Monday, June 09, 2008

Highs and Lows of the Massage Bizness...

Lows first, 'cause that's how I roll:

-Douchebags who take "Feedback appreciated" to a whole 'nother level.

For example:

"The pressure's great, but could you do more on the calf, less on the hamstrings and more on the glute?"

"Can you please massage my C-1?" Gladly, if you'll tell me how you'd like me to get inside your skull...

"Could you use your fingertips more, and your forearm less?"

"I think you need to use more massage oil now."

I've barely touched the client, the massage started 30 seconds ago
"Oh, you can do harder!"

I'm working on the client's neck and scalp, he winces when I massage the base of his skull..."Tender at the hairline!"...I move on to the scalp..."harder - Harder - HARDER!!!" I'm now drilling my fingertips into his skull and wishing I could use my elbows (or maybe a hammer) instead...that'd be HARDER!

-Inconsiderate people.

For example:

-The woman who was unable to disconnect from her busy life for one freakin' hour, and kept her incessantly ringing cell-phone in the pocket of her robe during the entire massage.

-The women who are apparently freaked out by being nude during the massage and keep their WET bikini bottoms on, thereby soaking every bit of linen on the table and necessitating us therapists to completely strip the entire table after the massage, including the fleece heating pad cover.

-Generally loud and obnoxious clients, who don't care that they are disrupting the OTHER clients' services.

Clients who are incapable of paying attention to instructions.

For example:

-I enter the room and the client's face-up. Or naked on top of the covers, instead of between them.

-Instead of waiting for me to collect them in the lounge area, as they were instructed to, the gentlemen are often wandering the hall in their robes, asking anyone in uniform when their massage is going to start.

-The lady yesterday who was IN MY ROOM while I was on break and had all my stuff spread everywhere, who asked me innocently, after I had stopped suddenly on coming in the room and said "Oh!",
"Aren't I supposed to be in here?"
Well, NO, Lady. Actually you're supposed to be in the lounge in ten minutes, when my break is over and your massage starts!
At least it taught me that even when I get the client's ticket early...always turn them to face the wall, so that no client can read the name on it! (She also stayed in the room far too long AFTER the massage, which made me late for my next one.)




Now the highs:

Clients with senses of humor.

For example:

-The lady who thought it was amusing that the toilets make a sound like a dying cow when flushed...Grooooooooooooooonk!

-The client who busted out laughing WITH me when a muzak version of Brahms' lullaby started playing during the massage. Which I've never heard before or since, thank goodness!

-And generally all the folks who realize that it's not necessarily the therapist's fault when things go wrong.

Here's my biggest high of last week...

I gave a young (very hungover) man a 90-minute deep-tissue massage early Tuesday morning. He paid by credit card, and for many hours after the massage, as I was coming up to drop off and get tickets, his ticket and credit card receipts were still at the front desk. I kept asking K., the (ditzy) front desk coordinator, if he was sure that the guest was still back in the men's spa, and K. kept assuring me that, yes, the client was still in the back and hadn't checked out yet. Of course, I was right. At some point after the massage the client had left and the front desk had totally missed it, which K. finally admitted to me after lunch. Oh, well, I thought, there's one tip I've missed. (I've learned to be rather philosophical about people stiffing me, otherwise I'd be nuts right now.)

That evening when I left, T. (the UN-ditzy) front desk coordinator was practically beside himself with excitement..."Hey, Christina, you know the guy you massaged this morning? He just came back because he remembered he didn't tip you. He felt really bad about it."

I opened the tip envelope T. had set aside for me and found THREE crisp, fresh out of the ATM twenty dollar bills! Sixty bucks, the biggest tip I've gotten so far!

What a great way to start my weekend.

That's my spa roundup of the past few weeks! I'd blog more often about the happenings, but my new schedule has been kicking my ass, and I'm often too beat at the end of the day to blog anything semi-meaningful.

We'll see what happens tomorrow...

3 comments:

HollyB said...

Take your time and blog when you feel like it, Darlin'.
We'll wait for the good stuff. I dare say most of your readers unnerstadn bein' too tired to write. And the ones who don't? Joke 'em if they can't take a F***.

phlegmfatale said...

it's amazing how inconsiderate people can be toward the folks who perform services for them. The $60 tip was a nice touch, though. I'm sure you deserved that, and deserve it far more often.

Christina LMT said...

Thanks, Holly! I'll try to keep up-to-date, but I just started my English class, too...

Phlegm, I don't expect huge tips like that as a matter of course. I just wish more people would tip at all!