Grrrrr...

I've been dying for a good nap for days, nay WEEKS. My sleep was awful during the semester, stress from school making it fractured and nightmare-ridden, so now I'm trying to make up for lost time.

The last nap I attempted, on Tuesday, died in its infancy, thanks to my soon-to-be former roommate hallooing at the door.

Today, I had just turned out the light and laid my head on my pillow with a sigh of satisfaction when my phone rang. Normally, I turn the ringer off during nap-time, but I was on-call at the spa today, so I had to leave it on. As it was my favorite brother on the other end, I ended up chatting with him for over half an hour. I think my replies to him at the end of that time were rather monosyllabic, but I don't think he noticed. :D

Finally, FINALLY, I was able to slumber. Albeit with bizarre dreams.

An all-too-short time later came a knock at the door...I'm pretty sure the nice, young Mormon missionaries weren't expecting a wild-haired, crazy-eyed woman to answer the door with dog in hand (he was barking furiously), but that's what they got! They shoved a card with their URL into my hands and took off.

I gave up on the nap and decided to whine on my blog instead. Lucky you.

I don't know...

what disturbed me the most.

1. The fact that my just-turned-eighteen-year-old client had numerous tattoos.

2. The fact that the tattoos were not new.

Or 3. The fact that when I entered the room, she was texting away on her iPhone, peeking through the face rest cut-out, and that I had to use my MOM VOICE to tell her to TURN OFF THE PHONE AND GIVE IT TO ME.

At least she listened.

Thanks, Silver!

My daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, sent me this pic yesterday. It's such a CUTE ITALIAN GREYHOUND...and the sentiment ain't so shabby, either. ;)



Of course, there are lots more Loldogs, go check 'em out yourself!

The Spa Business

...is feast or famine.

Witness this week: Thursday and Friday, I had nothing.
Today, my first massage wasn't until 3:30 PM, yet tomorrow I don't get a break until 3:00 PM.

Make hay while the sun shines, I guess. I hope the tips are good tomorrow!

Today...

douchenozzles abound on the highway.

Which isn't really anything new or exciting, but my blood pressure still reacts the same way, every time.

Yay?

Summer...it's headed for North Texas like a freight train. Temps are rising and I saw my first June bugs today.

I also already got my first mosquito bite. Fucker.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

I got a B on my statistics final, but I got an A overall! w00t!

So my final grade in both classes this semester: A!!!!

I'm so glad this semester is OVER.

Deep breath.

Summer's here!

Scary smart...

My dogs being dogs, they get REALLY EXCITED when it's time to go for a walk. I mean, REALLY EXCITED. I don't like it when Harley especially gets that excited, because I can't seem to break him of the habit of jumping up at me. And I've tried and tried. So, when I'm talking or skyping with someone, and I need to let them know I'm going to be gone for a while because my dogs need to go out, I've gotten in the habit of saying, "The dogs need to go O-U-T." Spelling the word.

It only took a week or so for the dogs to make the connection. I can't even SPELL "Out" around them, they know what it means!

I'm screwed.

But I welcome my Italian Greyhound Overlords. They are easy to please. :)

Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!

ZOMGTHORTHORTHORTHOR!!!!!!SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEADSPLOSION!!ONE!!11!!

*ahem*

Thor was very good.


And my final is done. And was meh. But I only need to get a 70 to get an A overall, so I don't care.

:D

It's my FRIDAY!

w00t! Par-TAY!

wait...Statistics final tomorrow...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's my FRIDAY! w00t! Stu-DAY!

*sigh*

Happy Mother's Day!

To all you moms out there, enjoy the day and allow yourselves to be pampered for a change. You deserve it!

Yep...

I got nothing.

Oh, well I guess I could mention that today I had my SECOND brush with almost-fame. Meaning that I was supposed to massage someone famous, but they decided not to do the massage thing after all. And no, I won't tell you who!

A while back, the spa was all set to massage a very famous 80's band, but they were such prima donnas that that fell through as well.

Heh, not that I could really write about it if I *did* massage anyone famous. That would be quite unprofessional, after all. ;)

At first...

when I draped his back, I peered at the tattoo on his right shoulder and wondered why anyone would want a tattoo of an upside-down pile of poo. Then, when I had come around to his side and was facing the head of the table, I looked more closely at it, being somewhat hindered by the dimness of the room, and realized that it wasn't poo, it was a heart. A heart of stone.

Considering that his girlfriend was in the next room getting a facial, I wonder what he's trying to say with that particular image. Not to mention that it was a VERY ugly tattoo. Hmmmm.

Librarians rock!

I just got back from working out at my local gym. I'd managed to get there earlier than ever before (before 7 AM! Gasp!). Whom did I spy?

Our local librarian. An elderly woman, her long, graying hair back in a jaunty ponytail, glasses firmly in place, wearing THIS t-shirt:



And pumping iron.

She's my hero.

