December

My favorite month in Las Vegas.

Why, you ask?

N F R, Baby!

In case you are not in the know, that stands for National Finals Rodeo.

Do I care who wins which event? Do I even watch (no TV, remember?)?

NO!

But I work in a casino on the Strip, and what do I see?

Cowboys, everywhere!

Everywhere I look - cowboy hats, cowboy boots, supertight jeans, and BIG, GIANT...belt buckles!

Mmmmm, cowboys.

I love the smell of leather in the morning.

The mind boggles!

Seen this evening on my drive to school:

A black pick-up truck with gold lettering on the tailgate...

Atilla the Handyman

702-xxx-xxxx

What's up with blogger?

Either my sidebar is where it belongs, but the top of my title is chopped off, or the title box looks fine, but my sidebar has gone to Mexico!
Does anybody know if these are glitches that they are working on, or is this something I need to fix myself (somehow...)?

Tag, you're it! Or something to that effect...

My friend European over at Girl With Greencard has put in a request for me to list six weird things about me.
I'll give it my best shot!

1) I live in Las Vegas and hate to gamble. Not only does gambling have all the entertainment value of watching paint dry (in my not-so-humble opinion), but if I wanted to throw my money away, I could just flush it down the toilet!

2) When I want to torture my spawn, let's say they have been obnoxious and won't listen to me, I start talking with various accents, a British or Southern one.
IT FREAKS THEM OUT.
I soon have them begging me to stop, promising excellent behavior, etc.
Also, I have a very powerful soprano singing voice, so when trapped in the car (a two-door Hyundai Accent) with misbehaving spawn, I have been known to SING my displeasure. Loudly, at a Very. High. Pitch. Rattling windows and all.
Works like a charm, every time.

3) Every item of clothing, every box of cereal, every other vaguely box-shaped item with a label in my house faces left, invariably. Don't ask me, I don't know (great Ozzie song, btw.!)
I also have all my books alphabetized by author. All other food items, such as cans or bottles, must face forward so you can see the label, and are grouped together (no, they are NOT alphabetized, I'm not that anal!)

4) I'm not much on comedies where the humor is derived from people being humiliated.
Even though I'm aware it's not real, that they are actors, etc., I feel too embarrassed to watch.
If I'm in the movie theater, and something like that happens, I'll close my eyes and cover my ears. It used to be really bad when I was a kid, if we were watching Gomer Pyle or something similar, I'd usually run out of the room!

5) I can read a book I like over and over again, I even have some books from when I was a kid, and now my kids are reading them. The weird thing is that even if I've read a book a million times, if it made me cry the first time I read it, it'll make me cry the millionth time I read it!
I get so absorbed when I read that I tune everything out (one of the reasons my marriage failed, I believe!). My kids learned quickly to physically push the book down to break my connection with it. I even got locked in the library when I was twelve, because I didn't notice them closing up and shutting off the lights!

6) I sometimes think quirky thoughts. For example, the other morning on my drive to work I noticed a lone men's dress shoe lying in the middle of the Strip.
I immediately started speculating...whose shoe was it? Did it miss its mate? Where was the matching shoe right now? Would somebody save the shoe, would drivers swerve to miss it, or would it end up a smear on the road surface by the end of the day? Where has that shoe been, and how did it get there? I've learned not to share thoughts like these with people, because I always get a blank stare, followed by, "You're weird, you know that?"
But I can share with YOU, right????

Well those are my six weird things, but I'll throw in a bonus seventh:
I HATE television. That makes me weird to most Americans, so I guess it qualifies as something to list here. I don't even receive local channels. I have a TV set so we can watch DVDs and play video games.

That's all folks! I'll not tag anybody else, because it appears this is spreading like wildfire, and most people whose blogs I read have already been tagged!

Thanks, European!

Christina's Words of Wisdom #3

No matter how fat you are (or think you are), you can ALWAYS find somebody fatter! I.E., someone who makes you say, "And I thought MY ass was big!"

The best tip I've ever received.

As all my faithful readers (all three of you) are aware, at the moment I work at a clinic inside a casino on the strip.

