noteworthy plates II

Seen on my drive home this evening:

YUPYUP

and

QTEEPIE

Also seen on the road to school yesterday, an SUV in the middle of the street, surrounded by SIX police cars with lights flashing.

Wonder what was up?

Crazy Impulse

Have you ever had a crazy, impulsive thought cross your mind? One that if implemented would get you in a world of trouble?

I had one of those today, out of the blue.

There are a lot of meeting/conference rooms located on the same floor as the spa, and we had a staff meeting scheduled in one of them this afternoon. A lady who is hawking a new skin care line was to give a demonstration/training class, and she had a boatload of products that needed to be carted to the room, so of course I volunteered to help (I'm SUCH a brown-noser!)

I think I made three trips all together, and had to pass a room where some company was having a conference. Coincidentally, they were taking a break, and two gentlemen were in the hallway chatting. The one guy wasn't even a blip on my radar, as I was mesmerized by his friend. He was a really big dude (just how I like 'em!), and had a very deep voice. He also had an eclair in one hand and was noshing on it as they spoke. By my third trip he had finished his snack, but apparently got some of the eclair filling on his thumb, and he paused to lick it off as I walked by...

I had an insane, almost overpowering urge to grab his hand and say, "Hey, let ME take care of that for you!" I really, really wanted to. But of course I just kept on going, since I also really, really need to keep my job.

*sigh*

Well, that wasn't so bad.

I'm home and I survived.

*whew*

Except for having sweaty palms the entire time, I suffered no anxiety or "block" during the test. I'm happy it's over, though.

I think I only messed up one problem, which still leaves me with an "A" if I got all the others correct. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Feeling a little queasy.

In about an hour, I'm off to algebra class where I will be taking my first test.

*GULP*

I know the material, I'm just a leetle nervous, since the last time I had math (way back in the eighties), I suffered from severe test anxiety and always bombed my exams.

I believe I'm over it, but a slight fear remains. Well, I guess I'll see, won't I?

---

In other (massage) news, I had my first client with a full-on, noticeable pup-tent pitched. What made it awkward (for me, at least) was the fact that his wife was receiving a massage less than six feet away.

My client was mostly asleep, so I don't think he realized it (I hope), and wifey had her eyes closed (thank God!).

My colleague J.A., who was massaging her, didn't notice, but he asked me afterwards why I had been staring at him during the head/neck massage!

LOL!

Duh, I didn't want to look straight ahead and see the "tent", so I had my head turned away!

---

Today I had the idea of plastic surgery made vividly unappetizing to me, in a very tangible fashion.

I massaged a lady who resembled Frankenstein's monster, at least when she was unclothed.

You know how they display those diagrams in the meat department of grocery stores, the ones that show a cow in profile with the cuts of meat delineated by dotted lines?

That's what my client looked like when I undraped her. Faded and new surgical scars outlining her butt-cheeks, encircling her body just below her waist, streaking down her thighs...ugh!

And her glutes just didn't feel normal to me, either. They felt hard, plastic, and it wasn't the skin. I don't think she had butt implants, I think they did a lift where they shortened the gluteal muscles themselves.

Hey, whatever floats her boat, I guess. But you won't see ME going under the scalpel, that's for sure!

Get your minds out of the gutter.

Right before my alarm clock rang this morning, I dreamt Phlegm Fatale asked me to marry her.

I asked, "What about your husband?"

She replied, "Oh, he won't mind!"

:)

Just a friendly little tip...

If you ever visit "Star Trek - The Experience" at the Las Vegas Hilton, be sure to go on the rides BEFORE you eat, not after.

Trust me.

You'll thank me later.

Since all the IMPORTANT folks are doing it...

But what does it MEAN?!

I really hope it's meant to be funny...

I saw a sign in the window of a local sushi joint. It said:


"We sell fresh dead fish!"


I did a double take, then kept on walking.

So sad.

The tip gods have not been smiling on me. Perhaps I have offended? Maybe I should burn more dollar bills on my altar?

Who knows, but I hope things improve. Here's an example of tip crappiness. I brought in $385 on Saturday (I get 25%), but I only made $20 all day in tips. I didn't find out until today, since B., who has the key to the tip-box, was on vacation on Saturday.

One person stiffed me, one person left me 10 dollars, and two others left me five.

*sigh*

On a more cheerful note, Silver, who is all growed-up and everything with a debit card now, actually whipped it out on Friday and paid for our dinner at Applebee's!

