Sunday, April 27, 2008

Breaking the habit

So, as you all know, I quit drinking soda on February 27th (woo-hoo, two months!). This past Wednesday, I decided to also quit all caffeine consumption. It's been four full days, and I don't think I'm going to die.
Yay, me.
Time for bed, g'night!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

"We'll have a gay, old time!"

No, not the Flintstones, unfortunately.

There's been some kind of gay event going on in town, I don't have a clue what it is because, really, I don't care.

HOWEVER, it's lead to some activity at the spa I thought I'd share with you, my precious readers.

Three gay guys walked into the spa (sounds like a bad joke, I know), two of them were a couple and the third a friend of theirs. J., the attendant, is from Peru, and his English is some ways from being perfect, but I'll try to recreate verbatim what he told me at lunch yesterday...

J.: The one man, he says, "You so handsome, when you off work?", then he try to touch my face!

Me: Oh my GOD! What did you do?

J.: *swinging his left hand in a short arc*
I do "Miyagi-san BLOCK"! Then I say, "You can see, but you can't touch!"

Me: *laughing* Wax on, wax off!

J.: *nodding* Yes! Then later, they having sex in the jacuzzi!

Me: WHAT?!

J.: *smacking his fist into his palm* Like this!

Me: Did you call security?!

J.: No, they were almost finish.


J.: I don't like when I have to stop, so I no stop them.

Me: Arrgggh!

After lunch, this led to a conversation with our lead therapist, who had only heard that the gentlemen had been "touching" each other, not about the full-on sex. Considering how truly awful it would be for our spa to get a reputation in certain circles, I'm afraid we're going to have to be hard-asses about this sort of thing in the future, pun not intended. Not to mention that we could have ugly fights on our hands, should some straight guy get propositioned or witness the sex acts.

I'd like to know why these men feel it's in any way appropriate to have sex in a public place, not to mention the one guy repeatedly sexually harassing the staff (J. said that the single dude grabbed his thigh, but he did his "Miyagi-san BLOCK!" again.)

Oh, well. The potential of being caught in the act probably added to the thrill.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Memed again!

Blondefabulous tagged me with this interesting meme, I need to mention six unspectacular quirks of mine...hmmmmm.

Must think about this. Things I think are perfectly normal might seem quirky to others!

1) My daughter just pointed out how I literally "squeeeee" when I've finished a book I really, really enjoyed. Except I guess it's more of an "Eeeeeeeeee" sound. If you want to get technical. Whatever!

2) I have conversations with my dogs. In weird, weird voices, often in baby-talk, too. They haven't answered me back yet, but you never know...

3) I ALWAYS unplug the toaster when the bread's finished toasting, and it remains unplugged until the next time it's used. Ditto for the coffee maker. I think this is because I read somewhere when I was a kid about house fires being started by plugged-in toasters, or something. My kids have been trained to do this as well.

4) I can sleep anywhere, under almost any circumstances, if I'm tired enough. Also, I can sleep perfectly fine on my bed without any covers whatsoever, and most people consider this very, very strange.

5) I always have at least one book with me, wherever I go...JUST IN CASE.

6) I am obsessed with sudoku, and sometimes I'm super good at it, and sometimes you'd think I was a moron.

Okay, I think that about wraps it up. I'm up past my bed-time!

I won't tag anyone, since I've been doing that very often lately. If you feel inspired to do it, feel free.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

What the...?!

I massaged a lady today who, among many other tattoos, had "Adolf" tattooed in cursive at the base of her neck.

Who the hell names their child "Adolf" nowadays?!

I also had a client who had an 80-minute deep tissue session scheduled, and requested that I only massage his shoulders, neck, and back. Now that's what I call a challenge!
I almost exhausted my repertoire of "tricks", and had to reach back far in my memories, all the way back to school, to come up with things to do. Also, making shit up totally works!

Other than that nothing exciting to report. Have had no wardrobe malfunctions, nor have I locked my keys in my car. That's what I call a successful day!

Friday, April 18, 2008

That poor woman.

My first client of the day, bright and early at 8:00 AM, was a very glum, non-communicative lady.

Didn't smile when I greeted her, half-grunted in reply to my question of, "How is everything?" during the massage, just had a little rain-cloud hovering over her head.

After our session, she seemed a little better, managed a slight smile, said she felt more relaxed, but when I told her she had use of the spa for the entire day, that she could come and go as many times as she liked before 6:00 PM, her face fell again, and she said, "I'll be spending the whole day with my husband and his ex-wife."

While my brain froze in horror, not even wanting to contemplate such a fate, my mouth came up with this: "Well, no wonder you needed a'll probably need one later today, too!"

