and the client's money.
Had a young client yesterday who was having a couple's massage with his even younger girlfriend. He was a massage newbie, and when asked about areas of concern or focus, he merely told me he had a large knot in his lower back from years of playing tennis. Good enough, I thought.
When we do couple's massages here, we start our clients face-up, since we finish with hot stones on the back. So I did the relaxation-aroma therapy thingy, then began my first stroke up the client's traps to his neck...and he completely spazzed. His entire torso came up of the table, twisting, as he threw his head back..."Oh, sorry...I'm extremely ticklish!"
No shit, Sherlock.
Oh. My. God. It never stopped. He was ticklish EVERYWHERE. Didn't matter how firm I made my touch or where I touched him, he jerked and spasmed, twitched and tensed, giggling mostly silently. I was rolling my eyes at Elisha, who was massaging the girlfriend, and she was trying not to laugh. She told me later that she thought at first the guy was having a seizure. He apologized periodically throughout the massage, but I didn't give a crap. I was grimly determined to see this through to the bitter end.
I think, barring labor and childbirth, that those were the longest fifty minutes of my life. I was never so glad to have a massage be over, that's for sure.
Funny thing is, he said he enjoyed the massage and he still tipped me. It wasn't enough, though. Trust me, it wasn't enough.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Seen at a Local Target
A dude wearing a t-shirt that read:
It's Only Kinky the First Time
I loled inside...
It's Only Kinky the First Time
I loled inside...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Oh, noes!
It is a catastrophe of cataclysmic proportions: The kittens are taking over!
Not satisfied with the dog-bed...
they've moved on to MINE!
That's okay, though. I love 'em and they're soft and purrrrrrrry. :)
Not satisfied with the dog-bed...
they've moved on to MINE!
That's okay, though. I love 'em and they're soft and purrrrrrrry. :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Ah....
...the joys of living in the trailer park! If I didn't live here, I'd miss gems like this:
And that would truly be a shame.
And that would truly be a shame.
I need to be faster...
getting out the door with the dogs after I wake up.
I apparently wasn't fast enough for Harley this morning, since instead of waiting for me to get my shoes on and open the door for him, he hopped into the cats' litter-box, trailing his leash no less, and peed there.
The funniest thing about all this was that after we had returned from our walk, the cats had buried Harley's deposit. Now THAT'S what I call service!
I apparently wasn't fast enough for Harley this morning, since instead of waiting for me to get my shoes on and open the door for him, he hopped into the cats' litter-box, trailing his leash no less, and peed there.
The funniest thing about all this was that after we had returned from our walk, the cats had buried Harley's deposit. Now THAT'S what I call service!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Philosophical Debate...
Ahhh, my colleague Linda, occasional pain in the ass she might be, is always a good source of blog-fodder. Case in point: the debate we got into yesterday...
Linda is ALWAYS griping about heavy clients. Hell, she'll inform *you* that your client is "huge" if she caught a glimpse of said client before you had a chance to. Why? I have no idea. It seems to be one of her missions in life. That being said, she really took the cake yesterday when she proclaimed the following:
Linda: You know, we really should charge fat people more for massage.
Me:...What?!
Linda: Seriously! If I massage a 400-pound person, that's like massaging 2 200-pound people!
Me: First of all, that's discriminatory. Second of all, that's completely untrue, as our clients get timed services. A fifty or eighty-minutes massage is just that. A fat person might end up not getting as *thorough* a massage, since there is more body to work on, but the same goes for someone who is very muscular or really tall. Hell, I massaged a man so tall, he had to duck to get through the door, should we have charged him more? What about the lady I massaged earlier? She was 5 feet tall if she stretched, and maybe weighed 80 pounds, should we give her a discount?!
Linda: Airlines charge fat people more if they have to use two seats!
Me: Yeah, because they're taking up space that another customer could have used, that makes sense. We're not using more time on heavy clients.
Linda (whining now): But it's more WORK for me, so I should get more money!
Me: How is it more work? You need to remember to adjust your table if your client is particularly large, that's all.
Linda: I guess it would be a bit difficult to implement. After all, some people might weigh 275, but look like they weigh 300...
Me (facepalm): So, we'd need to have a scale here, and WEIGH the clients who appear questionable? Charge all clients by the pound?
