Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh God, People!

I know I've said this before, but it (obviously) bears repeating: Please, for my nasal passages' sake, TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER BEFORE YOUR MASSAGE. And, if you possibly can, refrain from farting. Thanks, your therapist will appreciate it.

20 comments:

Shannon said...

OH EM GEE!!! (Honestly - it all seems so common sensical!!)

Christina LMT said...

*sigh*

Shannon, some folks don't like the massage oil all over their skin, so they shower AFTER the massage, which is fine...but would it kill 'em to shower quickly before, too? Instead of rolling out of bed and ending up on my table? Gross.
The farting thing...well, that's kinda ambiguous. We're taught in school that it is a "sign of release", that it's a compliment that the client is totally relaxed. Okay, I get that. But it still STINKS.

Scott McCray said...

Charcoal nasal filters...srsly.
Better Breathers™

Heh.

Christina LMT said...

LOL, are they really obvious?! I suppose I could insert them after the client is already on the table...

Bag Blog said...

A friend who does massage therapy here in OK, told the funniest story about an old man coming in with dog-doo on his shoe. At first she could not figure out where the smell was coming from - thinking it was the old man. When she figured it out, the old man got mad and wanted HER to clean HIS shoes.

Christina LMT said...

OMG, Lou! That's awful! What was his reasoning behind demanding SHE clean his shoes? She was already providing a service? He was paying her, so she might as well make herself useful? Weird. :P

SCI-FI said...

Ew. I mean, really, ew. If someone is getting close to you -- is literally paid to be around your naked self, would it kill you to wash the funk off? Seems like common courtesy to me...

Christina LMT said...

SCI-FI, so one would assume...

noonie said...

Daughter's birthday treat is a massage... must make sure she reads this post...

Bag Blog said...

I guess the old man thought he had stepped in the dog-doo at her place of business and therefore she should clean his shoes. Who knows? Her massage business is in Loco, OK.

Lissa said...

Holy cow . . . I've had exactly one massage in my life and if I had passed gas I'd *STILL* be blushing these six years later. I'm embarrassed just considering the idea. *shudders*

K. Erickson said...

Being the massage veteran that I am thanks to being married to a therapist, may I add trying not to eat foods that aggravate your bowels and taking a healthy dump before arriving for the massage to help relieve pressure beforehand.

Matt G said...

You work at a resort, right? Sometimes the buffets at resorts (especially casino restaurant buffets) can be a tad heavy on the Monsodium Glutemate, atop their very rich food.

Some of us, um, er, have, um... effects from MSG. I'm just sayin'. (I stay away from it, now.)

Lissa, believe it or not, such things can make your ears red with embarrassment even nineteen years later.

Suldog said...

I have never gone for a massage without showering immediately beforehand. I'm amazed that anyone would NOT take the time to clean themselves.

I recall one spa, in a hotel in LV, seemed to have a rule about showering on their premises before your massage. That is, there was a posted sign, in a changing area, that you were expected to shower after disrobing, and that your allotted massage time would not begin until you hit the table. Something like that. Only time I've seen something like that, but it could be the solution. Of course, it also would seem likely to throw some schedules off, but I guess the hotel figured that into its scheduling. Wish I could remember which place it was. Perhaps The Flamingo?

Lissa said...

MattG, *YIKES!* I can't tell if I'm more sympathetic, or horrified. *whimpering*

phlegmfatale said...

yuuuuck!

Shannon said...

I still don't get it. I shower before I go to the dentist - and he only looks inside my mouth - if somebody was going to be that close to my body and be TOUCHING ME ALL OVER - I'd be squeaky clean for it! Also - the food triggers aside, I've a couple of times that I've been ultra relaxed in my life (have never had a massage though) and have never farted as a result. Seriously...if that's a possibility, then I'm NEVER getting a massage! EVER!

Christina LMT said...

Noonie, honestly...the farting thing is pretty natural and common. My main issue is the lack of showering. It's just plain gross. But combine the two? Ew.

Lou, that's hilarious! "Yes, I keep a dog on the premises JUST to provide piles of doo for my clients to step in. Aromatherapy, you know? There will be an extra charge for that..."

Lissa, it happens. And only one massage, six years ago?! What's the matter with you, woman?! Hie thee to a spa posthaste!

K.Erickson, if only more clients were as knowledgeable as you! Thanks for the tips. :)

Matt, I do work at a hotel/casino, but oddly enough, this one has no buffet (and clients have complained to me about it.) There are PLENTY of restaurants, however. And some clients are also hungover, which can bring some serious digestive tract issues to the table (so to speak), as well. Matt, I remember that story, and I also remember simultaneously laughing and cringing...

Jim, it's certainly possible it was the Flamingo. I worked at the Imperial Palace, and while we had no signs, we did ask the client both when they scheduled and upon check-in to shower at our spa prior to their service. (We had a full-service spa, with saunas, steamrooms, jacuzzis, showers, lockers, robes, etc.) We asked the client to actually show up thirty minutes before the start of their service, just so they could shower and relax.
Unfortunately, the spa I currently work at has no such facilities, so we're at the mercy of the guest. I massaged a long-haul trucker who had been on the road for days without showering. He was getting a massage BEFORE he went up to his room. I still smelled on the drive home. Gross.

Phlegmmy, yup. :P

Christina LMT said...

Oh, and Jim, we did get the occasional incredulous stare, coupled with "I showered this morning."
Of course, the clients had usually been walking the Strip in the heat ALL DAY before coming to the spa!

Christina LMT said...

Shannon, don't worry about it! Trust me, you'll enjoy getting a massage, whether you fart or not! Just don't have a huge meal right before, and you should be fine. :)