Monday, August 27, 2007

So, this little old lady...

walks into the nail salon I use.
I'm waiting to get my eyebrows waxed (the caveman look is soooo out, you know!). I've already had my manicure and pedicure, and am just sitting next to one of the stations, the very one she sits down at.

Now, she has some massively long claws, and is apparently a frequent customer, since Patrick, the nail guy, didn't even ask what she wanted, just started going to town with the dremel.

Me being me, I just ask what comes to mind, namely wasn't it difficult to do things with such long fingernails.

Little Old Lady (with a British accent): Oh, no! I've had these all my life, and wouldn't know how to do anything without them.

Me, showing off my manicured, yet brutally short fingernails: I'm a massage therapist and can't have long fingernails. Can't hurt the clients, you know!

L.O.L.: Of course! But my husband certainly likes MY nails on his back!

Me, with VERY disturbing images now seared into my brain: Gulp!

Thankfully Amanda called me back for my wax at this point, since I had no clue what to say, except maybe "Too much information!"

Saturday, August 25, 2007


I don't know, Folks, but I have the feeling Texas may be in my (probably distant) future!

First off, I've noticed that a majority of the bloggers whose blogs I peruse daily are from Texas, and that's a great recommendation.

*Secondly, anytime I have a client from Texas, they are invariably polite, friendly, and interesting to talk to (and they usually tip well, too).

*Thirdly, Texas has cowboys, 'nuff said.

What's not to like?!

Now if only I could find a place in Texas that has decent weather...

*are secondly and thirdly even words?!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Guilty secret

I've been following America's Got Talent...GASP!!

My favorite contestant, Terry Fator, won...and he's coming to Vegas!

Silver and I are SO there.


Weekends aren't long enough.

And WalMart really, really sucks ass.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


I've been really busy at the spa the last two days, and here's a run-down of some of the more unusual clients I've had.

-We have the lady who doesn't wash her hands after using the toilet...I'm glad I saw that after our session, otherwise I'd have been grossed out the whole time.

-Another lady I massaged was slender and small-boned, but had the HUGEST scapulae (shoulder blades). They looked like they belonged to a man twice her size.
They didn't stick out or anything. They were just really, really large.

-And I had the first client ever to warn me that receiving massage made her gassy. I told her to do what she had to do, that it was actually a sign of "release" (massage lingo alert), which was a good thing. So she proceeded to demonstrate, copiously. I survived!

And let me reiterate...if you're going to receive a full-body massage...GET NAKED!!!!!

I swear to God, the next time I have a client on the table and undrape him/her and find underwear, I'm gonna cry.

Honestly, people, I'm not interested in seeing your derrieres, only in working your glutes...can you tell the difference?

Unless you happen to be Vin Diesel, then all bets are off.

The worst is when it's a guy wearing boxer shorts. Then most of the thigh and the ass are off limits to me, which really makes it difficult to give my best massage.
I have to work through the sheet, can't do any gliding or connecting strokes, etc.

I had three massage newbies today, that's always my favorite! I'll be utterly immodest and say that they all loved my massage, and tipped very well, yay me!

It's because I KICK ASS!!


Sorry about that. I'm just slightly euphoric, since I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to massage professionally, considering I graduated last December. I got nationally certified less than two weeks later, but the state licensing process was so long that I was hugely pregnant by the time I received my license, so the spa couldn't utilize me for massage. Then I went on maternity leave and here we are, 8 months after graduation, and I'm finally doing what I went to school for. It made me wonder whether I was any good at all. So this kind of validation is sweeeeeeet!

Anyway, I'm pooped. I had 7 sessions today, then picked up Silver and we watched Hairspray again. I'm obsessed with that movie, it was my sixth time seeing it.
So it's time for me to say good night, folks!
Hope you're having a great weekend.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Check your map...

My colleague A. was looking forward to having a client first thing this morning, but when she arrived at the spa she found that the client had cancelled.
Turns out the client thought she had booked her massage and facial at the *Blank* Hotel and Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi!
Um, not quite, my dear.
We did get a good laugh out of it, though.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

San Diego.

