheard at dinner...

I was telling Silver about seeing a sparrow feeding its fully-fledged offspring from the bird feeder. The "baby" was as big as its dad, could obviously fly already (it was up in a tree and following its dad from branch to branch, begging with beak agape and wings fluttering). I said to Silver, "I wanted to shout at it, 'If you can fly, fly your ownself to the damned bird feeder and stuff your gullet, give your dad a break!'"

Silver replied, "It's a College Student bird..."


Thursday, May 24, 2012

You've got it all wrong.

The other day, a (large, male) client vetted my massage potential by my handshake.

"GOOD handshake, you pass!"

I didn't disabuse him of this quaint notion, but inside I was shouting, "I have a firm handshake because I'm GERMAN, not because I'm a massage therapist!"

Face it, many Americans can't shake hands worth a damn, and that goes double for American women, unfortunately.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I love Larry Correia.

And not just because he's an awesome author, either.

Go, read.

I finally got a massage today...

and all I can say is:

I feel tenderized. In a GOOD way. :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I understand, truly...

I have been tempted on more than one occasion to do the same. The difference is, I can control myself.

So far, anyway...

Monday, May 21, 2012


I just checked my grades! I got straight A's, yay! I'm so relieved, except the pressure of course is on now, to maintain my 4.0 GPA for the next five semesters...yep, that's how I roll.

Silver makes several good points.

So what are you doing here? Go there and read all about it!

Hunger Games Update, Week V

Come back next week for Week VI, I have my period and all bets are off! (Though SCI-FI is making EXCELLENT progress, of course.)

Sunday, May 20, 2012


-My new dentist's office, while being the typical, generic chain office (pushing upsales, etc.), redeems itself by playing hard rock/metal at adequate volumes. Everything's better with Iron Maiden. Even dentistry.

-Why didn't I realize until yesterday how much the Tobey Maguire "Spiderman" movies irritate me? I guess the first one was okay, but the rest? Ugh.

-Giving up caffeine (my precioussssssssssss) is fucking hard. And it makes me cranky.

-I can't wait for my massage on Wednesday. My colleague A. has her work cut out for her!

-New Englanders can't drive worth shit. Or they CAN, they just don't care to. Which pisses me off.

-I have a new mantra running through my head: Silver is an adult. Silver is an adult. Silver is an adult.
I guess it's more difficult than I realized to give up old patterns of behavior. I have to keep reminding myself that when I was Silver's age, I was married and getting ready to give birth to HER. And I knew EVERYTHING. I will probably have to amend the mantra when Chaos and TallyAngel get here next month, since they are adults, too.

-Why don't people listen? I bring clients into the treatment room, point out the chair, side table, and wall hooks on which they can place their clothing and sundry other items, then I come back into the room to find their stuff piled on the floor. Who puts their clothes on the floor, outside of their own homes? Weird.

-SCI-FI and MrsSCI-FI have the patience of saints. Just sayin'...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Stick a fork in me...

I'm done!

I took my physiological chemistry final yesterday, and it whupped my ass. Hopefully I got a high enough grade to get an A overall, but at this point, I'm just glad to have it over with. Now I have to prep for my writing proficiency exam (a requirement for graduation), which I'm taking the first week of June. *sigh* At least I had today to relax, right?

Monday, May 14, 2012

Hunger Games Week IV Update

SCI-FI: -6.6 pounds
Me: -4.6 pounds

Pretty respectable for four weeks. 

Onward and upward (or DOWNWARD!) Gotta reverse the SCI-FI winning trend...he's beating me like a rented mule! It's that darn testosterone...

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope all moms, grandmoms, stepmoms, and mentors of the female persuasion are having a wonderful day today, filled with whatever gives them joy.

Seen on a Bumper Sticker...

Jacob       Edward
I think I'll play on both teams.

Lord save me from Twitards.

Saturday, May 12, 2012


That moment you put your feet in the stirrups and realize you forgot to shave your legs.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Heigh-Ho, Silver...

AWAY! From North Dakota, that is.

Silver is winging her way to Bean Town tomorrow, and I can't wait to see her! Safe travels, Baby!

Love you.