---

Image from here

Seen on a chalkboard...

in a casino restaurant:

THIS MONTH'S SPECIAL: FRENCH DIP WITH AUJU SAUCE!

:facepalm:

Of course, being in Texas...

we didn't have to wait until today. Just sayin'...

This one's for my friends in the Northeast!

NSFW!!!!



While watching this, I laughed so hard I cried.

No coffee needed.

As I turned into the road that takes me past the casino to the hotel this morning, I was driving in the left of two lanes, passing a van. I tend to drive rather rapidly, you know. This road has four lanes, two on either side of a wide, grassy median. I glanced at my rear-view mirror, then looked ahead...into the eyes of the little old lady who was merrily driving in my lane, GOING THE WRONG WAY.

I quickly moved into the right lane, deeming it far too early in the day to play chicken. Plus, those little old ladies can be ruthless. I didn't want to risk it.

At least the shot of adrenaline to my system woke me up quite nicely.

Bleg...

So, would anyone in my neck of the woods be available (and willing!) to kitty-sit for me for several weeks this summer? I'm going on a rather long trip with my daughters, taking the dogs with us, but it would be extremely impractical and difficult to take the cats.

I'll pay a hundred bucks!

Thanks, y'all.

I laughed SO HARD...

this is truly a classic!


I'm so envious.



H/T to Officer Cynical

I wish you all...

a happy, happy Easter. :)

Dammit!

Embedding disabled.

Go here----->http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_QLzthSkfM

Watch the video. Laugh.

Contemplating...

the state of education in the U.S., when a college student doesn't know that 2000ml equals 2l. Fucked. Up.

Sad...

We had a fire the other day here at the trailer park. Just around the corner from us, a few houses away. Thankfully, the prevailing wind was blowing away from us, and the response from the fire department was prompt. (Heck, not just our little fire department, either: we had crews here from several nearby towns!)

Unfortunately, the trailer was completely destroyed, as were the two vehicles of the folks who lived there. I feel very sad for them, yet thankful that no one was hurt.

Here's the damage:





But I was reminded today that there's beauty here, too...

Statistics Yoda...

"Reject the null hypothesis or do not reject the null hypothesis. There is no 'accept'."

Should I...?

As most of you know, I have two almost grown-up kittens, Bruiser and Pipsqueak. Pipsqueak is perfectly happy staying inside and observing the great outdoors through the window, from the comfort of the back of the couch.

Bruiser, on the other hand, takes every opportunity to slip outside that he can. When I get home, I have to have a foot ready to repel him when I open the door. Now I'm wondering if I should just bow to the inevitable and acknowledge the fact that Bruiser is happier when he gets some outside time.

I've never wanted to have an outside cat. I believe the dangers are formidable, especially living in a trailer park located in a semi-rural area, as we do. But he's just so HAPPY when he can go on walkabout. Sometimes, when he's managed to escape, he even joins the pups and me while we perambulate, and plays outside with teh puppehs. He's pretty fast and stays right on Harley's heels!

He's had all his shots, is neutered, and I do the monthly anti-flea/tick regimen, so what do YOU think? Thumbs up or down on letting him roam daily?

Ego boost.

I just massaged a lady who received a gift card for said massage from friends for her birthday.

We got to chatting a bit and I mentioned that I was hoping to go to nursing school this fall, but that I planned on continuing practicing massage.

She responded, "I hope you do, because you'd be doing a great disservice to humanity if you ever stopped doing massage."

That warmed me down to my toes!

Everybody needs an ego boost once in awhile.

I feel all...special!

It seems I'm running with the big dogs now, or at least Scott seems to think so!

Both Breda and Peter have gotten solicitations by this Scott person, and I guess he's just working his way through somebody's blogroll. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (NOT!).


From:
"Scott"

To:
lucrativepain@yahoo.com

Dear Christina,

I am writing to you with a great interest in composing a guest blog for your website. I am a health, safety, and political advocate with a passion for economics and our nation's fiscal responsibility. I believe that under our current administration, budgets have become lopsided in favor of trendy "green" environmental policies. In light of the recent push by the House GOP to curb some of the overzealous EPA regulations, I feel that I could write a compelling article that would be of great interest to the readers of (http://lucrativepain.blogspot.com/).

Please feel free to email me back if this interests you.

Best Regards,

Scott Portman

NScott.QA@gmail.com

I didn't reply and if you're reading this, Scott, I'm not interested in letting you post anything on MY blog. You wouldn't get the readership you're interested in, anyway. :P

A & P II Lab Exam II and Lecture Exam II

A and A!

Oh, really?!

I've recently had two very manly men tell me completely opposite things, and I want YOU, my dear readers, to tell me which one of them is right.

Men squeeing. Yes or no?

I agree with Manly Man #2, that on occasion it's perfectly acceptable for a man to squee.

Manly Man #1 thinks only "men" (yes, he made the airquotes!) squee. (And women too, of course!)

What do you think? Opine in comments, please.

Bleg (not for me)...

I know times are tough, but if you have any money to spare, please consider going here, to help some young children who suddenly lost their Dad.