Last Friday, shortly before closing, this tiny old lady walked in and toddled up to the reception desk, where basically I'd been twiddling my thumbs since we'd been slow all day.

She asked me sweetly how much it would cost to see the doctor to get her blood pressure checked.

I assured her that I could check her blood pressure for free, and that she didn't need to see the doctor if she didn't want to.

So I took her into the back, waited while she undid layers and layers of clothing (old lady, remember?), put all her various and sundry shopping bags and purses on the chair in the exam room, and got situated on the table.

Her pressure was great and she was ecstatic. After putting all those layers of clothes back on, she started rummaging in her purse for a bit. I was wondering what was going on, then she turned back towards me with three crisp, new one dollar bills in her hand, stating she wanted to give me something for my trouble!

This is not as strange as you might think, it is Vegas, after all, and I've been offered plenty of tips.

After I refused the money many times, she said to me, "Well, you can take a hug, right?"

Then she gave me the best hug, EVAR. She was so tiny, maybe five feet tall, if she stretched, and the hug really reminded me of the hugs I used to get from my Oma, my German Grandma.

The lady squished me, and even rocked me back and forth a little.

I have to admit that I got a little choked up, and I'm not ashamed about it, either.

And that's the best tip I've ever received.

Thanksgiving

Well, better late than never, right?

And it's still Turkey Day here, for another 25 minutes, anyway!

I hope all you multitude of readers (all two of you) had a wonderful Thanksgiving, at least as wonderful as the one I had.

First, I had a long talk with my younger spawn (who are residing with their father in the great Midwest while I go to school). Thing 1 and Thing 2 are doing great, and I can't wait to see them in just a few weeks! I'm going to squeeeeeeeze them like great big tubes of toothpaste and leave them utterly deflated for a few minutes (that's how you know you've done it right!).

Then, the older spawn (Silver) and I went to see "Casino Royale", after having our "turkey dinner"at Caprioti's, which consisted of a "Bobbie", a sub sandwich with turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on it...mmmmm, delicious!

The movie is fantastic by the way.

I suck at reviews, so that will be it, except to say Daniel Craig...mmmmm, delicious!

Pardon me while I wipe the drool off the keyboard.

Those eyes...

And all the rest, too...

Ahem, there was plenty of eye candy for all you straight men and lesbian women, too (my sorry attempt at political correctness).

Hotties all around!

And cool cars, etc. Thank God no invisible ones!

So, a fun time was had by all.

We finished off the day with some harsh video game action (I say "harsh" because if I play for more than around 30 minutes, depending on the game, I get motion sickness!), then did some stuff to get ready for work tomorrow.

Yes, I know it sucks that I have to work tomorrow, but I'm very thankful that I got today off, and that's what really matters.

So have a fantastic weekend, you all!

Pooped

Flu shot clinic today...totally exhausted...will try to post more tomorrow...after frickin' massage internship (WHEN will I get my weekends back? Oh, yeah...I graduate in four weeks!!!!)

People are weird...

This little old lady from Canada comes into the clinic, right before we close.

Her left arm feels "heavy", and she's been feeling dizzy and weak all day.

I tell her to go to the Emergency Room, ASAP.

She tells me to just check her blood pressure...it's 200/98!

She says, "Well, shit!" (Took the words right out of my mouth!)

She also tells me she's diabetic, which means that she might not necessarily have typical heart attack symptoms, even if she's having one.

I AGAIN tell her to go to the Emergency Room, ASAP.

Her response, "I'm flying home tonight, I don't have time to go to the Emergency Room."

Thankfully I was able to convince her that it MIGHT be a bad idea to get on a frickin' airplane if she's possibly having a heart attack, and I put her in a taxi to the nearest hospital.

I just don't get people.

Veteran's Day

All honor to the men and women who have served our country in the past, or are serving our country now.

All too often you don't get the respect you deserve.

Thank you.

Marching band competition results nobody cares about except me...

Well, it is my blog, after all!

Silver's band did not place in the top three (or four, or five...).

HOWEVER, they did improve immensely since the beginning of marching band season.
They got a ranking of "Excellent", which is only only one step below "Superior", the highest possible rank, and they only missed Superior by 0.05 points.

