Thursday, April 29, 2010

Momma Cat

Is a GOOD Momma Cat!


You know you've had WAY too much coffee and popcorn...

when your pee smells like a movie theater Starbucks.

Just sayin'.


that was completely and utterly horrible. Ugh.

Suffice it to say that I guessed on probably 90% of the questions, so if I'm lucky, I passed, and if I'm unlucky, I failed. Oh, well.

Why do I need to know the innards of a computer? I mean, they let me take my driving test to get my license, and nobody asked me about the transmission or carburetor! ARGH. Plus, a bunch of the questions had answers that were all acronyms, so I had to guess those, too.

But I'm usually very good at multiple choice questions, so I hope I'm lucky!

The hands-on exercises were fucking stupid. Problem was, we were supposed to be tested on our knowledge of Office 2007, but the computer I was tested on had Office 1997-2003.

So some of the required tasks I was unable to complete. Fuck. Well, I did make some notes for the instructor who will be grading the test, just to let him or her know how fucked up everything was. The proctor told me that a gal taking the test yesterday had exactly the same issues as I. Maybe they won't take so many points off.

The ironic thing is, I had been so worried about the PowerPoint exercise, because I never learned or used PowerPoint in my life. I did a quick online tutorial last night and kept my fingers crossed...well, the PowerPoint thing was EASY. It was the Word and Excel that I found so very difficult to deal with. The things I thought I really had a good handle on. Well, fuck it. If I did fail, I'll just have to suck it up and take the class. It's not going to put me behind in my schedule, or anything.

It'll just be excruciatingly boring.

And I'll be out the fifty bucks I had to fork over to take this stupid test.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Update on Nothing...

Just a quick update on what I've been up to:


I have a test tomorrow at the Community College. It's their Computer Department exam, which I'm taking in order to satisfy the Use of Computers requirement for my degree.

Unfortunately, my penchant for procrastination has led me to NOT study as I should have, which depresses me, which in turn makes me cranky, which depresses me more. And so on, and so forth. Thing is, the worst thing that could happen is I fail the exam. Which would mean I'd have to actually take the class. Which wouldn't be the end of the world. Still, it looms in my mind like some kind of major, life-altering event. I need to get a grip!

Also, I have a DVD that's overdue at the local library. *gasp* Don't tell Breda!

I can't watch it until after I take this stupid test, because otherwise I'd feel guilty. My brain works in mysterious ways.

In other news, Silver will be here in just over two weeks, and my twins, Chaos and TallyAngel follow in June...I'm so EXCITED! Of course, I'll still be working two jobs and adding online, summer classes to that. I'm hoping we'll still have fun. :)

So, there's your Christina update! I'll blog after my exam tomorrow, so I'll either be buoyant with success, or hang-dog with failure. Either way, you'll know. And either way, it's all up to me.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Seen at Germanfest:

A stand with the sign:


Hmmm, I was intrigued. Then I read what they had for sale.


Wow, how GERMAN. *snerk*

Except for almonds, I'm pretty sure none of the others on this list grow in Germany. If I'm wrong, let me know in the comments.

I know, maybe the roasting method is particularly German! Or maybe I'm being far too generous. After all, they were also selling "sausage on a stick"...

Itteh, bitteh kitteh...

One of five:


Altogether now: AWWWWWWWW! :D

Saturday, April 24, 2010


So, there was a bit of drama at the spa today. We were superbusy, and the treatment rooms were booked almost back-to-back all day. I had a short break in the middle of the day, so I hied myself off to the (deserted) hotel employee breakroom, since the breakroom in the spa is minuscule and doesn't provide space or privacy for using my laptop.

It was 12:45, and my next appointment wasn't until 2 PM. I told the (rather overwhelmed) receptionist where I was going, mentioned that I had my phone with me, and took off.