Also: Carpe Diem.

You never know when your time is up, so enjoy the time you have.

Ghetto Photoshop...

I'm so sorry!




But all I want to say right now is:

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!"


Bastards.

I'm in the mood...

for some HEART!





These ladies are STILL rockin'!

Damn, my dogs are prissy...

but they're not stupid!

It's already getting up there in temperature here in lovely north Texas, and my dogs are not thrilled. They get pissy and difficult when it's too cold, wet, windy, you name it, and they're not happy when it gets too hot, either.

I was walking with them to check the mail today, and as we were heading back home, I was annoyed by Harley constantly lagging behind and almost wrapping the leash around me in the process. Usually both he and Tucker are up ahead at the end of their leashes, sniffing and looking around.

Then I realized that Harley was trying to stay in my shadow, out of the sun. And I laughed and let him be.

Clever Harley is clever.

:D

*whew*

I took my second A&P II exams today, lab and lecture. They covered the respiratory and digestive systems and metabolism. I'm pretty confident I did well on the lab, and I guess we'll see about that stinking lecture exam.

Other than that, nothing new going on. Usual road rage at assholes who stay in the passing lane, blocking and backing up everyone behind them. *YAWN*

Also, work has been pretty dead the past few weeks, to the chagrin of my bank balance.

So, how's everyone else doing?

One Word Movie Review...

Sucker Punch:

Bizarre

(But kick-ass!)

Also, ZOMGWTF?! They're remaking CONAN THE BARBARIAN?!

PSA

Some folks around here apparently pronounce "Jeff" as "Jee-iff". Just thought you should know, it might come in handy...

Overheard in the trailer park...

Me: You know, this place isn't so bad, as far as trailer parks go.

Roomie: Yeah. They closed the whorehouse down years ago, and there haven't been any murders or shootings in a while.

2nd Statistics Exam...

68/70!

w00t!

Now if only the current chapters made sense to me...

Krebs Cycle...

...how I loathe thee.

So...

I had a few eggs left in a carton that were getting a bit, well, OLD. So I hard-boiled 'em to use as snacks and for salad.

Cut to this weekend, when I get a text at work from my roomie that says, "Oh I see. That's a BOILED egg. NOMNOMNOM."

LOL.

Allergy Update...

Thank you all for your comments and advice on my allergy woes.

Since it's what I had in the house at the time, I've been taking a combo of Claritin and Benadryl, and it helps a lot. My eyes are still bothering me, so I'm going to follow Holly's and Mike W.'s advice of using Visine-A, as soon as I can get to the store later today to buy some.

I think I'll get a sinus rinse at the same time, too. Might as well give it a shot, a lot of folks I know and respect highly recommend it.

I just hope that this misery passes quickly. I HATE having to take pills constantly. At least the Benadryl is helping me sleep better at night...

Could someone please explain cat physics to me?

Why the fuck can Pipsqueak effortlessly float to the top of the kitchen counter (where he's not supposed to be), or onto the bed (where he's welcome), but when he jumps onto my lap, he somehow can't make it all the way without employing the pitons claws on his hind feet? And he draws blood, every time. Even after I've clipped his nails.

Little fucker.

He'll hopefully figure out that I don't find it endearing to be dripping blood because of him, and that if he wants to get the lap and the lovin', he needs to be more careful. And it had better be soon, I only have so much unmarred skin left on my thighs!

Golden Shower...

doggy-style!

Was just out walking the pups through our beautiful trailer park when the hounds found some enticing scents on a fencepost. On opposite sides of a fencepost. Tucker, the taller one, was Quick-draw McGraw and lifted his leg first, copiously coating his brother's back with his hot pee...and Harley was either completely oblivious or didn't give a shit. I vote for "didn't give a shit."

*sigh*

One bath, coming up...

WTF, North Texas?!

I'm 41 years old and I've NEVER suffered from seasonal allergies or hayfever in my life. Now it's like all the local vegetation has suddenly declared war on me and I feel like hammered shit. WTF, North Texas, WTF?!

In other news, I just took my second statistics exam, and except for two questions that weren't supposed to be on the exam (*grumble grumble*), I think I did fairly well.

A & P II is going swimmingly as well, and I'm on track to apply on May 1st for the next nursing class starting this fall. It's about damn time.

It's never a good sign...

when the client is observed sniffing his pits in the reception area. Trust me on this.

Bizarre Tattoo Chronicles, Edition #371

My last client of the day was a gen-u-ine cowboy. 6'5", his feet ALMOST dangled off the end of the table. He strode in wearing jeans, boots, hat, and belt with a semi-discreet prize buckle. (Meaning it wasn't quite the size of a dinner-plate.)

The massage proceeded apace, and I draped him to work on his foot and right leg. And froze.

For there it was. THE tattoo.

Picture this: A peanut M&M. Wearing a cowboy hat. Brandishing a revolver. Smirking, while saying, "Melts in your mouth, not in your hands*."

