Thursday, September 29, 2011


I've been doing massage for a number of years now. I've seen a lot and many of my clients have quirks or odd habits, but I never thought that I'd have a client who exhibits the full range of behaviors!

My last client of the night was the female half of a couple. It started off with incomplete/illegible paperwork, but I muddled through the interview. Then I noticed the dog. Yes, she had a floofy dog with her, in a tote bag. She insisted the dog was her "service animal". Ooookay, whatever. As long as it's quiet and doesn't attack me, I don't care.

After we were already in the room, she suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Of course that's fine, but it puts us another few minutes behind. L., my colleague, and I were definitely not getting out of there on time, but okay.

When I reentered the room to begin the massage, I noticed she had earbuds in and was listening to her own music. Unusual, but I've seen it before. Except that it wasn't just an iPod or MP3 player, it was an iPhone.
So in addition to having her music blasting loudly enough that we could all sing along to JayZ, the fucking thing also rang during the massage. And she answered it, since it was her mother. And they talked for about two minutes.
Remember the earbud thing? Yeah, she TALKED LIKE THIS. As a matter of fact, she talked like that throughout the massage.  When she wasn't texting, that is.

When she wasn't talking or texting, she was moaning. Loudly. And when she wasn't doing any of those things, she was bopping along to the music.

Let's just say she wasn't the most pleasant client I've had, and leave it at that. I won't repeat the f-bomb here as many times as I did when I got home and recounted the story to my roommates. :D


'Drea said...

Weird -- it's like she didn't even want to be present for the massage.

Even weirder -- the service dog.

Rude -- in that she's almost totally disregarding your presence.

Sounds like it was a long hour...

Christina RN LMT said...

'Drea, that's what my colleagues and I agreed on, that it was incredibly rude on her part, and disrespectful to her boyfriend, too. I might as well have been a machine, for all the attention she paid to the massage.

North said...

If my PT last night had not been with a close friend, we would both be filing sexual harassment charges today.

But for someone I am not close with, I would be a rag doll. Quiet, cooperative.

Some people are locked into their own navel.

Mike W. said...

Oh fuck it, we're all adults here. Drop all the F's you like.

Farmmom said...

Sorry dear. I can't help but moan when you give me a massage. It feels way too good not to! : D

Home on the Range said...

A couple of years ago I had a date that came over and after supper whipped out this little video game and started playing. After a few minutes I said "uh, what are you doing"? He said "I promised my son I'd get him to the next level" and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes ignoring me and my black silk blouse and moving pirates and ships around. I finally said "uh, it's time for you to go". He said "huh". "Just go, I'm tired". As he left he asked for another date. That would be a no. Dude, you are SO not getting to the next level.

Christina RN LMT said...

Farmmom, moaning is fine. As a matter of fact, moaning/snoring are both signs I'm doing my job right! In this case, however, it was just one more thing this client was doing...

Brigid, holy crap! You were way more patient than I think I'd have been. He definitely deserved the boot you gave him!