So, here's my promised travelogue of Silver's and my trip to San Diego last week.
Don't worry, I won't blather on too much!
The first day there, after we checked in to our hotel (in Little Italy), we headed over to Mission beach, 'cause Silver wanted to swim.
Since it had only been three weeks since my surgery, swimming was verboten for me. Bummer. But I got to lie in the sand and doze, which was heavenly.
Here's a pic of a bizarre sea creature that washed up on the sand, causing a huge number of beach goers to throng. I thought for a moment a dead body had washed up, or something! Silver took the picture, I was too comfy to stir from my spot!

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On day two, we headed to the world famous San Diego Zoo. Why, I don't know, 'cause pretty much every zoo is the same, and I'm not a kid anymore to ooh and aah over every critter I see. But I digress. And digress some more, just to let you know NEVER to go to the zoo in Las Vegas, because it really, really sucks.
Here's a picture of my older offspring, Silver the Evil Chao (don't ask!), and the blue hair is history as of last Friday, since school starts soon, dontcha know, and the Clark County school district's dress code is very strict.

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Here's a polar bear eating a carrot, of all things:

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And here's finally a picture of me...NOT!

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Day three entailed a trip to that most bloated of parks, Sea World.
More critters, yay.
I did really enjoy the sea lion and otter show, which spoofed the other shows in the park. I laughed my ass off!
Shamu Rocks disappointed a tad, 'cause you were so busy watching the frickin' show on the screen, you sometimes missed some of the killer whale's tricks, oh, I mean BEHAVIORS. Gotta use the PC lingo. ;)
The fireworks after the show, which they coordinated with the music playing, were really spectacular.
I guess I just got frustrated because I couldn't go on any of the rides. It was kinda boring to always wait for Silver. The river ride had an hour wait.
I had brought a library book with me, and if that isn't sad, I don't know what is.
Here's a picture of my fabulous pedicure, since I got REALLY bored waiting for Silver:

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I love purple, obviously.

Believe it or not, that's the only picture I took at Sea World. Silver took a couple, but neither of us took any pictures during performances...we were too busy watching!

On our last day in San Diego we headed for the pier and spent four wonderful hours on the USS Midway. What a fantastic experience that was! I told Silver that going to the Midway alone would have been worth the trip to SD.
In case you have no clue what I'm talking about, the USS Midway is an aircraft carrier that is now a floating museum. I'd link to the Wikipedia article, but I'm retarded that way and Silver is already sleeping!

Here are some pics, instead:

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Tight quarters aboard a naval vessel!

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Silver in the, I wasn't tempted to leave her there, honest! ;)

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Engine room:

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After our Midway experience, we headed back to the hotel for a little rest, then later in the evening we walked to the Gaslamp District. That was a blast, the District really reminded me of a European city, with all the shops, clubs, and restaurants on the ground floor, with living spaces above. We ate a late dinner at a Thai place, outstanding food, and we ate outside in the sidewalk patio dining area.
That's one thing we both miss about San Diego...the weather!
Apparently, according to the weatherman anyway, it was very warm while we were there. It got all the way up to 83 degrees, GASP!


It was balmy for Silver and myself, after living in Vegas for so long!

Here's one pic I saved for last, the sign for a bar/club that made us think of Big Dick, of Big Dick's Place. In his honor:

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So, that's that!

We had a really great time, and can't wait to get back there.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

First day...

