Saturday, July 28, 2012

Glee Project

Commenting on one of my favorite contenders being eliminated:

That's sad. But there can be only one! Glee Project. You know, it's like "Highlander", but without the decapitation.

Friday, July 20, 2012

I don't get it.

I've become very philosophical about tips. I've had to, otherwise my head would have long since exploded.

But I still don't get how the very same hour-long deep tissue massage can net me $6 from the first client and $30 from the second. Especially since both clients professed to lurving my massage.

Weird.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

So I was massaging this client the other day...

and noticed this tattoo:

Master of my Fate
Captian of my Soul

I was so very tempted to say something to him, but:

A. It would have been completely inappropriate.
B. I would surely have been only the latest in a long line of people to do so.
C. I appreciate good tips and repeat customers.
D. I want to keep my job!

I hate biting my tongue, I truly do. 



Sunday, July 08, 2012

New Weight-loss Strategy

I confess: ever since my lap-band was deflated/emptied, I've struggled with even maintaining my weight, much less losing it. (Obvious, when you think about it-I had the surgery for a reason!)

While the Hunger Games are working to a degree, I've been frustrated by repeated setbacks, and the up-coming weigh-in is sure to be painful, AGAIN.

But yesterday I had a brilliant insight. Most of my unneeded and unwanted calories come at night, after I'm supposed to be done with eating for the day. I get the munchies, basically, and it's hard for me to resist the urge to nom. While I don't eat anything crappy, the calories add up regardless. So, last night, after I finished dinner, I went ahead and did my normal bedtime routine hours early, which includes PUTTING IN MY RETAINER. I can't eat with my retainer in, and it's a gross pain-in-the-ass to take it out if I did decide to have anything to munch on. Success! Not only did I not snack, I ended up drinking plenty of water, just to fill up my belleh. So I hydrated, too!

We'll see how this goes, but I'm encouraged. Trying to lose weight is fucking hard, people.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Massage Protips

First of all, if you don't like to be touched and aren't really interested in receiving massage, DON'T LET YOURSELF BE PRESSURED OR BULLIED INTO IT. Most times this does not turn out well.

Second, if you have a massage scheduled, and you plan on not getting completely unclothed, you might want to think twice about wearing your favorite panties. You know, the ones covering your rather substantial bottom which are emblazoned with:

Delicious! Too Sweet! Bite Me!

It was really hard not to laugh.

Friday, July 06, 2012

Only in New England...

will you see a sign in the left-most lane that says:

RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT

:facepalm:

Thursday, July 05, 2012

And then there was...

the male half of the couple's massage, who apparently thought that since HIS therapist had already left the room, it was okay for him to disrobe. Despite the fact that I was still standing there, talking to his pregnant wife.

I've never seen a man shuck his clothes so quickly...outside of a porno. I thought he'd merely taken off his shirt, but his pants must've had some kind of built-in translocation spell, 'cause he was actually down to his tighty-whities.

Seeing his thumbs tucked in the waistband of said underoos in preparation for the final reveal, I shrieked at calmly asked him to please wait until I left the room to get undressed, holding my clipboard up in front of me to block my view of him as I finished my intake interview. Then I skedaddled.

I deserve an extra tip for this whole affair. Hazard pay, just sayin'...

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Seen in a convenience store window...

in Lynn, MA.

WE SOLD CAMERAS!
Too bad I don't have a time machine.

Hunger Games Week XI

Game called on account of WEER'D!!

Yes, you read correctly. SCI-FI and I agree that Weer'd is to blame for the omnomming that went on this weekend, leading to shameful weigh-ins this morning.
See, if we hadn't invited the Weer'ds to dinner on Saturday, we wouldn't have had ALL the yummy food that Mrs. SCI-FI prepared in the house. Plus, you know, the epic popcorn brittle Mrs. Weer'd made. And the ice cream. And on and on and on.

So, because it's always easier to pass the buck, we blame WEER'D!

See you next week. :)