Overheard in the Car

Washing babies is like washing dishes, only with more crying!

Idiots!

Just discovered that five SENIORS were expelled last semester for cheating on an exam. What utter MORONS. Why would they destroy their lives over a stupid grade on a test? I just don't get it.

While perusing a patient's H&P...

I came across this gem:

UDS* positive for Cannibals.

o.O


I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself. And when I showed it to my clinical instructor, SHE laughed so hard she nearly peed herself.

Ah, nursing school. Fun times.



*UDS=Urine Drug Screen

Epiphany

I had an epiphany of sorts last night as I was cleaning the treatment room at work.

All the things that FUCKING IRRITATE me, that I consider my pet peeves, can really be boiled down to ONE GIANT PEEVE:

Half-assedness.

Don't be a half-ass, don't do a half-assed job.

It's simple. If you want to stay on my good side, finish what you start and do a thorough job.

It doesn't matter if it's at work, doing chores, driving on the street, writing something, whatever. If you are thorough and do things right, I won't have to shank you or wish you to the ninth circle of Hell. Or Siberia. Or that you are staked out on a fire-ant nest after being covered in honey .

You get the picture, I'm sure.

It makes my life so much easier to have recognized this! Now I don't have to freak people out (and or annoy/irritate them myself!) by enumerating all the things that tick me off!

It's just one.

Creepy McCreeperson

Had a client today who reminded me of Joe Pesci's character in the Lethal Weapon movies, and he gave off a weird vibe. He was either mentally ill in some way or he was high.

He was one of those clients who starts getting undressed the moment they walk through the door of the treatment room. Shoes kicked off and fingers unbuttoning the shirt. I reminded him to wait until I left the room to undress, and he pulled the shirt off and said, "See, I'm wearing a t-shirt!" No, it was an undershirt, there's a difference, and it's still inappropriate. These people are so worried about not getting the full time on their massage, they usually say things like, "I'll be done so quickly, you don't even need to leave the room!"
As did my client yesterday. Yeah, no. That doesn't fly.

He never crossed the line during our session, but he said a few things that put me on high alert, and made me choose my replies very carefully.

"What can we do to help me relax?" Ew. Just ew.

After he turned over to lie on his back, and I asked him how he was, he said,

"I feel GREAT. But enough is never enough...if you know what I mean."

Also EW.

But by far the oddest exchange happened right at the end, when I was massaging his neck and shoulders.
He looked up at me earnestly and said in a low voice,

"I apologize, Christina...and I know this is taking it too far, but do you massage...the face?!"

FUCK YOU. I'll MASSAGE YOUR FACE ALL RIGHT...WITH MY FIST!!!!

*ahem*

No, I didn't say that.

I assured him that I do indeed massage the face, and all was well in his universe.

After tipping me a measly 12 bucks and raving about my mad skillz to the front desk, he went on his way.

Hopefully NEVER TO RETURN.

Let me just say...

Nursing school is not for wusses.

Every time I think I have a handle on things, one more (additional!) assignment gets tacked on. I feel like I'm drowning.

My anxiety is ratcheting up, my sleep is fractured and poor, and I'm getting increasingly cranky.

Before the current semester, the beginning of each semester was always like this. THIS semester, though, doesn't seem to be settling into a groove. I miss the groove. *sigh*

Oh, well. Maybe if I stop stressing so much about getting an A in every class, and stop being such a fucking perfectionist about my writing, I'll be able to relax. But knowing me, I doubt it, LOL.

Anywho, thanks for letting me vent, O Bloggy Friends!

Leavin' on a Jet Plane...

in January.

I'll be going to Cape Town, South Africa for almost three weeks! I'll be traveling with my Epidemics class, and we'll be working hard while we're there.

I don't know how much I'll be able to share here, but of course y'all will be the first to know (after me, duh.)

So, any tips? Recommendations? Advice? I'm NOT going to be doing sight-seeing, etc. We're there to work.

In other news, school is kicking my ass (but what else is new?) I feel like I'm barely treading water, and it's only been four weeks since the semester started. I will eventually have some kind of routine going, but the extra class (epidemics) requires a TON of reading and a journal for each lecture (which is twice weekly), and that's on top of all my nursing stuff. Of course, it was my decision to take this class (which was by invitation/interview only), so I only have myself to "blame".

I KNOW it will all be worth it in the end, but right now I feel like whining, and if I can't whine on my on blog, WHERE CAN I?!

Well, I guess I should get back to work...

Seen on campus

A waifish young lady with Easter-Egg PINK hair, pixie cut, wearing a purple bowler hat.

