Sunday, February 03, 2008

Worst. Music. EVER.

I've mentioned before that at the spa, we have the privilege of listening to a cable company's idea of "spa mood music", or whatever-the-hell they call it.
Most of the time it's really just background noise, most of the pieces are so familar to us by now, we really don't pay attention anymore.

Unfortunately, there is one POS in the rotation that I've been cursed to hear three times when I was right in the middle of services.

I can't even tell you what it's supposed to be. Is is from some obscure movie, and I don't get the reference? Is it a performance art piece? Who knows, but I sure wish the cable radio folks would pull their heads out of their asses and yank this "song".

Imagine this: You hear some kind of chords being played softly, perhaps by strings, perhaps by woodwinds. You erroneously think, "Well, this isn't so bad."

Not so fast, Cupcake!

Suddenly a deep-voiced man starts talking. Not singing, talking. And not rap, either. And it's in some kind of language you don't understand, but it sorta sounds like Russian. In addition, not only do you have to suffer through his monologue, but you have to listen to his breathing and SWALLOWING sounds, too. I guess he had a really, really good microphone.

Wait! What was that whooshing sound? It was your massage therapist lunging at warp speed for the volume control knob to turn that shit off.

5 comments:

leazwell said...

Not relevant but the last MT I went to stole some flute music from church I loaned her then skipped to another town. No, I don't have a skewed viewed of your profession, she, I'm sure was an anomaly.

phlegmfatale said...

gosh - what a terrible thing to play. That would jolt me out of my relaxed reverie if I were mid-massage, and I'd definitely complain about it. Sheesh!

Christina LMT said...

Leazwell - I'm so sorry that that wench calling herself a Massage Therapist stole your music.

When I see private clients, it's in their homes, so they can play whatever they want, plus I always bring some cd's with me, too.
One friend of mine played the video from his Dad's funeral during the massage. Now THAT was strange!

Phlegm - My sorry discription doesn't even begin to approach the horror that is this song. So far I've had no customer complaints, but that may be because I'm so fast at shutting the music off! :)

phlegmfatale said...

you should tape it on your phone next time and post it. Sounds beastly, but I'm very curious about it.

Christina LMT said...

Phlegmmy, I haven't heard the song in about two weeks, so I have high hopes somebody wised up and yanked it off the air.
Unfortunately, I have a tracfone, so I'd be unable to record anything (I'm pretty sure, anyway), I don't even have a camera on there! I'm low-tech, what can I say?