Saturday, December 31, 2011

Overheard at Dinner

"When the internet hates you more than Justin Bieber, you know you've failed epically."

Silver, discussing Governor Rick Perry's hilariously disastrous YouTube video.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Another spelling "gem"...

Seen on a client's chart: "Client complains of psiatic pain..."


Tuesday, December 27, 2011


If you're not sure how to spell something, look it up or ask for help.

That way we can avoid having excrescences like "periformace" and "soreatick" crop up in our clients' charts. Which are legal documents, after all...

Monday, December 26, 2011

Silver is lucky...

to still be alive. Just sayin'.

She was walking behind me as we were carrying stuff out to the car the other day, and the sun was shining brightly. She asked me in all seriousness, "Mom, do you still have white paint in your hair?"


"No, Silver. As a matter of fact, I washed the paint I did get in my hair out a few days ago. You know, after we finished painting the room?!"


She belatedly realized the danger she was in. Maybe it had something to do with how quickly I whipped around to face her. It might have had to do with my narrowed eyes and clenched teeth. Or perhaps it was the steam coming out of my ears...

"It looks GREAT on you, Mom...really!!" she said in a quavering voice.

And so she lives to annoy me another day.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of you wonderful people have a very merry Christmas and a healthy, happy New Year!

Saturday, December 17, 2011


I'm taking twelve credits this upcoming spring semester at NBU. I wanted to do more nursing classes, but I have to do three classes from the "first three semesters" (if I were a Freshman, not a transfer student) that I'm missing before I can move on to Clinicals.  So I'm taking Physiological Chemistry (Lecture, Discussion, and Lab), Nutrition, and Intermediate (Nursing) Seminar. Those only bring me up to 10 credits, and since I want to be considered a full-time student, and since it miraculously doesn't conflict with any of my other classes, I'm also taking UNIVERSITY CHORUS!!!!!

I'm going to be singing and performing again, Y'all! I'm so excited, I can't WAIT. I haven't sung since I left the Las Vegas Master Singers when I moved to Pahrump, NV in early 2004. Holy crap, the last time I performed was Christmas of 2003! That's far too long. My pipes may be rusty, but they'll limber up fast. I've missed singing and it's something a part of me really needs. It's nice that I can get college credit and an easy "A" while fulfilling that need. :)

Friday, December 16, 2011

"If you're gonna paint... need caulk. The bigger the crack, the more caulk you need. You hold the gun at an angle and squeeze steadily, moving down. Make sure your finger is wet, the caulk needs it wet, 'cause you don't want it to get hard too fast, then get your finger in there and smooth it down..."

Part of the down-and-dirty caulk tutorial I received from our contractor.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

There is something slightly surreal...

in overhearing the middle-aged carpenter who's doing some work outside singing along with the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself", especially since he's mangling the lyrics.

Friday, December 09, 2011

O Happy Day!

Bright futures beckon
Endless possibilities
Adulthood begins!

Happy Eighteenth Birthday, Chaos and TallyAngel!

I love you and I'm so proud of you both!

Thursday, December 08, 2011


Just found out I also got accepted into another Nearby University's nursing program.

That's okay, though. I'm sticking with NBU!

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

It's a Regional Thing

Two different people today at work described something demonstrably stupid as being "reTAHded".

I love it here!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Overheard in the Dining Room...

"He has a voice that sounds like scissors."


"Jabbing into you!"

That makes way more sense.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Miss you...

Boundless heart offered
Gracious kindness to strangers
Making all welcome

Rest in peace, Mamaw. We'll miss you, but we're relieved that your suffering is over.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

I did it.

Though it's just the beginning!

I just received my acceptance letter into Nearby Big University's (NBU) Nursing Program!!!

I start the end of January and will be on my way to getting my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing.

Let the partying commence!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Most Excellent Evening!

I had a wonderful afternoon and evening today, spending a solid hour at the range with Weer'd, getting to shoot my rifle (yay!), his CZ82 (checking out potential carry guns), a revolver in .22LR (help me out here, bro...what was it called?!), and his "Baby Beretta".
I had a ton of fun and we stayed until they kicked us out for a scheduled match.

We decamped for Casa Weer'd, where the always delightful Mrs. Weer'd awaited us.
After sipping tea and chatting for an hour or so, it was time for me to head back home. A day well spent, my friends!

Thanks again, Weer'd, for a most excellent day!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

to everyone out there (who celebrates Thanksgiving, of course!)

Now I retire to enjoy my food coma, hope you do the same.

So proud!

Last Friday, my oldest daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, was inducted into Upsilon Pi Epsilon (UPE), the International Honor Society for the Computing and Information Disciplines.

Yeah, she kicks total if you didn't know already!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Overheard in the breakroom...

"Then I told that disgusting perv, 'Don't you come in here thinking this is a whorehouse! And don't ask anybody else here that question!'"

I was too busy to ask for details, but I'm pretty sure I know what question the disgusting perv asked.


Saturday, November 19, 2011

"Game called...

...on account of *BLARGH*!!!"

For the very first time since I became a massage therapist, I had to break off a massage yesterday. My final client of the day ended up hurling (luckily, she made it to the bathroom in time!) about thirty minutes into her ninety minute massage.

She emerged from the loo looking rather wan, but insisted she wasn't sick, she felt fine. Picture me rolling my eyes, HARD.

I explained that it was a very bad idea to continue the massage under the circumstances and that she was welcome to reschedule with me when she felt better. Of course we didn't charge her for this visit.

Hey, she still tipped me, which I thought was very decent of her, considering.

Hope she feels better.

Friday, November 18, 2011

New England Rotary*


*aka "roundabout" or "traffic circle" for all you non-New Englanders!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Tech Bleg

So, any advice on how to watch my Hulu stuff on our TV?

Thanks in advance...I know y'all are way more clever than I am with stuff like that!

Sunday, November 13, 2011


There's something inexplicably delightful and charming in hearing my very refined and oh-so-proper Moroccan colleague, A., sprinkle the f-bomb randomly into conversation.

Perhaps it's the accent?

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Uh, no...not really!

As I was waiting for my client to emerge from the treatment room, my colleague J., visibly disturbed, scurried down the hallway toward the breakroom. As she passed by me she paused and muttered, "You ever have a client say, 'Thank GOD I wore underwear today!' before the massage?!"

Thankfully, no!

And I don't even want to begin to contemplate the meaning behind that statement.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Monday, November 07, 2011

Monday Haiku

glinting through the woods
blue sky, clouds, russet treetops
pond's calm reflections


Massaged a young woman yesterday, and when I draped her back, I noticed her trampstamp.

It was a lovely, Gothic cross.

*blink blink*

like knowing Jesus died for your sins...and IS WATCHING YOU!!!!

Friday, November 04, 2011

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that the person scheduling your appointment fucked up and booked you an hour instead of a 90-minute massage.

 I'm sorry that your expectations of what a massage is weren't met. Massage therapists aren't chiropractors, and it's outside of our scope of practice to do spinal manipulations and adjustments.

I'm sorry that I didn't "beat (you) up" enough. You have several herniated disks, you take muscle relaxants and narcotic painkillers, and deep tissue massage is contraindicated.

I'm sorry that you apparently weren't listening when I explained all this to you.

I'm sorry that you had to spend 15 minutes at the front desk complaining about it all.

I'm sorry that I was already in with another client, and that I wasn't there to discuss it more with you and the front desk associate.

That being said, I'm glad you got the massage for free and I'm glad you rebooked with another therapist (who goes by the nickname "Hitler"). Maybe she can make you happy. Maybe she won't care about risking your health and her license and will beat the shit out of you.

I'm sorry, but it's not my problem anymore.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011


I was stunned and saddened to hear today of the passing of William the Coroner.

We weren't close friends, by any means, but I certainly enjoyed reading his blog and I hope he got an occasional chuckle from mine.

My condolences to his family and friends, he was definitely a special person, and he's gone much too soon.

Rest in peace.


in the backyard!

Critters (most likely coyotes) nabbed one of the neighbors' chickens in our backyard.
It looks like a down pillow exploded back there and my dogs are going crazy sniffing, sniffing, sniffing everywhere. Not to mention peeing.

I'm amazed at how long my wimpy dogs stayed out in the cold this evening, investigating all the intriguing scents. Maybe they aren't such high-maintenance, etepetete wusses after all!

Weather Observation

You know it's a bit chilly outside when your dog's poo steams.

Wait, is that weather, or climate?

Let's ask Al Gore!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Friday Night Haiku

Lasers are awesome!
Blasting kidney stones to bits
Making my friend well

Thursday, October 27, 2011

What. The. FUCK.