Adorable!

Conversations from Clinical*

Me: So, you know the patient who sings to drown out the voices? Are you ever tempted to sing along with her?

Instructor: *blink blink*

Me: Not that I DID, but I was tempted! C'mon, she was singing "Wind Beneath my Wings"!

Instructor: You made a wise choice.



I had that song stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

*mental health clinical

So much material...

...so little time or motivation.

Things keep happening, or I see something, or somebody says something, and I think, "Wow, that would make GREAT blogfodder!" But by the time I get to a computer, I don't have the time or inclination to actually WRITE anything.

Oh, wait!  I will share this: My newborn nursing/labor and delivery/maternity clinical instructor met with us at the lab on Friday for a training session. She also handed us some lovely material pertaining to our clinical site and clinical experience, including a list of do's and don't's. At the very bottom of the list, she had handwritten ALL IN CAPS:

WEAR DEODORANT!!!

We all snickered as we read it, but quickly sobered as she went on to explain to us how awkward and mortifying it had been, for both her and the student, to have to have the discussion about body odor and hygiene with said student last semester. One thing that one must keep in mind is that pregnant women have a VERY sensitive sense of smell and cannot tolerate nasty odors. The last thing you want is to make the lady you are assisting during labor have to vomit because you STINK.

*snerk*

I also wanted to give y'all a quick update on Silver's situation. She is still sleeping on a friend's couch in Fargo, but in GOOD news, she managed to land a full-time programming gig at the university despite her non-student status. This was through some kind of manipulation/mojo/legerdemain on the part of the graduate student who worked behind the scenes to get her the initial summer gig. Apparently he feels responsible for how that turned out. Go figure. She tells me that with careful budgeting and thanks to your generosity, she'll be able to pay her outstanding balance within a few months and enroll in classes for the spring semester (yes, at UND...her options are pretty limited when it comes to school, she's so close to graduating that attempting to transfer all of her credits would likely be futile and expensive.)

So, that's that. And actually, writing this blogpost is enabling me to procrastinate, as I have some group notes from a lecture to work on and post to the class wikispace. Damn, at procrastination I'm a GENIUS, I tell you!

Three. More. Semesters.

School started today. It was actually entertaining, but to be honest, I'm feeling kinda burnt out. I want to have sleep learning like in a SF novel, where they hook me up to a machine, I go to sleep, and wake up with all the necessary knowledge. Or to get it all uploaded directly into my brain, like Neo learning kung-fu in the Matrix movie.

I love learning but I don't want to do the work.

Sigh.

The most "entertaining" thing was one of my classmates in my Epidemics class asking me for permission to date my twins. Yes, both of them. At the same time. And he wasn't joking, either.

Sigh.

I mean, at least he's not a total creeper. He was honest. He's 21, extremely bright, and extremely cute. Maybe I should ask TallyAngel if she's interested. After all, Chaos is in North Dakota anyway, and therefore my classmate's fantasies are destined to remain just that...

Well, I'm tired and off to bed. I have a paper due tomorrow afternoon (yes, ALREADY), but I guess I'll write it in between my two lectures tomorrow.

Let the Procrastination Games begin!

Silver decided to update her website...

...and the donation link got broken.

If you're still inclined to donate, and don't have an aversion to Paypal (which, if you're a gunnie, is completely understandable, btw.), direct your gaze to the right of your screen and you'll find a "Donate to Silver" button at the top of my sidebar.

Thank you all again.

UPDATE:
Link is broken, from the Paypal end of things. Her email address is now listed in place of the button. Sorry about the confusion.

Update

Yay!

Silver has now received $1175 in donations!

Thank y'all very, very much.

She's going to Fargo for a week or so while she decides where to go and what to do for the rest of the semester. She has to work and work fast to pay the rest of the bill so that she can register for classes for the spring semester.

You are all awesome, btw. :)

Silver Speaks.

She hijacks the blog to say:

THANK YOU SO MUCH :D I apologize for the lack of contact or whatever lately, I've been trying to figure out where I'm going to live and stuff (contacting relatives, getting my affairs in order, etc etc). I'll be sending a lovely e-mail to each and every one of you once I start packing up (ergo, after I'm done playing phone tag and hashing things out). Web work will start once I'm settled in where I am for the next three months. :) Again, my apologies for the lack of updates on my part, Mom's been on my ass about it (despite it being her blog...), but I've been running around trying to get things done, which I have a limited timeframe during the day for. Not everyone is up at midnight like I am!

Bleg

I believe this is my first official bleg, and I hesitate to do it, but it's for my child.

