Almost...

only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

I ALMOST got straight A's this semester. I "only" got an A- in Mental Health Nursing, but whatever, I'll take it.

This was the semester from hell and I'm glad it's over.

Merry Christmas!

To all my readers out there (all eleventy-seven of you):

May you have a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, successful New Year!

Semester's Done!

Now I just have to wait for grades...I know I got an A in my Ethics class (by biting my tongue a LOT), but I'm not-so-patiently waiting for my Maternity, Mental Health, and International Epidemics grades. I know I got at least an A- in each class, but straight A's would be sweet. Yes, I'm THAT person.

You'd think now would be the time for me to relax, but au contraire, mon frere! I'm gearing up for the holidays, plus preparing for my epic trip to South Africa, plus I really, really need to do my continuing education units for my massage recertification, plus, plus, PLUS.

Sometimes it sucks being a grown-up.

The most awesome thing right now is that all three of my babies are here for Christmas, w00t! I've got to get a good group picture of them while they're all together...

Oh, and before I forget, this time next year I'll be  

DONE WITH MY BACHELOR'S!!!

Two more semesters of nursing school to go.

Overheard in the Car

After having to listen to screaming babies (yes, PLURAL) during our evening viewing of "Frozen" last night, we're having a discussion on baby/movie etiquette, and I mention that Silver was EASY in movies as a baby: whenever she started crying, I'd give her the boob! Chimes Silver (now 22.5) from the backseat...

"Hey, what can I say? I like my dinner WITH my movie!"

*snerk* 

Save me!

I'm studying for my Nursing Ethics final, which is online and available in two hours (I'll be taking it tomorrow morning after a good night's sleep), and I came across this gem in my textbook:

Earth health and human health are intricately interconnected, and nurses need to include ethical considerations of our relationship with Earth into nursing practice. Twenty-first century health care needs and issues require global consciousness.

I guess I need to go sky-clad and and consult with Gaia before I give someone some Tylenol or insulin.
(Oh, SHIT...that was culturally insensitive!)

Quote of the Day

"THAT'S what this game needs...this game needs BACON!"

My babies.

Twenty years ago today, I waddled into Tripler Army Medical Center's Twin Clinic for my regular check. I was 36 weeks pregnant, looked like a toothpick that had inexplicably swallowed a jumbo watermelon, was unable to wear any shoes besides men's size 12 flip-flops, and was unable to drive because I couldn't fit behind the steering wheel and reach the pedals with my foot at the same time.

I was utterly miserable, and nothing made me happier than the doc saying I would be staying at the hospital that day, because my babies had decided to make their appearance early (very common with twins). They weren't due until January 7th.

Untold agonizing hours later (I dunno, fourteen? -ish?), TalliahAngel made her appearance. The nurses immediately exhorted me to "push! push!"...uh, I just pushed one baby out...don't I get even a little break?! Apparently not. It wasn't until they started prepping me for a c-section that I decided maybe I could push a little more. Plus, I had my eye on the clock and realized if I didn't hurry up, my twins would have different birthdays, and that was just UNACCEPTABLE. A little assistance from the vacuum extractor and voila! Chaos (as she is known online) was born!

Tally was 6lbs, 1.8oz. Chaos 5lbs, 13.1oz. BIG for twins! Imagine if I had gone full term...

From all the parents of twins I've spoken with since, the 21-minute gap between my girls is the longest I've encountered! (And btw, I ALWAYS say it thusly: "21 EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL minutes later..." Gotta keep it at the forefront of my children's minds!)

My life would never be the same. I'm so grateful that they are in this world! They are the most precious, intelligent, annoying, wonderful, aggravating, delightful, yet horrible young women: I know they'll conquer every obstacle, taking no prisoners (prisoners are deadweight, after all), and achieving anything they set their minds to.

Happy Birthday, my Babies! I love you!

Public Service Announcement

Dear Oblivious Slow Drivers in the Fast Lane:

Get. The. FUCK. Out. Of. My. Way. 

Or I'm gonna shank a bitch.

Oh, hell. Why limit it to the fast lane? ALL of you oblivious slow drivers, GET OUTTA MY WAY.

Channelling Inigo Montoya

Written on a tip envelope


  "Thanks for a mollifying morning!! :)"


Somehow I don't think he really knows what that word means.

Here we go again...

Clients coming in who have colds. No. Just no.


Also: HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING. Sorry, I was in food coma for most of the day and forgot to post anything.

Today

I played Scattergories and dominoes with psych patients. Hey, every clinical should be this fun!

However, I didn't appreciate the asshat behind me who was HONKING because I didn't blithely make a left turn into oncoming traffic. Sorry that I didn't use my telekinetic powers to move the cars out of the way so that you could get home faster, Douchebag, but I'm not supposed to use them for expedience.

Quote of the Day

"Everything's better with melted chocolate!"

Typical

I had to use off-site parking at school today. Of course the only space I could score was at the ass end of beyond.

Well, that sucks, I thought. I'm going to be coming back here after dark...but wait, at least the parking space is right under a light!

Which of course turned out to be the ONLY light that was not working tonight. Everywhere else was brightly illuminated, but my car was in a pool of shadow.

*sigh*

The HORROR!

Giving a group presentation on Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) in my Nursing Ethics Class.

Showing a Youtube video using the classroom computer and campus wifi, which apparently doesn't have Adblock or anything similar.

Having ads for FUCKING RAZORS pop up during the video, where young girls and women are describing the horrible mutilation they experienced at the hands of those who should love and protect them.

Fucking insane and ridiculous and I wanted to die. ARGH.

Quote of the Day

"Knead my ass like it's a lump of dough...!"

Alrighty then...

Christina's Time-Saving Techniques...

1. Assess line at cafe; note it's really, really long.
2. Realize you only have five minutes before your next class and you NEED CAFFEINE.
3. Grab a coke.
4. Approach the young man who's second in line, ask him what he plans to order.
5. After ascertaining he's only getting an iced coffee, offer to buy it for him if you can sneak your coke in, too.
6. Pay for coke and iced coffee and go on your way.

WIN-WIN

Quote of the Day

"Is he barking through his monkey?"

Sassy Bank Sign

GO, RED SOX!
NOW GO SHAVE.

Gotta love my clients!

A client wrote on a tip envelope:

Thx for the back and butt magic!! :)

There are worse things to be known for than being a purveyor of BUTT MAGIC (said in an exaggerated fashion while doing jazz hands and spirit fingers...)

I should put that on my business cards.

Overheard in a Birthing Suite

Husband (speaking anxiously to wife in labor): Honey, are you okay?!

Wife (with a very slight smile on her face): I have a HEAD in my PELVIS.


He didn't ask her again.