What I Did Last Weekend (with PICTURES!):

Met many imaginary friends, except they were REAL!











One of them was a Man in a Kilt!!



(I'd put more pics of my friends up, but a lot of them are camera-shy...)

Had LOTS of guns in my trunk, and none of them were mine:



Went to a library and a museum:


Yes, that's the most dangerous librarian in the world.









Ate TONS of delicious food, but was too busy eating to get any pictures...:D

Went horseback riding:





Began the process of learning how to shoot (because I have a long way to go, Baby! But it was a very good start.):


I even had ammo in my back pocket in this one, LOL.





Fired an Evil Black Rifle™:


One among many others I fired, Yay!

Told people where to go:


I kid...I don't even remember why I was pointing, but it's a good picture!

Met the cutest little girl I've known since MY girls were little, and my supremely stylish and and always classy friend, Phlegm Fatale:


(She can even make a Porta-John look like an acceptable prop.)

Narrowly avoided hitting a HUGE deer (I was in the vehicle RIGHT behind this truck):



But I still helped desecrate the deer carcass:



And even found the time to blog a little:



Basically, I had the best vacation I've ever had, meeting the nicest people I've ever known.

Thank you all. I'll be there next year, with bells on.

The way to a girl's heart is through the gun range...

This is my AAR (aka "after action report"), and it's gonna be simple, because honestly? I might not be quite as shiny or squeaky, but I'm still a n00b.

Any errors in spelling, etc. are mine, I'm going off smudged pencil on a tiny, spiral notebook. Don't blame my teachers, who were nothing but awesome: patient, kind, thorough.

One of my best memories of being at the range is hitting the half-sized silhouette at 250 yards, turning to LawDog and exclaiming, "I HIT IT!" Only to have him reply with a gentle smile, "Of course you did."

THAT'S the kind of teacher who will make any student shine.

Thanks are due to Aepilotjim, Ambulance Driver, Old NFO, and of course the aforementioned LawDog.

Thanks also to all the cool kids who let me play with their toys! So nice of them to share.

Okay, I'm going to list the firearms I got to shoot, with my own little cryptic notes. I hope this makes sense. And I have no pictures yet, but I will eventually.

At Blogorado, I fired the following weapons:

-Bersa Thunder .380 (yes, the famous one)
Not to blaspheme, but I only felt this was okay, possibly because I have HUGE hands for a woman.

-Springfield 1911 MilSpec (this one was Jim's)

-Ruger 22/45

-Glock 17 (SQUEEEEE! I loved this. :))

-Heritage Arms Rough Rider .22 (fun!)

-Sig Mosquito .22

-Rock Island 1911 .45 ACP

-Smith & Wesson 5 screw .38

-Henry Lever Action .22 (again, FUN!)

-Single Action Rossi

-AR 15 with EoTech Sights (Meh, believe it or not)

-Citori 12 gauge shotgun (this one was FarmMom's, and I actually hit a few clays! w00t! MUCH FUN)

-Ruger Super Blackhawk .44 magnum. (Oh, my GOD. I lurved this gun! Thank you so much, Stingray! I knocked down a popper with each shot.)

-Smith & Wesson model 25 .45 Long Colt (VERY nice)

-Walther PPK (this was FarmGirl's; it was extremely cool to shoot, fit my hands well.)

-Taurus PT 140 Millennium

-Hi Standard HD Military .22 (I loved shooting this, because I finally took down my nemesis who had been taunting me all day: the full soda can. I hit that sucker TWICE.)

-Taurus Judge (shoots either .45 Long Colt or .410 shotgun shells; this is FarmMom's critter killer, and it's a beast! I loved it...maybe I'm a (gun) size queen?)

-Ruger Mark III 22/45 (my notes say I liked it!)

-Bersa .45 (ditto, this one was Gay_Cynic's, thanks, G_C!)

-M14 (kicked like a FUCKING MULE, but I didn't bruise. I was sorta/kinda hitting the target, and that's all that matters to me!)

