Overheard at the breakfast table...

B. (Mrs. SCI-FI) and I are discussing the merits of having lunch at our local faux-Mexican place again...

B: Well, at least if we go there, we're sure to get lots of free stuff since that kid who works there likes you.

Me: Oh, c'mon! He doesn't "like" me, I'm just a good customer who's polite.

B: He has a crush on you!

Me: I'm old enough to be his mother!

B: Maybe he has a thing for MILFs.

*blink blink*

Me: Yeah, I got nuthin'. Except I'M BLOGGING THIS!

B. rolls her eyes...

Damn traffic!

The traffic was so bad on my commute to work last night, it took me FOUR TIMES as long to get there than normal.

Yeah, a whole EIGHT MINUTES instead of the customary two.

:D

Thank you, Weer'd!

SCI-FI, Weer'd, and I had a lovely afternoon at the range today, turning money into smoke and noise.

After firing so many,  many handguns over the past couple of years, I've finally decided on a carry gun!

This is quite the momentous occasion. And the winner is ................................drumroll please.............................. the CZ 82!

It feels great in my hands, I shoot fairly accurately with it (and the more I practice, the better I shall get), the recoil is moderate, and I just plain DIG the epic muzzle flash and the clouds of smoke from the "dirty, Russian gunpowder". Also, and the importance of this can NOT be overstated, it's a very cheap gun. Even a strapped-for-cash college student like myself can swing the purchase of one of these guns. And that's a very good thing.

So thanks again, Weer'd, for inviting us onto your playground and sharing your toys so nicely. You're a good friend.

Today...

I *am* the meaning of life! (Go look it up, Douglas Adams, dontchaknow?) :D

Do you speak Jargon?

I KNOW you do!

The first sentence from a paper I have to read for class:

"Current models or frameworks used to represent and or conduct research on determinants of human health have lagged behind in adopting emerging concepts of ecosystems: multiple spatial and temporal scales; nested hierarchies of socioeconomic and biophysical environments; inherent complexity of interrelationships among environmental components and influences; external environmental influences; and feedback loops between environments, providing self-organizational capacity and functional emergent properties."

 I'm pretty sure I know what the author is REALLY saying, though..."Hurr...I r smart!"

No wonder I presently want to beat my head against a wall.

I hab a code...

To those with whom I shared my tiramisu last night, using MY spoon, I offer a sincere apology, in advance.

I'm just trying to get through this without my head going splodey from the sinus pressure. Ugh.

Epic!

Dinner at Polcari's with AD and all the gang. Follow-up to, uh...follow. :D

Too much homework to do right now. Though I'm still buzzing from the two (measly!) drinks I had. Should be interesting...

*sigh*

I'm truly a light-weight!

98

was my score on my chemistry exam!

Of course, me being me, I'm irritated at the problem I got wrong.

*rolls eyes*

Is it THAT hard?

When I announce my presence with a cheery "Good morning!" as I walk into the small, sparsely populated classroom, is it really too much to ask that I get at least one reply?

Look, I don't even require a good morning in return, "Morning," without specification, would suffice.

Sheesh, some people!

I don't care.

My lovely and talented eldest daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, mentioned on facebook the other day that she feels like people are laughing at her behind her back.

Fuck the haters.

I know for a fact that people were laughing at me at the gym today, because I heard them, and I really don't care. Hey, I was bopping to a catchy song between sets, because I need all the motivation I can scrounge just to work out to begin with. Plus, the song reminds me of the epic roadtrip last summer with my twins!

La la la la la!

Hey, at least I wasn't singing along...out loud. :D

Exam...

crushed, annihilated, defeated. Thoroughly.

Now on to the paper that's due tomorrow for my nursing class...

Apropos of that, I lurve the dedicated "quiet floor" at my school library, it's so...QUIET. I can focus and get stuff done here.

Hey, you!

Yeah, you...disgusting man on the T who's picking his ears and flicking the earwax hither and yon. If that shit lands on the pretzel I'm eating, YOU'RE GOING DOWN. Be prepared. And buy some fucking q-tips and use them. AT HOME.

More local linguistic foibles

I've noticed that folks use "lay" instead of "lie" a LOT (really makes me cringe, btw.) And also "anyways" which is NOT a word. Just sayin'...

Filed under misc.:
-I got my first chemistry lab report back, 95! W00t!
-I've written two essays for my nursing class so far, several more to go.
-I have my first chemistry exam on Wednesday (gulp!).
-The director of the chamber singers is a bit too lackadaisical for my taste. He was absent last Wednesday and the accompanist directed. I was warned by another singer that he was a bit of a Nazi. She was right, and I LOVED IT. We finally got shit done! He kept order properly and we REHEARSED.
-We had a fire drill yesterday, right while I was in the middle of working out. Just call it workoutus interruptus.The entire building was evacuated, and all us gym rats were huddled together outside, in our shorts and t-shirts, trying to laugh about how quickly the sweat froze and how many calories we were burning with our shivering. Luckily it wasn't too cold and the sun was shining.
-I've noticed a student who wears a burqa to school, and I wonder what her student ID picture looks like.
-There's an actual "Occupy NBU" movement on campus. They have a folding table and chairs set up inside the main campus building, with four, two-man dome tents behind them. On the cold, marble floor. LOL. They are the butt of many jokes.