I made our waiter laugh with my reaction. It involved lots of hooting, cheering, and I believe even some arm-waving and fist-pumping.

I took care of the tip. (Tip karma, see?) It was a very generous one, natch, since our server was excellent.

---

Completely unrelated, but nevertheless amusing...

I thought something like this was an isolated incident of idiocy...WRONG!

I was on the phone with a lady who runs a business teaching CPR (I need to re-certify), and I just wanted to confirm the location.

Me: It's on the South-East corner of Spring Valley and Polaris, right?

Her: Well, that depends whether you're coming from the 15 or the West side of town.

Me: *mother-bleepin' idiots, when are they going to learn...what do they teach in school these days?!?!* Um, okay...

Her: If you're coming from the 15, it's on the left, if you're coming from the West side of town, it'll be on your right.

Me: *Isn't that what I just SAID?!* Okay, thanks.

Tsk, tsk EDIT: Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day!

I cut class tonight. Bad Christina, no cookie!

What the hell, I'm exhausted. We were so slammed at the spa today, we were actually overbooked and had to improvise a second side-by-side massage room in the men's spa!
(The two treatment rooms on the men's side are much larger than the ones on the women's side, don't ask me why.)

Except for my lunch break and a thirty minute window at one point this morning, I was booked back-to-back, which is why MY back hurts now and why I need a massage, myself!

But, and it's a BIG but, of course I'm thrilled that I had so much work, since I get a commission for every service I provide. So it's all money in the bank.

I decided to give myself one get-out-of-class-free card per semester. I consider it a mental health break.

So, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go soak in the tub...I deserve it!

---

EDIT
This shows just how pooped I am...I forgot to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day!
That's why we were so busy today, duh...

You know the drill...

I'm a finalist again (yippeee) in Sparrow's weekly Haiku Contest!

So, I'm blegging here, please go to All Atwitter and vote for ME!

Unless your best friend is also a finalist, in that case...vote your conscience.

Thank you, guys!

Happy Birthday, Tucker!

A year ago today, my puppy was born.

Around April, I started looking for puppies, I did my research, found the breeder I wanted, and checked out the available pups on-line, and came across this picture...



And fell in love. The rest, as they say, is history!

For his birthday, he got his very first McDonald's hamburger, without the bun!



I tried to get his picture with the cute Valentine's Day antennae I got him, but he never stood still long enough for me to manage it, so here are two other shots from today.





Anyone who lives with dogs knows exactly how I feel about my pups, so I'm not going to blather on about how much they mean to me. I'll just say that I can't imagine life without them, and leave it at that.

---

EDIT
In case anyone is wondering, my dogs are Italian Greyhounds (you know, the little ones, not the Greyhounds that chase the electric bunny on the race track!)
Tucker is a bruiser (for his breed) and tops out at 18 pounds, Harley is average at around 13 pounds.

Hey, Moron!

I was driving home from class an hour or so ago, and the last block before home I was following a black sportscar, driving with no lights.

Let me repeat that: BLACK sportscar, driving with NO LIGHTS.

At nine o'clock at night.

I flashed this maroon several times, but he just didn't get it. Thankfully he turned into the apartment complex before mine, so at least I know he doesn't live in too close a proximity.

You ever feel like you're surrounded by idiots?

Yes, that was a rhetorical question.

:)

David questions, I answer

David over at Authorblog wants to know if any of my family members read my blog.

Well, my oldest daughter does, but usually only when I point a particular blog post out (she has her own interests, plus I usually tell her about the stuff I end up blogging about, or she was right there when it happened, so it would be boring for her).

And my big brother, who lives in North Carolina (hi, Grosser Bruder!), will occasionally stop by, but it's certainly not a regular thing.

And that's it!

Overheard at the dog park...

"Romeo, get off him!"

Yelled at a pug who was frantically humping a (male) Pomeranian.

My dream crushed again...

I was leaving class Thursday night, and I passed right by a bulletin board filled with notices, ads for cheap text books, roommate wanted signs, etc.

One notice stood out. It was a "Musicians Wanted" ad about a new heavy metal band. The music was already written, now they just needed the actual musicians and a lead singer.

As I'm reading down the list of their requirements, I'm already building fantasies in my head. I see myself on-stage, screaming out the lyrics to a writhing mass of fans, head-banging with the rest of the band, wearing spandex and torn denim. And leather, can't forget the leather.

Then I get to the very bottom of the page. "Age requirement: 24 years or younger"

Ageist bastards.