This is just wrong. On so many, many levels.

I came into work while it was raining. When I left eight hours later, it was fucking SNOWING.

Snowing. In October. Before Halloween.

I had to scrape my car off. In October.

I know, I know: "Welcome to New England!"

I need some warmer, water-proof shoes.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

*ahem ahem ahem*


Five years. Wow. That's like a hundred in real life years!

Suddenly, I feel old. ;)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Slow day at the spa...

equals WAY too much time to daydream.

I was using the facilities and noticed the spare roll of paper towels on a shelf. The label said "Big Roll", but I read "Rick Roll"...and my mind raced with possibilities!

I could get permission (for a cut of the profits, natch) from Rick Astley and bring out a new brand of paper towels called "Rick Roll", with Astley's face on the label! I could become rich beyond my wildest dreams, all because of an internet meme!

Yes, I know I'm goofy. Deal with it.

Hopefully I'll be busier tomorrow, otherwise...who knows what I'll come up with!

Curb your enthusiasm

It's getting chilly around here at night, so I've been letting my cat, Pipsqueak, stay inside. Plus, I made the executive decision to stop leaving food out for him, because I'm tired of feeding all the other neighborhood cats. Not to mention all the vermin-infested, potentially disease-laden critters who have also been partaking. Thus, if Pipsqueak wants to eat, he has to come inside.

So Pipsqueak has been spending more time indoors. It's great! He and my dogs cuddle and play, and he's an all-around super affectionate kitty.

Only problem is: he purrs. Like a fucking Evinrude on steroids.


Toss in a few mews and squeaks and you have a recipe for BROKEN SLEEP. Oh, and he occasionally plants himself on my head. And also decides to crunch his kibble in the middle of the night. While his tag clanks against the edge of the metal dish.

The final straw is that he always wants to GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE (aka, "MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW") at four o'clock in the morning.

Tired Christina is cranky Christina.


I'll try the earplugs tonight and hope it helps. And a cat door is in the works, then he can come and go as he pleases.

I need a good night's sleep!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I need Botox.

I'm getting a vertical wrinkle right between my eyebrows, and it's all because of Masshole drivers!

WTF, dudes? Did everyone and his brother miss the class on yielding to oncoming traffic while attempting to make a left turn?

Or are they all just members of the "Fuck you, I'm goin' anyway" Club?


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I was a bit perplexed...

when the young client told me not to touch her feet because of her painful bunions. I mean, she was only in her twenties, who has issues like that at that age?

Then she shared with me the fact that she works three jobs:

1. School teacher
2. Cocktail waitress
3.Track and field coach

Okay,  makes way more sense now. But, damn! I feel sorry for her, she's in constant pain and there's not much she can do about it.

Also, foot massages are the bomb and she's totally missing out. Just sayin'.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I glanced down during a massage yesterday...

...and noticed some dirt on my sneakers. Colorado dirt, to be exact. It made me realize that a week ago I was still having a blast at Blogorado 2011, and it made me a bit depressed. We stayed so long and yet it went by in a flash.

I could go on and on about the shooty goodness, how fun it was to hear the *plink plink* of shots hitting the steel targets, or the visceral *BOOM* of the Barrett .50, feeling it reverberate in my sternum and clavicles, actually burping me like a baby. I could recount the satisfaction I felt finding a gun that really suited me (Farmmom's Browning Hi-Power 9mm), reloading the magazine over and over again, making soda fountains out of expired cans of Pepsi.

I could mention the freakish wind on Saturday, how even having bundled up didn't help much, how it sapped my energy as the day went on.

And how could I neglect to mention the fabulous costume party that night? How we laughed and laughed at both the silly and the awesome get-ups.

Oh, and the FOOD. The incredible food that caused me to gain 4 pounds in 5 days (three pounds of which I've whittled off again, thank God!). Fried chicken, chicken fried steak, lumpia, pot roast, meatloaf, lobster, brisket...OMNOMNOM.

We celebrated Phlegmmy's and Matt G.'s birthdays with delicious cake, sassy shoes, and a manly kilt.

I even shot a varmint, making a tiny dent in the tremendous, pestilent (literally!) prairie dog population.

But what it really comes down to, what I truly miss, is being with the marvelous people there. My friends.

Sitting around the fire at night, talking, laughing, the subject veering from the ridiculous to the sublime. Several different conversations going on, and you wish you could somehow take part in every one, just so you don't miss anything.

What amazes me the most is that if you look at us objectively, individually, we honestly don't have that much in common. But by some mysterious alchemy, it becomes a beautiful brew.

So thank you, FarmFamily. You've created something incredible out in the wilds of Colorado, and we're all honored and privileged to be allowed to take part.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Guess what was waiting for me when I got home?

Issued by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts: My unrestricted Class A Large Capacity License to Carry Firearms!

I dispute the "unrestricted" part, but I actually legally OWN the guns I already own!
And I can buy more. And carry them concealed.

Go, me!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's hard to say good-bye.

We're packing up and loading the rental, about to head to the airport and fly back home.

We lingered over breakfast this morning, until the coffee was cold and the egg yolk had congealed on our plates. Post Blogorado Depression has already set in.

Saying "Thank you" to the FarmFamily doesn't seem adequate to express our gratitude for their hospitality and generosity, but we tried to convey our feelings with our hugs as we said good-bye.

Time to hit the road.

And there's always next year!

Monday, October 10, 2011

The funniest thing said at Blogorado...

that (almost) nobody heard:

Mamaw, sitting outside in the sun for a bit this morning, telling us, "I want some pictures of the man with the...," while cupping her hand over her lap.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Overheard on the Range...

As I'm walking up to the BIG GUN table (as I call it), Aepilot Jim and Old NFO are shooting at the farthest target. Jim is spotting and NFO is the one shooting. 

Aepilot Jim: You hit it in the right shoulder...

Old NFO: Got it.

Me: Uh...are you actually shooting at that critter out there?!

Both men: WHAT critter?!

Me: The one that's walking around between the tree and the haybales behind the target!

They both look up from their respective scopes.

Aepilot Jim (huffing in exasperation): That damn llama is out there again!

Old NFO: I'll tell FarmDad.

I sigh in relief, until I realize that I have to wait to try the Barrett until the llama is herded out of range.

Me: Dammit!

What happens at Blogorado...

stays at Blogorado.

Especially boot-sniffing.

Overheard at Blogorado...

Stingray (to LabRat): Mind your bustle!

You had to have been there...

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Overheard on the Road to Blogorado

SCI-FI (driver extraordinaire): If I see an 18-wheeler coming over the hill at us, there's gonna be soda and urine flying everywhere, cause I'll be tossing you the bottle and pissing myself as I try to get out of its way!

Wednesday, October 05, 2011


I'll be Blogorado bound!

Good friends, good food (make that FANTASTIC food!), and shooty goodness...what could be better?

Posting most likely sporadic, but I'll do my best. With pics, too.

Monday, October 03, 2011


not to mention disconcerting.

I have a colleague at my new job whom I liked immediately. He's young and friendly, yet rather cynical and curmudgeonly on occasion. He snarks about everything, yet is unfailingly helpful and hard-working. Several times after starting work there, I had moments of deja-vu regarding him, and I couldn't figure out why. We'd definitely never met before.

It wasn't until a few days later, when I was sitting in the breakroom with my back turned to a conversation he and another co-worker were having, that I realized why he seemed so familiar to me. See, he was pissed off about something and sprinkling the f-bomb liberally into his speech.

BAM! It hit me...he sounds EXACTLY like Stingray of the Atomic Nerds!

Voice, tone, inflection, rhythm, everything. It's pretty creepy, as a matter of fact.

I had to ask him if he had any relations in New Mexico, but he demurred. He and his family are local through-and-through.

Which begs the question: Why doesn't my colleague have a local accent? I have no clue.

In any case, I told my co-worker not to be surprised if I sometimes call him "Stingray", and he laughed and said he didn't care.

If only he knew...

He should listen to Vicious Circle sometime!

Oh, I have to add one thing, though: the resemblance definitely ends with the voice, as this young man was also the one who thought "ambiguous" meant "obvious"...

Sunday, October 02, 2011


One of my clients today complained about being totally stressed out.

Halfway through the massage, I saw she hadn't been lying. One leg was shaved and the other, *ahem*, NOT.

You have to be stressed to the max not to notice something like that, especially if you're wearing a dress!