That's all for now!

Not a big fan of Starbucks here.

I think they're overpriced and overrated.

Yet I still bought a peppermint hot chocolate and a caramel square there today.

Have you made your purchase?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Unfortunate Discovery.

Apparently, just because I can READ on the bus doesn't mean I can STUDY on the bus.

Kindle reading, with its font and line-spacing changeability, is perfectly fine. My chemistry textbook? Not so much...*urp*.

Motion sickness sucks. Or blows, rather. Chunks...

I have been honored...

by two very special people, Old NFO and Ruth.

They awarded me this:

The cool thing is, this means "favorite blog" in German, w00t!


At any rate, I'm very grateful to NFO and Ruth for thinking of me. THANK YOU!

Well...

I was going to apologize to the lady sitting quietly in the stall after I resoundingly and robustly belched in the bathroom, thinking I was alone, but when I realized she wasn't going to wash her hands before exiting, I decided she didn't deserve an apology.

One uncouth turn deserves another.

To the Girl in the Gym...

who was wearing this t-shirt:

I totally *heart* your being awesome, too. For some reason, seeing you wearing this shirt just made my day.

Thanks!

Also, I need to get me one of these shirts.

Image from here.

You know what's cool?

Sprinting for your train, making it, and not being even slightly out of breath. THAT'S cool.

Speaking of the train, it is slightly awkward to get to a "good" part in a book you're reading, when you and the rest of the passengers are packed in tightly as sardines. I just pretend I'm invisible (and my Kindle is, too). Besides, everyone else is doing their own thing, anyway. Nobody is reading over my shoulder. Right?!

Inconceivable!

My chem. professor reminds me SO much of this guy. It cracks me up every lecture.

Misc.

-saw "One for the Money", and it didn't suck! (Caveat: I'm a huge fan of the books, so YMMV.)

-I got my health insurance card in the mail today, w00t!

-survived my first week of school, relatively unscathed. Except for my habitual fretting over stuff that's not due for months, which is SOP for me.

-massaged for 7 hours today, five clients total. Not one of them talked, so I had 7 hours to spend inside my own head. That's not always a good thing, trust me (see above bullet point!)

-filed my taxes today, too...Yay! I'm actually getting money back from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts...must mean I'm poor. ;)

-Two of my 90-minute massages were prenatals, and my first one had EPIC GAS. I'm talking, reeking like the bastard child of a skunk and hell effluvium. And rotten eggs. Though that's three parents. This was THROUGH a blanket and a sheet, mind you. Reminds me of time I was pregnant with Silver and woke up her dad from a sound sleep. But I digress...

-I have homework! As a matter of fact, I have to memorize a song by MONDAY. When am I supposed to do that?! I have no time! (I have a mandatory post-holiday, holiday party for work tomorrow night. Sigh. At least it's free food!)

And that's about all I've got right now. Have a great Sunday!

Chorus...

wasn't challenging enough, so I auditioned for the Chamber Singers and got in! Now I'm in two musical groups, w00t!

I'll have more details on concerts, etc., at a later date, should anyone be inclined to come hear us perform.

UPDATE:
Forgot to mention that I'm singing Soprano 1 in Chorus and Alto 1 in the Chamber Choir. I made the mistake of mentioning that I could go "pretty low" during the audition, so he asked me to show him. "Wow, you CAN go low...you'll be an Alto, I need Altos!"

Hell..

is being stuck at a subway station due to a malfunctioning train and being forced over and OVER and OVER again to listen to a third-grade-skill-level saxophonist butchering "Mary Had a Little Lamb", "The Star-Spangled Banner", "The Wedding March", and "Happy Birthday". Among a few other songs. I believe "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" was one of them, but I can't be quite sure BECAUSE HE SUCKED!!!

Man, where are earplugs when you need them?!

Poor K.!

Not only did his deep tissue client fart on him twice while his face was in close proximity to her exhaust pipe (he was bent over, massaging her hamstrings), but she only tipped him four bucks!

Talk about adding insult to injury...

Ow ow ow!

As my (big, bodybuilding) client was turning over onto his back during the massage, he TOTALLY kneed me in the thigh. Ow. I was grimacing and silently screaming, hoping he'd keep his eyes closed so he wouldn't freak out and think I was having a seizure or something.

Then he apparently realized he'd made secondary contact because he muttered a "Sorry..."

Hey, at least he's a good tipper!

There's something totally cool...

about a client telling me how "wicked good" her back feels after the massage. Dare I say "WICKED COOL"? ;)

Crazy day.