The winner in their class/division was an AWESOME band from Highland High School in Albuquerque, NM. The Hornets, BTW.
They got an amazing score of 84.4 points, which blew the competition away.

Whew, now I've gotten all the band-geekiness out of my system...aren't you all happy and relieved? ;-)

In other news...when I got home yesterday from various errands, I realized I didn't have a speck of makeup on.

I must have forgot because we were in a hurry to leave since we had to be somewhere by a certain time.

All you men out there are thinking, "Big Deal!"

You don't know, you just don't know.

When a woman reaches a "certain age", she needs HELP to achieve that youthful glow, that flawless complexion...VISIBLE eyelashes, dammit!

And I was wondering why everyone I spoke to yesterday prefaced their remarks with "Gaaaaah!".

Ahem.

I can't depend on my daughter, either. She didn't even notice. Unlike 95% of teenage girls nationwide, she hates makeup.
When I got on her case for letting me out of the house with a naked face, all she said was, "Mom, you look fine, don't worry about it."

Obviously no help there. If I hadn't been there at her conception and delivery, I'd think she was adopted. And since she looks a lot like me (according to most people who see us together), I guess I have to rule out a mix-up at the hospital, too.

At least she can get ready to go anywhere in about 15 minutes, that's including shower time.

Hope you're having a not-so-sucky Monday!

Fun is...

playing Crash Team Racing and getting crushed by my daughter, while trash-talking the entire time.

Hope you all have a great weekend, please wish my daughter,
Silver, good luck at her marching band competition tomorrow.

I'll let you know how we did [like you care ;-)]!

So, who' d you like to be?

That is my question to you, my friends.

Who would you like to be for a day? And why?

Anyone, in any time period.

I would like to be John Ringo, one of my favorite authors.

I've always loved to read.
As a matter of fact, even though I can remember not being able to write my own name, I can't remember a time when I was unable to read.
But as vivid as my imagination is in picturing things I read about, I've never been creative enough to write fiction of my own (that's not dreck).
I just don't have those "creative juices" one hears so much about.
So any writer earns my admiration.
But John Ringo is in a class by himself. Not only is he extremely talented, he is also prolific as hell, especially during the winter (as it gets cold, his brain supercharges).
He can knock out an entire manuscript in a number of days.
So, I wonder what it's like to be him, to have characters and plots jostling for supremacy, dialog just waiting to be written, fighting to get out.

Okay, now that I've admitted my embarrassing fan-girl status, let's hear who you secretly (or not-so-secretly) wish you could be.

Good riddance to bad rubbish...

I hope he burns in hell. I only wish he had reversed the order of events!

Body Found Likely That of N.C. Fugitive

Nov 2, 12:12 AM (ET)

ROBBINSVILLE, N.C. (AP) - A body found Wednesday on a houseboat is likely that of a man wanted for forcing his way into a domestic violence shelter and fatally shooting his wife, authorities said.

John "Woody" Woodring had been hiding from police since the Sept. 18 murder of Bonnie Woodring in Sylva, about 50 miles southwest of Asheville.

The sheriff's office declined to confirm the identity of the body found Wednesday on a houseboat in far western North Carolina until autopsy results are available. But District Attorney Michael Bonfoey told the Asheville Citizen-Times that Woodring's body had been found.

The victim's family said that law enforcement officials told them Woodring shot himself in the head with a stolen handgun, the newspaper reported.

"You always wonder if he's going to show up, but this is the best news," said Bonnie Woodring's daughter, Christina Stojanik.

Woodring, 35, was charged with first-degree murder in the death of his wife at the shelter where she and her son were staying to escape him. Woodring was already wanted on domestic violence charges after being accused of violating a protective order and trying to strangle his wife at her home Sept. 14.

Woodring fled in a stolen car after the shooting, police had said.

The killing put domestic violence shelters across the state on high alert. The shelter in Sylva had panic buttons, a fence, an alarm system and locks on every window and door, but Woodring forced his way in as a staff worker was leaving, investigators said.