Friday, September 30, 2011

I should have a t-shirt made


-Google maps sucks at directions for Boston
 -pedestrians EVERYWHERE, especially in the middle of the street
-crazy taxi drivers
-seriously, Tobin Bridge? Speed limit 35mph, I'm going 55mph and the other drivers are passing me while flipping me the bird
-bring plenty of money for tolls and PARKING. Holy crap.
-lots of pretty stuff to gawk at, don't get distracted
-gas stations that don't sell gas. Which really sucks when your gas gauge is hovering just south of the big "E".
-when you finally find one that DOES sell gas, it's almost a buck more expensive per gallon than anyplace outside of town
-have I mentioned that Google maps sucks at directions for Boston?

All that being said, Boston just isn't really that big, so while I got a wee bit lost going home, it was just lost in detail. I knew the highway was north and west of where I was at, so I kept heading in that direction until I saw signs.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Calling all Paramedics/EMTs!

Having recently had occasion to be a passenger in an ambulance on a run to the hospital, I noticed that the driver of said ambulance wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Is this common? I'm really interested in hearing the experts answer!


I've been doing massage for a number of years now. I've seen a lot and many of my clients have quirks or odd habits, but I never thought that I'd have a client who exhibits the full range of behaviors!

My last client of the night was the female half of a couple. It started off with incomplete/illegible paperwork, but I muddled through the interview. Then I noticed the dog. Yes, she had a floofy dog with her, in a tote bag. She insisted the dog was her "service animal". Ooookay, whatever. As long as it's quiet and doesn't attack me, I don't care.

After we were already in the room, she suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Of course that's fine, but it puts us another few minutes behind. L., my colleague, and I were definitely not getting out of there on time, but okay.

When I reentered the room to begin the massage, I noticed she had earbuds in and was listening to her own music. Unusual, but I've seen it before. Except that it wasn't just an iPod or MP3 player, it was an iPhone.
So in addition to having her music blasting loudly enough that we could all sing along to JayZ, the fucking thing also rang during the massage. And she answered it, since it was her mother. And they talked for about two minutes.
Remember the earbud thing? Yeah, she TALKED LIKE THIS. As a matter of fact, she talked like that throughout the massage.  When she wasn't texting, that is.

When she wasn't talking or texting, she was moaning. Loudly. And when she wasn't doing any of those things, she was bopping along to the music.

Let's just say she wasn't the most pleasant client I've had, and leave it at that. I won't repeat the f-bomb here as many times as I did when I got home and recounted the story to my roommates. :D

Monday, September 26, 2011

Local idiom

What I hear most often:

"Hihowahyah?" (yes, it's all one word...TRUST ME.)


"Y'naht from aroun'heah...wheah ya from?"

Gee, how could they POSSIBLY tell I'm not from around here? 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sunday Haiku

Leaves pattering down
like a dessicated rain
Fall melancholy

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Mission: Impossible Accomplished!

I did it!

The disappointed client from the other day was very pleased with the massage she received from me.

Not only did I redeem the spa's reputation, I also landed a loyal client who already booked another appointment with me two weeks from now.

But the most important thing about all this is in her reaction as she exited the room: not to go into too much detail here, but she has a chronic condition, and she told me tearfully that for the first time since she can remember, she was able to turn her head without pain.

That's better than earning brownie points with the boss any day.

Friday, September 23, 2011

When it rains...

it pours.

Looks like I just landed a second (part-time!) job. So now I'll be working five days a week at the local spa, and one day a week at a spa in a town about 15 miles away.

I know I can't keep up this pace indefinitely, if only because I'll be going to school full-time next semester, but I'm going to make as much money as I can in the meantime, and pay off my debts. Oh, and help my chilluns, especially Silver. She's a poor college student, ya know?

As the saying goes, I'm making hay while the sun shines. (Yes, I'm mixing metaphors. So sue me. :D)

Christina: The Redemption???

My boss took me aside during my break last night to give me a head's up. They'd had a new client with various health issues who booked a 90-minute Deep Tissue massage with another new therapist yesterday, and she HATED her massage.

Rather than send her off unsatisfied, they rebooked her with ME for tomorrow, so she's getting a freebie massage and I'm left to redeem the spa's reputation...


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

One more observation from my new job...

it's WONDERFUL to have no sales pressure. As a matter of fact, the owner of the spa told me that that's what the sales associates are for.

I don't feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I'm at work. I'm there to do massage, nothing else!


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dear Client:

I'm truly happy for you that you're able to get an erection at your age, but that doesn't mean you can masturbate during your massage. Jerk off on your own time.

Thank you,

Christina LMT

Monday, September 19, 2011

Observations after my first week of work...

in BULLET format! Cause that's how I roll.

-having the six-year-old you live with cheerfully call out, "Make some money!" as you're leaving for work is terminally cute and will put a smile on your face and in your heart that'll last your entire shift.

-tips are good. GREAT tips are better.

-having cash in your wallet again is the BEST, though. Even if you spend most of it a day later at the EPIC Steampunk Exhibition!

-taking the entire summer off from massaging, then jumping right back in with eight-hour shifts is probably not a good idea. (I'm totally out of "massage shape", and my ass was kicked both Friday and Saturday.)

-having your new boss tell you that all the clients LOVE you and that they're already rebooking with you is completely worth the fatigue and soreness you feel at the end of the week.

-it's probably a good idea not to be too pedantic. Correcting your new colleague, who just earnestly informed another colleague that "ambiguous" means "obvious", will likely NOT endear you to said colleague.

-learn to deal with heavy local accents. Don't automatically assume that a client is from a foreign country, even if you can initially barely understand her!

And the most important observation after my first week back at work:


Sunday, September 18, 2011

Fangirl Squeeeeee!

I had the best time today! We went to the Great New England Steampunk Exhibition!!!

I've been wanting to go there ever since I first heard about it, mainly because my two favorite authors EVAR were the Guests of Honor:

Sharon Lee and Steve Miller!

I've been a huge fan of their work ever since I picked up "Conflict of Honors" way back in the day.

I swear that when I met them, I held my fangirlish squeeing to a minimum. No, really!


Does it look like I'm squeeing?

I bought a few books, got some autographs, and after chatting with them a bit, walked around the convention floating a few inches off the ground. Silver can confirm that when we talked on the phone hours later, I was still geeking out about it.

We watched an excerpt from an amusing Steampunk operetta, "Queen Victoria's Floating Garden of Secrets and Natural Wonders", which had a few too many fart jokes for my taste, but was nevertheless a worthwhile endeavor. Excellent singing!

Here are some of the amazing costumes we saw throughout the day:



Nifty car:


LOVED this hat, seriously adored it:





This gentleman won the rather informal costume contest (I was rooting for another gentleman with an amazing mechanical backpack, whose picture I was unfortunately unable to obtain...):


I think it was the armor that won him first place.

I also took the opportunity to try on an amazing leather corset, with the most cunning front closures EVAR. If only I had an extra $295 lying around...*snerk*.




I was looking in the mirror going, "Wow, I have BOOBS!"
Well, I got the lady's business card, so I know where to go when I have money saved up. That's just one item I *have* to add to my wardrobe. Very nifty.

And that was my day! Very much fun was had by all!



I'm glad I finally got that out, I think I almost ruptured something holding back.


Duh, I was so tired when I posted this, I forgot to mention how incredibly NICE Sharon and Steve are. They were very kind to spend time chatting with me about various and sundry topics and I enjoyed the experience immensely.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Background check on me...

apparently came back okay. I got a call last night from the local spa and went in this morning for training/orientation.

My first shift is Thursday afternoon and I as I was walking out the door this morning they were booking me my first client.

Yay, work!

Yay, money!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Dear Bitch...

who stole my debit card info and ordered almost $300 worth of crap from

The nice people at gave me your name and address, since MY debit card info was on the order. gave me your telephone number and I've also found your facebook page and pictures of you elsewhere on the internet (btw, you are FUCKING UGLY. Just sayin'.)

I'm going to the police today to file a report and I will gleefully press charges.

Have a nice day. 'Cause it's gonna get ugly from here on out.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Overheard during a massage...

My ten-year-old client addressing me sternly, after her older brother opens the door after a perfunctory knock:

"I frown upon someone knocking on the door and opening the door during my relaxation."

Now imagine that line voiced by Violet Parr from "The Incredibles," and you'll understand why I struggled to hide my sudden laughter!

How to commemorate the ten year anniversary ...

of the most heinous terrorist attack on American soil?

By going about my business as if it were any other day. I'm not watching TV or listening to the news. I might read some of my regular blogs. But other than that, I refuse to live my life one jot different.