Yeah, that was yesterday. It started off okay, until I got to work. I had an older male client whose chart was littered with "Deep Tissue Massage", who told me that he HATED deep tissue and wanted really light pressure. Turns out his son, a Jr., is also a regular client here and somehow the two charts were conflated. Now the front desk has to figure out which notes are for which client, and fix up two brand-new charts, which of course need to be signed by the respective men. *sigh*

Then I had a client who has the same name as another client and there were two charts and two files. Luckily we could figure out which was which by birthdate and address, and it doesn't appear that any of the therapists erroneously charted.

THEN, there was the new client who was wearing her bra AND a tanktop when I walked in (in addition to her underwear, which I have grown accustomed to here). I told her she needed to take the tops off if she wanted me to massage her, which took her aback (no pun intended). I'm sorry, but if you want a massage with your clothes on, go to the mall and get a chair massage. My patience for that sort of thing has run dry.

THEN there was the client (luckily not mine) who was jerking off during his massage. The therapist was almost done by the time she noticed, so she finished the massage and went and told the owners of the spa about it (unfortunately our manager, who always has our backs, wasn't there yesterday). They asked her if the client had touched her or said anything inappropriate, and when she told them no, he hadn't, they told her it was all okay.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!

No, it is NOT okay. It's never okay for a client to masturbate during the massage, no matter whether he/she says or does anything else "inappropriate". Believe me, this is going to be addressed during our mandatory staff meeting Post-Holiday Party...

And finally, I got home and found my blog gone and my gmail inaccessible. Someone must have hacked my gmail account and done something that violated Google's Terms of Use (or whatever it's called.) I felt like a huge part of me was missing! Anyway, at least I got it all straightened out today and I'm BACK. Of course I changed my password. Here's hoping that today is a better day.

Actual Movie Title

"Apple Ass Battle Bang II"

I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that there are people out there who will pay money to see this, or that this is a SEQUEL.

It's pretty sad...

that my prenatal massage client had to have parental consent forms signed before I could massage her.

You know...

if you're swarthy and hairy...if you sound like an extra from the Sopranos...and if you sport a tattoo that says "Made in Napoli" on your arm...I get the sneaking suspicion that you might be of Italian heritage! Just a WAG on my part...;)

Somehow...

you know it's likely to be a bad massage when the first thing you notice on the intake form is *BE CAREFUL OF THE BACK PIERCINGS!*

*sigh*

Happy New Year!!!

I hope all y'all out there have a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year.

Overheard at Dinner

"When the internet hates you more than Justin Bieber, you know you've failed epically."

Silver, discussing Governor Rick Perry's hilariously disastrous YouTube video.

Another spelling "gem"...

Seen on a client's chart: "Client complains of psiatic pain..."

*sigh*

PSA

If you're not sure how to spell something, look it up or ask for help.

That way we can avoid having excrescences like "periformace" and "soreatick" crop up in our clients' charts. Which are legal documents, after all...

Silver is lucky...

to still be alive. Just sayin'.

She was walking behind me as we were carrying stuff out to the car the other day, and the sun was shining brightly. She asked me in all seriousness, "Mom, do you still have white paint in your hair?"

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

"No, Silver. As a matter of fact, I washed the paint I did get in my hair out a few days ago. You know, after we finished painting the room?!"

"Oh...you mean that's ALL GRAY HAIR? You have THAT MUCH GRAY HAIR?! HOLY CRAP!"

She belatedly realized the danger she was in. Maybe it had something to do with how quickly I whipped around to face her. It might have had to do with my narrowed eyes and clenched teeth. Or perhaps it was the steam coming out of my ears...

"It looks GREAT on you, Mom...really!!" she said in a quavering voice.

And so she lives to annoy me another day.

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of you wonderful people have a very merry Christmas and a healthy, happy New Year!

School...

I'm taking twelve credits this upcoming spring semester at NBU. I wanted to do more nursing classes, but I have to do three classes from the "first three semesters" (if I were a Freshman, not a transfer student) that I'm missing before I can move on to Clinicals.  So I'm taking Physiological Chemistry (Lecture, Discussion, and Lab), Nutrition, and Intermediate (Nursing) Seminar. Those only bring me up to 10 credits, and since I want to be considered a full-time student, and since it miraculously doesn't conflict with any of my other classes, I'm also taking UNIVERSITY CHORUS!!!!!

I'm going to be singing and performing again, Y'all! I'm so excited, I can't WAIT. I haven't sung since I left the Las Vegas Master Singers when I moved to Pahrump, NV in early 2004. Holy crap, the last time I performed was Christmas of 2003! That's far too long. My pipes may be rusty, but they'll limber up fast. I've missed singing and it's something a part of me really needs. It's nice that I can get college credit and an easy "A" while fulfilling that need. :)

"If you're gonna paint...

...you need caulk. The bigger the crack, the more caulk you need. You hold the gun at an angle and squeeze steadily, moving down. Make sure your finger is wet, the caulk needs it wet, 'cause you don't want it to get hard too fast, then get your finger in there and smooth it down..."

Part of the down-and-dirty caulk tutorial I received from our contractor.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

There is something slightly surreal...

in overhearing the middle-aged carpenter who's doing some work outside singing along with the Divinyls' "I Touch Myself", especially since he's mangling the lyrics.