We left the discussion there, pretty much. Funny thing is, Linda is by no means svelte. So how did she end up so fat-phobic...?
Linda is ALWAYS griping about heavy clients. Hell, she'll inform *you* that your client is "huge" if she caught a glimpse of said client before you had a chance to. Why? I have no idea. It seems to be one of her missions in life. That being said, she really took the cake yesterday when she proclaimed the following:
Linda: You know, we really should charge fat people more for massage.
Me:...What?!
Linda: Seriously! If I massage a 400-pound person, that's like massaging 2 200-pound people!
Me: First of all, that's discriminatory. Second of all, that's completely untrue, as our clients get timed services. A fifty or eighty-minutes massage is just that. A fat person might end up not getting as *thorough* a massage, since there is more body to work on, but the same goes for someone who is very muscular or really tall. Hell, I massaged a man so tall, he had to duck to get through the door, should we have charged him more? What about the lady I massaged earlier? She was 5 feet tall if she stretched, and maybe weighed 80 pounds, should we give her a discount?!
Linda: Airlines charge fat people more if they have to use two seats!
Me: Yeah, because they're taking up space that another customer could have used, that makes sense. We're not using more time on heavy clients.
Linda (whining now): But it's more WORK for me, so I should get more money!
Me: How is it more work? You need to remember to adjust your table if your client is particularly large, that's all.
Linda: I guess it would be a bit difficult to implement. After all, some people might weigh 275, but look like they weigh 300...
Me (facepalm): So, we'd need to have a scale here, and WEIGH the clients who appear questionable? Charge all clients by the pound?
We left the discussion there, pretty much. Funny thing is, Linda is by no means svelte. So how did she end up so fat-phobic...?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Way to go, SpaCorp!
My (hitherto) wonderful employer has been becoming more and more corporate, and it cheeses me off.
The latest new policy is bag checks. Yep, they show how much they trust their employees by looking through our bags and backpacks before we can leave.
I understand this is a pretty common practice in a retail environment, but we are a SPA. The technicians are rarely at the front desk/retail area, and when we are, we are never alone. I know the spa coordinators and managers enjoy doing this about as much as we enjoy having them do it, but "orders is orders", apparently. Hmph. Reminds me of the TSA agents and the "enhanced" pat-downs...
The latest new policy is bag checks. Yep, they show how much they trust their employees by looking through our bags and backpacks before we can leave.
I understand this is a pretty common practice in a retail environment, but we are a SPA. The technicians are rarely at the front desk/retail area, and when we are, we are never alone. I know the spa coordinators and managers enjoy doing this about as much as we enjoy having them do it, but "orders is orders", apparently. Hmph. Reminds me of the TSA agents and the "enhanced" pat-downs...
No, Tucker, NO!
So, the other night I was gratefully settling into bed, already drifting off before the dogs got situated in their regular spots; Harley curled up behind my knees, and Tucker against my belly/torso. Harley wasted no time, burrowing under the covers and snuggling in. Tucker, however, decided to snarf the last of the dogfood quickly, he hoovered the leftovers in seconds, then jumped up onto the bed, curling up against me as I held the covers up for him.
Not five seconds later I heard an ominous *uuuuuuuurp*, followed by a rattling/gagging sound...UGH! Tucker proceeded to barf up all the food he'd just gorged on, leaving three piles of undigested yet mushy dogfood on the bed.
Gee, thanks dog!
It was another fifteen minutes (at least) before I finally was able to go to sleep.
At least the food wasn't wasted. I carefully dumped the vomitus on a wee-wee pad, and Harley had eaten it up before I got back from starting the laundry.
Not five seconds later I heard an ominous *uuuuuuuurp*, followed by a rattling/gagging sound...UGH! Tucker proceeded to barf up all the food he'd just gorged on, leaving three piles of undigested yet mushy dogfood on the bed.
Gee, thanks dog!
It was another fifteen minutes (at least) before I finally was able to go to sleep.
At least the food wasn't wasted. I carefully dumped the vomitus on a wee-wee pad, and Harley had eaten it up before I got back from starting the laundry.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Overheard during a sugaring...
My friend John and I do trades. I give him a massage, and he gives me a Brazilian. Using sugar.
He has a big flat screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the treatment chair, so that hisvictims clients have something to distract them from the excruciating pain of having their nether (and other) hair ripped out by the roots.