Done! I took my final yesterday and it was a piece of cake, and I got my project back with a very sweet A+!

Overall grade: A

Now I have to focus on chemistry. Final next Wednesday. Ugh.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Avengers



Wednesday, May 09, 2012

I realized something today.

While at my music director's traditional end-of-semester party, I realized that if you're gonna do karaoke or any other kind of sing-a-long, it helps to actually have singers there. It's a ton of fun, we can harmonize,  and we actually hit the high note in Bohemian Rhapsody. ;)

Almost done...

Classes are officially over, w00t!! I have my Nutrition final tomorrow afternoon (right after my clinical orientation, gulp!), and my Physiological Chemistry final is a week from today. I have a LOT of catching up to do in PhysChem, but I have a week to study and I only need a 71 on the final to get an A in the class overall, so I'm not too worried (yeah, right...this is ME, who am I kidding?!).
Then I have to prep for my stupid Writing Proficiency Exam, which I'm taking the beginning of June. THEN I will finally be done and be able to enjoy my summer. :)

Monday, May 07, 2012

The Hunger Games Week III

SCI-FI and I are tied at -3.8 pounds! (Yes, I gained weight. I fell off the wagon for two days and gained four pounds. So I lost three. I call that a win!)

Once more unto the breach!

See you next week.

Sunday, May 06, 2012

I had a blast last night...

at the blogdinner for Tam. Except for three things:

Alcohol has calories (CURSES!).

I totally suck at pool.
I can't wear high-heels for a long period of time. My feet HURT.

It was truly a pleasure to meet new people and get reacquainted with "old" friends! The good times rolled. :)

Monday, April 30, 2012

Hunger Games Week Two

Total weight lost by moi: 4.8 pounds

Total weight lost by SCI-FI: 1.2 pounds

I'm currently in the lead, but don't count SCI-FI out...his weight tends to fluctuate, and tomorrow he might be down five pounds! I do have a slight edge, because as of today, I feel well enough to hit the gym again! Yay, working out! SCI-FI frowns on exercise, unless he's exercising his MEGA-BRAIN, so as I said, I have a slight edge. But SCI-FI also has testosterone on his side, which can't be discounted.

See you next Monday!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I am in LOVE...

with my new bank!

It's local, it's open all the time (see=SUNDAY!), the customer service rep was super-friendly and helpful, and when I was opening my new checking account today, she didn't bat an eye when I used my LTC as a secondary form of ID.

Bank of America can kiss my lily-white ass.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Overheard at the Spa...

"Fresh off the boat from 'Jersey Shore'." - My colleague K., describing the clients we're about to massage.

He had a point.

Oh, and just as an aside, it would be to your benefit to mention to your massage therapist, BEFORE the massage, that you got a piercing in your forearm earlier in the day. Thanks ever so much.

Monday, April 23, 2012

It's pretty sad...

when the neighbor's rabbit hutches smell far more pleasant to me than the guy standing next to where I'm sitting on the T. Fresh rabbit urine and droppings are more tolerable than STALE HUMAN PISS. Ugh.

Hunger Games Update

Week 1: Down 3.2 pounds. 23 left to go...

SCI-FI is being coy with his totals, likely part of his overall strategy of lulling me into a false sense of security...but we shall see who triumphs in the end!


Sunday, April 22, 2012

Nyquil dreams...

I want to dick punch my subconscious. While wearing brass knuckles.

First RAH, now JIM CARREY?!

Seriously, what's wrong with Vin Diesel? Or Chris Hemsworth as Thor. In those jeans...mmmm.


Hey, Old NFO...where can I get some vindaloo around here? I'm envying you your vindaloo dreams.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Pity Party

I've had probably a month or so to write this paper, which is due early Thursday morning. Why is it that I only have a page and a half written so far? Why am I sweating bullets trying to finish it at practically the last minute? Procrastination SUCKS. Especially since I have two other projects, two exams, two concerts, and a final exam left to go. Plus I've been sick since Wednesday, missed two out of three days of work this week because of it (there goes my next paycheck), AND I got my period today. And dieting sucks. There. I'm done venting now. Bet you're relieved. But, hey...at least I'm not pregnant!