O Happy Day!

Bright futures beckon
Endless possibilities
Adulthood begins!

Happy Eighteenth Birthday, Chaos and TallyAngel!

I love you and I'm so proud of you both!

Wow.

Just found out I also got accepted into another Nearby University's nursing program.

That's okay, though. I'm sticking with NBU!

It's a Regional Thing

Two different people today at work described something demonstrably stupid as being "reTAHded".

I love it here!

Overheard in the Dining Room...

"He has a voice that sounds like scissors."

"Scissors?!"

"Jabbing into you!"

That makes way more sense.

Miss you...

Boundless heart offered
Gracious kindness to strangers
Making all welcome

Rest in peace, Mamaw. We'll miss you, but we're relieved that your suffering is over.

I did it.

Though it's just the beginning!

I just received my acceptance letter into Nearby Big University's (NBU) Nursing Program!!!

I start the end of January and will be on my way to getting my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing.

Let the partying commence!

Most Excellent Evening!

I had a wonderful afternoon and evening today, spending a solid hour at the range with Weer'd, getting to shoot my rifle (yay!), his CZ82 (checking out potential carry guns), a revolver in .22LR (help me out here, bro...what was it called?!), and his "Baby Beretta".
 
I had a ton of fun and we stayed until they kicked us out for a scheduled match.

We decamped for Casa Weer'd, where the always delightful Mrs. Weer'd awaited us.
After sipping tea and chatting for an hour or so, it was time for me to head back home. A day well spent, my friends!

Thanks again, Weer'd, for a most excellent day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

to everyone out there (who celebrates Thanksgiving, of course!)

Now I retire to enjoy my food coma, hope you do the same.

So proud!

Last Friday, my oldest daughter, Silver the Evil Chao, was inducted into Upsilon Pi Epsilon (UPE), the International Honor Society for the Computing and Information Disciplines.

Yeah, she kicks total ass...as if you didn't know already!

I Welcome our Mollusk Overlords.

...but don't tell Breda!

Overheard in the breakroom...

"Then I told that disgusting perv, 'Don't you come in here thinking this is a whorehouse! And don't ask anybody else here that question!'"

I was too busy to ask for details, but I'm pretty sure I know what question the disgusting perv asked.

*sigh*

"Game called...

...on account of *BLARGH*!!!"

For the very first time since I became a massage therapist, I had to break off a massage yesterday. My final client of the day ended up hurling (luckily, she made it to the bathroom in time!) about thirty minutes into her ninety minute massage.

She emerged from the loo looking rather wan, but insisted she wasn't sick, she felt fine. Picture me rolling my eyes, HARD.

I explained that it was a very bad idea to continue the massage under the circumstances and that she was welcome to reschedule with me when she felt better. Of course we didn't charge her for this visit.

Hey, she still tipped me, which I thought was very decent of her, considering.

Hope she feels better.

New England Rotary*

EQUALS Wheel of DEATH!




*aka "roundabout" or "traffic circle" for all you non-New Englanders!

Tech Bleg

So, any advice on how to watch my Hulu stuff on our TV?

Thanks in advance...I know y'all are way more clever than I am with stuff like that!

Observation:

There's something inexplicably delightful and charming in hearing my very refined and oh-so-proper Moroccan colleague, A., sprinkle the f-bomb randomly into conversation.

Perhaps it's the accent?

Uh, no...not really!

As I was waiting for my client to emerge from the treatment room, my colleague J., visibly disturbed, scurried down the hallway toward the breakroom. As she passed by me she paused and muttered, "You ever have a client say, 'Thank GOD I wore underwear today!' before the massage?!"

Thankfully, no!

And I don't even want to begin to contemplate the meaning behind that statement.

Thank you.

Monday Haiku

glinting through the woods
blue sky, clouds, russet treetops
pond's calm reflections

DISTURBING!

Massaged a young woman yesterday, and when I draped her back, I noticed her trampstamp.

It was a lovely, Gothic cross.

*blink blink*

'Cause nothing says "FUCK ME HARDER, YOU NASTY BASTARD! OOOOH, YEAH...SPANK ME!"
like knowing Jesus died for your sins...and IS WATCHING YOU!!!!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that the person scheduling your appointment fucked up and booked you an hour instead of a 90-minute massage.

 I'm sorry that your expectations of what a massage is weren't met. Massage therapists aren't chiropractors, and it's outside of our scope of practice to do spinal manipulations and adjustments.

I'm sorry that I didn't "beat (you) up" enough. You have several herniated disks, you take muscle relaxants and narcotic painkillers, and deep tissue massage is contraindicated.

I'm sorry that you apparently weren't listening when I explained all this to you.

I'm sorry that you had to spend 15 minutes at the front desk complaining about it all.

I'm sorry that I was already in with another client, and that I wasn't there to discuss it more with you and the front desk associate.

That being said, I'm glad you got the massage for free and I'm glad you rebooked with another therapist (who goes by the nickname "Hitler"). Maybe she can make you happy. Maybe she won't care about risking your health and her license and will beat the shit out of you.

