Tuesday, June 30, 2009


My daughter Chaos (one of my twins living in England at the moment) wrote a by turns beautiful, moving, and disturbing poem/song/blog-post.

She's only fifteen.

Go, read it.

Yes, I know I'm probably biased, but it's still amazing.


It was 98 degrees at 7:30 this morning on my drive to work, and 109 at around 5:00 PM. I can't stand it anymore! My car sits on the parking lot all day, baking, and I bake with it once I get in. Ugh.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Almost fully fledged.

Silver is on her way to North Dakota as I type this. I dropped her off at the airport last night so she could catch the red-eye to Minneapolis, where she's now waiting to get on a teeny-tiny prop plane for the last leg of her journey to Grand Forks.

Tomorrow and Tuesday is her "Freshmen Getting Started", i.e. Freshmen orientation, and it's something we both felt she should do on her own. Wednesday night I'll pick her up at McCarran, but this trip signals the beginning of the true nest-leaving stage. In a few weeks, all packed-up, we'll both fly to North Dakota, where I'll spend a few days with her before band camp begins, making sure she has all the stuff she needs for her dorm room, plus proper clothing to help her survive the brutal winter there.

And that's it, then. Fully fledged, she'll start her adult life. And I'll be left with an empty nest.

Until her sisters graduate high school and decide to come live with me, that is...sometimes it happens in reverse, you know. And it's not always a bad thing.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


is over for me. I spent a few hours there last night and didn't make a dime. The energy is so negative at that place, it drains me just to walk around. I don't need to do that to myself, my time is more precious than that. Just think, I could have been home, blogging! ;)

I chatted with several other therapists and they concur: World Series of Poker SUCKS!

So it's not just me, yay! The company we work for hyped it so much in orientation that everyone is feeling let down. Plus they also hired 100 MORE therapists for this year's event than for last year's. What kind of moron thought THAT was a good idea in the current economic climate?!

The same few therapists are apparently getting most of the massages, which leads to resentment aplenty, let me tell you! And while almost all of us exchange smiles if not actual greetings while we pass each other in our futile rounds of the tournament rooms, a very few therapists are working on perfecting their Death Stares™.

This amuses me to no end. What, you think you can glare me into submission, which will automatically make the next poker player ask YOU for a massage?!


It's been a valuable experience for me, or at least that's what I'm telling myself, but I'm glad it's over. Now I only have two jobs to worry about!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Don't worry.

I'm not going all emo on you! It's okay to feel depressed once in a while. It's normal, even; and I need to cut myself some slack when I do get this way (and it's a rare occasion, I'll have you know!) The fact that Silver failed her driving test yesterday really contributed to my bad mood earlier in the day.

Instead, I'm focusing on the GOOD things right now.

(Woo...bullet points!)

-my kids and I are all healthy (and my dogs are, too)
-I've been exercising regularly again, and my weight will start dropping soon
-I've got not only one job, but two (or three, if you count WSOP, which I'm going to attempt again tomorrow night)
-I did all the laundry this morning, folded it, and put it away
-I vacuumed the entire apartment
-I dremeled both dogs' nails and brushed their teeth
-I had an excellent afternoon at the chiropractor's today
-I have a plethora of wonderful friends and acquaintances both online and in meatspace
-I will be moving into a HOUSE with a yard (hopefully) and a pool (hopefully) before the end of the summer. I'll share it with two good friends and split the expenses.
-I have no cavities, and both the dentist and the dental hygienist were impressed with the cleanliness of my teeth (TMI?)
-I always have something to read (very important!)
-I was able to do 35 push-ups on Tuesday, five more than I've ever been able to do (girrrrrrrrrrrrl push-ups, but still!)

Well, that's all I can think of right now. It's an impressive list, no? So I'm gonna quit my bitchin'. Have a wonderful Friday and a fantastic weekend, Friends.

No time to cry.

Everything hit me this morning as I was getting ready to go to the dentist. Lack of money, stress about having to move, my weight loss stalling for some inexplicable reason, Silver leaving and ohmygod how are we going to pay for everything? Then I hurt my right wrist while I was trying to wring the last drops of face wash out of the tube ('cause I'm holding off on buying more as long as I humanly can). My wrist, the one I really need to be healthy for my job. So I can do massages and make money.