I'm giving friends massages. I'm doing dishes (the dishwasher broke) and folding laundry. In a bit, I'm going to babysit my friends' kids for a couple hours while they go have some shooty fun.

Business. As. Usual.

Don't give the bastards the satisfaction of seeing our anguish, our rage, our fear over the events of September 11, 2001. They deserve nothing but our contempt and our resolve to put an end to their despicable business.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Poor pup.

Harley just had another seizure. My poor baby!

This one wasn't nearly as bad, thankfully. I'll just have to keep track of the frequency and maintain good records. His last one was 11 months ago, and if he's gonna be epileptic, one seizure a year isn't that bad. Let's just hope they don't start hitting more frequently.

I haz a job.

Pending background investigation, that is.

I massaged the owner of the spa and she offered me a job on the spot, w00t! And she speaks GERMAN. :) :) :) :)

Best part is, they're five minutes from home. In a pinch, I could walk to work.


Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Eventful day!

In bullet format!

-got a letter from Nearby Big University (NBU) that I'm on the short-list for their nursing program. I'll know for sure beginning of December (hedging my bets, I'm still applying at two other schools not-so-nearby...)

-got a reply from one of the places I applied for a job, have a second interview (with hands-on portion) on Sunday.

Wish me luck for both of these things, please!

-folded a metric fuck-ton of clothes.

-went to the gym and worked out (w00t!)

Altogether a very satisfying day in all respects. :)

I just got an email from another place, they want me to come in for a practical, too! W00t! Bonus, it's right here in town. :)

I almost forgot...

to post my POST-Irene pics. Here's the pile of broken branches that we collected from the backyard. Most of them are from the big ol' willow tree, some of which crashed to the ground while I was walking my dogs during the storm.




Monday, September 05, 2011

Snippet of a chat exchange...

Silver is stoked about a song by deadmau5, her latest favorite musician. She shares the video with me, and yes, dutiful mother that I am, I actually watch it...

Me: Okay, in that song, Rob Swire was the ghostly singer?
And is the musician pronounced "DEADMOUSE"? or "DEADMAUFIVE?"

Silver: no, actually
the guy who "died" was played by deadmau5 and yes, he has that tattoo on his neck in real life
it's pronounced "dead mouse"

Me: So who was Rob Swire?

Silver: the reason why it's spelled like that is because he couldn't fit it as a chatroom username when spelled correctly
the singer was Rob Swire
there's an actual version of the song without lyrics, it's a slightly different mix
I have both
also, deadmau5 is a huge nerd
he made several Minecraft references in his performances in LA

Me: Okay, is that music techno or what?

Silver: it's in a subgenre of electronica
he's "progressive house", apparently
funny thing is
Daft Punk is French house
and both Daft Punk and deadmau5 cover their faces when they perform
I wonder if it's a house music thing?

Me: And he wears the giant disco-ball-dead-mouse-head during performances?

Silver: yes
and it has LEDs on it
so it can change expressions
he apparently has different ones
here, lemme find a pic...

Me: But is it still TECHNO?!

Silver: yeah
if AVTechNO! and Daft Punk are considered Techno, then deadmau5 is definitely techno

Me: Okay.

Silver: xD
oh maaaaaaan
AVTechNO!'s new album is coming out in two days!!
this is one of the songs on it

Me: Now I have blogfodder, thanks!

Silver: xD
if you're going to use a video...
I think you should use this one

also, deadmau5 likes Cthulhu
a lot

Me: No, Silver. I'm blogging this CHAT!

Silver: like, he's getting a Cthulhu tattoo and everything xD


Silver: ha
during the LA concerts, Rob Swire went on stage and sang Ghosts N a ghost-sheet costume
also, deadmau5 is in Vegas right now
complimenting the weather
also, getting his tattoo
he was on Twitter WHILE getting the tattoo!
the creator of Minecraft even asked about it!

I'm blogging. :D

Silver: LOL
let's see if that link works
that's him wearing the LED mau5head
also, note the Bullet Bill t-shirt (from Mario)

Me: that's pretty freaky.

Silver: LOL
man, he's so cool
I want to go to one of his concerts someday
along with Daft Punk, AVTechNO! (if he ever has one), and Hatsune Miku
of note, he was the only electronica artist at Lolapalooza who performed at a main stage instead of in a "rave tent"
also, the Meowington's Hax tour?
named after his cat
his cat

Me: Okay.

Silver: also, a covalent bond is a bond in which an electron is shared between two atoms
just so ya know ;)

Me: yeah, I know that.

Silver: aaaaand I just realized that I could just type my stuff out instead of writing it

Me: Sheesh, do you think I'm a moron?

Silver: LOL
the college thinks I'm one
that was part of my biology homework!
I learned that in high school

Me: Yeah, I learned that in anatomy AND microbiology. And chemistry in high school.

Silver: oh


Silver: my
there is a Kagamine Rin cover of that PON PON PON song x.x
oh god
it's even worse
it's a LEN Kagamine cover
also, English subtitles
oh my goooooood


Silver: why is this so catchy?!




Silver: ah I see

Me: And I'm saying goodnight so I can blog.

Silver: PON is the onomatopoeia for clapping
good niiiight
let me know when you post it
<3 you!
Sent at 10:09 PM on Monday

Damn, I feel old.

I'm not a sheep...

but I will follow the herd on occasion, when it provides blog fodder!

Here's the list of NPR's top 100 SF/F titles, with the ones I've read bolded. I added comments as necessary!

1. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien (read it once, long ago when I was a teenager...I haven't been able to read it again, I always get bogged down)
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
3. Ender’s Game, by Orson Scott Card
4. The Dune Chronicles, by Frank Herbert

5. A Song Of Ice And Fire Series, by George R. R. Martin
6. 1984, by George Orwell
7. Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
8. The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov
9. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
10. American Gods, by Neil Gaiman
11. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman (it's inconceivable to me NOT to have read this classic...;))
12. The Wheel Of Time Series, by Robert Jordan (this is the TRUE never-ending story, and I bailed after reading and re-reading the first six or so books)
13. Animal Farm, by George Orwell
14. Neuromancer, by William Gibson
15. Watchmen, by Alan Moore
16. I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov
17. Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein (of course, Heinlein is the MASTER)
18. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss (reading this as we speak, so to speak)
19. Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
20. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley
21. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick
22. The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood
23. The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King (tried this one and failed; I've not read anything by King since "It" totally terrified me...fucking CLOWN)
24. 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke
25. The Stand, by Stephen King (see above)
26. Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson
27. The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury
28. Cat’s Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
29. The Sandman Series, by Neil Gaiman
30. A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess
31. Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein (duh)
32. Watership Down, by Richard Adams (many times)
33. Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey (LOVE this series, I've read it many times and took joy in sharing it with my oldest child, who's also a fan.)
34. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein
35. A Canticle For Leibowitz, by Walter M. Miller
36. The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells
37. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, by Jules Verne
38. Flowers For Algernon, by Daniel Keys (I read this one when I was just a kid, borrowed from my older brothers who were reading it for high school English. DEPRESSING.)
39. The War Of The Worlds, by H.G. Wells
40. The Chronicles Of Amber, by Roger Zelazny
41. The Belgariad, by David Eddings
42. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley

43. The Mistborn Series, by Brandon Sanderson
44. Ringworld, by Larry Niven (LOVE Ringworld!)
45. The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin
46. The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien
47. The Once And Future King, by T.H. White
48. Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman
49. Childhood’s End, by Arthur C. Clarke
50. Contact, by Carl Saga (liked this, never watched the movie)
51. The Hyperion Cantos, by Dan Simmons
52. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman
53. Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson
54. World War Z, by Max Brooks
55. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle
56. The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman
57. Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett
58. The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson
59. The Vorkosigan Saga, by Lois McMaster Bujold
60. Going Postal, by Terry Pratchett