DUNN, DUNN, DUNN:

-M24 in .308 caliber (hit a barrel that was 970 yards away, 3 out of 5 shots, and it was WINDY. Don't piss me off. ;) Funny thing about this is, so that I wouldn't feel intimidated, Jim told me I was shooting at the one that was 500 yards out. I only found out last night that I was shooting at the FARTHER one. Yeah, he's evil like that, and he admits it!)

Well, that's all, Folks. I'm sure I forgot a few guns here or there, I was so excited it was bound to happen. I'll have you know that I always waited until I was off-range and unarmed to do any squeeing or happy dances. Safety trumps squeeing, always.

I've definitely found a new hobby, certainly an activity I love.

I also have to remind myself to breathe...I was getting a bit out of breath from excitement, and from unconsciously holding my breath while aiming and firing. No worries, I'll get better!

Oh, and I hit the bull's eye on my first target with my third shot. Just sayin'...

(Oh, I know: Beginner's luck!)

All Honor to Them

To all those who've worn our country's uniform and served: Thank you.

Thank you so much for EVERYTHING,

FarmFamily!

I had the best time of my life over this past weekend. Absolutely the best.
FarmGirl and her Mom, Dad, and Mamaw are the kindest, most hospitable and generous people it has ever been my pleasure to meet.

I do not exaggerate when I say that attending Blogorado and meeting all the other bloggers was a life-altering event for me. More info will follow as I process it. I just got back into Las Vegas and I'm trying not to collapse from exhaustion before all my laundry is done.

Pics will be posted and an after-action report of all my shooty goodness as well.

Bear with me, and be patient, please!

Phlegm Fatale

...shows how much she loves fondling balls:



"They're so warm...!"

Poetic Justice

When you go around taking pictures of people's asses, then have the audacity to POST THEM ON YOUR BLOG, you shouldn't be surprised at the outcome. Rest in Peace, Jim. It was nice knowing you, however so briefly.

BLOGORADO!!!

I'm going to be incommunicada for a few days, my friends. One of my friends from the Gunblogger Conspiracy, FarmGirl, is hosting a shindig at her abode in Colorado...and we're calling it BLOGORADO! (Clever, no?)

Thanks to splitting travel and room costs, and the kindness of my roommate, who offered to watch my dogs for free, not to mention the overwhelming generosity of the FarmFamily in providing provender for all of us bloggers descending on their town, I'm able to attend, myself!

This is the first vacation I've ever taken, just for myself, by myself. I'm so excited, I feel like I'm leaking SQUEEEEE everywhere!

We're going to shoot many guns, big and small, ride horses, shoot the breeze, drink undoubtedly copious amounts of alcohol, and just have a blast in general.

I'll take lots of pictures, and I'll try to blog when I get the chance, internet access being rather spotty, I'm told.

The best part, by FAR, of this entire weekend is getting to meet all of my friends, IN REAL LIFE.

I'm happy. :)

Nipped that one in the bud...

Overheard inside a treatment room:

I'm massaging an Army MP, recently returned from Iraq, and I've already thanked him for his service...

The massage is almost over, and I'm working on his left quad.

Client: (tentatively) So....I promised my buddies I'd ask you a question...

Me: (sternly) DON'T ask me for a Happy Ending! If you ask me for a Happy Ending, this massage is OVER.

Client: (in a VERY small voice) Okay.

I was laughing inside, though.

Deja vu?

On Halloween, I did a massage that felt very familiar...almost like I had experienced it all before, not because of similar clients, but more because it was a comedy of errors...

It was a side-by-side massage, and I was alone at the spa, due to some people leaving early, and some calling off. We beseeched Madison from our sister property, and she was gracious enough to come to our aid.

The oddness began at the booking. It was a mother and daughter pair, and both had the same first name. I'll call them Gladys. So we had Gladys Senior and Junior, though Junior was pretty senior herself! Which meant Senior was ANCIENT. Not to mention tiny and built like a little bird.