My eyes started to burn and my throat got tight. Then I realized I didn't have TIME to cry. Even though I really needed to. And that's just sad.

Well fuck it all. I just have to pull up my big girl panties and move on. I can cry when I'm dead! Yeah, that's it.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

If I'm so frickin' AWESOME*...

why don't my tips reflect it?

I grossed $465 today, quite respectable (I get 35%), but I only got $12 in tips. That's less than 3%, for you math-impaired folks out there. And that's simply pathetic.

Why are people so cheap?

*according to one of my clients today. One of the two clients who stiffed me, by the way. The other one was an older man who had toenails an inch long. I should receive hazardous duty pay for that one!

So, this one time, on a podcast...

This is going to be rather tricky. I took part in a podcast, but I don't wish my younger children to listen to it. Hmmmm. (No offense, Tally and Chaos, but I KNOW you. If I tell you "Don't go there, don't read this, don't watch that, and don't listen to this!", it's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.)

So, for anyone who doesn't already know which podcast I'm talking about, and is interested in listening to a bunch of crazy people riffing on a variety of subjects for an hour, not to mention yours truly screaming in horror and being traumatized for life, send me an email at lucrativepain@yahoo.com, and I'll email you the link.

Hopefully this will stymie my inquisitive youngsters!

Oh, and please don't be assholes and leave the link (or even the NAME of the podcast) in the comments, because my kids are diabolically clever and will latch onto that in an instant. Thank you.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

If you hate dogs...

a)Why the hell do you own a dog?


b)Why the hell are you at the dog park?

In a dog park, there are generally lots of, you know, DOGS; these animals tend to be very friendly and will approach you with their tails wagging and tongues lolling, trying to get close to you so you can dispense pats and behind-the-ear scritches. They won't understand why you so very brusquely push them away, and it might make them even more persistent. If you feel that uncomfortable being around these creatures, go home. Before I'm forced to kick your ass because you hurt my beloved puppehs' feelings.

And this may be very mean...if you have SEVERE acne covering your entire torso, please, for all that's holy, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.

Thank you.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


I massaged a lady yesterday who had a rather large growth on her lower leg. It's part of my job to do a skin assessment, so I asked her about it.

She told me that having the growth removed kills people!

Apparently, she was twice scheduled to go into her doctor's office to have it removed, and on both occasions the doctor had a death in the family and had to cancel.

The third time she was going to go in, her own grandfather died.

She took it as a sign to leave the growth alone. In her words, "It's supposed to be there."

I generally consider myself to be a very rational, reasonable person, but this chain of events would make me hesitate, I believe. I think I'd schedule with a different doctor, maybe!

How superstitious are YOU, my readers? Would you have reacted the same way as my client, under these circumstances?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Week Two...

at the chiropractor's office. I really, really like working there. And getting an adjustment on the house doesn't hurt, either!

I had two no-shows today, unfortunately. The doctor told me that from now on, if a patient is even five minutes late for his or her massage, to let him know. He'll find me another one from one of the patients he has in the back at the time. It's nice to know he wants to make sure I'm completely booked.

I even got a tip from one of my patients! She handed me a five and told me to get a coffee...*lol*

That's going into the kitty for Silver's trip to Freshman Orientation.

All in all, not a bad way to spend half my day.


I almost forgot a very embarrassing incident! I bring all my linens and have the use of gowns, towels, and face rest covers, which are provided by the office. I do have to take everything home with me and wash it myself. The gowns have velcro closures...you can see where I'm going with this, can't you?
Yup. I walked into the treatment room to find the patient holding one of my socks. She handed it to me saying, "This was stuck to my gown."


Talk about mortified! As a friend pointed out to me, it could have been worse, it could have been a lacy thong! This is true, but still. I'm resolved to check the gowns much more carefully when I fold them!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


I was massaging a gentleman of, shall we say, mature years today, and after I turned him over, I asked as always, "How are you doing?"

He replied with a big grin, "I feel SIXTY!!

Too cute!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Only in Vegas...

We were really slammed yesterday at the spa. Phyllis was needed at our sister property next door, Ed took one look at the empty schedule and decided to go home at nine AM (we didn't start filling up until 10; he's a dipshit, basically), so Jarvis and I were the only therapists on duty.

