Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Payback is a bitch...literally!

Mr. Creepy from my previous post came back to the spa Sunday, my off day.

I had already warned my colleague A. about him, so she was prepared for his shenanigans.

When she was working on his upper thigh, while he was face up, and he flopped his leg to the side and asked her to work "right up here" on his inner thigh, she did a forearm stroke to the edge of the sheet while saying, "Okay, I'll massage up to HERE!"
When she said "here", she dug her elbow with quite a lot of pressure into a tender part of his thigh, pretty near his junk!

Ahhhh, revenge is sweet!

She didn't hear another peep out of him for the rest of the massage.

A., a very dignified young lady, surprised me during a side-by-side massage, where we massage two people in the same room.

Normally the spa music is what you'd expect, New Age-y, lots of harps and woodwinds, or else faux-Native American with throbbing drums and chanting. Let's not forget the lovely nature sounds intermixed with soft jazz!

During this session, we actually got some up-beat music, with a harder edge.
I glanced over at her (thankfully both clients were still face down!), and she looked at me and started head-banging, with a sneer worthy of Billy Idol distorting her mouth!

I almost died!

Have you ever had to keep totally silent while busting a gut laughing?

I don't recommend it.

It took me nearly five minutes to calm down, and I almost kicked A.'s ass after the session.
Or at least I was very tempted to.

If you've read my comments on other blogs, or read my profile, you know I love Metal/Hard Rock music.
Rammstein, Godsmack, Metallica, and Iron Maiden, among others, really trip my trigger.

So listening to the crappy "soothing" spa music all day makes me weep.

The worst was hearing a Muzak version of "Kumbaya".

I'm not kidding.

I was in the middle of a session, and all I wanted to do was locate the nearest campfire and roast some marshmallows.

After busting the composer's head in.


Chuck said...

I just don't understand why a creep like that would even go to a legitimate place and hope for one of those "special" massages. Aren't there plenty of places he could go around there to get his freak on? If there are some over here in Alabama*, surely Vegas has a few of them.

*not that I've visited any of those places in Alabama mind you. ;)

Christina RN LMT said...

All he'd have to do is open the yellow pages to "Massage" and he'd find no end to the "parlors" he's looking for.
Some guys just like to push the boundaries, I guess.
Of course you haven't visited those places, I totally believe you...;)

phlegmfatale said...

DUDE! I SO told you that asscrack guy would be back - EW! Good on you for warning the colleagues, and good for her for sticking it to him. Asshat.

Anyway, that's hilarious, about the edgy music. I was at a funeral once and before the service, they were playing a Muzak organ version of "Vaya con Dios" and I thought it was tremendously tacky. I wondered what the funeral home workers jammed to once they had the place to themselves. How DO they stay awake? OH, dead bodies. Maybe that helps.

Christina RN LMT said...

Phegm, they must be used to the dead bodies, no?
Maybe they play something up-beat, like the Carpenters...gulp!
Maybe not, I find their music awfully creepy.
So incestuous, anyway.