During our session today, some Hollyweird gossip show was on, and they were blathering on and on about some wench named Snookie, who was unfamiliar to me, so I asked John what was what.
Me: So, who's this Snookie person?
John: A bimbo from Jersey who's on a reality show. The only thing she's got going for her are her huge boobs.
Me: Are they real?
John: Who cares?! Hey, if I can touch them, they're real!
He has a point. And he made me laugh. No small feat, considering what he was doing to me at the time...
He has a big flat screen TV hanging on the wall opposite the treatment chair, so that his
During our session today, some Hollyweird gossip show was on, and they were blathering on and on about some wench named Snookie, who was unfamiliar to me, so I asked John what was what.
Me: So, who's this Snookie person?
John: A bimbo from Jersey who's on a reality show. The only thing she's got going for her are her huge boobs.
Me: Are they real?
John: Who cares?! Hey, if I can touch them, they're real!
He has a point. And he made me laugh. No small feat, considering what he was doing to me at the time...
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Snowmageddon...
North Texas version.
They closed the spa early because the roads are a mess and only looking to get worse as the temperatures drop, so I headed home (VERY carefully) and whipped out my camera as the dogs non-frolicked in the snow.
Pawprint:
Time for me to hunker down and snuggle in. Lunch, then a hot bath, followed by a nap. Sounds like the recipe for a fine, fine afternoon!
They closed the spa early because the roads are a mess and only looking to get worse as the temperatures drop, so I headed home (VERY carefully) and whipped out my camera as the dogs non-frolicked in the snow.
Pawprint:
Time for me to hunker down and snuggle in. Lunch, then a hot bath, followed by a nap. Sounds like the recipe for a fine, fine afternoon!
Friday, January 07, 2011
Advice/Info Bleg
For my daughter, Silver.
She has created a website and now needs to find a hosting site or a server or something of that sort. Here are the specs she gave me, which are completely over my head:
-6 MB of disc space
-Supports MySQL and PHP5
-Needs to have Apache2 or have the possibility of installing Apache2 on it
-Can't be too expensive (MUST be cheap, in other words!)
Anybody have any advice for her? Please email her at silverevilchao@gmail.com.
Thanks, Y'all!
She has created a website and now needs to find a hosting site or a server or something of that sort. Here are the specs she gave me, which are completely over my head:
-6 MB of disc space
-Supports MySQL and PHP5
-Needs to have Apache2 or have the possibility of installing Apache2 on it
-Can't be too expensive (MUST be cheap, in other words!)
Anybody have any advice for her? Please email her at silverevilchao@gmail.com.
Thanks, Y'all!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Movie Reviews?
We ain't got no stinkin' movie reviews!
I will say one thing, though..."True Grit" and "Tangled"? GO SEE THEM.
Both excellent in totally different ways and for completely different reasons.
I will say one thing, though..."True Grit" and "Tangled"? GO SEE THEM.
Both excellent in totally different ways and for completely different reasons.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
It's the Twenty-First Century...
and has been for a decade now, so why the fuck would any twenty-something college student living in a first-world country NOT believe in evolution? I just don't get it.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Is there any reason why...
a person would have a Roman numeral II tattooed on her right butt-cheek? Suggestions in comments, please.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Yes.
Yes, Ms. Walmart Cashier Lady, pickles are indeed former cucumbers. I know it's weird, but that doesn't make it untrue.
Random Ramblings...
sorry about the lack of posting lately. First it was school kicking my ass, then I was on vacation, now work is the culprit! It's our busy post-holiday season, where everyone is either running to the spa to try to recover from Christmas madness, or they're redeeming gift cards they received as presents. So I was asked to work extra days and extra hours at our flagship spa this week and next. Yay, money! But man, I'm beat already, and I'm not even half-way through the insanity.
ANYWAY, I do have some posts up my sleeves, so to speak, but here are some random thoughts and events I decided to share with my faithful readers:
-there's another dog that likes to join us on our walks on occasion now. At least I know *this* one's not supposed to be loose. She's a young, beautiful mini-schnauzer named Jasmine. Pretty sad that the owners keep "accidentally" letting her slip out the door. It would be tragic if she got run over.