And the tattoo is VERY high up his right quadriceps muscle.

Wonder what he's trying to say with that...?

*rolls eyes*

---

*yes, it was plural.

I'm in LOVE...

with my new Kindle. I can't get over the fact that if I find a book I like, it takes me about twenty seconds to purchase it and transfer it to my Kindle. It's lighter and less bulky than a book, and I can have HUNDREDS of books on there. I can turn it off, and when I turn it back on, it's on the same page I left it. I can adjust the font size, too.

*happy sigh*

Now I can start rebuilding my library, and finish getting rid of my dead-tree books (except for those that have sentimental value, of course!)

I love my Kindle, and I love living in the future!

Number One Thing I Never Thought to Hear in a Massage...

"Wolves and wolf-hybrids make the BEST pets! They're so sweet!"

In what universe, Lady?

Trainwreck...

my client, that is.

Pacemaker.
Bone cancer in remission.
Degenerative disc disease.
Donated a kidney a few years back.
Herniated discs in lumbar area.
Swollen ankle of unknown etiology.
Arthritis.
Hypertension.

As a matter of fact, pretty much the only thing that ISN'T circled "yes" on her intake form is "Diabetes"...

She insists that she doesn't want any of that "deep massage", and is very particular about fragrances and the heat of the table and room.

Is she the kind of client who makes me grumble a bit initially? Perhaps. But she's also the client who benefits the MOST from massage.

I enjoy doing "frou-frou" relaxation massages, but it's this kind of massage, the truly therapeutic kind, that keeps me motivated and interested.

Because seeing this client walk up to the reception after the massage, with much more ease and with a smile on her face, really made my day. And when she hugged me, well, that was just the icing.

Why can't we just all get along?

Like my puppehs and kittehs do?

"What's Mom doing?"



"Ah, who cares?"

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*



:)

Beantown!

Where to begin?

I had SUCH a good time! An epic birthday, in fact. I think I'll take a leaf out of Phlegmmy's book and just declare that the entire trip was in celebration of my birthday, how's that?

I had a birthday cake, the first for me in twenty years (I believe). It even had CANDLES. Which I blew out! I received lovely gifts, including a hand-made card and a painting of a sunrise/sunset (I got to choose what it is!).

And I got a KINDLE. A KINDLE!!! I've wanted one for years and years. And YEARS. :)

I got a tour of Boston, including riding the T, and I wandered Quincy Market at Faneuil Hall, where I had some yummy American GREEK food. ;) I also marveled at the ridiculously inflated parking prices, which left me slightly yearning for all the free parking in Las Vegas.



This is also when I captured the iconic image of the "Boston Shun Bench"!

I got to meet two of my very favorite bloggers, too. SO. MUCH. FUN.

One evening my wonderful hosts took me on a surprise laser-tag mission, where I went by the name "Zoomie" and naturally kicked major ass. I came in fifth out of 38 people, and ended up being whupped by ten-year-old boys. I get a wee bit competitive in situations like that, as my hosts' nine-year-old daughter discovered, to her chagrin...

"Miss Christina, do you want to be on our team?"

(I think about it for a split second.)

"NO!"

*ZAP*

(No, I wasn't really that mean. Not QUITE that mean, anyway...)



Then we went for ice cream...nomnomnom. In general, there was much feasting going on, though I hope I kept things under some modicum of control.

We watched "The Last Airbender" (because we're fans of the TV show) and gave it the MST3K treatment, which was better than it deserves ("Ptooey!"), and I got sore playing Wii Fit. Those balance "games" kicked my butt!

At a few points amidst the frivolity of my visit, I managed to give my hosts massages, which doesn't even come close to repaying their kindness to me, but I tried.

All in all, despite doing some surfing down a flight of stairs on Tuesday morning before my departure and getting a bit banged up, this was a wonderful, marvelous trip. I can't wait to go back to New England, I just hope it'll be warmer next time...and greener!

Quickie...

I made it back safely to Texas...YAY!
I just have one question: Why am I so exhausted from traveling, when I sat on my ass the whole time?!

Here's a pic to tide you over until I can post something more substantial, like the awesome dinner I had with Weer'd Beard and his Missus, and SCI-FI and his Missus!



Gotta be a Red Sox fan now!

(Strangely enough, my ex-husband is a HUGE Yankees fan...go figure!)

7 things...

Mike tagged me a few days ago with this lovely meme, and I've been wracking my brains to come up with stuff that I haven't already spilled here or otherwise widely disseminated, but I'll give it a shot!

1.My cursive handwriting really sucks, because I skipped 3rd grade, and that's when you spend weeks and weeks practicing cursive. (Actually, my handwriting just really sucks, full stop.)

2.When I was about 12, I got locked in the library at Tempelhof Airbase in Berlin. My brothers were across the landing at the Rec Center, playing D & D, and I had to bang on the door to get their attention. After pointing and laughing for a while, they got the security police, who did not have a key to the library. The poor librarian, who had just made it home, had to come all the way back across town to let me out.