I'm sorry, but it's not my problem anymore.

RIP

I was stunned and saddened to hear today of the passing of William the Coroner.

We weren't close friends, by any means, but I certainly enjoyed reading his blog and I hope he got an occasional chuckle from mine.

My condolences to his family and friends, he was definitely a special person, and he's gone much too soon.

Rest in peace.

Mayhem...

in the backyard!

Critters (most likely coyotes) nabbed one of the neighbors' chickens in our backyard.
It looks like a down pillow exploded back there and my dogs are going crazy sniffing, sniffing, sniffing everywhere. Not to mention peeing.

I'm amazed at how long my wimpy dogs stayed out in the cold this evening, investigating all the intriguing scents. Maybe they aren't such high-maintenance, etepetete wusses after all!

Weather Observation

You know it's a bit chilly outside when your dog's poo steams.

Wait, is that weather, or climate?

Let's ask Al Gore!

Friday Night Haiku

Lasers are awesome!
Blasting kidney stones to bits
Making my friend well

What. The. FUCK.

This is just wrong. On so many, many levels.

I came into work while it was raining. When I left eight hours later, it was fucking SNOWING.

Snowing. In October. Before Halloween.

I had to scrape my car off. In October.

I know, I know: "Welcome to New England!"

I need some warmer, water-proof shoes.

*ahem ahem ahem*

HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Five years. Wow. That's like a hundred in real life years!

Suddenly, I feel old. ;)

Slow day at the spa...

equals WAY too much time to daydream.

I was using the facilities and noticed the spare roll of paper towels on a shelf. The label said "Big Roll", but I read "Rick Roll"...and my mind raced with possibilities!

I could get permission (for a cut of the profits, natch) from Rick Astley and bring out a new brand of paper towels called "Rick Roll", with Astley's face on the label! I could become rich beyond my wildest dreams, all because of an internet meme!

Yes, I know I'm goofy. Deal with it.

Hopefully I'll be busier tomorrow, otherwise...who knows what I'll come up with!

Curb your enthusiasm

It's getting chilly around here at night, so I've been letting my cat, Pipsqueak, stay inside. Plus, I made the executive decision to stop leaving food out for him, because I'm tired of feeding all the other neighborhood cats. Not to mention all the vermin-infested, potentially disease-laden critters who have also been partaking. Thus, if Pipsqueak wants to eat, he has to come inside.

So Pipsqueak has been spending more time indoors. It's great! He and my dogs cuddle and play, and he's an all-around super affectionate kitty.

Only problem is: he purrs. Like a fucking Evinrude on steroids.

rrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRR

Toss in a few mews and squeaks and you have a recipe for BROKEN SLEEP. Oh, and he occasionally plants himself on my head. And also decides to crunch his kibble in the middle of the night. While his tag clanks against the edge of the metal dish.

The final straw is that he always wants to GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE GO OUTSIDE (aka, "MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW MEW") at four o'clock in the morning.

Tired Christina is cranky Christina.

*sigh*

I'll try the earplugs tonight and hope it helps. And a cat door is in the works, then he can come and go as he pleases.

I need a good night's sleep!

I need Botox.

I'm getting a vertical wrinkle right between my eyebrows, and it's all because of Masshole drivers!

WTF, dudes? Did everyone and his brother miss the class on yielding to oncoming traffic while attempting to make a left turn?

Or are they all just members of the "Fuck you, I'm goin' anyway" Club?

GRRRRRRRRRR...

I was a bit perplexed...

when the young client told me not to touch her feet because of her painful bunions. I mean, she was only in her twenties, who has issues like that at that age?

Then she shared with me the fact that she works three jobs:

1. School teacher
2. Cocktail waitress
3.Track and field coach

Okay,  makes way more sense now. But, damn! I feel sorry for her, she's in constant pain and there's not much she can do about it.

Also, foot massages are the bomb and she's totally missing out. Just sayin'.

I glanced down during a massage yesterday...

...and noticed some dirt on my sneakers. Colorado dirt, to be exact. It made me realize that a week ago I was still having a blast at Blogorado 2011, and it made me a bit depressed. We stayed so long and yet it went by in a flash.

I could go on and on about the shooty goodness, how fun it was to hear the *plink plink* of shots hitting the steel targets, or the visceral *BOOM* of the Barrett .50, feeling it reverberate in my sternum and clavicles, actually burping me like a baby. I could recount the satisfaction I felt finding a gun that really suited me (Farmmom's Browning Hi-Power 9mm), reloading the magazine over and over again, making soda fountains out of expired cans of Pepsi.

I could mention the freakish wind on Saturday, how even having bundled up didn't help much, how it sapped my energy as the day went on.

And how could I neglect to mention the fabulous costume party that night? How we laughed and laughed at both the silly and the awesome get-ups.

Oh, and the FOOD. The incredible food that caused me to gain 4 pounds in 5 days (three pounds of which I've whittled off again, thank God!). Fried chicken, chicken fried steak, lumpia, pot roast, meatloaf, lobster, brisket...OMNOMNOM.