She just replied, "Wouldn't surprise me..," and went to her locker to get dressed, the first step on her journey to hell.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Oooops II

So, yesterday I survived walking around wearing rent garments in public (I've ALWAYS wanted to say "rent garments"!)

This morning started off just fine. One of my pups, Tucker, was scheduled to get his rabies shot at 10:00 AM, so figuring he wouldn't want to run around a lot afterwards, I decided to sacrifice my "sleeping-in" and take Silver to school (with the dogs, at 6:45 AM (!)), then head over to the dog park to get a romp in before his appointment.

We arrived at the park at around 7:15 or so, and it was freezing! I don't get this weather. On Monday we almost hit 90, today the high was only 67, with winds topping 25mph. So trust me when I say, it was cold. I guess I was discombobulated by the wind, because normally I put the car keys in my pocket as I open the door, AFTER leaning over to unlock the passenger-side door (where I let the pups out, I have a two-door car). Well, this morning I tossed the keys into the bag on the passenger seat, got out of the car while locking the door, and the wind immediately slammed it shut while it slowly dawned on me that I had for once neglected to unlock the other door. Yup, keys and dogs inside, me outside.


Thank goodness I had automatically followed my normal, dog-park precaution of stuffing my cell phone in my jeans pocket before even leaving home, because I'd have been toast without it.

I called the non-emergency police number, 311 for those of you NOT in the know, and the lovely Metro dispatcher transferred me to "Pop-a-Lock", the 24/7 locksmith folks.

Even though I was rapidly turning into an icicle I was thankful for the cold, since my dogs were comfy in their fleece-lined crate. They just curled up and went to sleep while we waited, especially since I was leaning against the car where they could see me. If this had happened a few months from now, I definitely would have been frantic, because of the lethally high temperatures inside vehicles. As it was, Sir Pop-a-Lock, my knight in greasy armor, arrived promptly, and $49.95 later, within 45 minutes of my original call, the pups and I were happily doing our dog-park thing.

I have to mention I was seriously alarmed at how quickly and easily he popped open the car door. Scary! Of course, under the circumstance I was relieved, but still it was disturbing. Not like the movies at all, though. He used an inflatable cushion, which he slid between the door and the frame of the car, and which he pumped up using a bulb like that of a manual blood-pressure cuff, to create a space big enough to slide in the long tool for, well, popping the lock! 30 seconds, max.

Anyway, I just figured the day could only get better from there, and I was right!

The strangely amusing thing about all this is, I'm one of those anal-retentive people about my keys. I'm very paranoid about just this subject. I've never, even when I had three kids in car seats to wrangle, misplaced my car keys or locked them inside the car or trunk. NEVER. I even occasionally mock myself about it. Guess I'm not laughing now!

Oh, well. Lesson learned.


I have these denim capris I haven't worn since last summer, and it's been so warm here the past few days, I broke them out and decided to wear them. They're very comfy and fit well...or so I thought!
Today was my typical Tuesday: Hit the chiropractor first, then went back home, collected the pups, and took them to the dog park. We hung out there for quite a while, despite the very strong wind that was trying to blow us all the way to Utah. Dogs tired out, we headed back since it was time to pick Silver up from school.
That little task accomplished, I was preceding her up the stairs when she hesitantly said, "Uh, Mom? I think you need to change your pants...those are ripped right up the back and I can see your underwear!"


Was I walking around all day like that?! I mean, I used the restroom several times, wouldn't I have noticed a gaping seam?! I'd like to think so, otherwise I just have to accept the fact that I was flashing my underoos all morning.


Just another typical Tuesday...

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Excuse me?!

I had just walked into my local Smith's grocery store, still in my uniform of beige polo shirt and black scrubs pants. I had my purse over one shoulder and had picked up a shopping basket with the other hand, when a gentleman came up to me and asked, "Hey, where's your beer?"

I looked at him totally befuddled for a second, then blurted, "I don't know! I don't work here!"

He just said, "Okay," and walked away.


Smith's employees wear bright red shirts. RED. Not beige. And they don't normally wander around carrying purses, either.

A cashier saw the whole thing and laughed her ass off. Maybe I should change careers?

Must ponder...

Friday Potpourri

Let's see...

I massaged a lovely lady from Aubrey, Texas today. Every new person from Texas I meet just makes me want to live there more.

I did an 80 minute deep tissue massage on a young man who literally took all the pressure I could provide. Not only was he NOT wincing or twitching, he instead "treated" me to his entire repertoire of sex-noises. I'm not kidding. The moans, half-choked gasps, little relishing sounds, "Oh, yeah's!", and "Wow's!" never stopped. It made me very uncomfortable at first, until it was time for him to turn over onto his back and I realized he wasn't aroused in the slightest (thank GOD!)
I guess he was just showing his appreciation...? At any rate, I knew for sure he was enjoying himself! He tipped me $50.00 (!), and told me he'd be back on Monday for another massage!