-can you think of any good reason a grown woman should use the phrase "tee-tee" to refer to urination? I didn't think so...
-my pets' medical purgatory is finally over. Called the vet today and was informed that Harley's fungal culture was negative, after waiting three weeks for the results. *WHEW* HUGE sigh of relief. This has been an on-going saga of quarantine, keeping the kittens separate from the dogs, 24/7. Making sure no cross-contamination occurred. Shit, first it was ringworm (then CONTINUING ringworm on my dogs, then just Harley), then tapeworms (one kitten), then earmites (both kittens), then tapeworms AGAIN (the *other* kitten), it just seemed never-ending. Now, finally, I can open the doors and let the cats into my room. Let the dogs out into the living room, let all the critters play together. It's a really good feeling.
-Silver and I were at Walmart after work today, and as we were about to push our cart across an aisle, we had to stop at the last moment to let a young boy cross in front of us, lest we smash into him. When he glanced to his left and saw us, he hastily murmured, "Excuse me!" and hurried past. As Silver and I continued on down the cereal aisle, she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye and said, "My faith in humanity has been restored! That kid said, 'Excuse me!'"
I laughed.
-I read today at Cracked.com about a giant catfish called the goonch catfish of the Kali River that EATS PEOPLE. Pulls 'em right under the surface and chomps them dead. I don't know about you, but I find that seriously fucked up. And creepy. I didn't know catfish had teeth, for God's sake! When I mentioned my dismay to Silver about a man-eating fish, she looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, Mom? SHARKS are fish, you know..."
Duh, I knew that! To me, somehow, a man-eating, river-dwelling catfish is way worse.
ANYWAY, I do have some posts up my sleeves, so to speak, but here are some random thoughts and events I decided to share with my faithful readers:
-there's another dog that likes to join us on our walks on occasion now. At least I know *this* one's not supposed to be loose. She's a young, beautiful mini-schnauzer named Jasmine. Pretty sad that the owners keep "accidentally" letting her slip out the door. It would be tragic if she got run over.
-can you think of any good reason a grown woman should use the phrase "tee-tee" to refer to urination? I didn't think so...
-my pets' medical purgatory is finally over. Called the vet today and was informed that Harley's fungal culture was negative, after waiting three weeks for the results. *WHEW* HUGE sigh of relief. This has been an on-going saga of quarantine, keeping the kittens separate from the dogs, 24/7. Making sure no cross-contamination occurred. Shit, first it was ringworm (then CONTINUING ringworm on my dogs, then just Harley), then tapeworms (one kitten), then earmites (both kittens), then tapeworms AGAIN (the *other* kitten), it just seemed never-ending. Now, finally, I can open the doors and let the cats into my room. Let the dogs out into the living room, let all the critters play together. It's a really good feeling.
-Silver and I were at Walmart after work today, and as we were about to push our cart across an aisle, we had to stop at the last moment to let a young boy cross in front of us, lest we smash into him. When he glanced to his left and saw us, he hastily murmured, "Excuse me!" and hurried past. As Silver and I continued on down the cereal aisle, she wiped an imaginary tear from her eye and said, "My faith in humanity has been restored! That kid said, 'Excuse me!'"
I laughed.
-I read today at Cracked.com about a giant catfish called the goonch catfish of the Kali River that EATS PEOPLE. Pulls 'em right under the surface and chomps them dead. I don't know about you, but I find that seriously fucked up. And creepy. I didn't know catfish had teeth, for God's sake! When I mentioned my dismay to Silver about a man-eating fish, she looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, Mom? SHARKS are fish, you know..."
Duh, I knew that! To me, somehow, a man-eating, river-dwelling catfish is way worse.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas!
I hope everyone reading this has a truly wonderful Christmas Day. Full of love and joy, because as a wise friend told me, family and love are what really matter on this day.
Our Chibi-tree. And yes, the wreath has a picture of Chibi-Silver in the middle! It was a decoration she made for us in first grade. The tree is alive and was a gift given with love by dear friends who knew I didn't have one. To me, receiving this tree is what Christmas is all about.
Our Chibi-tree. And yes, the wreath has a picture of Chibi-Silver in the middle! It was a decoration she made for us in first grade. The tree is alive and was a gift given with love by dear friends who knew I didn't have one. To me, receiving this tree is what Christmas is all about.
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