We celebrated Phlegmmy's and Matt G.'s birthdays with delicious cake, sassy shoes, and a manly kilt.

I even shot a varmint, making a tiny dent in the tremendous, pestilent (literally!) prairie dog population.

But what it really comes down to, what I truly miss, is being with the marvelous people there. My friends.

Sitting around the fire at night, talking, laughing, the subject veering from the ridiculous to the sublime. Several different conversations going on, and you wish you could somehow take part in every one, just so you don't miss anything.

What amazes me the most is that if you look at us objectively, individually, we honestly don't have that much in common. But by some mysterious alchemy, it becomes a beautiful brew.

So thank you, FarmFamily. You've created something incredible out in the wilds of Colorado, and we're all honored and privileged to be allowed to take part.

Guess what was waiting for me when I got home?

Issued by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts: My unrestricted Class A Large Capacity License to Carry Firearms!

I dispute the "unrestricted" part, but still...now I actually legally OWN the guns I already own!
And I can buy more. And carry them concealed.

Go, me!

It's hard to say good-bye.

We're packing up and loading the rental, about to head to the airport and fly back home.

We lingered over breakfast this morning, until the coffee was cold and the egg yolk had congealed on our plates. Post Blogorado Depression has already set in.

Saying "Thank you" to the FarmFamily doesn't seem adequate to express our gratitude for their hospitality and generosity, but we tried to convey our feelings with our hugs as we said good-bye.

Time to hit the road.

And there's always next year!

The funniest thing said at Blogorado...

that (almost) nobody heard:

Mamaw, sitting outside in the sun for a bit this morning, telling us, "I want some pictures of the man with the...," while cupping her hand over her lap.

Overheard on the Range...

As I'm walking up to the BIG GUN table (as I call it), Aepilot Jim and Old NFO are shooting at the farthest target. Jim is spotting and NFO is the one shooting. 

Aepilot Jim: You hit it in the right shoulder...

Old NFO: Got it.

Me: Uh...are you actually shooting at that critter out there?!

Both men: WHAT critter?!

Me: The one that's walking around between the tree and the haybales behind the target!

They both look up from their respective scopes.

Aepilot Jim (huffing in exasperation): That damn llama is out there again!

Old NFO: I'll tell FarmDad.

I sigh in relief, until I realize that I have to wait to try the Barrett until the llama is herded out of range.

Me: Dammit!

What happens at Blogorado...

stays at Blogorado.

Especially boot-sniffing.

Overheard at Blogorado...

Stingray (to LabRat): Mind your bustle!

You had to have been there...

Overheard on the Road to Blogorado

SCI-FI (driver extraordinaire): If I see an 18-wheeler coming over the hill at us, there's gonna be soda and urine flying everywhere, cause I'll be tossing you the bottle and pissing myself as I try to get out of its way!

Tomorrow...

I'll be Blogorado bound!

Good friends, good food (make that FANTASTIC food!), and shooty goodness...what could be better?

Posting most likely sporadic, but I'll do my best. With pics, too.

Uncanny...

not to mention disconcerting.

I have a colleague at my new job whom I liked immediately. He's young and friendly, yet rather cynical and curmudgeonly on occasion. He snarks about everything, yet is unfailingly helpful and hard-working. Several times after starting work there, I had moments of deja-vu regarding him, and I couldn't figure out why. We'd definitely never met before.

It wasn't until a few days later, when I was sitting in the breakroom with my back turned to a conversation he and another co-worker were having, that I realized why he seemed so familiar to me. See, he was pissed off about something and sprinkling the f-bomb liberally into his speech.

BAM! It hit me...he sounds EXACTLY like Stingray of the Atomic Nerds!

Voice, tone, inflection, rhythm, everything. It's pretty creepy, as a matter of fact.

I had to ask him if he had any relations in New Mexico, but he demurred. He and his family are local through-and-through.

Which begs the question: Why doesn't my colleague have a local accent? I have no clue.

In any case, I told my co-worker not to be surprised if I sometimes call him "Stingray", and he laughed and said he didn't care.

If only he knew...

He should listen to Vicious Circle sometime!

Oh, I have to add one thing, though: the resemblance definitely ends with the voice, as this young man was also the one who thought "ambiguous" meant "obvious"...

Stress

One of my clients today complained about being totally stressed out.

Halfway through the massage, I saw she hadn't been lying. One leg was shaved and the other, *ahem*, NOT.

You have to be stressed to the max not to notice something like that, especially if you're wearing a dress!

I should have a t-shirt made

that says: I SURVIVED DRIVING IN BOSTON!

-Google maps sucks at directions for Boston
 -pedestrians EVERYWHERE, especially in the middle of the street
-crazy taxi drivers
-seriously, Tobin Bridge? Speed limit 35mph, I'm going 55mph and the other drivers are passing me while flipping me the bird
-bring plenty of money for tolls and PARKING. Holy crap.
-lots of pretty stuff to gawk at, don't get distracted
-gas stations that don't sell gas. Which really sucks when your gas gauge is hovering just south of the big "E".
-when you finally find one that DOES sell gas, it's almost a buck more expensive per gallon than anyplace outside of town
-have I mentioned that Google maps sucks at directions for Boston?