I was massaging Junior, while Madison tackled Senior (NOT literally). The main thing I noticed about Junior was that she hadn't showered. I got a powerful pong of body odor, overlaid with perfume. Not a very pleasant combination, but I'm a professional, dangit, so I kept on truckin'. The next thing I noticed was getting a lovely scratch on my thigh, THROUGH my skirt and fishnet stockings (don't forget I was in costume, including five-inch boots!) because Junior decided against wearing her hair clip, and clipped it onto the corner of the table instead. Where it was in the perfect position to SCRATCH ME as I was coming around to that side of the table.

*sigh*

I explained to her that I was going to put her clip on the counter with her other things and proceeded to amuse Madison with my non-existent juggling skills: My hands were very oily and the plastic hair clip was therefore very slippery! Luckily I didn't drop it, though it was a close thing.

After that little interlude, everything ran smoothly. Right up until Senior shook the rafters with a tremendous, basso profundo FART. Right in Madison's face.

My head whipped around because I was so surprised, and I met Madison's gaze of horror...that was enough to set me off! I laughed (silently) so hard, my entire body was shaking, and I was supremely grateful that Junior (somehow) remained oblivious to everything. Maybe she was sleeping!

At any rate, this was the last of the unusual happenings during this massage, but they were quite enough to give me that niggling feeling of deja vu...

I LOVE this song!

I always love female rock singers, and this is a new band called Halestorm. Love 'em almost as much as Flyleaf.

Party Time!

Okay, I have several pictures from the Halloween Party last night, but first I'd like to make two observations of parties in general:

1)Drinking games are really, really boring if you are not drinking.

2)The guy who thinks he's hysterically funny, isn't. He's usually an obnoxious douche bag.

I did have fun, despite not staying very long and not drinking, I met several nice people, and I actually TALKED to them! Funny thing is, I mostly talked to a gal named Tara (another PIRATE, w00t!) about meeting people on the internet who are NOT creeps. I told her that I've met the most wonderful people online, that I feel I've found my tribe, and she just looked at me with incomprehension. She's just had bad luck, I believe.

I also saw the most incredible, clever costumes. Two young men came as Mormon missionaries, complete with bike helmets and backpacks. One of them was artfully made up to look like he'd either been in a wreck, or been beaten up. Even his shirt was torn, soiled, and bloody.
Then we had zombie Marilyn Monroe, accompanied by zombie Gilligan and zombie Skipper. Too funny! The guys were draped in seaweed, and had seashells and starfish glued to their shirts and pants. I loled!

We had three lady pirates, including myself.

Anyway, on to the pictures!


Our hostess with the mostest: Crystal


The Grim Reaper, and his flapper lady (Pete and Maura)


My direct supervisor, Joy, as Athena (though she should have gone with an owl, not an asp...)


Gladiatrix Marisol, with Crystal and Maura.


Crystal with Tara, one of the other pirate ladies.

So, I left the party at around 10 PM, because I knew I had to get up early today. Plus, the hardcore drinking had begun, and I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Now I need to start planning what to wear/what I'll be NEXT Halloween! I LOVE dressing up in costume. :D

Avast, me Hearties...

It's HALLOWEEN!





Ye'd better have a Happy Halloween...or I'll make ye walk the plank!

ARRRRRRRRRRRR!

Interesting Legal Development

I received the following email from my lawyer a few days ago:

Christina,

FYI- I spoke to the attorney for Richland the other day and explained our circumstance and that we may have to sue others to get relief for you. He told me he has another case for Richland involving the EXACT SAME situation! Apparently, you're not alone!

Denise (name redacted), Esq.


Fascinating, isn't it? It would be very interesting to find out whether the other lady used the same surrogacy agency as me, because that would certainly indicate a pattern. We might only be the tip of the iceberg!

A tip for panhandlers:

If you approach my car and ask me for change, and I tell you, "Sorry, no," do NOT flip me off, okay? You giving me the finger is not going to induce me to magically change my mind and hand over some money to you, nor is it likely to influence any other motorists who might have observed your gesture to be more generous than I.