Right before lunch, Jarvis had a one-hour Swedish massage with a male client scheduled. He got the client, showed him where to go and what to do, but when Jarvis entered the room to begin the massage, he got a little surprise...


Yes, that is a dildo on top of a folded one-hundred-dollar bill. Jarvis took one look at it and whipped out his cell to take a pic. I don't know if it was just wishful thinking on the client's part, or if he was confused as to what kind of services we provide at our spa, but Jarvis took it all in stride. He explained we didn't do those things, and told the client where he could go if he had that kind of happy ending in mind. Jarvis has been around town a long time, he knows that kinda stuff.

Honestly, Jarvis has class. I'm not sure how I'd react in the same situation, but guaranteed I would NOT react with such aplomb!

Only in Vegas, I tell ya.

Christina's One Word Movie Reviews

Pixar's Up = Enchanting!

Saturday, June 13, 2009


Thursday was the big day! Silver's High School Graduation (yes, I HAD to capitalize that...). She is now a proud graduate of Durango High School. W00T! The ceremony was held at the Orleans Arena, which is luckily just a few blocks from where we live...because we were seriously running late that morning. Ugh. I hate rushing, and Silver is pathologically afraid of being late for anything, so I had her breathing down my neck as I was getting ready, having to listen to her ranting about getting into trouble, etc., etc. That gets old, fast!

Anyway, I didn't think I'd get all emotional, but of course I was WRONG (what else is new?) The minute "Pomp and Circumstance" began to play and the students started entering the arena and taking their places, I had to fight back tears. Unfortunately, they kept the arena so dark, except for the stage, I wasn't able to take any good pictures of the actual ceremony. I think they do that on purpose so that the parents are forced to buy the official graduation portraits and ceremony DVDs! They only had about five million fliers scattered all around advertising these services...Money, it's all about the money!

Well, they did a fine job, nonetheless, and considering how huge the graduating class was (around 450 students, I believe), they zipped through the whole thing pretty rapidly. They started at noon, and were finished by 1:15.

I did get some pictures of Silver in her cap and gown, of course, but I waited until we were home again. Here ya go!


Rebecca: Graduate!

Congratulations, Silver! I'm very, very proud of you!

Later that day, to celebrate, we went to our favorite local Chinese restaurant, the Golden Dragon.


I decided to combine occasions, and surprised Silver with her birthday present. (Her eighteenth birthday is TODAY, and if that's not scary, I don't know what scary is!)

She received a family heirloom necklace, which has been handed down, mother to daughter, since my great-grandmother's time. It's a gold 10-Reichsmark coin from 1903, which was part of my grandmother's dowry. My great-grandmother smuggled a pouch filled with these coins, hidden in her hair (!!), when she and her family fled the Russians during World War II. My grandmother had one coin set into a pendant and started the tradition of passing it down.



I know the details aren't visible, that's due to my crappy camera and my equally crappy photography skills, but you get the general idea!

Today (actually, we should have left already!) Silver is accompanying me to the spa, where she'll be able to relax all day and likely get a massage from yours truly. Afterwards, we plan on going to the movies to see "Up"!

Hopefully it will be a spectacular day. :)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I worked at my chiropractor's office for the first time today and had so much fun! I'm glad I've been given this opportunity to do such a different type of massage therapy.

I did four half-hour massages, which will be my schedule from now on until the regular therapist comes back from maternity leave. I'll also, starting next week, work Thursday afternoons, doing four massages then, as well.

They told me I did a great job, so I'm looking forward to next week. :)

It doesn't hurt that the office is half a block away from my home...;)


Two strange occurrences today. Though I guess the second one is more of a trashy thing, not a weird thing.

First of all, one of my clients at the spa today kept his shorts on during the massage. And I don't mean UNDERshorts, either. I'm talking full-on street clothes; cargo shorts with buttons and belt loops and pockets! They came down past his knees, so I really didn't have much to massage. What's the matter with people? It's bad enough when they keep their underwear on, why the fuck would someone leave his pants on during the massage?! I've had women who wanted to leave their bras or bathing suit tops on, and I've vetoed that, but not much I can do when I drape a man's back and see he's wearing pants! By then it's too late to "fix" it.