Today was my first official day as a massage therapist. Where I actually got PAID to massage people!
It was awesome, truly.
One of my clients, a male, was of the sub-species chewbacca. In christina-speak, that means he was really, really hairy. Like, using up half my bottle of oil hairy.
Thankfully he had requested only a Swedish massage, not a deep tissue one, so I didn't have to use a lot of pressure with my strokes, and thus avoided pulling/ripping a lot of hair.
I hate it when I get that "crunchy" feeling while doing deep strokes over hairy skin!
Well, that was probably TMI, not to mention all you dirty-minded people putting your own special spin on things!
Mr. Chewbacca was also one of those dichotomous clients that I LOVE *sarcasm alert*.
The ones who check "no-no-no" on the required health form, but when I get them in the room and ask them face-to-face, recite a whole list of complaints/illnesses/surgeries/injuries and/or medications.
In this case, a previous surgery for cancer, followed by "going fishing too soon" (his words), which caused the internal stitches to rupture. Now, I don't know why he hasn't been back under the knife, 'cause he has a huge hernia, a grapefruit-sized bulge on the right side of his back, where, according to him, "it" pushed through his ribs. I didn't ask for details, merely avoided the damn thing!
He did pay me the highest compliment...he fell asleep and started snoring!
You know you're good when you put 'em to sleep!
Not many professions can claim that.

I started my work day on a humorous note. As I got off the elevator, I observed the following sign addressing the attendees of RollerCon 2007 (the roller derby convention I mentioned in my last post):

If you roller skate in the hotel...
1) You SUCK!!
2) You'll be 86'd from the hotel and lose your room - NO refund!
3) The organizers of RollerCon will HATE you and smear your name FOREVER!

The emphasis is original, not added by moi!
I got a real boost from this, and chuckled to myself off and on all day whenever I thought about it.

I know I promised more pics (from San Diego), but I'm beat and have to get up at 5:30 I'll do it tomorrow! (yes, I know I'm channeling with me here!)

One last thing...I really wish I had never mentioned this blog to my co-workers, 'cause they are a veritable
goldmine of blog-fodder! Since I want to keep my job, I'll have to pass...what a waste.


Thursday, August 09, 2007


I had to go back to work yesterday, after nine weeks off.
However, work provides blog fodder, so Yaaaaaaay!
Plus paychecks, too...double-Yaaaaaaaay!
Best of all, I'm finally going to be working as a massage therapist, not just as a front desk clerk at the spa.
As a matter of fact, I just scheduled my first official client. A Swedish massage on Friday at 11am.

I am content. Except I need a man. Per usual.

So I went in to work today and was greeted by hordes of extremely scary looking women, most with tats covering their exposed body parts (don't ask).
Not that they were all ugly, or anything, just very tough looking.
Then I saw the sign (I'm not making this up!):

"The *Blank* Hotel welcomes RollerCon 2007!"

It's the Roller Derby Convention!

I didn't know roller derbies even existed anymore, my bad.

Now I shall regale you with all the stuff I've been doing over the past few weeks, WITH PICTURES!!!
You know you want it...

Lets go back in time two weeks, shall we?
My twins, Thing 1 and Thing 2 were visiting, and Silver was at her Dad's in Nebraska.
The twins and I headed over to Boulder City and Lake Mead, 'cause we love it there!
Lots of critters, as you will see.

Here's a pic of my offspring, Thing 1 (21 endless minutes older)
on the left and Thing 2 on the right.

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Here's the marina at Lake Mead, if you look closely, the grayish, concrete-wall-looking thing in the back shows the previous water level, so you can see how the drought has been affecting Nevada. We'd probably need a decade of solid rain to fill the lake up again.

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The marina is famous for its fat fish, who really enjoy all the popcorn and other treats people feed them...feeding frenzy!

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After the marina, we moved on to Hemenway Park, a public park and playground remarkable only for its popularity as a summer grazing site of bighorn sheep, of course a protected species. No dogs allowed in this park!

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As long as you don't get too close to them, they are remarkably imperturbable.
They only started moving quickly when a pretty severe thunderstorm moved in...we almost got caught in a mini-stampede while trying to get back to our car!

Enough for now, I don't want to frighten my six readers off (I'm being generous, I know!).
So I'll wait until tomorrow to post all the enticing photos from Silver's and my trip to San Diego...zoo, Sea World, USS Midway. I know you're panting in anticipation, but you'll just have to find some other way of entertaining yourselves until then! Sorry...