Before the killing, Woodring was a teaching assistant at Western Carolina University, where he was seeking a degree in counseling.

Christina's Words of Wisdom #2

If you're planning on receiving a massage...take a shower first!

Pay particular attention to your feet.

Your therapist will thank you.

Inquiring Minds...

Just tossing a quick question out there:

What on earth would motivate someone to bring their parents on their honeymoon?

Here's the deal.

As of the moment, I'm working as a medical assistant in a clinic on the Strip.

Today, besides no-bra woman (who was NOT a patient, so didn't even have the excuse of being sick to forgo the bra), we had a 31-year-old lady with a sinus infection who is spending her honeymoon in Las Vegas with her new hubby, mommy, and daddy...WTF???!!!

The only people I want to see on my hypothetical honeymoon, besides the hypothetical groom, are the room service waiter and a delivery person from the pharmacy, dropping off more condoms.

That's it, finito.

I want no parents, in-laws, kids, or pets to muck it up!

What do you guys think? Am I being too harsh?

FYI, the folks in question are from Texas...does that have anything to do with it? Is it a cultural thing I'm clueless about? Am I being politically incorrect? (Not that I'd care about that.)

Well, at least all my loony patients provide me with blog fodder.

And, since I mention no names or locations (besides generalities), please don't start bleating about HIPAA violations! (you know who you are, HIPAA nazis!)

Christina's Words of Wisdom #1

If you have flabby, saggy breasts, please wear a bra when you're in public.

Thank you.

Viva Las Vegas...Or Not!

I love living in Las Vegas.

Really.

The only thing I loathe is the traffic. Specifically, every other driver on the road with me.

Las Vegas, after all, is one of the fastest growing cities in the US.

Unfortunately, the infrastructure is seriously lagging behind. The roads are just not equipped to deal with such a massive influx of vehicles, and it's getting worse every day.

Factor in all the tourists who decide to rent a car and spend their time alternately gawking out their windows at the sights and perusing their maps, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Thursday night, for example, I had two near misses with vehicular carnage within five minutes.

I was cruising eastbound on Flamingo, on my way to school, when I decided to get over into the right lane in preparation for making a right turn onto Eastern...and had to slam on my brakes because two cars were stopped to let a man on crutches jaywalk across the street. Six lanes of traffic, by the way.

I wanted to tell the idiot to throw away the crutches, because I was going to put him in a wheelchair! Not to mention what I wanted to say (and do!) to the morons who actually stopped to let him limp his way across.

Two minutes later, my adrenaline still pumping, I had just made that aforementioned turn onto Eastern Ave., when I was forced to slam on my brakes again because of three nimrods who decided not to wait to turn into a shopping center from the center turn lane.
Naturally, only the first two cars made it into the parking lot, the third car stopped, blocking two lanes of traffic.
I screeched to a halt about two inches from the passenger side of that car.
Good thing I don't have a gun in my car. 'Nuff said.

I know what you're thinking...road rage, moi??!!

Actually, I've gotten much better at controlling my temper while driving, which is good, because my kid has a total potty mouth now thanks to me!

Hope you all are having a great weekend, I know I am, since I'm done driving the dangerous Las Vegas streets for the day.

More to follow, just taking a breather.

Testing...testing...

Well, here I am.

I thought I could hold out until I graduated school, but I caved.

Probably minimal posting until graduation though, just so you all (you, singular "Hi, Silver!", waves madly!) are aware.

I'm frickin' tired, burnt out because of work and school, just all around frustrated.

So maybe it's a good idea to vent here, where nobody cares, instead of whining and complaining to people in my real life who are practically forced to listen to me.

So now, when I comment on blogs I read daily, I won't be "anonymous" anymore, yippeee!

I'm warning you right now, as it says above, this is probably going to be excruciatingly boring and ho-hum, at least until January, when I'll have graduated school.

Then I might have entertaining stories to share! Perhaps I'll be working at the Las Vegas Marathon this year, doing post-event massage...that has some blogging potential, no?

Anywho, I'm beat, have to go to sleep now.

Greetings again to any lonely wanderer who found his/her way here...cheers!