And a word to the wise, for all you extremely bashful folks out there who absolutely insist on wearing your underwear during a massage: At least make sure it's nice underwear! Please, no tatty, ragged, faded, worn, or stained underwear. Your therapist will thank you. (Mentally, at least!)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Seen on my drive home today...

A license plate frame proclaiming the following:

Girls will be Girls...And Boys will be our Toys

Insert Beavis and Butthead laughter here...

I wonder...

Did the college administration actually heed my words?

There has been a change...tonight there were TWO empty campus police cars parked in front of the classroom building.

Hmmmm. I am taking a math class after all...what's two times ZERO?!


The best $9.99 I've ever spent. What a difference it's made already. Happy! :)

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Considering how I've been tagging people left and right lately, I guess it's only fair that I should get tagged in turn. Bread upon the water, right?

Anyhoo, Phlegm Fatale has honored me, and I must fulfill my memeish duty.

Link meme rules:

1. Must be clean, no R rated material.
2. Tell 5 people.
3. Only 5 links allowed.
4. Link back to person who tagged you.

You can link to business, favorite, affiliate sites, etc.

1. Okay, don't think that'll be TOO difficult.
2. Who to pick, who to pick? Hmmmm. Trashman, Zelda, BO Snagley, Ambulance Driver, and Jethro
3. Albino Blacksheep, Glumbert,, of COURSE!!, Baen's free library, and the webcam at, which shows the entire mating/brood cycle of a pair of storks. Don't forget about the time difference, the 'cam's in Germany! I almost forgot Think Geek! *gasp* How dare I?! I know the rule says only five links, but I'm a rebel like that.
4. Already done above.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Furry little bastards!

It seems my pups consider 6:20 AM a DANDY time to get up, even on my day off...

*grumble mutter stupid grrrr wanna sleep grumble*

Monday, April 07, 2008

Can't say bird-watching is exactly an interest of mine...

BUT, I saw what I think was a yellow-headed blackbird in the employee parking lot today as I was walking toward the casino. As accustomed as I am to seeing sparrows and rats-with-wings pigeons every day, this was a first for me. A very striking and beautiful bird, one which I believe is migrating right now. Cool.

Less cool was getting a mild case of food poisoning from eating breakfast at the EDR (employee dining room). I wasn't the only spa employee who suffered, either. We've narrowed it down to the scrambled eggs or the oatmeal, and I vote EGGS.

Ugh. Thank God someone had pepto-bismol, or it would have gotten ugly, fast.

Anyway, it's my Friday, so I wanted to say "wheeeeee!" Thanks, I needed that.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


The a/c at work crapped out today. In a spa with a hot tub, sauna, and steam room. With hot-rock roasters, hot-towel cabbies, and showers running constantly.

It was hell.

I only had three massages today, but I was sweating so much, I worried that I was walking around trailing a fragrance reminiscent of the sweaty gym socks you find buried at the back of your locker at the end of the school year.

I availed myself of the complimentary deodorant we have for the guests quite often.

My last massage of the day was a hot-stone massage. I took a cold gel-pack from the freezer, wrapped it in a washcloth, and stuck it down the back of my shirt.

Necessity is the mother of invention!

Hopefully the a/c unit will be un-frozen by tomorrow! I need to invest in a small, quiet fan...

Saturday, April 05, 2008


I saw the cover of Newsweek as I was waiting in the checkout line at my local Smith's.
I did a double take as I read the caption, and immediately snagged an issue and added it to my groceries.

Here's a link to the article.

I really enjoyed reading the article, and have to say I totally identify with some of the ladies interviewed. I felt no bond or attachment to the twins I carried, and had no depression whatsoever. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if they'd let me. Unfortunately, gestational diabetes put the kibosh on that. Here's my version of the cover photo:

I wonder why I wasn't interviewed?
Not that I'd have been able to talk!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Again with the drool...

So, I saw this guy again yesterday morning, but at least I kept control of my vehicle.
Sadly, he was wearing more clothes, a t-shirt and baggy cargo shorts this time, so I didn't get to admire his physique as much. Also, he frustratingly kept his back turned toward me, and his head down, since he was polishing away at his boots.
Oh, well. It's not like anything could come of it, anyway, since security staff is expressly forbidden to date any other employees. But a girl can dream, right...?

I'm sorry, I can't help myself...

I have to post more stuff my 16-year-old daughter told me. I don't want to forget it, and if I can share it here, so much the better! You can skip this post if you want...

The other night at dinner, we were talking about dating, specifically why she doesn't want to date high school boys (stupid and immature), and what she'd be looking for in a guy at college and beyond.