Well, unbeknownst to me, my 2 PM was rescheduled for 1:30. Bri', the receptionist, dutifully texted me and expected me to show up on time, as usual. Unfortunately, the cell reception is rather spotty in our remote location, so I never got the text.

At 1:35, I was chatting with my pals on the Gunblogger Conspiracy IRC, while munching on an apple when my phone rang...

"Hello, this is Christina!"

"Uh, Christina, you have a massage at 1:30..."

"WHAT? I thought it was at TWO?!"

"It was, but they changed the time, I texted you..."

"Oh, shit, I'll be right there!"

So I raced back to the spa, carrying my laptop, phone, and half-eaten apple.

It was a side-by-side massage. Two friends getting half-hour massages in the same room. I was definitely late, but they didn't seem to mind, Kim and I got right to business and the clients left happy.

One lady who was NOT happy was Linda. *sigh*

Linda has raised complaining to an art form and spends most of the day grumbling about one thing or another. She was scheduled to do a service at 2 PM in the room Kim and I were using, and since we started late, and it was my fault, we couldn't short the ladies on their service time. Luckily, Linda's client was late in turn, so everything worked out fine. Funny thing is, not only is Linda a cranky-pants, she's also a hypocrite. She's the one who regularly goes over on her massages, resulting in a cascading effect of late starts, stressed therapists, and unhappy clients. Except for hers of course, since they, you know, get extra time and all...

ANYWAY, earlier, while I was having my lunch, blissfully unaware that back at the spa tempers were growing shorter as my absence grew longer, the following exchange occurred.

Linda: "Where's Christina, anyway? She's late! I have to be in that room by 2!"

Kim: "I have no idea where she is..."

Linda: "She's probably out there, having SEX with somebody!"

Kim: *blink blink* "Well, if that's true, Christina is having way more fun right now than WE are!"

Kim told me about this later in the afternoon. I still can't believe Linda believed/said that. It's so random. So bizarre. Yes, it's funny. But what in the heck was Linda thinking? That I was having some tawdry encounter in a broom closet with one of the janitors or maintenance people?


I think I'll just keep trying to stay out of Linda's way, which is far easier said than done.

Wish me luck, Y'all!

*No, not really. At work, on the clock? EWWWW.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I wish I'd had my camera!

Nothing conveys a sense of increasing urgency better than a goose waddling at warp speed. And almost nothing is as amusing!

Especially when they're trying to escape my vicious dogs, who are completely oblivious to them and are only interested in running REALLY FAST down the road, plus peeing on every clump of grass, tree, and mailbox they encounter.


Just received my THEA Math test scores, which are needed by the Nearby Community College before they can finish processing my application: I PASSED!

In your FACE, Nearby CC!

I will be needing NO remedial math classes, instead I can knock out my one math prerequisite for applying to nursing school.

I'm SO happy right now! :D

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Not going well...

my second job, that is. I work for a local chiropractor three days a week, 21 hours altogether. Or at least I'm *supposed* to. In reality, this past week for instance, I only worked on Monday, 6.5 hours. If he thinks the next day is going to be "too slow", he'll text me not to bother to come in. This is a problem, because HEY! it's my job and I need the money!

The doc is an EXCELLENT chiro, and I speak from experience, but as a businessman...he's an excellent chiro. *sigh*

He's been in business at that location for the past five years, and yet he still barely scrapes by every month. Since I finished cleaning up the mess that was his patient charts, etc., there hasn't really been much for me to do.

But there's light at the end of the tunnel, because the owner of a local (very popular) nail salon is renovating a room for me, ordering all necessary supplies, and should be ready for me to start seeing clients in about two weeks. Then I will regretfully (yet with a sigh of relief) bid farewell to my front desk job at the chiropractor's, and start building up my massage business. Which is as it should be.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

"Run, Forrest, RUN!"

Do you all remember that scene from "Forrest Gump", where Jenny is yelling at young Forrest to run, because the bullies are chasing him?

