Sunday, May 18, 2008

Sometimes, I wish I were different.

Take tonight, for example.

My friend Liz celebrated her graduation from UNLV this evening. Due to work, I wasn't able to attend the commencement this morning, but I was able to make it to the open house/party at her sister's house this evening.

I'm not a party person. One-on-one, I have the gift of gab, I can talk to anyone and be sincere, because I'm honestly interested in people. But put me in a social situation where I'm surrounded by strangers, and I'm extremely uncomfortable.

Tonight, I walked into the house, greeted my hosts, and was set adrift. Why, why, why can't I LIKE this sort of thing?! I made a real effort, and talked to a bunch of people, but I fear I was babbling. Until my friend Dr. B. showed up and rescued me, THANK GOD! He also went above and beyond by being cool enough to call in a prescription for antibiotics for me, since I'm afraid I'm getting bronchitis (I know the signs).

The food was delicious and homemade, the music was soothing, the night soft and lit by the moon. And (almost) the whole time I was wishing I was home with my dogs.

If Silver had been with me, it might have been different, though I hate to think I might use my daughter as a crutch. But she was marching with her school band at the Helldorado Parade, and was unable to be there.

Oh, well. I guess I just have to accept myself for who and how I am, instead of wishing for the moon. I'm a homebody and a borderline hermit, and dammit, I like it!

13 comments:

kvegas911 said...

I hate crowds too. MUCH better at one on one. Don't feel like I'm getting closed in on that way! Hope your bronchitis gets better soon!

Breda said...

No one can be all things. You are perfectly wonderful, just the way you are.

Christina LMT said...

Thank you both, you're very sweet.
I just know if I ever went to a party and you were there, I'd have a blast!

Lin M. said...

I'm the same way. People read my blog and thing I'm somewhat outgoing. Perhaps in work. It keeps me alive.

But other than that. No. I hate parties. Like you, I may like everyone there, the music, the food, but the instant I'm in the door I'm looking at my watch wondering when I can leave without insulting a good friend. Can't WAIT to leave. A couple of friends for an informal meal, once in a while, yes I like that. But a party. . good Lord no.

Hermit? I prefer the term gregarious loner.

phlegmfatale said...

You know, we don't all have to like parties, and it's perfectly fine for you to accept who you are. That said, it sounds as if you made the best of it and didn't act in a way that made others uncomfortable. If you feel attending some parties is a social obligation, you don't have to stay a ghastly-long period-- merely enough to have one or two tiny chats with the celebrant and to wish them well. You don't need to apologize for not being fond of parties, though. There's a lot to be said for being comfortable on your own, and a lot of people never achieve that.

Christina LMT said...

Lin - I LOVE it! "Gregarious Loner", a new term to add to my vocabulary! See, if the party were peopled with mostly friends and family, I'd be fine. It's just when it's strangers I have problems. It was awkward, and I was reduced to talking about the weather...

Phlegmmy, I was lucky enough yesterday to have a built-in excuse to leave early...picking up Silver at school after she got back from the parade, but I DID leave with a (silent) sigh of relief. I can't imagine not being comfortable being alone, it's so peaceful and quiet...ahhhhhh.

Putz said...

i like you, you would rather be with your dogs than hih society

Christina LMT said...

Thank you, Putz! You're very kind. And dogs rule.

Blondefabulous said...

I am a better party giver than reciever! As long as I have something to do, I am great, but as a guest, I just suck sweaty balls.

Sorry for the imagery.

Christina LMT said...

LOL, Blondefablous! Don't worry, I'm (practically) unoffendable. And the imagery is perfect, 'cause that's just how I feel, too.

Anonymous said...

Hey C, don't say those things about yourself.(my voice is raised here!) You are a wonderful person and I love the fact that we can go months without seeing each other and pick up right where we left off. Sheesh, don't be so hard on yourself. Look how far you have come since the THI days!!
Cin

phlegmfatale said...

I know what you mean about the peace and quiet -- I've been really enjoying that myself. Me and my doglet, the silent sentinel.

Or senile-let?

Christina LMT said...

Cin! How did I miss your comment?! Thank you so much, it's so nice of you to say this about me! Yeah, we've come a long way, Baby. When are we going bowling again? I can't wait...

Phlegmmy - Isn't it rejuvenating, in a way?