All that being said, Boston just isn't really that big, so while I got a wee bit lost going home, it was just lost in detail. I knew the highway was north and west of where I was at, so I kept heading in that direction until I saw signs.

Calling all Paramedics/EMTs!

Having recently had occasion to be a passenger in an ambulance on a run to the hospital, I noticed that the driver of said ambulance wasn't wearing his seatbelt. Is this common? I'm really interested in hearing the experts answer!

Unbelievable

I've been doing massage for a number of years now. I've seen a lot and many of my clients have quirks or odd habits, but I never thought that I'd have a client who exhibits the full range of behaviors!

My last client of the night was the female half of a couple. It started off with incomplete/illegible paperwork, but I muddled through the interview. Then I noticed the dog. Yes, she had a floofy dog with her, in a tote bag. She insisted the dog was her "service animal". Ooookay, whatever. As long as it's quiet and doesn't attack me, I don't care.

After we were already in the room, she suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Of course that's fine, but it puts us another few minutes behind. L., my colleague, and I were definitely not getting out of there on time, but okay.

When I reentered the room to begin the massage, I noticed she had earbuds in and was listening to her own music. Unusual, but I've seen it before. Except that it wasn't just an iPod or MP3 player, it was an iPhone.
So in addition to having her music blasting loudly enough that we could all sing along to JayZ, the fucking thing also rang during the massage. And she answered it, since it was her mother. And they talked for about two minutes.
Remember the earbud thing? Yeah, she TALKED LIKE THIS. As a matter of fact, she talked like that throughout the massage.  When she wasn't texting, that is.

When she wasn't talking or texting, she was moaning. Loudly. And when she wasn't doing any of those things, she was bopping along to the music.

Let's just say she wasn't the most pleasant client I've had, and leave it at that. I won't repeat the f-bomb here as many times as I did when I got home and recounted the story to my roommates. :D

Local idiom

What I hear most often:

"Hihowahyah?" (yes, it's all one word...TRUST ME.)

and:

"Y'naht from aroun'heah...wheah ya from?"

Gee, how could they POSSIBLY tell I'm not from around here? 
:)   

Sunday Haiku

Leaves pattering down
like a dessicated rain
Fall melancholy

Mission: Impossible Accomplished!

I did it!

The disappointed client from the other day was very pleased with the massage she received from me.

Not only did I redeem the spa's reputation, I also landed a loyal client who already booked another appointment with me two weeks from now.

But the most important thing about all this is in her reaction as she exited the room: not to go into too much detail here, but she has a chronic condition, and she told me tearfully that for the first time since she can remember, she was able to turn her head without pain.

That's better than earning brownie points with the boss any day.

When it rains...

it pours.

Looks like I just landed a second (part-time!) job. So now I'll be working five days a week at the local spa, and one day a week at a spa in a town about 15 miles away.

I know I can't keep up this pace indefinitely, if only because I'll be going to school full-time next semester, but I'm going to make as much money as I can in the meantime, and pay off my debts. Oh, and help my chilluns, especially Silver. She's a poor college student, ya know?

As the saying goes, I'm making hay while the sun shines. (Yes, I'm mixing metaphors. So sue me. :D)

Christina: The Redemption???

My boss took me aside during my break last night to give me a head's up. They'd had a new client with various health issues who booked a 90-minute Deep Tissue massage with another new therapist yesterday, and she HATED her massage.

Rather than send her off unsatisfied, they rebooked her with ME for tomorrow, so she's getting a freebie massage and I'm left to redeem the spa's reputation...

NO PRESSURE, RIGHT?!

One more observation from my new job...

it's WONDERFUL to have no sales pressure. As a matter of fact, the owner of the spa told me that that's what the sales associates are for.

I don't feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I'm at work. I'm there to do massage, nothing else!

w00t!

Dear Client:

I'm truly happy for you that you're able to get an erection at your age, but that doesn't mean you can masturbate during your massage. Jerk off on your own time.

Thank you,

Christina LMT

Observations after my first week of work...

in BULLET format! Cause that's how I roll.

-having the six-year-old you live with cheerfully call out, "Make some money!" as you're leaving for work is terminally cute and will put a smile on your face and in your heart that'll last your entire shift.

-tips are good. GREAT tips are better.

-having cash in your wallet again is the BEST, though. Even if you spend most of it a day later at the EPIC Steampunk Exhibition!

-taking the entire summer off from massaging, then jumping right back in with eight-hour shifts is probably not a good idea. (I'm totally out of "massage shape", and my ass was kicked both Friday and Saturday.)

-having your new boss tell you that all the clients LOVE you and that they're already rebooking with you is completely worth the fatigue and soreness you feel at the end of the week.

