Thursday, December 13, 2007

Homicidal Rage

What the fuck is up with people today?

Since when is it okay to read a gossip rag IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCHOOL CONCERT?

I don't care if your Mom made you go and you couldn't give two shits about your dorky little sister's cello playing, you'd better show some respect.

The same goes for the assholes text messaging, talking, and eating.

I could feel the enamel on my back molars disintegrating under the pressure of the grinding and clenching I was subjecting them to. I visualized several scenarios where I would look like an ass, like jumping up and screaming, "Shut the FUCK UP! They're trying to PLAY here!"

Alas, that gratification shall remain fantasy.

But at least I have this blog.

The worst offenders were the couple whose son was a violinist in the advanced orchestra.

The mom spent the whole concert catching her son's performance on video, all the while completely ignoring her rampaging toddlers.

The "little darlings" scampered between the rows and in the aisles, the folding seats always hitting the seat backs with a bang! every time they got up. Also the one girl was shlepping a big bottle of gatorade around, except for when she repeatedly dropped it, causing a loud thump! followed by rumbling as it rolled downhill toward the stage, which both little girls found highly amusing. I wanted to smack the parents, constantly and soundly.

Hubby/Daddy just sat there, two rows behind them, like a lump, occasionally miming, "shhhhhh!", with his finger to his lips, causing the one fruit of his loins to mimic him by whistling like a steam kettle during a particularly touching orchestral movement.

Next time get abuela to watch the brats, okay? (Was that racist? Oh, well.)
It's not like the three-year-olds appreciated the cultural enrichment the parents were providing them, or that they would remember watching and listening to their brother play, anyway!

And who the hell dresses fraternal twins in matching, ugly and ratty pink sweat suits for a fucking concert, anyway?

Which leads me to also rant about appropriate dress. If the boys and girls on stage can wear tuxedos and formal gowns, respectively, why the hell are the audience members in jeans and sweats? Fucktards.

One concert down and one to go, plus about five more pepband performances to watch at the basketball games.

Oh, joy.


Mauser*Girl said...

You are a much more patient person than I will ever be. I would've grabbed one of the little miscreants and informed them that if they did not sit down and shut up RIGHT NOW, I would be having them for lunch because I AM THE MONSTER who eats little children!

Have you seen Whoopi Goldberg's standup where she talks about the little boy on the bus? If not, that's a must see!

Christina said...

MG, I can't tell you how tempted I was to do just that...
Unfortunately, it would have made a louder and greater disturbance than the brats themselves, so I bit my tongue.

Sonja said...

Why do I have a mental picture of a blood-drenched Carrie at the prom? Hmmmm.
People. Sometimes you just can't help but think that the world would be a better place without (most of) them.

Christina said...

I would have enjoyed the concert so much more had I been the ONLY person in the audience.

Oh, well.

phlegmfatale said...

Again, good on you for maintaining your composure. People are so badly behaved these days, and just about anywhere you go, you'll see at least one person who needs a sound kick-in-the-ass, if not for their own behaviour, then for allowing their little demons to run rough-shod over society, terrorizing as they go. When Junior dies in an underage DUI accident or is being walked out of a courtroom in handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit, they'll wonder where they went wrong. Cocksuckers!

4chun Cookie said...

I thank god that my son is still scared to act up around me! I just point my finger at him and he stops. He knows mommy wont give him a cookie after dinner!!