Well, I did my own recreation of that scene Sunday evening, and it feels like my adrenaline rush still hasn't worn off...

I got home from work, shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed the dogs, and took them for our regular, we-can't-go-too-far-cause-Mama's-hungry walk. Basically, we go down the road a bit and turn into the closest lane, which has no outlet. This is a lovely street, especially since there's little traffic on it. Oh, and there are lots of pretty horses, too.

We've been down that road at least a dozen times since I discovered it a few months ago. I'm familiar with all the dogs who live there, and have even made friends with some of them. Or so I thought...

The road, as I said, has no outlet. It ends in a large cul-de-sac, where I pet a few horses before we head back home.

This time, when we had almost reached the cul-de-sac, a large lab-mix I'd never seen before came trotting off of one of the properties to greet us. I noticed two men working in the front yard, close to the house, but the lots are very large in this neighborhood, so I'd say they were about fifty yards away from the road. The strange dog appeared very friendly, from what I could tell of its body language, and the three pups proceeded with the sniffing-of-butts ritual that we're all so familiar with. The three moved off the road onto the verge, and Harley and Tucker had just peed on a tree there, when suddenly the strange dog (whose name is "Brownie", I discovered later), charged my larger dog Tucker and bowled him over. She then stood over him and, well, mouthed him is the only way I can describe it. She definitely wasn't biting, but her mouth made contact with Tucker's throat and she slobbered all over him.

Tucker is already leery of larger dogs, and he was absolutely terrified with this kind of behavior. He screamed/yelped, wiggled out from under her and took off.

The owners yelled for Brownie and she trotted off towards the house. If I had been smarter, I would have immediately headed toward home, but I thought the situation was under control, so we kept on going to our turn-around point.

We made the circle around the cul-de-sac and started walking back toward the main road, and home.

Unfortunately, Browie was NOT under the control of her owners, and as we passed the property going in the other direction this time, she again trotted up and decided to "play". I have to call it that, because if she had been serious, Tucker would be dead now. She kept charging him and bowling him over, lipping him and drooling on him, and Tucker by now was in a frenzy of fear. He took off like a rocket, which is where the title of this post comes in. I kept yelling, "Run, Tucker! RUN!" because he could easily outstrip the larger, pudgier dog. Italian GREYHOUND, remember? Born for speed? Thing is, Italian Greyhounds are also bred to be extremely loyal and attached to their people, so instead of running straight ahead, down the road and getting away, Tucker kept running in large circles around ME, orbiting me with Brownie in hot pursuit. And he was screaming bloody murder the whole time.

He also kept running up to me for help, which is where Brownie would manage to corner him and knock him down again. By this point, he was bleeding in half-a-dozen spots from his skin being scraped against the road surface. IGs have no undercoat, just very fine hair over delicate skin, so he had no protection.

I kept yelling at Brownie, stomping toward her, but my hands were full with Harley, and I couldn't get close enough to kick her, which I was fully prepared to do if I had the chance.

The younger of her two owners came running up with a stick and tried to drive her off and back to the house, but I guess she was having too much fun running Tucker into the ground, because she ignored both him AND me, and kept giving chase, including pursuing Tucker through a scummy pond.

Harley at this point found his courage and decided to even the odds a bit and squirmed out of my hold, jumping to the ground. He started chasing Brownie and snapping at her legs. Perhaps instinct kicking in, telling him to hamstring her? I don't know.

Tucker finally managed to get enough of a lead to get back to me safely, and I quickly scooped him up and headed down the road at a rapid trot, Harley by our side.

Brownie had ignored me up to this point, and luckily she didn't decide to try to knock Tucker out of my arms or go after Harley. Her hapless owners had meanwhile gone back to the house and gotten their pick-up truck, and they physically manhandled her into the cab to take her away. No words at all were exchanged between us, because frankly, by this point all I wanted to do was get myself and my dogs home safely. I didn't even look back to see what they were doing.