I feel old

J.A. and I were massaging a married couple in the side-by-side room yesterday. Very nice folks, I'd estimate them to be in their mid-to-late twenties, so not too much younger than me (hey! no snickers from the peanut gallery!).

I was massaging hubby, and it was his first time (gotta love the newbies). He was a very big man, in great shape, with a high-and-tight that screamed "military".

Now to (finally) get to the point. To any question I asked this man, I received a reply with a "ma'am" tacked on.

"Are you comfortable?" "Yes, Ma'am!" "How's the pressure?" "Fine, Ma'am!" "Jake, I'm going to hold the sheet now and I'd like you to turn over, okay?" "Yes, Ma'am!"

The. Whole. Time.

After the massage, I just had to ask him, "Jake, are you in the military?"

"No, Ma'am!"

Meme

Phlegm Fatale over at Fatale Abstraction has tapped me to produce answers to this bookish meme. I'm game, so here we go!

Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?

"The DaVinci Code" has never, ever tempted me, and some people I know, who shall remain nameless, are, shall we say, passionate about this book...
Same goes for "Message in a Bottle", "Bridges of Madison County", etc., etc.

If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?

Harry Dresden from Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files", Juan Rico from Robert A. Heinlein's "Starship Troopers", and Sophy from Georgette Heyer's "The Grand Sophy".
I'd just like to invite them over to my house for dinner and a confab, 'cause I'd want to hear, in person, all about their adventures. Then Johnnie and Sophy could leave, and I'd proceed to bang Harry Dresden like a drum. Hey, it's okay to fantasize about fictional charaters, at least in MY reality it is.

You are told you can't die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for awhile, eventually you realise it's past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?

This one is easy. I was a rather strange child. I felt compelled to finish every book I started, no matter how awful or boring it was. One book foiled every reading attempt, and I'll never forget it..."Algonquin, the Story of a Great Dog", by Dion Henderson. THE most boring book in the universe.

Come on, we've all been there. Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you've read, when in fact you've been nowhere near it?

Beowulf. I even owned a copy for quite a while, until I decided my life would be well lived without pretension, and removed the book from my shelf.

As an addition to the last question, has there been a book that you really thought you had read, only to realise when you read a review about it/go to 'reread' it that you haven't? Which book?

Nope, but I've bought the same book on different occasions, in different locations, simply because it had been a while since I read it originally, and had forgotten all about it.

You've been appointed Book Advisor to a VIP (who's not a big reader). What's the first book you'd recommend and why? (if you feel like you'd have to know the person, go ahead of personalise the VIP.

Depending on the kind of person the VIP is, either something by Heyer, she is the most witty author; something by Heinlein, if I think the VIP can handle him; or "The Three Musketeers", since it's a classic (in case the VIP is snobbish), and a rip-snorting adventure.

A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?

Ancient Greek. I'd love to read all the classics in the original!

A mischievous fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread once a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?

"I Dare", by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller. Gotta love the Liaden Universe! I pretty much re-read the entire series every year, anyway.

I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What's one bookish thing you 'discovered' from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art-anything)?

Author Charlaine Harris's "Book and Blog" feature on her website led me to discover Jim Butcher's work. What a find! So many hours of reading pleasure...

That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she's granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leatherbound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works? Go ahead-let your imagination run free.

My dream library is a large home I live in that has books in every room. Comfy chairs and couches, good reading lamps, and lots and lots and lots of reading material and shelves everywhere. Since the good fairy is handling this, she'll make it possible for me to purchase any book I want, any time. Ah, nirvana...

That's it for me, but I'll tag a few fellow bloggers, who should in no way feel obligated to complete this meme...

Mauser*Girl
Fat Hairy Bastard
Sonja
Zelda
FarmGirl

Have at it, Folks!
(and to go along with Phlegmmy, anyone in my blogroll is more than welcome to do this one, too!)

Embarrassment at the EDR*, and Karma

*Employee Dining Room

A. and I were getting ready to eat lunch today when I humiliated myself quite thoroughly.

The dining room was packed, so I snagged a table by placing my tray on it before heading over to get a drink. A. was at the salad bar, and I was facing that way with the drink station to my left and the tables to the right. I said, "A., we're over there...", while swinging my right arm up and around to point to our table...

Yup, you guessed it. Somebody was walking right past me. It was a housekeeper (i.e. maid), and I nailed the cup of water on her lunch tray, splashing the whole thing right into her face, down the front of her uniform, and all over the floor. I wanted to die right there. But I apologized instead, even though I don't think she understood most of my babble, and helped clean up the mess. Thankfully it wasn't hot coffee, soda, or orange juice. That really would have been worse, and it was bad enough as it is.