3.I worked in a chocolate factory for two weeks when I was 18. It turned me off of chocolate for quite some time, but not forever. Mmmmmmm, chocolate...

4.I once collected signatures for Greenpeace and helped the ban of the sale of seal fur be put in place in Europe.

5.In tenth grade, I skipped school (all of us did, it was officially known as "Tag der Schulen" [Day of the Schools]) and marched on Kreuzberg city hall to protest nuclear weapons. "SS20, Pershing Zwei, nieder mit der Schweinerei!"

6.I've been to many countries in Europe, but never made it to England. I had several opportunities, but declined because I already spoke English, so why would I want to go there? :facepalm: Man, was I a stupid kid!

7.On my 17th birthday, a boy I knew busted into the classroom where I was taking a Latin exam and handed me a three page love letter and a bouquet of flowers, then left. His best friend ended up being my first boyfriend (I already had a crush on him at that time), but I still have the letter. :)

I'm not going to tag anyone else, because most everyone I know has been tagged already by someone else!

*squeeeee*

Pardon me while I compose myself.

*ahem*

I had the opportunity to meet Marko, the Munchkin Wrangler, one of my most favorite bloggers EVAR, earlier today. I've been excited about it for weeks now!

Once I got over being all verklemmt and tongue-tied (almost unimaginable, isn't it? Yet true!), the conversation flowed nicely. We all enjoyed delicious food while I savored the opportunity to practice my Kraut, since those opportunities are VERY few and far between.

I went even more fangirl on the poor man (and hopefully gave him a chuckle) by asking him to autograph the latest copy of Concealed Carry Magazine*, since he graces the cover.

I told him I plan on holding onto it until he's a New York Times best-selling, world famous author...then I'll auction it off on eBay for some cold, hard cash!

Voila:



There are also a few scribbles of mine in one of his notebooks, since he let me relive my German school experience by writing with his fountain pens (they're like American Express, he never leaves home without them).

AND he gave us all the opportunity to take a peek at his work-in-progress...how cool is that?!

We lingered and chatted long after our food had been consumed, which is always a good sign that a fun time was had by all...

Thanks for making the long trek from Castle Frostbite, Marko! We'll have to do it again soon. :)

---

*Okay, okay...it's technically my ROOMMATE'S magazine, but I'll give him a cut...

This one's for Alan...

Shun Bench, Boston edition!



The folks over at the GBC will get it, if no one else will...;)

It's TIME...

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is my birthday, w00t! I'm going to be 41 years old.

I remember marveling as a child that I would turn 30 in the year 2000, and how OLD I'd be...LOL.

Why 29 was still acceptably young yet 30 not I don't know.

Anyway, I'm headed to Boston bright and early tomorrow to visit friends and take in the sights. I'll have my laptop with me so I'll probably be posting on occasion, and will definitely be checking email, etc.

We're getting together on Saturday for lunch and Monday for dinner, so if anyone in the area would like to join us, drop me an email at lucrativepain@yahoo.com...

Don't trash the joint while I'm gone, but do remember to walk the dogs...

Speaking of gas stations...

has anyone else encountered gas pumps that no longer accept debit cards? Many of the gas stations around my area have switched to cash or credit only, and I also noticed that at the big truckstop, they have a lower price for diesel if you pay with cash versus paying with credit card.

Signs of the times, or harbingers of worse to come?

You're not fooling us!

Stupid gas stations! We all know that when your sign says "Regular Unleaded $3.26 (and a teeny-tiny 9)", we're pretty much gonna be paying $3.27 per gallon for gas. So stop the stupid mind games and just put "Regular Unleaded $3.27" and let us be pleasantly surprised when we end up paying a skosh less at the pump.

Thank you.

Observed in the casino...

at the register of a restaurant:

A jar that said:

Tipping - Bad for Cows, Good for Staff!

I thought it was cute.

:)

You know you're getting old...

when someone in another room calls out in a concerned voice, "Are you okay?!" when they hear you grunt as you rise from a squat.

Overheard in the trailer park...

A neighbor is admiring my Italian Greyhounds...

Neighbor: Them shore are purty dawgs!

Me (smiling): Thank you! I think so too.

Neighbor: Are them Great Danes?

Me: ...


No, I'm not making this up or exaggerating.

Bad English...

no, not another grammar Nazi post!



:)

Overheard in the Spa...

after a massage...

Client: My thyroid thanks you!

Me: *blink blink* Your thyroid is welcome...?

"Paging Dr. Christina..."

I was a bit taken aback when my client with the gigantic swelling on his upper lip asked me after the massage what I thought he should put on it.

Do I look like a doctor?

It's specifically stated in every state's massage regulations I've ever seen that diagnosing and/or treating any disease, illness, or injury is well outside the massage therapist's scope of practice. It's expressly forbidden, in fact.

So why does this happen so often?