Just some helpful advice.

Now it's time to VOTE!

Okay, People. You have until tonight at 11:00 PM EASTERN to vote for your favorite haiku at All Atwitter! No, this is most certainly NOT a bleg for you to vote for my entry, I didn't even vote for my own haiku!

Read all the submissions, then choose your very favorite and vote for it. I'll be honest: I voted for Phlegm Fatale's, and not because she's my bestest friend, either.

Enjoy reading, and maybe you'll be inspired to participate next week...(see how diabolically clever I am? Muahahahahahahaha...)

Go! Participate!

In Sparrow's weekly haiku contest!

The winner gets to choose a military service member and Sparrow will send a deluxe care package to him/her. What a wonderful lady she is!

Not to mention it's ART. Haiku, I mean. So do something for your brain at the same time.

You have until 10 PM Eastern tonight to submit your haiku, so get cracking, Peeps!

I <3 Business Cards...

My day was looking rather bleak when I came into work earlier, I had not a single appointment booked. I was futzing around on the computer in my room, psyching myself up to go exercise despite a lack of motivation, when Alicia knocked on my door and told me I had a 9 AM appointment.

Furthermore, she told me the client had booked two 50-minute Swedish massages back-to-back, as it was cheaper for him to do that (due to a special we're running), than to have an 80-minute Swedish, as he had originally planned. So, one hour and forty minutes of light-to-medium pressure, full body massage. Piece of cake!

Icing on this cake? Alicia told me he had requested me by name!

Turns out I massaged him back in February, and he managed to hang onto my business card the entire time since then.

He's also a very good tipper!

What lesson did you take away from today's story, children?

ALWAYS HAND OUT BUSINESS CARDS, IT CAN'T HURT AND IT MIGHT EVEN HELP YOU MAKE MONEY!

Drama!

Turns out my roommate is having a little feud with our next-door neighbor. Or maybe I should say our neighbor is feuding with my roommate!

I was at WalMart yesterday evening when I got a call from Keith, my roommate. I heard some voices and a LOT of barking in the background. He said, "Animal Control is here. Where do you keep Harley's and Tucker's rabies tags?"

After I told him where their collars were, he ended the call with no further explanations, and I wrapped up my shopping as quickly as I could and headed home.

Everything was quiet when I got there, including Keith, who was quietly seething.

The neighbor called Animal Control and reported him for having "Fifteen dogs, all jammed into that tiny house!" Which was a lie, by the way. There were only eight dogs in the house at the time, and five of them were OURS. Stupid bint.

The visit by Animal Control was actually anticlimactic. They didn't expect him to let them inside the house, but he did. He also immediately produced his business license for them to peruse, which spiked their guns quite nicely. They also commented on how clean the house was, for having so many dogs in it. Well, YEAH. Hello? It's his business, and he's extremely organized and fanatical about cleanliness, despite being something of a slob personally. (No offense, Keith!)

What I'm worried about is that Keith not only gets mad, he also gets even. This was merely the opening salvo in a resurgence of a battle between him and our neighbor, one I was unaware of.

He has already retaliated in one way: He has security cameras outside the house, and he showed the nice Animal Control officers footage of our neighbor's Lab, off-leash, crapping in our front yard. Which our neighbor did not pick up, of course. This means two citations for her.

I'm really afraid this is going to get ugly, fast.

I'll keep you all posted if anything else happens.

Does this blog make me look old?

Yes, People: It's my third Blogiversary!

Three years ago today, I started this modest little blog, and modest and little it has stayed. And that's just fine by me!

Just think...three years on the internet is like three decades in real life! Sorta like dog years...;)

Thank you to all my readers for sticking by me and reading my ramblings, you make it all worthwhile.

Here's to another three years! (At least...)

Quick Legal Update

Answer and Counterclaim filed.

Next up: Demand letters...muahahahahahaha!

To quote a friend:

That is all.