Tucker was extremely hot, and he was panting in my arms for quite some time. He also was extremely DIRTY, so I had to give him a thorough bath as soon as we made it back to the house, paying particular attention to his scrapes, which I then doctored with triple antibiotic ointment.

One thing stands out in my mind about this whole debacle. Even though it was playing out on a residential road on a Sunday afternoon, not a single person came out of his or her house to see what was going on. We were LOUD, Tucker and I. Him with his dog-in-mortal-danger screaming, and I with my furious yelling. Plus, Brownie's owner added to the din with his constant calling of her. Nobody heard, paid attention, or cared.

Yes, I had my phone with me, but what good would it have done? Who could I have called? Animal Control, where you leave a message on a voicemail and they get back to you whenever? The police, when we're six miles outside of town?

Plus, we had to ACT. I couldn't just sit there wringing my hands. I had to either kick the shit out of Brownie, if I could have gotten close enough, and assuming she then didn't turn on ME, or retreat, which is what we ended up doing.

If Brownie had been more aggressive or vicious, this would have ended tragically.

And it drives home the simple fact that I need to be armed with something more than a cell phone.

I need to buy a gun.

For the varmints of both the four- AND two-legged variety.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Massage Protip:

If I'm giving you the most awesome, most relaxing, most therapeutic foot massage you've ever received, please don't be lying back in the recliner, texting someone on your phone. It ruins the experience for both of us. Thanks.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Why wasn't I told?!

That minors are allowed to drink alcoholic beverages in the state of Texas as long as a parent or guardian is present?!

Who knew? So, Silver...are you ready to PAR-TAY?!

Had a blast!

Thank you, Phlegmmy and LawDog, for a wonderful meal in your lovely home, and thank you, Holly for taking me along for the ride. Thanks to all three of you for an evening filled with laughter, good food, mischievous puppies, entertaining tales, and more laughter.

Too bad I can't blog about the funniest things that happened. I want to keep on breathing...


Holly, buried under three of the four Hounds of Doom:


MEAT, it's what's for dinner:


Time for Holly and me to head back more picture, please!


A very, VERY good time was had by all...except maybe for my crank caller who got LawDog on the phone instead of me the second time she called. She probably wasn't expecting to hear, "County Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!" Strangely enough, she hasn't called back since...

Tuesday, April 06, 2010


I finally managed to snag a picture of Harley in one of his favorite places: Under my pillow. Usually he's curled into such a tiny ball that you can hardly tell he's there, but yesterday was a different story...


I loled.


Sunday, April 04, 2010

Just because...

...the Great Tampon Slaughter of 2010 wasn't enough, Tucker decided that he really, REALLY liked the fragrance of the pile of shit he discovered on our walk today. So he rolled in it. Fun times, I tell ya!

This is the first full bath I've ever had to give him, too.

Happy Easter

to my readers who are of that flavor. And to all the others out there, have a lovely Sunday!

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Christina puts the "I" in "TMI"!

Strategic error number ONE: Discarding used feminine products in the bathroom trashcan.

Strategic error number TWO: Forgetting to close the bathroom door.

Strategic error number THREE: Not keeping an eye on the dogs while cooking dinner.

Result: A scene of utter carnage, including a trail of bloody paw prints leading from the bathroom into the bedroom, where the worst debris was found.

Does anyone know how to get bloodstains out of beige carpet? Thanks.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Thursday, April 01, 2010

The littlest things...

can make me happy. I ran into the thrift store today to find a hand-held mixer, struck out with that, but ended up leaving with five pairs of shorts, all for the bargain, thrift store price of $15.21 TOTAL. You can't beat that with a stick!

I got home and decided on a little "fashion show", just to make sure the pants all fit. I tried on several pairs, then on the third, I stuck my hands in the pockets to make them lie correctly, and I felt some paper crinkle under my fingers...I found THIS in the pocket:


Now that's something to look forward to. And it makes me happy. :)