For what it's worth, considering that the swelling on the guy's face looked like it was about to sprout a prophecy-spewing Kuato, I recommended some calendula therapy oil.

After I told him he should see a doctor ASAP. ;)

VERY cool...

I caught this commercial while I was sweating away on the elliptical machine at my gym. I think it's nifty!

Priorities...

I haz dem.

So I apologize for the dearth of posts. I apologize for the fact that I've not been keeping up with my blog reading. And I apologize for not being on the GBC very much at all lately.

This is my last semester of prerequisites before I apply for nursing school. I HAVE to get A's, or I can kiss my chance at even being invited to TEST for nursing school goodbye.

My statistics class isn't exactly difficult, but it's online, which means it's very time-consuming. And the SNOMG!MAGEDDON! we had here two weeks in a row meant that those two weeks were A&P II-free. And now we're playing catch-up. Which means lots and lots of home-study before our first exam next week.

So, anyway...that's why I've been so AWOL lately. And also why it will likely continue that way until May!

Don't worry, I'll still pop in now and again, and I do try to read everyone else's blogs sporadically, it just won't be every day like I normally do.

Bear with me, my friends!

Pet Peeves

If even the news folks can't get it right, we're doomed...

It's "Joint Chiefs of Staff" not "Joint Chief of Staffs". Dumbass. Just like the plural of "passerby" is "passersby". Or "courts martial" NOT "court martials". See the principle here? "Sisters-in-law" NOT "sister-in-laws". God, it makes me cringe.

And someone HANGED himself. Not HUNG.

Here's a little tip to help you remember:

"The distraught widower HANGED himself from the chandelier, after he HUNG a portrait of his late wife up in the bedroom."

Granted, I'm far from an English grammar expert. I tend to sprinkle commas in where they feel right, since I never learned any of that in school, and when I TRIED to learn the rules as an adult, they made absolutely no sense to me. So I wing it.

But so many obvious bloopers just rub me the wrong way, like fingernails on a chalkboard. And as this is my blog, I feel free to vent.

What are your pet (grammar/spelling) peeves? Share in the comments!

Awkward.

It's extremely difficult, though not quite impossible, to avoid touching particularly billowy side-boob during a massage. Sorry, Lady...I did my best!

Stick a fork in me...

I'm done. Almost completely booked today from 10:00 AM to 7:00 PM. And I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Hooray for Valentine's Day!

Really, I'm cryin' all the way to the bank. ;)

Reach out...

Silver and I saw Human Nature live at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas twice while I worked there, and they were absolutely phenomenal. I have all their Motown albums, and love to sing along to their music and work out to it. Oh, and they're a former boy band from Australia, just fyi...



Enjoy!

Jeebus, it's COLD outside...

My skin feels like it's being flayed every time I walk the dogs and when I get back inside my face and ears are cherry-red and numb. My dogs just keep giving me dirty looks when I force them to abandon the warm bed and venture outside to take care of business.

School has been canceled for the second week in a row, and since I only go one day a week for A&P II, this means we are six hours behind in lecture and four hours in lab. I have no clue how they plan on catching us up, especially since we were supposed to take our first exam next Wednesday.

At least I'm catching up on other important shit. Like my taxes. And I'm trying to work ahead in my online Statistics class...online stops for NOTHING. I've been hitting the gym pretty hard as well.

Other than that, I really have nothing much to blog about.

I leave you with a lovely Valentine's Day offering...aren't they PRETTY?

Because everyone can use some Bert...

not to mention pigeons...

Absolutely Nothing.

That's my advice.

Snippets of my day so far...

-woke up in a dog-poo covered bed.

-spilled moderately hot coffee over my freshly-showered body.

-splashed super-mentholated foot soak in my eye.

-while whirling toward the sink to rinse my eye, bashed my head into an open cupboard door.

-had a client repeatedly grab my arm, marveling at my "guns", while asking where I work out.

Hey, it can only get better, right? RIGHT?!

*sigh*

Don't answer that.

Repeat after me:

"I do not touch the massage therapist. The massage therapist touches me."

Thank you.

"Chance of snow 30%...

accumulations of up to 1 inch."

These words, I do not think they mean what you think they mean...







The spa is shut down today, and I don't think I'll make it to the gym or the post office, either (sorry, Brigid!). I have food and heat and hot water, and I have PLENTY of schoolwork to do, so I think I'll just hunker down and wait for it to melt.

Curse you, Algore! You and your global warmening!

Mini-Shindig!

So...I'll be in the Boston area the beginning of March for a few days, visiting friends and celebrating my birthday (YAY, I'm OLD[er]!). I'm planning on having a little get-together on Saturday, March 5th for lunch. If you're interested in joining us for some yummy food and conversation, let me know, either in the comments or via email. Lucrativepain@yahoo.com

Come one, come all!

I'm excited. :)

Thank you,...

Phlegmmy and LawDog!