61. The Mote In God’s Eye, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
62. The Sword Of Truth, by Terry Goodkind
63. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
64. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke
65. I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson
66. The Riftwar Saga, by Raymond E. Feist (YES, read this, but only the first two series.)
67. The Shannara Trilogy, by Terry Brooks (to me, Terry Brooks epitomizes the author who shoots his wad right off the bat, and is never able to get to that level again)
68. The Conan The Barbarian Series, by R.E. Howard
69. The Farseer Trilogy, by Robin Hobb
70. The Time Traveler’s Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger
71. The Way Of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson
72. A Journey To The Center Of The Earth, by Jules Verne
73. The Legend Of Drizzt Series, by R.A. Salvatore
74. Old Man’s War, by John Scalzi (most definitely an author to watch)
75. The Diamond Age, by Neil Stephenson
76. Rendezvous With Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke
77. The Kushiel’s Legacy Series, by Jacqueline Carey
78. The Dispossessed, by Ursula K. LeGuin
79. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury
80. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
81. The Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series, by Steven Erikson
82. The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde
83. The Culture Series, by Iain M. Banks
84. The Crystal Cave, by Mary Stewart
85. Anathem, by Neal Stephenson
86. The Codex Alera Series, by Jim Butcher
87. The Book Of The New Sun, by Gene Wolfe
88. The Thrawn Trilogy, by Timothy Zahn
89. The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldan
90. The Elric Saga, by Michael Moorcock
(very depressing, but my brothers were reading it, so I HAD to, too...:))
91. The Illustrated Man, by Ray Bradbury
92. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley (it's on my TBR list)
93. A Fire Upon The Deep, by Vernor Vinge
94. The Caves Of Steel, by Isaac Asimov
95. The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson
96. Lucifer’s Hammer, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
97. Doomsday Book, by Connie Willis
98. Perdido Street Station, by China Mieville
99. The Xanth Series, by Piers Anthony
100. The Space Trilogy, by C.S. Lewis

I have to say, some of these books (and authors!) I've never heard of! Others are old, beloved friends.

Also, forty out of a hundred, not bad. :D

Not Thanksgiving...

but I'm so thankful for my friends. Thank you for listening, it really helps when I'm doubting myself for whatever reason, you just make me feel better!

You know who you are...:)

Friday, September 02, 2011

You know you're reaching a "certain age"...

when your friend gently yet adamantly shakes her head "no" at you as you go into raptures over gaudy feather earrings at Claire's.


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Overheard at the dinner table...

Older Lady: When I was a child, we had a horse, a cow, a pig, chickens...

Young Child (excitedly): Oh, did you have baby pigs?!

Older Lady (deadpan): No, we had bacon.

uproarious laughter from around the table

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Saturday Randomocity:

- Masshole drivers. I'm speechless.

- Bruiser has picked his people, and it's not us. I'm maintaining the polite fiction of "This is my cat, I'm just SHARING him with you." and taking food up to my neighbor's place, but I'm just kidding myself. I don't see him at our place anymore at all. *sigh*

- We made a pilgrimage to Zimman's to look for fabric for costumes for a certain EVENT that's rapidly approaching (COLUMBUS DAY, GAH! I NEED TO LOSE TEN POUNDS!), and I was completely floored by the mountains and mountains of gorgeous available fabrics. I'm pretty sure Phlegmmy would have been in raptures. We took a pic of a bolt of fabric that we believe she'd love and sent it to her...haven't heard back yet, I hope she didn't pass out from squee overload!

- Outback Steakhouse. Chain restaurant? Yes. But their new wood-fired prime rib is the second best prime rib I've ever eaten, and I'm a connoisseur.

- Went to the local Y and signed up yesterday (s.a."GAH"). Perfectly suitable for my needs and located right around the corner.

- Two notable things happened during this process. First, a man came in to exercise who had forgotten his little key-card thingy and had to give his last name instead...and I almost choked on held-back laughter. Out of respect for the delicacy of feelings some of my readers have (*snerk*), I won't repeat the name here. Suffice it to say that in my head I was shrieking, "He might as well be named 'PUBES'!" Second, a teeny, rickety old couple came in to use the pool, noodles in hand. Just as I was thinking to myself, "How adorable, they still exercise together!" they started berating the poor front desk gal because the main pool was closed for the afternoon due to contamination. Like it's her fault! Oh, and the female half of the couple maimed my foot with her cane as they stalked off (okay, shuffled off is more accurate) in a huff.

- Dunkin Donuts decaf iced coffee with a hazelnut shot and milk RULES.

- ZOMFGIRENEMAGEDDON!!!!1!!ELEVEN!!! HALP US WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEE! Uh, probably not. But we do plan on securing all outside items so they don't become projectiles.

- Oh, and in case you were wondering...we did find some spectacular fabric to incorporate into my costume, squeeeee!

That's about it for me today, how are all y'all doing?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


equals "CAT"!

I've not felt much like posting lately because one of my cats, Bruiser, went missing. I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in a week, and he hadn't been sneaking back to the house at night to eat the food I set out for him and his brother, either. I could tell by the amount of food left in the bowl.

We live near a conservation area and there are lots of dangers for an outside cat, but Bruiser is smart and comes from a long line of tough barn cats, so I wasn't too worried the first few days. As time passed, however, I started getting anxious. His brother, Pipsqueak, was even more anxious, and had been yowling for him, to no avail.

I had frequent nightmares of his being injured and helpless, mewing for me...

Today I sat down and started making phone calls. Local animal control, local vets, etc.

One call I saved for last, because I had to wait to get my phone bill to find the Tuna-Lady's number. Bruiser visited her last month and she made the mistake of feeding him tuna, hence the affectionate nickname I bestowed upon her. My cats wear collars with name tags and my phone number, so she called to make sure he hadn't been abandoned.



Anyway, I called and left a message on her answering machine, not expecting too much, only to get a call back a few minutes later, informing me that Bruiser was lying on her deck right now, chillin'. Little fucker!

He's been hanging out at that particular cul-de-sac for the past week, making friends with all the folks who live there, particularly the ones who give him treats.

In return he's warmed laps and hearts, filled the air with purrs, and brought them gifts like snakes and blue jays. Tuna-Lady sits on her deck with him every morning, drinking her coffee and enjoying his company.

Everyone loves him, especially Tuna-Lady's elderly neighbor with cancer, who considers petting Bruiser therapy.


It took three tries to get him to STAY in the car for the drive back to our house, and right now he's in my room, fairly satisfied since my dogs are there to keep him company and he has food. But it's not going to last. This is the cat who's an escape artist and who wants to be outside with every fiber of his feline being. I told Tuna-Lady that I'm sure he'll be back to visit there soon, and to just give me a call or text when he shows up and hangs out for too long.

I'll make sure I keep up with his Frontline for Cats and his vaccinations, and we'll reevaluate the situation as it gets colder here. Last winter, my cats were still kittens and 100% indoor cats, so I don't know how they'll behave this time around, especially considering we live in Massachusetts now, not Texas!

I know one thing for sure: if Tuna-Lady's husband weren't allergic to cats, Bruiser would undoubtedly have a permanent home there, regardless of what his collar says!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The irony...

is crushing...

I saw a morbidly obese young girl, maybe 12 or 13 years old, entering a restaurant with her family, wearing a tank-top that read:


In all sincerity, good luck with that. You're going to need it.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Unexpected, yet welcome!

As I was bitching pissing and moaning whining dulcetly complaining for the millionth time about my lower back pain yesterday, my friend B. eyed me up and down and abruptly said, "Lie down!"

*blink blink*

"Uh, right here?" (We were in the living room at the time.)

"Yup, right here on the floor."

"Okay...?" Remembering with trepidation the many, MANY times my last chiropractor had attempted to adjust my lower back, I complied.

Then B., RN and one-time Physical Therapy student, proceeded to rearrange me to her liking.

"Flex that knee and bend the leg over to the floor...straighten the other lay your upper body flat...okay, where exactly does it hurt?"

I lifted the hem of my t-shirt a bit and prodded my left SI joint.

"Right here, and the pain extends across my hip and a bit down my leg, it feels WRONG, like something's catching there."

B. kneeled next to me and palpated the joint, saying, "'s definitely protruding a little more here than the other side..." Then she leaned over and cupped my left knee with her left hand, pulled it toward her, and PUSHED with her right hand against my recalcitrant ilium.


Oh. MY. GOD.

I felt things shifting all across my lower back, even in my right hip.

B. kept the pressure steady, until it was pretty obvious that my back was finished adjusting, then she rubbed it a bit and said, matter-of-factly, "All done."

As I turned over to lie flat on my back and stretch, pain-free for the first time in months, I batted my eyes at B. and asked, "Marry me?"

Alas, she turned me down flat, laughing even (her hubby beat me to the punch YEARS ago), but she did agree to getting a massage from me.

Somehow, it doesn't seem like enough.

Thanks so very much, B.!

*grumble grumble* Stupid'd better stay where you belong, or I'll sic B. on you again!


Image Source

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Nasal lavage...

...with peppermint tea: NOT RECOMMENDED.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

LabRat is my hero, again!

If only every parent would read this, and absorb it, and agree with LabRat's brilliant-yet-commonsensical views, the world would be a far better, saner place.

