Monday, June 02, 2008

No Apologies

I was going to regale you with a tale of massaging assholes who masquerade as human beings, but I'll save that one for another time, because I was pissed off today by something a client said to me.

She was a very, very large lady, getting a sports/deep-tissue massage. We were about twenty-five minutes in, I'd already massaged her back, and had just draped her leg, when she said to me, "I'm sorry, I have huge legs."

I was taken aback.

I replied to her, "Never apologize for being who you are! Do your legs work, do they do what they're supposed to do?" She said yes, and I told her, "I've never had a client with bad acne apologize for his pimples, or one with crooked teeth say, 'Oh, I'm getting braces.', so why is being overweight any different? I'm a stranger you've paid to provide a service, you'll most likely never see me again, so why apologize?"

As I'm a rather large lady myself, we got to talking about fat stereotypes, you know, the ones where skinny people think we sit around all day, stuffing our faces with candy and ice cream, when usually, we don't eat more than anyone else. Or the fact that total strangers feel entitled to come up to us in the grocery store and chide us on our food choices. Or my favorite, when people say, "You'd be so beautiful, IF YOU LOST WEIGHT." Well, fuck 'em, I say.

Thanks to Holly, I've recently read a marvelous book on this subject called "The Forbidden Body: Why Being Fat is Not a Sin", by Shelley Bovey. I told my client about the book, about how much it had affected me and caused me to think. After the massage was over, I gave her my business card, with the book info written on the back of it. I hope she gets it, and reads it.

No more apologies.


Trashman said...

I work 10 - 12 hours a day. My illness makes me too tired to work more than 4. I do construction in the hot ass Texas sun. I don't eat much, I don't get any rest, I,m always exhausted (mainly because I'm carring an extra person around). Let I don't lose much wait, only the ounces I'm dropping because of whatever it is that I have. I would never apologize for being fat. It's not my problem. Fuck'em.

Christina LMT said...

Well said, Trashman! I hope you feel better soon. And I hear you about the extra person...!

phlegmfatale said...

Life's too short. Great point about not apologizing. It's not anyone's business, anyhoo!

Lin M. said...

I gained about 30 pounds on my 5' 8" frame in my 40's. I could eat salads for three weeks and I'd just lose about 1/4 of a pound. And I was cranky. But you know I felt GOOD with the extra weight, actually better than when I was living on salads and was tired all the time.

I am active, that's all that matters, not the gym but moving. . living. I can hike 5 miles in the hills with no problem, shoot a gun or very heavy semi auto rifle, fly a plane, take care of my house, and whip up a gourmet meal for friends out of not more "than a shoe and a handful of dirt" (as my best friend says).

Yes there are men that only care about how thin you are. And I've found they usually aren't worth the time of day. I've had WAY more male attention as a self confident, active, fun, steak eating woman than as a skinny girl.

Being comfortable in your skin is the secret to happiness, not being a size Zero. I'm glad you could share that with that lady.

Christina LMT said...

Lin - eat that steak!

I AM starting an exercise program (I see the trainer on Thursday), because I need to get fit aerobically. I had a fitness assessment and I'm "Well Above Average" in flexibility and in how many crunches I can do, but I was out of breath far too quickly. Not to make excuses, but it's too damn hot here most of the year to do much outside, so it's the gym for me!

One also fights the myth of "fat=unhealthy". My blood pressure is like a teenager's (usually around 110/65) and my cholesterol is also excellent.

It's funny, but my client told me, "I'm the healthiest fat person you'll ever meet!" That cracked me up!

Blondefabulous said...

I am a larger person. After my son, I started getting bigger. I enjoy food. I don't eat a lot of it, but I kept getting bigger. It was weird. I thought it was the fact that I was getting older and my metabolism was getting slower. Then I was suddenly ill all the time. Nauseous every morning, but not preggers. I couldn't eat more than a handful of food at a time. Still weird. If I can't eat, why am I still getting bigger? Later, I found out I had Celiac's. So does my mom and daughter. It messes with how you absorb nutrients. It has crapped out my system..... and still, through all that, my lovely hubby has loved me, no matter what size I have been. That's my secret to happiness.

Putz said...

in russiaa they prefer their women fat, and i love all you people, most of you above i blog to and i know your mind and feelings and have no idea how fat or skinny you there

Christina LMT said...

I've often wondered, Blonde and Fabulous One, how you can cook and bake all the time and not be able to eat it, due to the Celiac's...that would drive me batty! You have a fantastic hubby, but never forget how lucky he is to have YOU!

Putz, you are a sweetheart!

Anonymous said...

Gained 100 lbs when pregnant with my daughter, my thyroid went crazy and wasn't properly addressed until waaaaaay too late. I've managed to lose half of it, and yes, I eat well like most other people. But when I do choose to have a sweet or some junk food, I want to choke the crap out of the people that give me that look. I'm a healthy 16, and very proud of the fact that I have managed to lose 5 full dress sizes in the 16 months my child has been here. I may never get back to the size 8 I was before pregnancy especially since I sit for 12 hours a day now, but my hubby thinks I'm sexy no matter what. Which makes me go *neener neener neener* to all of those skinny bitches that can't keep a man..... :P

HollyB said...

Well Said! I'm glad you got something out of the book, I need to replace my copy.

Another good book for ANY woman's self esteem is The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. She exposes some of the brain washing done by the beauty/fashion industry. Since they make upwards of $20 BILLION a year off us, Excluding plastic surgery, they have a vested interest in KEEPING us insecure about our appearance.

Fat girls want to be skinny, skinny girls want to have more curves, curly headed girls want straight hair, and girls with straight hair get perms. Diversity is such a catch phrase now, but women think they have to fit inside a very narrowly defined set of parameters to be considered attractive.

To ME, beauty in Women and Men, too. comes in all ages, shapes, sizes and colors.

Christina LMT said...

You know, kvegas911, there are some crazy bitches out there!

Most men have encountered a few, and they are grateful to find a healthy, sane, HOT woman, regardless of size.

To repeat what I said to Blondefabulous, your husband is lucky to have YOU!

Christina LMT said...

Thanks again, Holly! My daughter is reading the book now, even though she said it's depressing. I'll have to check the Naomi Wolf book out...:)