Monday, April 16, 2012


Weer'd: But what if we tip you...in GUN?

Barter is a wonderful thing.

May the odds be ever in your favor...

Today marks the official start of the Christina LMT/SCI-FI Hunger Games. No, we're not going to fight to the death, we're competing in weight-loss. God, I'm going to be a cranky, raging bitch. My apologies in advance.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I had an interesting dream last night...

RAH was my father-in-law. Yeah, we got it on.

I guess I read too many of his later books during my formative years.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


In the past few weeks, two therapists have been fired from my work. One for challenging our (tiny, pregnant) manager to a round of fisticuffs ("You wanna take this outside, huh? HUH?"). The other was texting on her iPhone. While she was giving a massage.

The stupid, it BURNS.

Monday, April 09, 2012

Fall 2012

I just registered for my fall classes! I'm going to be taking 16 credits: Intro to Nursing, Pathophysiology, Nursing Research (which is an online class), and Health Assessment. Two classes with labs, one of which, Intro to Nursing, is in actual facilities, with real live patients! Here's to hoping I keep them that way!

Friday, April 06, 2012

Hey, I recognize that!

As I look around during my long commute to school, I realize, "Yep, I've been on this particular train before."

Someone has defaced the sign on the door at the end of the compartment.
Instead of:

                         DO NOT LEAN AGAINST DOOR
                               NO PASSING THROUGH
it reads:
                         DO NOT LEAN AGAINST DOOR
                         NO   ASSING     ROUGH

Now, I've heard of "roughhousing", but "rough assing" is new to me. Hmmm...on second thought, I really don't want to know more.

Have a great weekend and a Happy Easter, everyone! I'm going to be working and studying for a nutrition exam. And working on a paper. And doing chemistry homework. Yay.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

I'm such a dork.

Why, oh WHY, did I feel compelled to mention "My Friend Flicka" during nutrition class? Just because the mom in that book had a thyroid issue due to iodine deficiency, and we were discussing iodine and goiter...*sigh* It's not like I'm in fucking 6th grade, I'm in COLLEGE.

Oh, well. At least I'm certain to be remembered. As that annoying, never-get-her-to-shut-up dork, if nothing else.

Monday, April 02, 2012


I was shocked when I got my chemistry exam back a couple of hours ago: I GOT A 97!!! I truly wasn't expecting that, especially after the professor disclosed at the beginning of lecture that the class average was 64.

Now I don't have to sweat the third exam as much, since the lowest exam grade of the three will be dropped. I am dreading the cumulative final, though...*GULP*.

I'm so looking forward to the summer! No class, my twins will be here, I'll still only be working part-time...life will be good! I just have to get there...

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Please, for the love of all that's holy!

Don't wear overpowering (or ANY, really!) fragrance when you're getting a massage.

My first client of the day today was DRENCHED in perfume that smelled like the misbegotten child of baby powder and those blue things you put in your toilet tank. It made the back of my throat burn and my nose itch and run.

Plus, it had horrendous staying power: I could still smell it in my room at the end of my shift, four hours later.

Don't do it, people! Think of your therapists and take pity on their respiratory tracts! Thank you.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Last week...

I was wearing shorts and basking in the sun. Now I'm back to wearing my heavy coat, scarf, and gloves. WTF, New England?!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


It's that time!

If anyone local-ish would like to attend one or both of the concerts I'm performing at (yes, they are different!), drop me a line at lucrativepain@yahoo.com and I'll email you the pertinent info.

I'm nervous and excited!

Fashion victim?

Or just stupid?

A man wearing pegged jeans, especially when one pant leg is pegged higher than the other, ESPECIALLY with sneakers with NO SOCKS.


Seen on campus today. I wanted to run screaming in the other direction, but I had a class in the same building as the unfortunate young man.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

As far as New England winters go...

this one has been a bust. I'm NOT complaining! ;)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Found on Facebook. I love it!

Overheard at the breakfast table...

mini-B (6 yrs. old): "I don't know what a 'chiropractor' is...sounds like a dinosaur!"

Trying to get a mental image of a dinochiro...hmmmm.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Spring Break!


In the words of a famous person on the intarwebz, that is all.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Overheard at the breakfast table...