-it's probably a good idea not to be too pedantic. Correcting your new colleague, who just earnestly informed another colleague that "ambiguous" means "obvious", will likely NOT endear you to said colleague.

-learn to deal with heavy local accents. Don't automatically assume that a client is from a foreign country, even if you can initially barely understand her!

And the most important observation after my first week back at work:

-HAVE FUN!

Fangirl Squeeeeee!

I had the best time today! We went to the Great New England Steampunk Exhibition!!!

I've been wanting to go there ever since I first heard about it, mainly because my two favorite authors EVAR were the Guests of Honor:

Sharon Lee and Steve Miller!

I've been a huge fan of their work ever since I picked up "Conflict of Honors" way back in the day.

I swear that when I met them, I held my fangirlish squeeing to a minimum. No, really!



Does it look like I'm squeeing?

I bought a few books, got some autographs, and after chatting with them a bit, walked around the convention floating a few inches off the ground. Silver can confirm that when we talked on the phone hours later, I was still geeking out about it.

We watched an excerpt from an amusing Steampunk operetta, "Queen Victoria's Floating Garden of Secrets and Natural Wonders", which had a few too many fart jokes for my taste, but was nevertheless a worthwhile endeavor. Excellent singing!

Here are some of the amazing costumes we saw throughout the day:





Nifty car:



LOVED this hat, seriously adored it:









This gentleman won the rather informal costume contest (I was rooting for another gentleman with an amazing mechanical backpack, whose picture I was unfortunately unable to obtain...):



I think it was the armor that won him first place.

I also took the opportunity to try on an amazing leather corset, with the most cunning front closures EVAR. If only I had an extra $295 lying around...*snerk*.







I was looking in the mirror going, "Wow, I have BOOBS!"
Well, I got the lady's business card, so I know where to go when I have money saved up. That's just one item I *have* to add to my wardrobe. Very nifty.

And that was my day! Very much fun was had by all!

ZOMFG, I GOT TO MEET SHARON LEE AND STEVE MILLER!!!!! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!*

*whew*

I'm glad I finally got that out, I think I almost ruptured something holding back.

;)

---

EDITED TO ADD:
Duh, I was so tired when I posted this, I forgot to mention how incredibly NICE Sharon and Steve are. They were very kind to spend time chatting with me about various and sundry topics and I enjoyed the experience immensely.

Background check on me...

apparently came back okay. I got a call last night from the local spa and went in this morning for training/orientation.

My first shift is Thursday afternoon and I as I was walking out the door this morning they were booking me my first client.

Yay, work!

Yay, money!

Dear Bitch...

who stole my debit card info and ordered almost $300 worth of crap from motherhood.com:

The nice people at motherhood.com gave me your name and address, since MY debit card info was on the order.

Superpages.com gave me your telephone number and I've also found your facebook page and pictures of you elsewhere on the internet (btw, you are FUCKING UGLY. Just sayin'.)

I'm going to the police today to file a report and I will gleefully press charges.

Have a nice day. 'Cause it's gonna get ugly from here on out.

Overheard during a massage...

My ten-year-old client addressing me sternly, after her older brother opens the door after a perfunctory knock:

"I frown upon someone knocking on the door and opening the door during my relaxation."

Now imagine that line voiced by Violet Parr from "The Incredibles," and you'll understand why I struggled to hide my sudden laughter!

How to commemorate the ten year anniversary ...

of the most heinous terrorist attack on American soil?

By going about my business as if it were any other day. I'm not watching TV or listening to the news. I might read some of my regular blogs. But other than that, I refuse to live my life one jot different.

I'm giving friends massages. I'm doing dishes (the dishwasher broke) and folding laundry. In a bit, I'm going to babysit my friends' kids for a couple hours while they go have some shooty fun.

Business. As. Usual.

Don't give the bastards the satisfaction of seeing our anguish, our rage, our fear over the events of September 11, 2001. They deserve nothing but our contempt and our resolve to put an end to their despicable business.

Poor pup.

Harley just had another seizure. My poor baby!

This one wasn't nearly as bad, thankfully. I'll just have to keep track of the frequency and maintain good records. His last one was 11 months ago, and if he's gonna be epileptic, one seizure a year isn't that bad. Let's just hope they don't start hitting more frequently.

I haz a job.

Pending background investigation, that is.

I massaged the owner of the spa and she offered me a job on the spot, w00t! And she speaks GERMAN. :) :) :) :)

Best part is, they're five minutes from home. In a pinch, I could walk to work.

YAY!

Eventful day!

In bullet format!

-got a letter from Nearby Big University (NBU) that I'm on the short-list for their nursing program. I'll know for sure beginning of December (hedging my bets, I'm still applying at two other schools not-so-nearby...)

-got a reply from one of the places I applied for a job, have a second interview (with hands-on portion) on Sunday.

Wish me luck for both of these things, please!

-folded a metric fuck-ton of clothes.

-went to the gym and worked out (w00t!)

Altogether a very satisfying day in all respects. :)

---

UPDATE:
I just got an email from another place, they want me to come in for a practical, too! W00t! Bonus, it's right here in town. :)