I had a wonderful time this past weekend, ate far too much food, drank just enough booze (LOL), and had plenty of interesting, entertaining conversation. It never ceases to amaze me how much fun can be had, even when things don't work out exactly as planned. Too cold to go shooting? No big deal, we'll just hang out and talk. We ran out of time to do massages? Hey, I can come back NEXT week and do 'em, and we'll hang out some more! WIN!

It's always a pleasure to see my friends and spend time with them, and even those who couldn't be there in person were there in spirit (or called on the phone, imagine that! ;))

There was a pack of hounds there always looking for scraps of food or laps to curl up on, including my two pups. And Phlegmmy's couch was as comfortable as ever.

Also, let me just say that if you need to go clothes shopping, whether you're looking for a specific item, or just need something new, take Phlegmmy with you! She is the most incredible personal shopper on the planet. In the time it takes you to read this post, she'll have at least five outfits picked out for you that suit you beautifully.

All in all, this is the most fun I've had in MONTHS. (Pretty much since the last party at Phlegmmy's - go figure!)

And one last time: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAWDOG!

Overheard in a University of North Dakota Dining Facility*...

Silver's been dealing with fatigue, weakness, and (seemingly) never-ending hunger...

---

Ian: So, what did the doctor say?

Silver: Well, all my bloodwork is normal. He told me to eat more!

Ian (glancing down incredulously at Silver's piled-to-the-rafters tray, which is pretty much the norm for her): You already plunge half of the world's population into famine at every meal, and he wants you to eat MORE?!

Silver (cheerfully): Yep!

Ian merely shakes his head and keeps eating.

Personally, I think there's no justice in the world!

---

*As related to me by my daughter

Dear Mr. K...

your breadth and scope of knowledge of Anatomy is truly remarkable and something I can only aspire to. That doesn't change the fact that blood is not 5x as "vicious" as water (or at least, I hope it's not!). Also, "allele" doesn't rhyme with "ukelele". Just thought you might want to know...

Another Tucker...

and a musical one, to boot! I've always planned on learning how to play the piano someday, so that I accompany myself when I sing. I hope I have at least as much heart as the Schnoodle Tucker does when he "sings"!



What truly amazes me is how he appears to be reading the sheet music!

H/T Buck, thanks for the laugh, buddy!

Seen on a Bumper Sticker...

"I'd tell you to go to hell, but I already work there...
and I'd hate to see you every day!"

AND:

"I have good brakes, I hope you have good insurance!"

Waste of my time...

and the client's money.

Had a young client yesterday who was having a couple's massage with his even younger girlfriend. He was a massage newbie, and when asked about areas of concern or focus, he merely told me he had a large knot in his lower back from years of playing tennis. Good enough, I thought.

When we do couple's massages here, we start our clients face-up, since we finish with hot stones on the back. So I did the relaxation-aroma therapy thingy, then began my first stroke up the client's traps to his neck...and he completely spazzed. His entire torso came up of the table, twisting, as he threw his head back..."Oh, sorry...I'm extremely ticklish!"

No shit, Sherlock.

Oh. My. God. It never stopped. He was ticklish EVERYWHERE. Didn't matter how firm I made my touch or where I touched him, he jerked and spasmed, twitched and tensed, giggling mostly silently. I was rolling my eyes at Elisha, who was massaging the girlfriend, and she was trying not to laugh. She told me later that she thought at first the guy was having a seizure. He apologized periodically throughout the massage, but I didn't give a crap. I was grimly determined to see this through to the bitter end.

I think, barring labor and childbirth, that those were the longest fifty minutes of my life. I was never so glad to have a massage be over, that's for sure.

Funny thing is, he said he enjoyed the massage and he still tipped me. It wasn't enough, though. Trust me, it wasn't enough.

Seen at a Local Target

A dude wearing a t-shirt that read:

It's Only Kinky the First Time

I loled inside...

Start of the New Semester!

YAY!!!!


Not.

Oh, noes!

It is a catastrophe of cataclysmic proportions: The kittens are taking over!

Not satisfied with the dog-bed...



they've moved on to MINE!



That's okay, though. I love 'em and they're soft and purrrrrrrry. :)

Ah....

...the joys of living in the trailer park! If I didn't live here, I'd miss gems like this:



And that would truly be a shame.

I need to be faster...

getting out the door with the dogs after I wake up.

I apparently wasn't fast enough for Harley this morning, since instead of waiting for me to get my shoes on and open the door for him, he hopped into the cats' litter-box, trailing his leash no less, and peed there.

The funniest thing about all this was that after we had returned from our walk, the cats had buried Harley's deposit. Now THAT'S what I call service!

Philosophical Debate...

Ahhh, my colleague Linda, occasional pain in the ass she might be, is always a good source of blog-fodder. Case in point: the debate we got into yesterday...

Linda is ALWAYS griping about heavy clients. Hell, she'll inform *you* that your client is "huge" if she caught a glimpse of said client before you had a chance to. Why? I have no idea. It seems to be one of her missions in life. That being said, she really took the cake yesterday when she proclaimed the following:

Linda: You know, we really should charge fat people more for massage.