B. (Mrs. SCI-FI) and I are discussing the merits of having lunch at our local faux-Mexican place again...

B: Well, at least if we go there, we're sure to get lots of free stuff since that kid who works there likes you.

Me: Oh, c'mon! He doesn't "like" me, I'm just a good customer who's polite.

B: He has a crush on you!

Me: I'm old enough to be his mother!

B: Maybe he has a thing for MILFs.

*blink blink*

Me: Yeah, I got nuthin'. Except I'M BLOGGING THIS!

B. rolls her eyes...

Damn traffic!

The traffic was so bad on my commute to work last night, it took me FOUR TIMES as long to get there than normal.

Yeah, a whole EIGHT MINUTES instead of the customary two.


Sunday, March 04, 2012

Thank you, Weer'd!

SCI-FI, Weer'd, and I had a lovely afternoon at the range today, turning money into smoke and noise.

After firing so many,  many handguns over the past couple of years, I've finally decided on a carry gun!

This is quite the momentous occasion. And the winner is ................................drumroll please.............................. the CZ 82!

It feels great in my hands, I shoot fairly accurately with it (and the more I practice, the better I shall get), the recoil is moderate, and I just plain DIG the epic muzzle flash and the clouds of smoke from the "dirty, Russian gunpowder". Also, and the importance of this can NOT be overstated, it's a very cheap gun. Even a strapped-for-cash college student like myself can swing the purchase of one of these guns. And that's a very good thing.

So thanks again, Weer'd, for inviting us onto your playground and sharing your toys so nicely. You're a good friend.

Saturday, March 03, 2012


I *am* the meaning of life! (Go look it up, Douglas Adams, dontchaknow?) :D

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Do you speak Jargon?

I KNOW you do!

The first sentence from a paper I have to read for class:

"Current models or frameworks used to represent and or conduct research on determinants of human health have lagged behind in adopting emerging concepts of ecosystems: multiple spatial and temporal scales; nested hierarchies of socioeconomic and biophysical environments; inherent complexity of interrelationships among environmental components and influences; external environmental influences; and feedback loops between environments, providing self-organizational capacity and functional emergent properties."

 I'm pretty sure I know what the author is REALLY saying, though..."Hurr...I r smart!"

No wonder I presently want to beat my head against a wall.

Monday, February 27, 2012

I hab a code...

To those with whom I shared my tiramisu last night, using MY spoon, I offer a sincere apology, in advance.

I'm just trying to get through this without my head going splodey from the sinus pressure. Ugh.

Sunday, February 26, 2012


Dinner at Polcari's with AD and all the gang. Follow-up to, uh...follow. :D

Too much homework to do right now. Though I'm still buzzing from the two (measly!) drinks I had. Should be interesting...


I'm truly a light-weight!

Friday, February 24, 2012


was my score on my chemistry exam!

Of course, me being me, I'm irritated at the problem I got wrong.

*rolls eyes*

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Is it THAT hard?

When I announce my presence with a cheery "Good morning!" as I walk into the small, sparsely populated classroom, is it really too much to ask that I get at least one reply?

Look, I don't even require a good morning in return, "Morning," without specification, would suffice.

Sheesh, some people!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I don't care.

My lovely and talented eldest daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, mentioned on facebook the other day that she feels like people are laughing at her behind her back.

Fuck the haters.

I know for a fact that people were laughing at me at the gym today, because I heard them, and I really don't care. Hey, I was bopping to a catchy song between sets, because I need all the motivation I can scrounge just to work out to begin with. Plus, the song reminds me of the epic roadtrip last summer with my twins!

La la la la la!

Hey, at least I wasn't singing along...out loud. :D


crushed, annihilated, defeated. Thoroughly.

Now on to the paper that's due tomorrow for my nursing class...

Apropos of that, I lurve the dedicated "quiet floor" at my school library, it's so...QUIET. I can focus and get stuff done here.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Hey, you!

Yeah, you...disgusting man on the T who's picking his ears and flicking the earwax hither and yon. If that shit lands on the pretzel I'm eating, YOU'RE GOING DOWN. Be prepared. And buy some fucking q-tips and use them. AT HOME.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

More local linguistic foibles

I've noticed that folks use "lay" instead of "lie" a LOT (really makes me cringe, btw.) And also "anyways" which is NOT a word. Just sayin'...