I'm sending this link to all three of my daughters (who were vaccinated against HPV, thankyouverymuch.)

H/T to LabRat of the Atomic Nerds, who is far smarter than most, yet has such a way of explaining things, even us mere mortals can understand them.



Found on Fukung (Frequently NSFW!)

I LOVE this...but then again, I'm a total geek. :)

H/T to SCI-FI!

Sunday, August 14, 2011


...nothing says "ambiance" like a bag of dog poo.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

My favorite song...

just got a whole lot better.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I haz a sad...


They've all gone home.

Sunday, August 07, 2011


Could somebody explain to me the ridiculous overabundance of Dunkin Donuts stores in Massachusetts? I swear to God, there's one on every corner! I also saw many stores in neighboring states, but Mass is reaching DD critical mass!

In my town, there's even one spot with two DD stores right across the street from one another. You know, so they get you coming and going.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

You know you've been IMing too much...

when you drive by a bank and read the electronic sign out front thusly: At the moment, it's 75 degrees...


Monday, July 25, 2011

I have been schooled!

By a six-year-old.

While asking my youngest client during a massage yesterday if she's still "Da Queen of Wewaxation," she replied indignantly, "It's 'ree-lax-ation', Miss Christina!"

And when I reminded her that during her most recent massage, she still called it "wewaxation", she insisted loftily, "I'm OLDER now."


Thursday, July 21, 2011


Being on vacation is hazardous to my waistline. I made a fortuitous discovery today, however:

Kayaking = Excellent upper-body workout!

My arms were shaking when I lifted the kayak out of the water, and I can already tell that I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Win!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Overheard at the dinner table...

"Don't worry, you won't ever be're too OCD for that!"

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Oh, have I mentioned...

that Silver is here?!

Yep, I have all three of my wonderful spawn with me until the end of summer, and I couldn't be more thrilled...even when they're bickering. (Though I do tend to head for the hammock when they ARE bickering. I'm not stupid!)

Here's a pic from a couple days ago, when we went on a sunset boat ride:


And here's the sunset!


It's absolutely gorgeous and peaceful here. I love it.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Who knew?

I had no idea that my pups would be so good at Bug Patrol!

I was sitting on the gazebo with Harley on my lap, when he scared the shit out of me by starting to lunge and snap. For a brief moment I was worried he was having another seizure, then I realized that he was snapping at mosquitoes! Tucker, who was lying on the dog bed, joined in, and it was the sound of castanets all around.

I guess my dogs hate mosquitoes as much as I do, or else they love the taste of 'em!

Weer'd, Harley and Tucker have found their prey drive at last, and it only took being bitten by skeeters a few times!

Who knew?

Friday, July 15, 2011


I'm spending a few weeks at Rivendell, a beautiful lake a few states away from where I now live.

I'm unhappy to report that locusts, *ahem* ITALIAN GREYHOUNDS, don't swim worth crap. Tucker, my big wuss, actually ran down the dock and jumped in to join me in the water. And pretty much sank like a stone.


When I held him around the chest, he desultorily stroked his front legs through the water (displacing almost none), barely paddled his hind feet, and called it done. He held his head majestically the whole time, either completely oblivious to, or uncaring of, the fact that I was the one propelling him through the water and simultaneously keeping him from drowning.

It was hilarious!

My girls spent the entire afternoon and evening in the water, until the skeeters drove them from the lake about half an hour after sunset.

I, however, after my dog-towing duties were complete, wrapped myself in a towel and vegged out on the gazebo, sipping booze with my feet up and enjoying the sunset.

Life is very sweet.



Pooped-out puppehs:


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Had a Blast Last Night...

Weer'd Beard and Mrs. Weer'd came over for some grilled meat and stuff. By "and stuff" I mean tons and TONS of conversation and discussion of movies. My kids are cinema fanatics and they and the Weer'ds got along like a house on fire.

I had positioned this little fellow on the newel post of the porch steps, hoping to get a chuckle out of Weer'd, but I suppose he didn't notice (the duck is VERY tiny).


Good food was eaten, many movies' plots dissected, guns were admired (of course!), many tall tales were told, and much laughter was heard.

Thanks to SCI-FI and Mrs. SCI-FI for their hospitality and awesome friendship. They rock.

Bonus: It's always fabulous when your friends like your kids and vice-versa, and it was a hoot to see my kids hit it off so well with the Weer'ds.

Double Bonus: Seeing how my by Weer'd much maligned dogs, whom he labels "locusts", fawned over him and the Missus. They couldn't get enough lovin' from them, and I even got Weer'd to admit that despite their (by him perceived) hideousness, they are very nice and affectionate dogs. WIN!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Holy Cannoli!

Conversion of my TX driver's license to MA driver's license...ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. What a racket.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Overheard at the dining table...

"Great, so I'm going to purp poople that's on fire!"

You had to have been there.

Friday, July 08, 2011

We have arrived...

and there goes the neighborhood!

Mostly intact and with the car still running. All the animals are alive, too.


More later, I'm tired and need a shower.


Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Traveling with cats...

...without A/C, since it decided to break just as we crossed the border into Ohio. I guess it could be worse, the A/C could have decided to die while we were still in TX or OK!

The next day or so until we reach our destination should be interesting...

ALSO overheard at the Motel Six...

"Dueling Banjos" as a lady's!?

Overheard at the Motel 6...

...Mom, this is really important...which socks should I wear? Striped, or Argyle?

Me: Definitely Argyle. You can't go wrong with Argyle!

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Traveling with cats...

...not recommended. Not only was I shat upon, but my very favorite, ancient, lumpy, not to mention irreplaceable, pillow was pissed on and ruined. You know the big cat house in the zoo? That's what the car smells like. Oh, and my forearms are generously scratched, too.

That being said, I feel sorry for my poor kittehs. They have no clue what's going on, they're terrified of getting out of the car at rest-stops, and they refused to drink when we did take breaks.

Seeing as I only got three hours of sleep last night this morning, we ended our travels earlier than I had hoped, and luckily the cats seem to have recovered nicely. Using the make-shift litter box, drinking water, and trying to steal the dogs' food, too. :)

Time to order pizza and watch some Glee! Good night's sleep and back on the road early tomorrow!

Updates will follow ('cause I KNOW you're interested...;))

Monday, July 04, 2011

Killing me...

Bonus points to whomever names the movie in which this song plays a prominent role!

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Overheard at the Dairy Queen...

TallyAngel (speaking in a tone of dawning horror): OMG, Mom!

Me: What?!

TallyAngel: I didn't know you had so much gray hair!

Me: ...

TallyAngel: I guess it's official now, you're old.

Me, employing a particular digit: Gee, thanks...

I'm amazed she made it to 17, truly I am. ;)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


A week from today, the twins and I will be on the road.

What was planned to be a lengthy vacation has morphed into a one-way move.

While Texas has been very good to me, it's time for a major change. I will be moving to New England and going to school full-time, working on my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing, instead of just my ADN. Since I already have so many credits, I can have my BSN in 2.5 years. In that case, why go to school for 2 years for an ADN, right?

I will be staying with dear friends who will let me pay rent in massages, and I won't be so lonely any more. Win-win!

Wish me luck, especially on the road trip. Tiny car, two non-driving teenagers, two dogs, and two cats=recipe for potential disaster!



Okay, so far we've seen the following:

Green Lantern - all three of us enjoyed it. Yes, it has been savaged by the critics and it's bombing at the box office, but we were pleasantly surprised.

Red Riding Hood - Again, I was pleasantly surprised. I had NO expectations of enjoying this movie, but I did. Mainly because of the mystery.

MegaMind - All three of us adored this movie, we laughed so hard! It was extremely enjoyable and I wouldn't mind seeing it again.

Super 8 - ZOMG, RUN, don't walk, to the theater to see this movie on the big screen. It's worth every penny you pay for the ticket. Amazing story, fantastic acting.

Plus, we've watched numerous episodes of Glee, since TallyAngel hasn't seen the show at all, and wants to get into it. I'm an admitted Gleek, so it's no hardship for me to rewatch the first season with her.

Still on the agenda: X-Men First Class, Transformers III, Cowboys and Aliens, and Harry Potter. And probably some more that I've forgotten about.

Yes, my twins and I love movies, why do you ask? ;)

EDITED TO ADD: Captain America. TallyAngel had a COW that I had forgotten we plan on seeing that one, too...


on a bumper sticker in my neighborhood:


Keeping it classy in the trailer park!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Ah, yes...

if the earshattering music volume and constant bickering didn't quite convince me, tripping over the shoes left forlorn in the middle of the room did the trick:

My twins are really here!

