Hat Trick!

Yes!

I did it, I surpassed my record and made three clients snore today.

Woo-hoo!

First there was the lady who had only had two hours of sleep, since she flew in early this morning, so I guess that's cheating.

She was also the first "moaner" I've ever had.

"Mmmmmm"

"Oh, yeah!"

"That feels sooooo gooood"

I felt a craving for a cigarette after the massage, and I'm a non-smoker!

Thankfully the snoring commenced before I felt too disturbed.

She also asked me for tips for "intimate" massage (she's getting married on Saturday and wants to do something "special" for her groom Sunday morning)...I didn't feel qualified to provide that information! I told her not to use too much pressure, since pulling out hair is always bad. Then I recommended just doing what "felt good".

:)

Whatever happened to blow jobs, anyway?! That's pretty special in my book (and her hubby would probably appreciate it more, too, especially if she swallows.)

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The second snorer was a young man with a very Indian name and look (Indian as in the subcontinent, not Columbus' delusions).

When he greeted me, however, he sounded as American as apple pie, with a Texas drawl and all!

He even called me "Ma'am", which makes me feel very old.

Turns out he's a twenty-one-year-old from Houston, who's a Lance Corporal in the Marines, and he's deploying to Iraq on Monday.

He's in Vegas with his Mom and girlfriend for one last hurrah (or is that "Ooh-rah"?) before he leaves for the desert.

After the massage was done I shook his hand, wished him luck, and told him to come back in one piece. He told me he'd be back in Vegas upon his return and would look me up for another massage!

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The final snorer in my hat trick was my last client of the day. I'd already done six massages and was beat, then this couple walks in while I'm in what I THOUGHT was my final session and books a side-by-side massage for our last slot available.

And it was a deep tissue massage AND he was a very thick-bodied man. Not fat, just big.

I lowered the massage table 'til it practically resembled a coffee table to give myself more leverage.

Then I went to town!

I even kneeled on the table while I was stripping his pecs, just to have more "oomph"!

It didn't keep him from falling asleep, though!

Ah, the melodious sound of snoring is sweet to my ears.

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I'd like take this moment to thank my client, Mr. L., for wearing socks and informing me of the fact that he has athlete's foot.

I really appreciate his consideration, 'cause I don't want to have a funky fungal infection on my hands (literally!).

And yes, I promise to see "Mamma Mia" as soon as possible, but I'll have to seriously think about it before I consider auditioning, even if I AM the "Dancing Queen".

Even though I'm 37, not 17.

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And people, I'm done harping about the underwear thing, you know where I stand on that issue, but please, PLEASE, shower before your service!

My face is awfully close to your ass when I'm doing a forearm stroke from your ankle to up and over your glute, and I don't appreciate funk, especially if you add old-lady odor into it.

Faugh!