Filed under misc.:
-I got my first chemistry lab report back, 95! W00t!
-I've written two essays for my nursing class so far, several more to go.
-I have my first chemistry exam on Wednesday (gulp!).
-The director of the chamber singers is a bit too lackadaisical for my taste. He was absent last Wednesday and the accompanist directed. I was warned by another singer that he was a bit of a Nazi. She was right, and I LOVED IT. We finally got shit done! He kept order properly and we REHEARSED.
-We had a fire drill yesterday, right while I was in the middle of working out. Just call it workoutus interruptus.The entire building was evacuated, and all us gym rats were huddled together outside, in our shorts and t-shirts, trying to laugh about how quickly the sweat froze and how many calories we were burning with our shivering. Luckily it wasn't too cold and the sun was shining.
-I've noticed a student who wears a burqa to school, and I wonder what her student ID picture looks like.
-There's an actual "Occupy NBU" movement on campus. They have a folding table and chairs set up inside the main campus building, with four, two-man dome tents behind them. On the cold, marble floor. LOL. They are the butt of many jokes.

That's all for now!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Not a big fan of Starbucks here.

I think they're overpriced and overrated.

Yet I still bought a peppermint hot chocolate and a caramel square there today.

Have you made your purchase?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Unfortunate Discovery.

Apparently, just because I can READ on the bus doesn't mean I can STUDY on the bus.

Kindle reading, with its font and line-spacing changeability, is perfectly fine. My chemistry textbook? Not so much...*urp*.

Motion sickness sucks. Or blows, rather. Chunks...

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

I have been honored...

by two very special people, Old NFO and Ruth.

They awarded me this:

The cool thing is, this means "favorite blog" in German, w00t!

At any rate, I'm very grateful to NFO and Ruth for thinking of me. THANK YOU!


I was going to apologize to the lady sitting quietly in the stall after I resoundingly and robustly belched in the bathroom, thinking I was alone, but when I realized she wasn't going to wash her hands before exiting, I decided she didn't deserve an apology.

One uncouth turn deserves another.

Monday, February 06, 2012

To the Girl in the Gym...

who was wearing this t-shirt:

I totally *heart* your being awesome, too. For some reason, seeing you wearing this shirt just made my day.


Also, I need to get me one of these shirts.

Image from here.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

You know what's cool?

Sprinting for your train, making it, and not being even slightly out of breath. THAT'S cool.

Speaking of the train, it is slightly awkward to get to a "good" part in a book you're reading, when you and the rest of the passengers are packed in tightly as sardines. I just pretend I'm invisible (and my Kindle is, too). Besides, everyone else is doing their own thing, anyway. Nobody is reading over my shoulder. Right?!

Friday, February 03, 2012


My chem. professor reminds me SO much of this guy. It cracks me up every lecture.

Saturday, January 28, 2012


-saw "One for the Money", and it didn't suck! (Caveat: I'm a huge fan of the books, so YMMV.)

-I got my health insurance card in the mail today, w00t!

-survived my first week of school, relatively unscathed. Except for my habitual fretting over stuff that's not due for months, which is SOP for me.

-massaged for 7 hours today, five clients total. Not one of them talked, so I had 7 hours to spend inside my own head. That's not always a good thing, trust me (see above bullet point!)

-filed my taxes today, too...Yay! I'm actually getting money back from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts...must mean I'm poor. ;)

-Two of my 90-minute massages were prenatals, and my first one had EPIC GAS. I'm talking, reeking like the bastard child of a skunk and hell effluvium. And rotten eggs. Though that's three parents. This was THROUGH a blanket and a sheet, mind you. Reminds me of time I was pregnant with Silver and woke up her dad from a sound sleep. But I digress...

-I have homework! As a matter of fact, I have to memorize a song by MONDAY. When am I supposed to do that?! I have no time! (I have a mandatory post-holiday, holiday party for work tomorrow night. Sigh. At least it's free food!)