Silver the Evil Chao, aka SystemsReady, is in a terrible bind. You know her from the pages of my blog, and many of you have met her in real life. She's brilliant, funny, and broke. She owes her university (the University of ND) $3000 for summer housing and will be kicked out of the dorms tomorrow (Wednesday the 28th) if the bill doesn't get paid. Yes, I know this is last minute, but we've been trying to work things out with the school and through family up until now without success.

Here's what happened and why/how everything got so ugly:

Silver didn't come here for the summer because she was offered an AWESOME full-time programming job from the college of nursing at her university, and she had to be there for face-to-face meetings. She took summer housing at the university because she's used to it and she didn't have to pay up front, the charges would just be posted to her account.

Unfortunately, the nursing department dicked around for months and the start date for her job kept being pushed back over and over, until she got an email saying that the college of nursing had a new dean and all agreements/meetings/jobs were cancelled.

By this time, it was too late for her to register for summer classes, which would have enabled her to get some kind of financial aid to cover the charges for housing.

She had already signed up for housing for the fall semester and she moved back into her regular dorm room last week, only to find out they were kicking her out for non-payment of the summer housing charges and because she's not enrolled in classes yet.

She has another programming job lined up through the school, one she's done before, but she has to be enrolled in classes to get it, and she has a hold on her account because of the charges, so she can't enroll in classes. The bursar's office offered her a payment plan to pay off the charges monthly, but that hinged on her getting the university programming job.

It's a classic Catch-22, and until the $3000 are paid, she has no place to live, no job, and no chance to enroll in classes for this semester.

Some good friends of hers have offered her a couch to crash on for a few days, but that's not a long-term solution and it still doesn't address the fact that she can't take classes at the university.

So I'm blegging y'all to help her. I've done all I can, and this is my last idea for a solution.

Here's where you can donate, if you're so inclined. Silver will thank everyone personally for any donation, and anyone who donates $50 will get two hours of custom website design (and she's GOOD).

Thank you all for reading, and thank you for any prayers, good wishes, etc. It's greatly appreciated.
 ______________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE:
ZOMFG! You guys ROCK!
As of 2:33 PM today you've donated a total of $675. That's INCREDIBLE and we're grateful and humbled.
The university will be happy to get a big chunk of cash and it's wonderful progress IN ONE DAY. Wow.

Quote of the Day

"This duct tape is comfortable."

This is just typical...

...of my quirky brain.

So I'm watching "Despicable Me 2", a hilarious, over-the-top, totally unrealistic animated kids' movie, and what do I focus on?

"Oh my GOD! Is that a chicken running loose in the restaurant? That's a major health code violation, the Health Department would totally shut them down, pronto."

Yes, even *I* mentally facepalmed. The workings of my brain are mysterious, what can I say?

Really good movie, though. I highly recommend it.

Quote of the Day...

(said in a sing-song voice) "Please don't step on my testicles..."

Dear Clients:

I'm super happy for you that you are able to be outside and enjoy the absolutely lovely weather we're having.

Even though I'm stuck in the spa all day.

Naturally, that includes my joy for the fantastic day you had at the beach.

BUT FOR ALL THAT'S HOLY, TAKE A MOTHERFUCKING SHOWER BEFORE YOU COME IN TO GET A MASSAGE.

I don't relish rubbing the nasty-ass mixture of sand, salt, funk, sun block, and massage lotion all over your body. It's gross and it's gritty and I get it all over my hands and arms. Not that it appears to bother YOU.

If you're going to be inconsiderate like that, at least tip generously. Otherwise feel free to turn your ass around and go elsewhere, 'cause I'm too old and cranky for this shit.

I've lost my blogging oomph...

But if I still had it, I would blog about how AWESOME the Northeast Bloggershoot was yesterday.

Cannons were fired, Elmo was bayoneted (after being thoroughly perforated by many, many rounds of ammo), and much fun was had by all. Especially my twins, who had the good fortune of having many patient teachers on the firing line (Glenn, Les, Weer'd, and Jay G., especially), not to mention the generosity of all the gunnies who were more than willing (more like "eager") to let newbie shooters try out their firearms.

We had delicious food and EXCELLENT conversation, and the weather was simply perfect.

Many, many thanks from the LMT Clan to all the participants, but especially to our hosts, the DoubleTroubles, who put up with the yearly invasion with grace and courtesy, and to the organizer par excellence, Jay G.

________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE:
Ehrmahgehrd! I forgot to thank WALLY for fixing my rifle and bringing it to the shoot! THANK YOU! I got to use my Precioussssss to make a reactive target dance and it was GLORIOUS.