Me:...What?!

Linda: Seriously! If I massage a 400-pound person, that's like massaging 2 200-pound people!

Me: First of all, that's discriminatory. Second of all, that's completely untrue, as our clients get timed services. A fifty or eighty-minutes massage is just that. A fat person might end up not getting as *thorough* a massage, since there is more body to work on, but the same goes for someone who is very muscular or really tall. Hell, I massaged a man so tall, he had to duck to get through the door, should we have charged him more? What about the lady I massaged earlier? She was 5 feet tall if she stretched, and maybe weighed 80 pounds, should we give her a discount?!

Linda: Airlines charge fat people more if they have to use two seats!

Me: Yeah, because they're taking up space that another customer could have used, that makes sense. We're not using more time on heavy clients.

Linda (whining now): But it's more WORK for me, so I should get more money!

Me: How is it more work? You need to remember to adjust your table if your client is particularly large, that's all.

Linda: I guess it would be a bit difficult to implement. After all, some people might weigh 275, but look like they weigh 300...

Me (facepalm): So, we'd need to have a scale here, and WEIGH the clients who appear questionable? Charge all clients by the pound?

We left the discussion there, pretty much. Funny thing is, Linda is by no means svelte. So how did she end up so fat-phobic...?

Way to go, SpaCorp!

My (hitherto) wonderful employer has been becoming more and more corporate, and it cheeses me off.

The latest new policy is bag checks. Yep, they show how much they trust their employees by looking through our bags and backpacks before we can leave.

I understand this is a pretty common practice in a retail environment, but we are a SPA. The technicians are rarely at the front desk/retail area, and when we are, we are never alone. I know the spa coordinators and managers enjoy doing this about as much as we enjoy having them do it, but "orders is orders", apparently. Hmph. Reminds me of the TSA agents and the "enhanced" pat-downs...

No, Tucker, NO!

So, the other night I was gratefully settling into bed, already drifting off before the dogs got situated in their regular spots; Harley curled up behind my knees, and Tucker against my belly/torso. Harley wasted no time, burrowing under the covers and snuggling in. Tucker, however, decided to snarf the last of the dogfood quickly, he hoovered the leftovers in seconds, then jumped up onto the bed, curling up against me as I held the covers up for him.

Not five seconds later I heard an ominous *uuuuuuuurp*, followed by a rattling/gagging sound...UGH! Tucker proceeded to barf up all the food he'd just gorged on, leaving three piles of undigested yet mushy dogfood on the bed.

Gee, thanks dog!

It was another fifteen minutes (at least) before I finally was able to go to sleep.

At least the food wasn't wasted. I carefully dumped the vomitus on a wee-wee pad, and Harley had eaten it up before I got back from starting the laundry.

Overheard during a sugaring...

My friend John and I do trades. I give him a massage, and he gives me a Brazilian. Using sugar.

He has a big flat screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the treatment chair, so that his victims clients have something to distract them from the excruciating pain of having their nether (and other) hair ripped out by the roots.

During our session today, some Hollyweird gossip show was on, and they were blathering on and on about some wench named Snookie, who was unfamiliar to me, so I asked John what was what.

Me: So, who's this Snookie person?

John: A bimbo from Jersey who's on a reality show. The only thing she's got going for her are her huge boobs.

Me: Are they real?

John: Who cares?! Hey, if I can touch them, they're real!

He has a point. And he made me laugh. No small feat, considering what he was doing to me at the time...

Snowmageddon...

North Texas version.

They closed the spa early because the roads are a mess and only looking to get worse as the temperatures drop, so I headed home (VERY carefully) and whipped out my camera as the dogs non-frolicked in the snow.



Pawprint:



Time for me to hunker down and snuggle in. Lunch, then a hot bath, followed by a nap. Sounds like the recipe for a fine, fine afternoon!

TallyAngel has been shaken...

and I don't blame her. My poor baby!

Advice/Info Bleg

For my daughter, Silver.

She has created a website and now needs to find a hosting site or a server or something of that sort. Here are the specs she gave me, which are completely over my head:

-6 MB of disc space

-Supports MySQL and PHP5

-Needs to have Apache2 or have the possibility of installing Apache2 on it

-Can't be too expensive (MUST be cheap, in other words!)

Anybody have any advice for her? Please email her at silverevilchao@gmail.com.

Thanks, Y'all!

Oh no they di-in't!!!!

Fucking AARP. What do I have to do to get them to leave me alone?!

Movie Reviews?

We ain't got no stinkin' movie reviews!

I will say one thing, though..."True Grit" and "Tangled"? GO SEE THEM.

Both excellent in totally different ways and for completely different reasons.

It's the Twenty-First Century...

and has been for a decade now, so why the fuck would any twenty-something college student living in a first-world country NOT believe in evolution? I just don't get it.

Is there any reason why...

a person would have a Roman numeral II tattooed on her right butt-cheek? Suggestions in comments, please.