Wednesday, August 04, 2010

File this one under "Movies I'll Never Watch, Under ANY Circumstances!"

Have y'all seen "The Client List" with Jennifer Love Hewitt? No? GOOD!

I haven't either, since I was lucky enough to read a very informative review of this stinker at Go Fug Yourself!

Why bother seeing a craptastic movie when there are other folks perfectly willing to do it for you, then write scathing (not to mention SNARKY) reviews about it?

The basic premise of the movie is that Jennifer Love Hewitt is a massage therapist whose husband just lost his job, and in desperation, she accepts a job at the naughty kind of massage place. *Sigh* Plus, she gets addicted to cocaine while she's there. *Sigh* again.

Go read the review, then tell me if you still desire to see this movie.

The best line comes at the very end, and I quote:

"Massage therapists the world over are saying, 'Thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt, for helping fuel the stereotype that we are all secret prostitutes.'"
Yeah, thanks a lot, Bitch. And thank you, Hollywood, for churning out such dreck.

Tip o' the hat to Lissa, who was kind enough to email me the review.


Paul in the Wilderness said...

It sounds like a rip-off of a Canadian movie, "Rub-n-Tug".

Christina RN LMT said...

GAH! That's even worse, title-wise!

Lissa said...

The seventh lesson of the movie: When The Law Finds Your Stash, Look As Guilty As Possible, As If You Have Ten More Bags Stashed In Your Kind Cave.

That one made me laugh so hard I nearly peed myself.

Totally agree -- why watch such a crappy movie when they'll do it for us, and then write awesomely about it?

Christina RN LMT said...

I love the screen shots of the "awesome" acting. They must have all gone to the Obvious School of Obvious Acting! Poor Cybill Shepherd.

Paul in the wilderness said...

The Canadian version got one of our Genie (Oscar) awards. The parts that I managed to watch were not even entertainingly bad; the film was universally boring. Surprisingly, there was no nudity for a film of this sort; (In Canada, you get hard-core porn with your regular cable subsription) there was some language, but overall, the effect was one of watching paint dry. My massage therapist is a consumate professional; only a waste-of-skin would ever confuse her with what we call 'sex trade workers'. I also think there is a similar film in Italian; I will check (I collect film) and let you know, if this will make you happy!

Mike W. said...

This happened to be on the other day and I watched part of it.

Terrible movie, although I DID watch it for a while. C'mon, Jennifer Love Hewitt in skimpy outfits.... who cares if the acting and storyline are bad?

Christina RN LMT said...

Paul, I think I should start a database of movies that stereotype massage therapists! But I'll hand the actual work off to you. ;)

Mike, you're a guy. Of course you want to ogle JLH. Feel free!

SCI-FI said...

The movie: 0 out of 5 stars.

The Fug review: 5 out of 5 stars. Hilarious write-up!