Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Blinded by the light...

Two random, unconnected events.

First, how the hell did mushrooms grow out of my daughter's bathroom cupboard?!
WTF? I'm not talking mold or mildew here, and let me make it very clear that our apartment is SPOTLESS, after all, that's what I pay my cleaning people for.
Mushrooms, like you'd put on a pizza.
I called the maintenance office, and after I explained what was going on, I got about 10 seconds of total silence. Then followed disbelief, then finally determination to check it out themselves. Good! Because I really want to know how this happened.

Second, we had a guest in the spa today, an attractive, tanned young lady, whose teeth were so fucking white, you could spot them a mile away, in the dark, in a rain storm. I felt like I needed to find my shades.
Geez, I like my smile to be nice and all, but something that shrieks "FAKE!!!" every time you open your mouth is not for me!

In further news, we were visited by Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs a while back.
Sans Snow White, and there were actually only five, but still, leave me my illusions, m'kay?
ANYway, they were a group of obviously related, middle-aged men from the Ukraine, none of them over 5'4", all of them balding, with huge noses and ears that would not be out of place on a pitcher. I couldn't see their feet from my position behind the counter, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they had been shoe-less and covered with hair (oh wait, wrong movie!).
The funniest thing was what happened on their tour of the spa. They asked R., the attendant, if they could use the scale to weigh themselves. After being assured that this was no problem, they promptly stripped off all their clothing and proceeded to the scale. Thankfully, this was in the MEN'S spa, and not in the co-ed area which is open to the public. Since their English wasn't of the best, and R.'s Ukrainian nonexistent, R. just had to let them do their thing.

Observed in the Employee Dining Room (henceforth known as "EDR"), a lady in a most "intriguing" outfit.
I mean, I have no clue where she could have found it, and I didn't know such clothes existed.

Picture a lady of perhaps middle years, desperately hanging on to youth (or the appearance thereof) by her fingernails, not exactly overweight but certainly padded, stuffed, and I mean STUFFED into an ankle length skirt made of gray sweat-shirt material, with a white "racing stripe" on either side and a slit up the back. The second part to this ensemble is a gray hoodie, yes a HOODIE. The coup de grace, however, are the sparkly, silver high-heeled sandals. Add to this hair teased to HERE, and you get the complete picture.
I'm just glad she didn't notice my focused stare, or she might have got the wrong idea.

More crap to follow, as soon as I think of something! I really need to get a digital camera...


Mauser*Girl said...

No, no, you don't need a digital camera - that would be much too obvious. What you need is a cell phone with a camera in it, because when you snap photos of people with that, it looks like you're just reading your text messages. ;)

Christina RN LMT said...

Unfortunately...if I'm caught with my cell phone on property (at work, that is), I will be HUGELY in trouble.
I'm allowed to have it in my purse, turned off. That's it.
I guess I didn't make myself too clear. I want a digital camera so I'll have more blog fodder, not to necessarily take pictures of folks at the spa. That would be an invasion of privacy, after all!

phlegmfatale said...

wow - at least you get a parade of oddities at work to keep it interesting - no chance of you having a day which doesn't distinguish itself from any other!

Christina RN LMT said...

Parade of Oddities...sounds like the name of a band (or at least it should be!)
I think that will be my new motto, I love it, thanks, Phlegmmy!