And that's about all I've got right now. Have a great Sunday!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


wasn't challenging enough, so I auditioned for the Chamber Singers and got in! Now I'm in two musical groups, w00t!

I'll have more details on concerts, etc., at a later date, should anyone be inclined to come hear us perform.

Forgot to mention that I'm singing Soprano 1 in Chorus and Alto 1 in the Chamber Choir. I made the mistake of mentioning that I could go "pretty low" during the audition, so he asked me to show him. "Wow, you CAN go low...you'll be an Alto, I need Altos!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


is being stuck at a subway station due to a malfunctioning train and being forced over and OVER and OVER again to listen to a third-grade-skill-level saxophonist butchering "Mary Had a Little Lamb", "The Star-Spangled Banner", "The Wedding March", and "Happy Birthday". Among a few other songs. I believe "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" was one of them, but I can't be quite sure BECAUSE HE SUCKED!!!

Man, where are earplugs when you need them?!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Poor K.!

Not only did his deep tissue client fart on him twice while his face was in close proximity to her exhaust pipe (he was bent over, massaging her hamstrings), but she only tipped him four bucks!

Talk about adding insult to injury...

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ow ow ow!

As my (big, bodybuilding) client was turning over onto his back during the massage, he TOTALLY kneed me in the thigh. Ow. I was grimacing and silently screaming, hoping he'd keep his eyes closed so he wouldn't freak out and think I was having a seizure or something.

Then he apparently realized he'd made secondary contact because he muttered a "Sorry..."

Hey, at least he's a good tipper!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

There's something totally cool...

about a client telling me how "wicked good" her back feels after the massage. Dare I say "WICKED COOL"? ;)

Friday, January 13, 2012

Crazy day.

Yeah, that was yesterday. It started off okay, until I got to work. I had an older male client whose chart was littered with "Deep Tissue Massage", who told me that he HATED deep tissue and wanted really light pressure. Turns out his son, a Jr., is also a regular client here and somehow the two charts were conflated. Now the front desk has to figure out which notes are for which client, and fix up two brand-new charts, which of course need to be signed by the respective men. *sigh*

Then I had a client who has the same name as another client and there were two charts and two files. Luckily we could figure out which was which by birthdate and address, and it doesn't appear that any of the therapists erroneously charted.

THEN, there was the new client who was wearing her bra AND a tanktop when I walked in (in addition to her underwear, which I have grown accustomed to here). I told her she needed to take the tops off if she wanted me to massage her, which took her aback (no pun intended). I'm sorry, but if you want a massage with your clothes on, go to the mall and get a chair massage. My patience for that sort of thing has run dry.

THEN there was the client (luckily not mine) who was jerking off during his massage. The therapist was almost done by the time she noticed, so she finished the massage and went and told the owners of the spa about it (unfortunately our manager, who always has our backs, wasn't there yesterday). They asked her if the client had touched her or said anything inappropriate, and when she told them no, he hadn't, they told her it was all okay.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!

No, it is NOT okay. It's never okay for a client to masturbate during the massage, no matter whether he/she says or does anything else "inappropriate". Believe me, this is going to be addressed during our mandatory staff meeting Post-Holiday Party...

And finally, I got home and found my blog gone and my gmail inaccessible. Someone must have hacked my gmail account and done something that violated Google's Terms of Use (or whatever it's called.) I felt like a huge part of me was missing! Anyway, at least I got it all straightened out today and I'm BACK. Of course I changed my password. Here's hoping that today is a better day.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Actual Movie Title

"Apple Ass Battle Bang II"

I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that there are people out there who will pay money to see this, or that this is a SEQUEL.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

It's pretty sad...

that my prenatal massage client had to have parental consent forms signed before I could massage her.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

You know...

if you're swarthy and hairy...if you sound like an extra from the Sopranos...and if you sport a tattoo that says "Made in Napoli" on your arm...I get the sneaking suspicion that you might be of Italian heritage! Just a WAG on my part...;)

Tuesday, January 03, 2012


you know it's likely to be a bad massage when the first thing you notice on the intake form is *BE CAREFUL OF THE BACK PIERCINGS!*


Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy New Year!!!

I hope all y'all out there have a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year.