Friday, March 16, 2007

Did you miss me?

Of COURSE you did!
Well, computer issues resolved (it was a crapped-out wireless router), so here I am again, boring the masses.

Just a few vignettes of spa life:

The lovely (middle-aged, white) couple from New Jersey, who come to Vegas twice a year for conventions.
The hubby always books the couples massage in the side-by-side room, always has the same (black) male therapist massage his wife, and always tries to get this therapist to agree to completely undrape his wife's ass while it is being massaged.
So he (hubby) can watch.
Of course the therapist always refuses, because he's a professional who'd like to KEEP HIS LICENSE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
According to both therapists involved, the hubby never has his face in the face cradle, but instead always has it turned toward his wife, so he can observe the wife-massage action.
I guess it takes all kinds. One guess what this guy's (not-so-secret) fantasy is!

Then there was the guy who spent quite some time perusing the large spa menu posted just outside our door. Who then came to the front desk and asked if we had the "special" massage that apparently wasn't listed on the menu!
When told by my colleague that all offered massages were listed, he then asked her (who happens to be Korean-American), whether she was the "only Oriental gal" doing massage at our spa. He left, obviously disappointed, after she explained to him that she wasn't a massage therapist, and that she was the only person of Asian descent working there!

This, by the way, is a recurring theme at our spa!
"Special massages" and "Orientals".
Look in the goddamn yellow pages, you fucking perverts.
You'll find everything you're looking for there.

(Yes, I've decided to be not-so PG-13 anymore. Why? Because this is how I really am and because I'm a comment whore who is desperate for any kind of response to my posts...didn't you know that about me already? ;))

Oh, and a little message to the disgusting asshole who hawked a loogie on me from who-knows-which hotel room balcony as I was leaving work:
You are very lucky that I don't know who you are. I would have had a couple of buddies from security hold you down while I permanently rearranged your tackle.
If said loogie had hit my head or face instead of my shin, the consequences for you would have been fatal. I'll leave it to your imagination, but trust me when I say that anything you can imagine falls far short of my reality...

One last vignette before I sign off for tonight:

"Naturally Santa"

As opposed to "Artificially Santa"?

Apparently this is an organization of "real" Santas, men who have the gut, the white hair and beard, and for all I know, the twinkle in their eyes! (Probably, since this is Vegas after all, the red nose and cheeks, too...alcohol is abundant here!)

Not to mention the ho-ho-hos on every street corner! (horrible pun, I know, twenty lashes with a wet noodle for me!)

One more thing.
Let it be known that Canadians are generally horrible tippers...but they're really polite about it!


Ambulance Driver said...

Christina, I just spent five wasted hours at McCarran waiting on lost luggage. I should have gotten in touch with you for therapeutic alcohol ingestion.

As it is, I almost strangled some folks from Continental.

Sonja said...

I did miss you! And now I'm glad I wasn't eating breakfast while reading your spa stories. ;)

Christina RN LMT said...

AD- sorry about your McCarran woes!
The only airline I've ever had problems with is The Worst Airline (TWA).
We were coming back from visiting the folks in Germany, on our way back to Hawaii, and our luggage made the connecting flight in NYC, but we didn't. So we spent the night in an airport motel, with a 14-month-old baby, with no clean clothes, etc. AND I got food poisoning from the airplane food.
Not a fun experience!
Next time you're in town, drop me an e-mail and we can get together!

Sonja- ah, yes. Spa stories! There are many, many more...

Mauser*Girl said...

Glad to see you're back! :)

On a side note, it might interest you to know that there's a new animal warden at Quantico now - one who actually answers his emails.

He says thanks so much for the donations, they came in very handy and were much needed.

We have been donating to them back and forth and he's got my email to let me know when they need stuff. We've been getting them 50lbs bags of dog food since they've had some large dogs recently.

SFC B said...

Welcome back. Missed the not-so-erotic massage lady talk.

Based on what you described I'm going to guess the NJ couple is into "furries". Am I right?

Christina RN LMT said...

Cool, MauserGirl! I'm glad they could use the stuff we sent, I DID spend a lot of time dithering at the pet store!

SFC B- Nooooo, I wasn't implying "furry-love", I was thinking of a whole different fantasy. You'll figure it out!