Sunday, November 07, 2010

Not the post I was planning on writing.

I was massaging a lady last night whom I took to be in her late fifties, early sixties.

As I draped her leg, I noticed a star tattoo on her instep and started to mentally compose a funny post about how startling it is to find tattoos on older women.

Then, as we were chatting, she mentioned her age: 46...whoops! There goes THAT blogpost, I thought.

As the massage continued, we started talking about kids and grandkids, and how simultaneously awesome and scary it was to have kids at a young age. We ended up debating the ideal age difference for siblings, and she admitted that her two youngest children were only 10.5 months apart.

I couldn't help asking, curiously,

"Wow, did you think you couldn't get pregnant while breastfeeding?"

"Not exactly," she said.

Then, after a slight hesitation, "My husband wasn't one you said 'no' to," she stated flatly.

That statement, and her delivery, hit me with the force of a blow.

I hear a lot of things while giving massages, some of them are funny, some heartbreaking, and I usually only blog about the funny or touching ones, because that's the kind of blog I have.

Not this time.

Several outstanding bloggers have posted about rape recently, and these posts, and the accompanying comments, have stayed on my mind. Go read their posts, if for some reason you haven't yet, because they are far more articulate than I am. I just want to add one thing.

NO MEANS NO.

That applies if it's some drunk chick you pick up in a bar. It applies regardless of what she's wearing. And it CERTAINLY also applies to the woman you vowed to love and cherish, the woman who wears your wedding band.

NO MEANS NO.

8 comments:

SCI-FI said...

Well said.

Old NFO said...

Concur- Well said!

Brigid said...

It's more common than you think. I volunteer at a violence center for women. People ask why? There's a reason. Take something good from such things to help others or it will destroy you.

I'm glad she can talk about it, that's part of the healing process.

Christina LMT said...

Thanks, Gentlemen.

Brigid, I had a conversation with a younger massage therapist today, and she told me most of the girls she knows have been date raped.

My client is no longer married to that man, thankfully!

Brigid said...

It's one in seven. I've done the studies. They listen to me because I have Dr. in front on my name, but I talk to them because I was in their shoes. The bruises faded, the broken bones healed. The shame went away. Shame is not a way to live a life.

The determination that another one doesn't suffer never wanes. Keeping it in the open instead of hiding it in shame may keep another woman safe. It's all worth it.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Christina LMT said...

You are very welcome, my friend.

Shannon said...

Can I offer just a SMALL piece of conflicting opinion here? The whole 'doesn't matter how drunk she is or what she's wearing' is kind of a weak argument, don't you think? Shouldn't women be aware of what kind of message they are sending by what they choose to wear or how they behave in a potentially precarious situation? I don't say 'no' to my husband either, but it's not because he'll hit me - it's because he deserves to have his needs satisfied just as much as I do (ahem - Levi and Isaac are 11 months apart). Tragedies such as date rape can be largely avoided if young women are educated regarding the hard truths of the world they are stepping into. It is just too ancient to play the weaker sex anymore - it's not worth the hassle or the emotional and physical trauma. As mothers, it is our job to teach our children (boys are not immune to such abuse anymore either!) - how to use their voice, their hands, their feet and their weapons to defend their bodies....and although you are correct in saying that no does indeed mean no - a sexually driven psyche just doesn't always tend to hear it.

WV - suleman. Is that some kind of joke?

Christina LMT said...

Shannon, every single person is responsible for his or her actions. Yes, everyone has a responsibility for his/her own safety, but the RAPIST is making the decision to rape. It is never the victim's fault.

And being in a relationship with someone whom you could never refuse, for whatever reason, is soul-destroying.