She said, "I'd have to go with a nerd."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"A nerd would be sure to understand at least HALF of what I say!"

Hmmmmm. She's on to something there.

Last night at dinner we were talking about death and any possible afterlife.

Silver said, "If there IS a heaven and hell, I think I'd rather go to hell."

"WHAT?! WHY?!"

"Well, if heaven and hell exist, can you imagine the zealots that are up there? I'd rather be in hell with all my gay friends, 'cause according to a lot of people, that's where they're headed."

"..." I had nothing to say to that!

Overheard in a classroom this evening...

Professor at the white-board, explaining two ways to solve a problem...

Christina raises hand and is called upon by prof: Can you also solve it this way...*blah, blah, blah*?

Prof: Absolutely, very good, Christina!

Snot-nosed kid sitting next to Christina: Is that how you learned to do it in school?

Christina: Honestly, I think this is the first time I've ever done this's been over twenty years since I had algebra.

SNKSNTC: Seriously?! You don't LOOK that old!

Christina: Gee. Thanks.

And College Administration?

Parking a completely empty campus police car in front of the classroom building night after night is absolutely no deterrent to crime.

Neither is putting a reflective vest on a weenie and having him toodle around the campus in an electric golf-cart outfitted with a flashing yellow light and a decal that says "Public Safety Officer".

Your "campus security" is teh suxxor.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Wow, almost a quarter...?

I knew I had a potty mouth, but I didn't think I was this bad!

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?

I've found my soulmate!

I was just driving home from class, and I got stuck behind a big old Ford pick-up truck. The license plate read: TRUTEXN

I think I'm in love!

Of course, if the driver is a woman, I'm screwed.

Speaking of class, got the test I took last Tuesday back...112 out of 114!

I made a stupid, basic mistake, um...when dividing two negative numbers, the answer is POSITIVE...DUH!

Once, just once, I'd like to get every blessed problem on a test right. Oh, well, perfection is highly overrated. I'll just keep telling myself that.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Bank of America, you suck!

Bank of America is made of fail.

I rarely use checks, but I make an exception for the rent. I finally got to my second-to-last book of checks, and it had that little notice on it, you know: "It's time to reorder your checks!" So I did. I made absolutely no changes to my order, everything should have been no problem, only when I got my new checks and did the "careful examination" they recommend, I noticed they'd misspelled my last name.
This is a common occurrence, since my last name has two capital letters (don't blame me, it's my married name!). I wouldn't make a fuss about it, but all my account info has the name spelled with both capitals, and that's how I sign my name, too.
So I called the phone number given to use in cases of errors, spent 15 minutes on hold, and then about five more explaining what the problem was. By the way, the same thing happened last time I ordered checks...
So, I was assured it was no problem, they'd make the correction and (gasp) wouldn't charge me for the new checks (they'd better not, I'd be seriously pissed if I had to pay twice for their fuck-up). The new checks came today. Of course, you've guessed it already...they made the same damn mistake!
How incompetent do you have to be to do that?
Screw dealing with the phone, I'm going to my bank branch tomorrow, and talking to the folks there face-to-face. They've always been very kind and helpful. And this time, THEY get to shred the messed-up checks.

On a completely different note...what's with the lack of comments lately? I'm aware that unlike moi, the rest of you actually have lives, but come on! Am I being shunned? Am I persona non grata? Don't you lurve me any more *sniff sniff*?

Ow x 2

First "ow" was at the dog park. I'd just arrived with my dogs, and was bent over hooking them up to their leash. Harley, the excitable, bounced with joy and smashed his rock-hard skull into the bottom of my chin. Unfortunately, I had the tip of my tongue between my teeth...OW!

Second "ow" was a good one. I can finally cross off "go see a chiropractor" from my to-do list, where it had been languishing for months. I work 40 hours a week as a massage therapist, and I get tired and lazy with my body my body is pretty fucked-up. I'm always in some level of pain, but by the end of the week my right shoulder especially will barely move when I wake up. So off to the chiropractor I went, for the first time ever. It was AWESOME! I'm going to give them a plug right here:

Tropicana West Chiropractic
6819 W. Tropicana Ave. Suite 100
Las Vegas, NV 89103

I was seen by both Dr. Leavitt and Dr. Senecal (who are brothers-in-law, btw), but Dr. Leavitt did the actual adjustments.

Oh my God! My back sounded like somebody was breaking uncooked spaghetti! I feel so, so much better now. He also worked on my neck, right shoulder (which has full range of motion now, thankyouverymuch), and both SI joints.
My body feels so light now, like I could float away.

I will be going back on Thursday, after that we'll see...

I also should really get a massage. Maybe if it's slow on Thursday, I can get a massage in while at work. That would be a great way to start my work-week.