And I'm ecstatic, headache, stubbed toes and all. :)


Wednesday, June 22, 2011


I should have internalized years ago, since I certainly knew it to be true:


Holy crap, what a pain in the ass.


Monday, June 20, 2011

Continuing the Parade of the Bizarre...

are the clients who called the spa's front desk after their massage, from INSIDE the treatment room, to ask for towels so they could wipe the oil off their bodies before getting dressed.

"The call's coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!"


I had a client the other day who had her shirt on when I first came into the room. I had to insist she take it off. Awkward.

This same client also asked, as I was rubbing a hot stone on her back, "How do you get your hands so hot?"


Maybe I'd be more charitable if she hadn't been my very last client at the end of a long, busy day. A day during which I spent most of my time in a treatment room whose A/C they can't seem to get working right. It was 83.3 degrees Fahrenheit in there at one point. It's draining to perform massage in such heat, and I was sweaty and gross by the end of the day. And cranky.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Worst. Massage. EVAR.

At least that's what my last client told my boss about the massage I gave her.

Don't get me wrong, I have gotten the odd complaint here or there, it happens. You can't please everyone, every time. This was different, though.

She came to me from my esthetician colleague, from whom she got a facial and eyebrow waxing...where there was a wee waxing mishap, resulting in her left eyebrow being slightly truncated compared to the right. You know what, shit happens.

So she was PISSED OFF before she walked in my door. Did she say anything to my colleague? No. Instead, she whined to me about not being able to relax during the massage, because of her EYEBROW, and abruptly shortened the massage from an hour to half an hour. I bent over backwards to make her happy, obviously unsuccessfully.

She told my boss that she could barely even feel my touching her, that it was the worst massage she's ever had, bitched about the waxing (which she didn't pay for, of course.) She refused to receive another massage from a different therapist, accepted the 10% discount on the massage she got from me. After she made sure she had everyone's name, our district manager's email address (you know, so she can bitch some more), she literally THREW the money she owed at my boss and stormed out of the spa.

Look, she had a legitimate gripe, I get that. But there are better ways to resolve issues than acting like a petulant child.

Happy Father's Day!

To all you Dads, Step-dads, Grandpas, Uncles, Big know who you are, but I don't think you always realize what an incredible job you're doing. You rarely give yourselves enough credit, so take a moment to absorb the accolades!

Thanks for everything you do for the child/children in your life!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Behind the times...

What the heck's wrong with me?! TallyAngel sent this link to me MONTHS ago, Phlegmfatale posted a live version of it on her blog last month, and I listened to neither, don't ask me why. Then last night, I heard a cover of it, liked it, and went back to the source. Oh. My. God.
What an amazing song! What an incredible voice! I want to cry when I hear this song. I want to strip naked and roll around in this song. I want to perform this song.

Just beautiful.

Been there, done that...

declined the t-shirt.

But I laughed so hard when I listened to this! Definitely NSFW, but funnier than shit!
I swear I had flashbacks. Especially the "openly weep[ing]" part...

This book may just be the best baby shower gift EVAR.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Wish I could be there...

I'd proudly wear pink.


In less than a week, my twins will be here! Flying all the way from England, they'll be spending the summer with me, here in Texas for a few weeks, then mostly in New England.

I can't WAIT!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011




Found here.

So, what caliber for peanut zombies?

H/T to SCI-FI!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Happy Birthday!

Silver the Evil Chao, my oldest spawn, turns TWENTY YEARS OLD today. No longer a teenager, by law she is still prohibited from drinking alcohol and purchasing a handgun. One more year to go, Baby!

Damn, I feel old...

I hope you have a wonderful, special, happy day today, Sweetheart!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

PhlegmPhest 2011

What's there to say about PhlegmPhest? Nothing that won't sound like ridiculous hyperbole. :D

We enjoyed delectable food, scintillating conversation, MUCH laughter, and just spending time with friends.

Absolutely the best way to spend a weekend, as far as I'm concerned, and I can't wait for another wonderful gathering.

Thank you so much, Phlegmmy and LawDog!


On my way to PhlegmPhest 2011, I happened upon a grocery store with the best customer service EVAR!

I had to *ahem* use the facilities, and before I washed my hands, I noticed a sign on the inside of the door of the restroom..."Employees must wash your hands."


What service! They don't even expect customers to wash their own hands...

Friday, June 03, 2011

I was out walking the dogs just now...

and a snippet of a song from a pickup truck's radio wormed its way into my mind. No, it wasn't the following song, but for some reason, the bit I heard reminded me of the refrain. And it's a cool song, anyway. Which is now stuck in my head, and YOURS. Muahahahaha...


Yes, it's rather long, but STILL...WATCH IT!

H/T to B!

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Just once.

Just once, one fucking time, I'd like a client to come right out and ask me for a happy ending. So that I could have the satisfaction of giving him the thorough, verbal smack-down he so richly deserves and could legitimately and with full justification end the massage right then and there.

Instead, I get the slimy, sneaky ones. The clients who hint and allude and tease. The ones I'd like to punch right in the face. Or the groin.

And there's nothing I can do about it. Because if I say anything, they'll protest their innocence and make me out to be some kind of paranoid prima donna.

Bastards, albeit clever ones.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

Thanks to all who sacrificed their lives to ensure our nation's freedom.

Visit the folks in my sidebar, most of them have said it far better than I ever could.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Just walk away.

I know I've blogged about this before, but it bears repeating:

Don't lie. If you have no intention of tipping, just walk away. Don't tell the front desk, "Oh, I left my wallet/purse/ATM card upstairs in my room, I'll come back with the tip. What time do y'all close?"

I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times a client who's said something like that actually followed through, and that's if I amputated three fingers and a thumb.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

New Experiences

First: It was my first time to serve on a jury.


Second: It was my first time (that I clearly remember) bugging out because of an oncoming tornado.

Both experiences were opportunities for learning and both were exciting in different ways. And as my roommate said, a day when you learn something new is not a wasted day (or something to that effect, right, Mulligan?)


Monday, May 23, 2011


I astonished the postmaster of my little town today when I walked into the post office carrying two rather heavy boxes of books. The combined weight was 49 pounds, plus I was also shlepping my mammoth purse, and I had a bag of cds I was planning on mailing, too.

Honestly, I only had problems opening the door, other than that, it was no big deal.

I guess all that time in the gym is good for something!

Sunday, May 22, 2011


If you can afford to pay $600 for you and your three daughters to get our most exclusive massages, you can afford to do better than handing a twenty dollar bill to the front desk gal to "split it between" the therapists. Fucking cheapskate.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Massage Protip Number Bajillion and Three...

When I say, "Get undressed to your level of comfort," it's a discreet way for me to say, "It's totally okay for you to keep your undies on, if you should feel uncomfortable being completely naked."

It does NOT mean keep your jeans, belt, socks, shoes, boots, whatever on! Good Lord, people! Have some common sense!

Friday, May 20, 2011

This ain't my first rodeo.

I've been doing massage for quite a few years now and I'm pretty jaded. Nothing much fazes me anymore.

I've had the groaners and the moaners. I've had the folks with flatulence.
I guess it was the juxtaposition of the moaning and the farting that discombobulated me a bit today. Not to mention the occasional chuckle thrown in.

"Mmmmmmmmmm...ooooooh...oh HO ho ho ho..."


"Uh.....oh, yeah...mmmmmmmmm"


*blink blink*

At least his gas was odorless. And he never sported wood.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I've been dying for a good nap for days, nay WEEKS. My sleep was awful during the semester, stress from school making it fractured and nightmare-ridden, so now I'm trying to make up for lost time.

The last nap I attempted, on Tuesday, died in its infancy, thanks to my soon-to-be former roommate hallooing at the door.

Today, I had just turned out the light and laid my head on my pillow with a sigh of satisfaction when my phone rang. Normally, I turn the ringer off during nap-time, but I was on-call at the spa today, so I had to leave it on. As it was my favorite brother on the other end, I ended up chatting with him for over half an hour. I think my replies to him at the end of that time were rather monosyllabic, but I don't think he noticed. :D

Finally, FINALLY, I was able to slumber. Albeit with bizarre dreams.

An all-too-short time later came a knock at the door...I'm pretty sure the nice, young Mormon missionaries weren't expecting a wild-haired, crazy-eyed woman to answer the door with dog in hand (he was barking furiously), but that's what they got! They shoved a card with their URL into my hands and took off.