A few minutes later karma came into play. (At least, that's what A. thinks!)

I like putting a crapload of Tabasco sauce on the fried chicken I get. It makes the EDR chicken more palatable. I guess there's Tabasco residue on the cap and the outside of the bottle, because when I rubbed my eye with my left pointer finger...YOWCH!

"Master, it burns....!"

It took the rest of my lunch hour for the burning to completely subside.

Serves me right. I obviously have to be more careful in the dining room!

Positives and Negatives.

As anyone who works in the service industries knows, you can't make everyone happy all the time. I know it's impossible, yet I always try anyway. Some people you just can't please, and, let's face it, not everyone is going to like my massage. I've learned to be philosophical about it.

Here are two examples of comment cards that clients left at the front desk.
I covered the contact information, of course.



In case you can't read it, the lady wrote: "Stress relief massage from Christina was just mediocre. She is very pokey with her fingers. But I did feel very relaxed upon completion."

I like constructive criticism, but I don't quite know what to make of being "pokey with" my fingers! Hey, and the lady was very relaxed at the end! That's better than a fork in the eyeball, right? A stress relief massage at our spa is a 25 minute shoulder, neck, and back massage, by the way.

The following lady had quite a different experience, she had a 50 minute, full body Swedish massage:



She said, if you can't make it out: "Christina was out of this world, unique and awesome Rub The Best! and quiet"

I guess the fact that I didn't babble during the massage made her happy. :)

I do recall that she told me twice that I had outstanding technique!

To me, the trick is to take something from both positive AND negative feedback, but especially not to let any negative comments get me down.

And to not take them personally, since everyone has a right to their opinion.

Worst. Music. EVER.

I've mentioned before that at the spa, we have the privilege of listening to a cable company's idea of "spa mood music", or whatever-the-hell they call it.
Most of the time it's really just background noise, most of the pieces are so familar to us by now, we really don't pay attention anymore.

Unfortunately, there is one POS in the rotation that I've been cursed to hear three times when I was right in the middle of services.

I can't even tell you what it's supposed to be. Is is from some obscure movie, and I don't get the reference? Is it a performance art piece? Who knows, but I sure wish the cable radio folks would pull their heads out of their asses and yank this "song".

Imagine this: You hear some kind of chords being played softly, perhaps by strings, perhaps by woodwinds. You erroneously think, "Well, this isn't so bad."

Not so fast, Cupcake!

Suddenly a deep-voiced man starts talking. Not singing, talking. And not rap, either. And it's in some kind of language you don't understand, but it sorta sounds like Russian. In addition, not only do you have to suffer through his monologue, but you have to listen to his breathing and SWALLOWING sounds, too. I guess he had a really, really good microphone.

Wait! What was that whooshing sound? It was your massage therapist lunging at warp speed for the volume control knob to turn that shit off.

Shamelessly Stolen

from Zelda

In 1970 (the year you were born)

Richard Nixon is president of the US A federal jury finds the "Chicago 7" innocent of conspiring to incite riots during the 1968 Democratic National Convention The lunar spacecraft Apollo 13 splashes down in the Pacific after near catastrophe The first Earth Day is marked by millions of Americans participating in anti-pollution demonstrations At Kent State University, National Guardsmen fire into a crowd killing four student antiwar demonstrators A powerful earthquake claims 50,000 lives in Peru 18 year olds are given the right to vote in federal elections Tidal wave driven by cyclone from Bay of Bengal hits East Pakistan, killing hundreds of thousands An anti-war rally is held at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, attended by John Kerry, Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland Queen Latifah, Mariah Carey, Andre Agassi, Uma Thurman, Jennifer Lopez, and Matt Damon are born Baltimore Orioles win the World Series Kansas City Chiefs win Superbowl IV Boston Bruins win the Stanley Cup Tearjerker Love Story is the top grossing film I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou is published "The Long and Winding Road" becomes the Beatles' last Number 1 song

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

Because I'm tired and honestly don't feel like fleshing out any of the blog post ideas I have jotted down...maybe tomorrow!

I love college.

Why?

About an hour or so into class tonight, the Prof said, "Well, that's my lecture. If you have any questions, please stay. If you don't, you may go."

I was outta there so fast, I trampled a few of my classmates on the way.

That's okay, they'll recover.

---

Two amusing vanity plates seen today:

MMMMWAH

and:

UID10T