Sunday, March 31, 2013


I finally opened a twitter account. I resisted for SO LONG, but it's futile. I'm @LucrativePain (imagine that!)

I guess I'll see what all the fuss is about. My daughter is happy, anyway.

Saturday, March 30, 2013


One of my colleagues, a mid-twenties female, has no clue who Joseph Stalin was. I weep for humanity.

Friday, March 29, 2013

If you walk into the spa...

REEKING of pot, and you're obviously still higher than a kite, you're not getting a massage.


...that moment when your patient's spouse asks if you're "a good Catholic girl."

Well, I was baptized Episcopalian...that's pretty close, isn't it?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

*blink blink*

The scene: extremely packed elevator, filled with nursing students.

Foreign Student Sally: Oh, Steven...look: you're the ONLY MAN on this elevator!

Obviously Gay Steven (with an eye roll in his voice [yes, we could hear it]): I think you're all safe.

F.S.S.: You never know...WE MIGHT GET HUNGRY!!!

O.G.S.: Oh, look! We've arrived! (hurriedly escapes the elevator, with most of us stampeding after him.)


Or do I really even want to know...?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Why can't we be more like Europe?

Isn't that what liberals say here? That Europe is SO tolerant of alternative life-styles, while the U.S. is so damn conservative and just plain mean.

Yeah, not so much.

When was the last time police had to use tear gas and a brisk hickory shampoo to disperse hundreds of thousands of anti-gay marriage protestors in the United States? I can't recall a similar event here, but please correct me if I'm wrong.

I guess for some the grass is always greener.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The question is...

wtf has Herr Rickens been smoking?!

Let's play a drinking game: down a shot every time you come across the word "fairness" in the article. I guarantee you'll be on the floor before you've finished reading.

Monday, March 18, 2013


...walking through the grocery store with Major Caudill.

He's famous on the internet, don't you know?

Sunday, March 17, 2013

AFK for a day or so...

heading up north to visit some friends! I don't want to schlep the laptop with me, so blogging will be nonexistent. (Not like I've been blogging all that frequently anyway...y'all prolly wouldn't even have noticed my absence! LOL...)

Have fun but don't trash the joint. I like everything in its place.

Later, Gators!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Do you need something to read?

I did...until I saw that Marko had published his novel!

Go to Amazon and get Terms of Enlistment RIGHT NOW. Because it's awesome, and because I told you to. ;)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Clinical snippets...

Me (responding to patient after he directed a spate of rapid-fire Greek at me): I'm sorry, I didn't understand you.

Patient: What use are you to me if you can't speak English?! Don't you have to speak English to work here?!

Me (blinking in confusion): Sir, of course I can speak English...we're speaking English NOW.

Patient: BAH!

Maybe I shouldn't have said "Kali mera!" when I walked into the room...


When my partner and I got on the elevator to go have lunch, it was packed, but by the time we got to the cafeteria level, there was only the two of us...and a group of six red-and-black-clad nursing students from our "rival" school. No greetings were exchanged and tension was in the air as we glared at each other, sizing our opponents up. I was prepared for the rhythmic finger-snapping and stylized fighting to commence, but the elevator dinged and the door opened. Saved by lunch! (And I can't make up my mind whether I want to be a Shark or a Jet, anyway...)


I had my finger in someone's butt, and not in a fun way.


Being my patients' advocate and getting results is AWESOME.


If I get home after well more than 12 hours on my feet, and the only thing that appeals to me for dinner is a big bowl of popcorn, then by golly, I'm gonna have popcorn for dinner! And that's okay.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

What gorgeous weather today...

I unfortunately got caught up in this mess, so was horrendously late for a 3PM appointment (like, forty minutes late), but as I walked across the Charles River with the sun in my face, a gentle breeze flirting with my hair, I couldn't stress about my tardiness at least I wasn't the poor schlub who got run over by the train!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Every house...

should have emergency, back-up ketchup.

Because you never know when there'll be a ketchup crisis!

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Dear Professor-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless...

ONE diagnosis, TWO OR MORE diagnoses. There is no such word as "diagnosises".

It's a treatment or drug REGIMEN, not REGIME.

And please stop adding r's at the end of words that don't have them. I forgive you the r's that you drop in the middle of words, you're from Boston and can't help it.

My OCD thanks you.

Friday, March 08, 2013

Gee THANKS, Boston PD!

I received an email from my university, which passed on a "Spring Break Safety Message and CRIME ALERT" from the Boston Police Department.

After the obligatory, "If you're leaving for spring break, make sure to lock all your doors and windows and ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your house..." stuff, they went on to mention that there have been some muggings around various T stops, especially in the east side of town. Then came this gem:

As you walk around Boston anytime, please always be aware of your surroundings and should you be approached comply with the perpetrators request.  Your life is always more valuable than your property.

They also go on to say that should you be a victim of a crime, to report the incidence immediately to the nearest police station. They don't add the qualifier "should you be ALIVE after the attack". But they should.

Well, you know what BPD? With all due respect:


Take your asinine advice-for-sheep and shove it where the sun don't shine...assuming your head leaves enough room.

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

While leaving the chiropractor's...

I noticed something that would have been unthinkable in Las Vegas:

There were fifteen cars remaining on the lot, and every last one of them was either black, midnight blue, or dark gray.

Another subtle difference between East Coast and Western desert.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

I would love nursing school so much more...

...if there weren't so many damned papers to write. I am absolutely loving my clinical experience, and lectures are interesting. I'm learning so much! I don't mind the exams, I see the necessity. If only I could go to lecture, take exams, and have clinical THREE TIMES A WEEK.

And never write another paper.

Then I'd be completely and absolutely happy.


Friday, March 01, 2013

Overheard in a hospital room...

Patient (responding to his nurse): I refuse to answer that because you framed your query in the form of a statement.

Nurse: ...