The other weird thing I saw today was a man openly groping his female companion's boobs in the middle of the casino. It certainly made me do a double-take! Now in no way can I be mistaken for a prude, but I only approve of the mildest forms of PDA. C'mon, People! There's a time and a place for everything, but the casino floor of the New York-New York is NOT the appropriate place to be playing with a gal's fun bags, capiche? Try to muster some class. Please.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Aprox. $200 later...

Tucker is home and WELL! Woo-HOO!!!

I'm so happy! :)

Not so happy about the bill, but that's what happens when they end up having to pull two teeth. *sigh* His upper pre-molars were exposed to the root, so they had to go. Now he's drugged to the gills, and I have seven days of antibiotics and two different painkillers to administer. Not to mention making sure he only eats the soft foods I have to give him and none of the kibble I give Harley. Oh, and preventing Harley from eating the soft foods!

He looks so miserable right now, but at least he's tucked into bed, not in a cage at the vet's.

Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers, I'm sure they helped.

So, would it be tacky and unconscionable of me to put up a donation button? I've asked various people and gotten different answers from all. What do you think?


I'll be taking Tucker to the vet for his dental cleaning. I know both dogs are going to have meltdowns, because they have MAJOR separation anxiety. From each other! They're so used to being together, 24/7, that they freak out when they are separated.
I foresee issues with this in the future...

Anyway, I'd appreciate any and all prayers/good thoughts/positive energy/crossed fingers, etc. sent our way today. I'm really worried about the anesthesia and have been trying not to think about it, unsuccessfully.

Thanks, Guys.

I'll keep you all posted when I can.


Two interesting massages yesterday:

A regular client, who insists, along with his wife, that I do the massage completely backwards. (Starting face-up instead of face-down.) Honestly, it doesn't really make a difference to me, but it does throw my timing off slightly! I got to the end of the massage and still had five minutes left...but all therapists have tricks to draaaaaaaaaaw things out a bit! ;)

My last client of the day was a young man here for the WSOP (can I NEVER escape you?!), who requested a 90-minute deep tissue massage. He told me that he likes a LOT of pressure, so I lowered the table as far as it would go and really went to town on him, elbows leading the way. As I was working on his upper back, I heard a *snort*: he had fallen asleep! Talk about hardcore...anyone who can fall asleep with my elbow shoved up under his shoulder blade gets props for being tougher than the average sumo wrestler.

Other than these two clients, I had two very nice ladies, as well. One lady had never had a massage before, the other had never had a hot stone massage before, and I always love converting newbies! Tips were good, everyone was happy, including moi.

My favorite kind of day!

Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Consensus is:

WSOP: Christina's doin it rong.

I've gone at every time of day and night and can't seem to make very much money. A gal was checking out as I was checking in this morning, and granted she was there for ELEVEN hours (which I refuse to do), but she grossed $980! She gets half of that and the (I'm sure) copious tips she received.
I'm still convinced it's familiarity. The therapists who've been working the WSOP year after year are getting the most business. That makes perfect sense, but it doesn't exactly help me.

Oh, well. I'll keep plugging away and maybe I'll get lucky. I'd sure like to justify the fatigue I'm feeling by having a fat wallet!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009


after the debacle that was taking my dogs to the vet's (about which I'll report more later), I was left with the choice of having Tucker's teeth cleaned by the vet on Monday, or doing nothing and having all his teeth fall out eventually. Why is this such a tough decision? Because Italian Greyhounds are notoriously sensitive to general anesthesia. They have almost no fat on them, so I guess it's difficult for the vets to dose them properly. After some discussion with the veterinarian who'll be doing the procedure, which established that yes, she's well aware of the issue and will closely monitor Tucker, I gave it the green light. Of course, this will not stop me from worrying all day on Monday...until I get that phone call saying he's all right!

Monday, June 01, 2009

And a hearty...

FUCK YOU to the asshole in the pick-up truck who thought it was a splendid idea to suddenly stop and back up so he could turn into the parking lot of the strip mall at Flamingo and Jones. If I hadn't had quick reflexes, my car would have acquired a new, vintage hood ornament! And I'd be at the ER right now, no doubt.

I saw the following license plate holder a few blocks later, which helped cool my ire:


It cracked me up.