Wednesday, October 26, 2016

ZOMG!!

Happy TEN YEAR Blogiversary to meeeeeeeeee!

That's like a BILLION years in meatspace.

:D

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Blogorado!

As always, I had the absolute BEST TIME EVAR at Blogorado this year.

Thanks so much to the FarmFamily (Farmmom, Farmgirl, FarmDad) for being exemplary hosts.

The food was exquisite and plentiful, the booze copious, and the conversation raunchy as fuck.

We blew up a papier-mache heart (lovingly and laboriously made by PhlegmFatale, who couldn't make it out to Colorado this year, boo!), filled with confetti and pom-poms, and covered with sequins and glitter, in honor of  our dear friend, Gay_Cynic, who passed away over Memorial Day Weekend this year. We miss you!

I shot up a good bunch of my ammo, as I want to get really comfortable with my CZ82. One of my magazines developed a burr which needs to be filed or ground away (grinded?), so I was unable to use it. I really should just stock up on magazines, anyway.

I also adopted an adorable, bottle-fed kitten and brought him home with me! I'll have to share pics of Calcifer once I get them off my phone.

And you haven't lived until you've played a game of Bards Dispense Profanity with the Atomic Nerds, Tam, ZerCool, EvylRobot (and his son), and Barron! Jeebus, I frequently laughed so hard I almost peed myself!

Every year, before it's even over, I look forward to the next year, when we all gather again. It's wonderful to spend time with one's tribe.

To all who were there (you know who you are, and I've reached my max linky-love level, dammit!), as always, it was spectacular to spend time with y'all, and to the new-to-me folks, it was lovely to meet you...see y'all next year!


*tap tap* Is this thing on?

Wow, it's been quite some time since I posted. Sheesh.

I think Facebook is becoming the slow death of blogging. Though I do filter and censor myself a lot on the Book of Face. On my blog is the only place I can just spew out whatever crazy shit crosses my mind.

For example, I had to tell a patient to simmer down and let us do our jobs. Without going into too much detail, she knew she was sick and called 911 and was brought to our ED and then admitted.

After which she proceeded to bitch and complain about EVERYthing.

"Why do you have to put the bed alarm on...I feel like I'm in a nursing home!"
"ANOTHER blood draw? I feel like a pin cushion!" (These are just a few, and you have to understand that once you went into her room, you ended up being in there for at least half an hour, if not longer. She was like a psychic vampire, draining me of my will to live.)

She battled with us over every intervention, procedure, medication...you name it and she either refused or required half and hour of education or cajoling...sometimes repeatedly about the same issue!

I totally understand that nobody wants to be in the hospital. We try to make every patient's stay as pleasant and hassle-free as we can, but it's not a hotel or resort!

After I explained for at least the fifth time why we needed to have the bed alarm on, at least at night, and why she needed to call for assistance before getting out of bed, etc., she said she had had enough, that she didn't want to be there, and she was going to leave in the morning, no matter what.

I looked at her and said, "Ms. White, YOU were the one who called 911 and came to the hospital, because you knew you were sick and that it was very serious. LET US DO OUR JOBS. The way you feel right now, the condition you're in...do you really think you're ok to take care of yourself at home?"

She replied, "That's not fair!"

You're in your sixties, and you're only figuring this out now?!

No, I didn't say anything to that effect to her! Even though I really wanted to...

Anyway, this post totally turned out different than I expected. Sorry about that...but that means I can blog more, yay!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Not really appropriate.

My pod partner, after assisting me with incontinence care and linen change for my new patient, asked me,

"So, what's her diagnosis?"

My reply?

"She's old as fuck."

I'm going to hell for that.

Friday, August 05, 2016

Actually...appropriate!

I felt a little uncomfortable at the chemotherapy education session at the hospital last week. I mean, it WAS my day off, so if I wanted to wear denim shorts and my Deadpool t-shirt, why not? I was also rocking my blinged-out skull and crossbone earrings.

When I arrived in the conference room and saw the other attendees, I had to hide a wince. Most were wearing business casual clothing. The others were in scrubs because they were coming off shift.

I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. Then, as we progressed through the presentation, I came to a realization. Chemotherapy is poison. So my awesome earrings were totally appropriate. And Deadpool? Man, he became a super...hero (?) because he was dying of cancer and desperate for a cure! How perfect was my t-shirt after all!

So I stopped worrying about it and absorbed all the info. Besides, who cares what other people think, right?

Sunday, July 31, 2016

A funny thing happened on the way to the medcart...

The doctor summoned me urgently to the patient's bedside. He pointed to her ileostomy bag and said,

"Please page the ostomy nurse, STAT! It looks like pieces of her intestinal tissue or stoma are sloughing off into the bag!!!"

I whispered in response, "It's watermelon...she had it for breakfast!"

He blushed and said, "Well, don't I feel silly!"

To be fair, the patient had no teeth, so she regularly had pretty big chunks of food in her collection bag!


Then there was the patient who didn't seem to be arousable. Calling his name, gentle shaking/jostling, nothing was working. So I fired up the good, ol' sternal rub and hoped it would work its magic...

nothing. I kept rubbing and rubbing, harder and harder, knowing I was surely hurting him as he was pretty damn hairy.

Without opening his eyes, he suddenly said,

"You're rubbing the wrong spot..."

Alrighty, then! Gotta love the night shift...



Saturday, July 02, 2016

God save me...

from brand-spankin' new residents! This is my first year dealing with this phenomenon, and I don't like it. Having to page someone fifty times before getting a response, having new admissions languishing in their rooms for several hours without orders, trying to parse exactly what the "doctors" are trying to accomplish with the orders they actually place, and trying to explain the most shittiest of discharge summaries to a patient, among many other issues, has wrought havoc on my work the past three days.

On the other hand, they sure are sparky and enthusiastic!

I'm beat. I had two simultaneous discharges and two admissions that showed up within half an hour of each other. Luckily, I work with an amazing team of colleagues! I had a lot of assistance and managed to get everything done that needed to be done.

Of course, I was charting until 2030...

When the old battle-ax of a charge nurse tells you you did a good job, it means something. :)


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I think I'm going to like working here...

I'm orienting for a new per diem job at a large local family practice clinic, and the first thing I noticed in my MANAGER'S OFFICE was the following:





I think I'll fit right in. :D

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Nursing Protip

When you're in a patient's bathroom at the end of your shift, emptying the graduated cylinder of its contents, it's a really, really bad idea to exclaim,


"OH, MY GOD!"


even if you glanced in the mirror and got a good look at your end-of-night-shift, slept-on-wet hair, which resembles a coiffure Medusa would envy.

You're likely to hear panicked shouts of "What? WHAT?" coming from both your patient and her sister, and only if you're really lucky will you get laughter in response to your meek, "Oh, sorry. It's just my hair..."


Thursday, June 02, 2016

Haiku

your pain is over
I fear mine has just begun
rest in peace, dear Ray