I gave up on the nap and decided to whine on my blog instead. Lucky you.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

I don't know...

what disturbed me the most.

1. The fact that my just-turned-eighteen-year-old client had numerous tattoos.

2. The fact that the tattoos were not new.

Or 3. The fact that when I entered the room, she was texting away on her iPhone, peeking through the face rest cut-out, and that I had to use my MOM VOICE to tell her to TURN OFF THE PHONE AND GIVE IT TO ME.

At least she listened.

Thanks, Silver!

My daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, sent me this pic yesterday. It's such a CUTE ITALIAN GREYHOUND...and the sentiment ain't so shabby, either. ;)


Of course, there are lots more Loldogs, go check 'em out yourself!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Spa Business feast or famine.

Witness this week: Thursday and Friday, I had nothing.
Today, my first massage wasn't until 3:30 PM, yet tomorrow I don't get a break until 3:00 PM.

Make hay while the sun shines, I guess. I hope the tips are good tomorrow!


douchenozzles abound on the highway.

Which isn't really anything new or exciting, but my blood pressure still reacts the same way, every time.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Yay?'s headed for North Texas like a freight train. Temps are rising and I saw my first June bugs today.

I also already got my first mosquito bite. Fucker.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I got a B on my statistics final, but I got an A overall! w00t!

So my final grade in both classes this semester: A!!!!

I'm so glad this semester is OVER.

Deep breath.

Summer's here!

Scary smart...

My dogs being dogs, they get REALLY EXCITED when it's time to go for a walk. I mean, REALLY EXCITED. I don't like it when Harley especially gets that excited, because I can't seem to break him of the habit of jumping up at me. And I've tried and tried. So, when I'm talking or skyping with someone, and I need to let them know I'm going to be gone for a while because my dogs need to go out, I've gotten in the habit of saying, "The dogs need to go O-U-T." Spelling the word.

It only took a week or so for the dogs to make the connection. I can't even SPELL "Out" around them, they know what it means!

I'm screwed.

But I welcome my Italian Greyhound Overlords. They are easy to please. :)

Monday, May 09, 2011

Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!



Thor was very good.

And my final is done. And was meh. But I only need to get a 70 to get an A overall, so I don't care.


Sunday, May 08, 2011

It's my FRIDAY!

w00t! Par-TAY!

wait...Statistics final tomorrow...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's my FRIDAY! w00t! Stu-DAY!


Happy Mother's Day!

To all you moms out there, enjoy the day and allow yourselves to be pampered for a change. You deserve it!

Saturday, May 07, 2011


I got nothing.

Oh, well I guess I could mention that today I had my SECOND brush with almost-fame. Meaning that I was supposed to massage someone famous, but they decided not to do the massage thing after all. And no, I won't tell you who!

A while back, the spa was all set to massage a very famous 80's band, but they were such prima donnas that that fell through as well.

Heh, not that I could really write about it if I *did* massage anyone famous. That would be quite unprofessional, after all. ;)

Friday, May 06, 2011

At first...

when I draped his back, I peered at the tattoo on his right shoulder and wondered why anyone would want a tattoo of an upside-down pile of poo. Then, when I had come around to his side and was facing the head of the table, I looked more closely at it, being somewhat hindered by the dimness of the room, and realized that it wasn't poo, it was a heart. A heart of stone.

Considering that his girlfriend was in the next room getting a facial, I wonder what he's trying to say with that particular image. Not to mention that it was a VERY ugly tattoo. Hmmmm.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Librarians rock!

I just got back from working out at my local gym. I'd managed to get there earlier than ever before (before 7 AM! Gasp!). Whom did I spy?

Our local librarian. An elderly woman, her long, graying hair back in a jaunty ponytail, glasses firmly in place, wearing THIS t-shirt:


And pumping iron.

She's my hero.

Image from here

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Seen on a chalkboard...

in a casino restaurant:



Of course, being in Texas...

we didn't have to wait until today. Just sayin'...

This one's for my friends in the Northeast!


While watching this, I laughed so hard I cried.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

No coffee needed.

As I turned into the road that takes me past the casino to the hotel this morning, I was driving in the left of two lanes, passing a van. I tend to drive rather rapidly, you know. This road has four lanes, two on either side of a wide, grassy median. I glanced at my rear-view mirror, then looked ahead...into the eyes of the little old lady who was merrily driving in my lane, GOING THE WRONG WAY.

I quickly moved into the right lane, deeming it far too early in the day to play chicken. Plus, those little old ladies can be ruthless. I didn't want to risk it.

At least the shot of adrenaline to my system woke me up quite nicely.


So, would anyone in my neck of the woods be available (and willing!) to kitty-sit for me for several weeks this summer? I'm going on a rather long trip with my daughters, taking the dogs with us, but it would be extremely impractical and difficult to take the cats.

I'll pay a hundred bucks!

Thanks, y'all.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

I laughed SO HARD...

this is truly a classic!

I'm so envious.

H/T to Officer Cynical

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I wish you all...

a happy, happy Easter. :)


Embedding disabled.

Go here----->

Watch the video. Laugh.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


the state of education in the U.S., when a college student doesn't know that 2000ml equals 2l. Fucked. Up.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


We had a fire the other day here at the trailer park. Just around the corner from us, a few houses away. Thankfully, the prevailing wind was blowing away from us, and the response from the fire department was prompt. (Heck, not just our little fire department, either: we had crews here from several nearby towns!)

Unfortunately, the trailer was completely destroyed, as were the two vehicles of the folks who lived there. I feel very sad for them, yet thankful that no one was hurt.

Here's the damage:



But I was reminded today that there's beauty here, too...


Statistics Yoda...

"Reject the null hypothesis or do not reject the null hypothesis. There is no 'accept'."

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Should I...?

As most of you know, I have two almost grown-up kittens, Bruiser and Pipsqueak. Pipsqueak is perfectly happy staying inside and observing the great outdoors through the window, from the comfort of the back of the couch.

Bruiser, on the other hand, takes every opportunity to slip outside that he can. When I get home, I have to have a foot ready to repel him when I open the door. Now I'm wondering if I should just bow to the inevitable and acknowledge the fact that Bruiser is happier when he gets some outside time.

I've never wanted to have an outside cat. I believe the dangers are formidable, especially living in a trailer park located in a semi-rural area, as we do. But he's just so HAPPY when he can go on walkabout. Sometimes, when he's managed to escape, he even joins the pups and me while we perambulate, and plays outside with teh puppehs. He's pretty fast and stays right on Harley's heels!

He's had all his shots, is neutered, and I do the monthly anti-flea/tick regimen, so what do YOU think? Thumbs up or down on letting him roam daily?

Ego boost.

I just massaged a lady who received a gift card for said massage from friends for her birthday.

We got to chatting a bit and I mentioned that I was hoping to go to nursing school this fall, but that I planned on continuing practicing massage.

She responded, "I hope you do, because you'd be doing a great disservice to humanity if you ever stopped doing massage."

That warmed me down to my toes!

Everybody needs an ego boost once in awhile.

Friday, April 15, 2011

I feel all...special!

It seems I'm running with the big dogs now, or at least Scott seems to think so!

Both Breda and Peter have gotten solicitations by this Scott person, and I guess he's just working his way through somebody's blogroll. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (NOT!).



Dear Christina,

I am writing to you with a great interest in composing a guest blog for your website. I am a health, safety, and political advocate with a passion for economics and our nation's fiscal responsibility. I believe that under our current administration, budgets have become lopsided in favor of trendy "green" environmental policies. In light of the recent push by the House GOP to curb some of the overzealous EPA regulations, I feel that I could write a compelling article that would be of great interest to the readers of (

Please feel free to email me back if this interests you.

Best Regards,

Scott Portman

I didn't reply and if you're reading this, Scott, I'm not interested in letting you post anything on MY blog. You wouldn't get the readership you're interested in, anyway. :P

Monday, April 11, 2011

Oh, really?!

I've recently had two very manly men tell me completely opposite things, and I want YOU, my dear readers, to tell me which one of them is right.

Men squeeing. Yes or no?

I agree with Manly Man #2, that on occasion it's perfectly acceptable for a man to squee.

Manly Man #1 thinks only "men" (yes, he made the airquotes!) squee. (And women too, of course!)

What do you think? Opine in comments, please.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bleg (not for me)...

I know times are tough, but if you have any money to spare, please consider going here, to help some young children who suddenly lost their Dad.

Also: Carpe Diem.

You never know when your time is up, so enjoy the time you have.

Ghetto Photoshop...

I'm so sorry!


But all I want to say right now is: